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I'm curious how my fellow ISFJs handle their inferior Ne in romantic relationships, especially during the early or "casual dating" phase. I find myself getting anxious a lot when I'm dating someone but they don't demonstrate consistency (like texting, etc) - I'd start thinking the worst possibilities (e.g.: do they not like me anymore, is that the last time am I going to see them, etc).
I feel like this is unhealthy for me, especially since casual dating is very common today. I wanted to know if other ISFJs has experienced this and what do you do to address this?

Thanks :)
 

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but they don't demonstrate consistency (like texting, etc) - I'd start thinking the worst possibilities (e.g.: do they not like me anymore, is that the last time am I going to see them, etc).
I think this is fairly universal across the types, the only requirement being that you're really into that person (external motive) or, bluntly put, 'desperate' for love/interaction/attention (internal motive).

The role Ne plays, I'd say, is that it strengthens the excitement that is felt, especially because we're talking early days, the getting to know stage. Add some Fe to the mix, and it quickly turns into anxiety with the fears you listed.

I experience something similar as an INTP... So it's not necessarily inferior Ne that's the issue, but more like a combination of the different functions reacting to the standard set of feelings (infatuation, expectation, curiosity, ...) that come with romantic interest.
 

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(obligatory not an ISFJ)


@NipNip yeah I think this can also be related to inferior Fe due to being less able to confidently read how others feel about you.


@ OP

So what if they do not like you anymore and this is the last time that you see them? That's ok. You can find someone else. The worst-case here isn't all that bad. I think it helps to remember that.

You can also think of other reasons they didn't text you. Maybe they are especially busy, they had a long day at work and fell asleep when they got home, they are having dinner, they are spending time with a family member or a friend, ... Any number of reasons related to their work, education, hobbies, family, friends, etc. that aren't a comment on their budding relationship with you but simply a fact of their life.

I think it also helps to have things going on in your own life so that you aren't as reliant or focused on feedback/contact from others.
 

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yeah, you're right. I think I really enjoy and value connection, so I feel it's too bad that the connection we had just stopped right there and then

But definitely, having other things going on in our lives helps :)
 

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I'm curious how my fellow ISFJs handle their inferior Ne in romantic relationships, especially during the early or "casual dating" phase. I find myself getting anxious a lot when I'm dating someone but they don't demonstrate consistency (like texting, etc) - I'd start thinking the worst possibilities (e.g.: do they not like me anymore, is that the last time am I going to see them, etc).
I feel like this is unhealthy for me, especially since casual dating is very common today. I wanted to know if other ISFJs has experienced this and what do you do to address this?

Thanks :)
Yeah especially in our current dating climate- ghosting happens ALL the time. So the fear that a delayed text might be an indicator that it's the last you hear from them isn't entirely unreasonable.

I've come to believe if you're going to engage in casual dating you have to have some type of tough skin to realize (and be ok with the fact) that people may not be as committed as you may like. They may leave you on read for a week before responding, they may ghost you, zombie you, crumble you...all the new slang words that I am now learning.

If that's not your speed, and you find you don't enjoy the mental gymnastics this puts you through, change the game! I'm easing back on dating apps personally for this precise reason.
 
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