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Discussion Starter #1
INFJs, what are your views on this?
I know that any type can be unfaithful, but I was just wondering if INFJs are more likely to be faithful/unfaithful than other types.
I'm extremely loyal and faithful, but I think being a Type 6 has something to do with that :)
Thoughts?
 

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I am extremely committed and faithful in a relationship, and have no tolerance for people who are not. For me affection is sort of leveled, it is an expression of care for another person. I hug people, because I care about them, I hug and kiss my best friend (on the cheek mind you) I hug snuggle and love my children a lot, because they are the two people I love most in the world, with only one exception and that is my fiancé, he is the man I love most, and the man that I save that ultimate expression of love for. When someone goes around just boinking people it means nothing, and you lose that ability to really express that level of affection. Now that is just how I feel about things, and I know people to whom that means very little, I know some people that look at it as nothing personal at all, and I guess to each there own, but to me that is a little repulsive.
 

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yeah I am full of funny little goof ball things like that!!! One of my most common that people laugh at, is when I say something just "burns my biscuits", I guess it is just a southern country girl thing :blushed:
 
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I will die before I'm unfaithful. It's not because I'm a prude, it's because I have respect for other human beings. Especially a human being that I'm in love with. I'm probably going to get a grilling for saying this but I will anyway. i don't believe that you can truly love someone if you cheat on them, because that just makes you selfish and selfish people can never love anybody as much as they love themselves.
It does a lot of damage, believe me. It messes with your head and can ruin future relationships because of insecurities. Same goes if you're the cheater. You're punishment is that you judge others by your standards and will be paranoid that somebody will do the same to you.
So in a nutshell, it's not worth it.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
People always have a go at me for it.
I even got someone who said the only reason I hadn't cheated ever in my life weas because I was too ugly to get someone.
Well I was under the impression it didn't matter what you looked like. If you're gonna do it and you're gonna put it on a plate...
I mean look at celebrities who have cheated. Not all of them are good looking.
 

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This is just my opinion but I think people that need many multiple partners are looking for satisfaction from status, you know a kind of mentality that if I have more notches on the bed post then I must be important? Or it is a power thing to see if I can get all of these people to want me. So on and so on, and for those people it is not an expression of love, and may never be. To me that is sad but if it is what floats there boat so be it, but the horrible thing about that is when they try to have a relationship and misrepresent themselves, and end up hurting someone who is monogamous and devoted, that is not cool, and Holly you are totally right it has nothing to do with looks, there are girls who look at guys as trophies and guys that look at girls like that, and they do not care one bit what the person they are doing the mattress mambo looks like, they just care that they can put another notch on the bed post. Shoot I knew guys that used to compete and see how many girls they could poke in a night, they would call them double baggers and stuff but so long as they had the most they thought they were so cool. I thought they were disgusting. I knew girls who were like groupies and who used to compete to see who could sleep with the most guys in a certain profession, or who could do the kinkiest stuff, that always kind of freaked me out too, but to each his own. I kind off feel sorry for those people because I think they are missing out, or course maybe they look at me the same way.

From your pictures I think you look very pretty so your friend was a real ding a ling for saying that, and does not deserve to have you as a friend and is probably no friend at all. I think when you find some one capable of loving and being devoted to you, then you will find more beauty in the world and within your self than you ever realized was there, and she is a turd for what she said!!!!:angry:
 

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seems to me the observation that values play a large role in these activities is pretty valid, and the only reason you would get a "grilling" for that stuff is that the truth hurts. My thought on the matter was they they were self serving knuckle heads, and i consider many people just that and passed it off as something society "gets" that i sigh and turn away from but both of your words shown the intentions behind the self serving, moral shattering acts, and i thank you for it.

No need to sigh at ourselves in any way for being a prude, its merely a consciencious objector. Possibly the only one with a good head on their shoulders.

To clarify my words a knuckle head is someone who's not necessarily stupid, just does some incorrect things I cant approve of.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
It was actually a male, who was bloody ugly himself so I took no notice :)
I stand by my values, nobody will persuade me otherwise :)
 

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Cheating on an INFJ... you had best run :)

I'm more tolerant of cheaters as people. I've known good people who were cheaters. They are flawed and imperfect as we all are. However, my pushing them away as a friend and a person doesn't help the situation.

I have no interest in dating cheaters or a woman who would just up and leave her boyfriend/girlfriend for me.
 

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It depends on the reasons for the infidelity. I don't understand people who want to collect notches on the bedpost - it sometimes seems to involve a peculiar attitude to people, treating them as things rather than human beings. I do have one friend who has cheated on every partner she ever had (though I didn't know that till recently), and I think that's a reflection on her own insecurity, that she needs male attention to feel good about herself.

I've never cheated on my partner (we've got a couple of years on the century), but I can understand people who fall in love with someone else as well as their lover. I think it's entirely possible to love more than one person -I can think of a few historical examples where it's happened to couples who've had a mutual friend in trouble, and one of them has grown closer to that person. It's about sympathy and generosity of spirit rather than conquest, and I could forgive that, though it's hardly desirable, and can cause an awful lot of trouble. I don't understand polyamory though: how can you plan to fall in love with more than one person?
 

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You do wonder if those people live by any sort of principle or at least think of the idea. Makes me wonder if they look back at that moment and say "disgraceful" or if they live in the moment instead.

Distancing yourself from them seems like it would send the message that you respect them less in my view, and it seems like thats the message they need to hear because its honest, but i suppose there are other ways of going about that.
 

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To gain some perspective on the notches for the bed post men. As I've observed and Dr. Drew has said in the past for men "getting" a girl is similar to that of a hunt. He's the lion in the brush waiting to reveal himself and manipulate into bed, I'm sure they don't like to view it as manipulation but rather getting to know a girl for one night before they move on.

Dr. Drew probably has it posted in an article somewhere on the internet around here...

Its pretty frankly portrayed in that movie Wedding Crashers, that seems to explain at least the nature of the beast.

Off topic: its a great movie to, I'm pretty certain both genders would find it hilarious.
 

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It depends on the reasons for the infidelity. I don't understand people who want to collect notches on the bedpost - it sometimes seems to involve a peculiar attitude to people, treating them as things rather than human beings. I do have one friend who has cheated on every partner she ever had (though I didn't know that till recently), and I think that's a reflection on her own insecurity, that she needs male attention to feel good about herself.

I've never cheated on my partner (we've got a couple of years on the century), but I can understand people who fall in love with someone else as well as their lover. I think it's entirely possible to love more than one person -I can think of a few historical examples where it's happened to couples who've had a mutual friend in trouble, and one of them has grown closer to that person. It's about sympathy and generosity of spirit rather than conquest, and I could forgive that, though it's hardly desirable, and can cause an awful lot of trouble. I don't understand polyamory though: how can you plan to fall in love with more than one person?
Getting notches, while often grouped with those who cheat, doesn't really have to do with cheating. Guys I know who are like that can't cheat because they are never in a committed relationship and never put up that illusion.

I agree with you a lot about the love stuff. I could see myself in love with two people at once, but I couldn't see myself in a relationship with more than one person. One true love is something I can't believe in, it's not reasonable or honest.

There is one big question you guys haven't addressed though :)

What do you mean by "cheat"? So far I've meant it in both the physical or emotional sense, but I'm wondering how you all felt.

I'd suspect that INFJs care about both parts, but the emotional part would be more important still. Is this true with you all?
 

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I am extremely faithful, and can't imagine cheating or having someone cheat on someone else with me. I have been in both possible situations and definitely declined.
 

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I'd small scale flirt with others while in a relationship, it makes yours and their day better. As long as it's harmless I see no problem with it, it's not like you are going to take it any further.

If I was married, even with kids and I find someone I truly care about more. I wouldn't cheat, I would just leave the marriage. Why stay when you can be happier, and generally make everyone happier?

It's a selfish view, but I am what I am.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Sheenster I'd say it would be more selfish to have your cake and eat it. You'd leave your partner instead of being unfaithful, that's a much better thing to do.
 

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I'd never cheat on a girl. It's just not in me. Plus, I'm a bit like Sheenster. If I find a girl I want to be with more than the future partner, I'd leave, not cheat.
 

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I've never cheated. I could never sleep with someone who I wasn't in love with, and I'm only in love with my husband.

But...

1. I believe it could be possible to love more than one person.
I don't think there's only ever one person that you can be with. I happen to love my husband and we have a monogamous relationship that is very fulfilling. But it is possible either of us could meet and fall in love with somebody else. Weirder things have happened. If someone else made my husband happier than I do, I would not want to stand in his way.

2. I believe cheating doesn't automatically lead to negative outcomes.
My husband and I have promised each other that if we are tempted to cheat, or do cheat, that we come clean to each other about it. The infidelity might make us realise that there are issues we need to work through to get things back on track. Or it might make us realise that the relationship is dead and we should split up before things get nasty. Or it might lead to us getting closer through polyamory...?

I have high standards, am incredibly picky and perfectionistic... and I never entirely meet my own expectations. So I have a difficult time viewing people as perfect. We make mistakes all the time, and I think it's what we do afterwards that matters.
 
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