Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 44 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I was curious how you saw/felt about ISFJs. They're supposed to be very similar to INFJs but have very different functions too!
Would you say you got along/understood them? Do you like them? Would you see yourself as similar/different?
Thanks!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,643 Posts
ISFJ's are awesome ^_^, You just can't hate them if you tried. They are like born motherly/fatherly types and usually become the ones who keeps people together somehow and keeps them on the straight and narrow XD. At least that has been my experience with them thus far
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
My husband is an ISFJ
he is my best friend :)


He is a lot like me, except that, he's very literal
if somethings not right in front of his face, he can't see it

probably due to his low intuition and stuffs...

I think INFJs & ISFJs are good together, because
ISFJs tend to expect people to do what they want
while
INFJs influence people to get what they want


or something like that xD
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
748 Posts
My mother is one and she pulls me down. Superficially we may be alike, but past the surface there are different universes. I've seen this with other ISFJs too. It's nearly impossible to understand each other.

We can get along somewhat, but in my own experience ISFJs just want everything to 'be just like it was' or 'go back to normal', while I am always trying to improve, renew and move on. This is problematic if you need to work on a project or something. When the INFJ or ISFJ is unhealthy it can become a real nightmare.

But who knows! This is all based on my own conclusions, and surely there is a lot more possible in this world than what I've experienced.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
379 Posts
Adriana, I can relate to your statement. My mom is an ISFJ and we butt heads like crazy. I find her controlling, albeit I see that her intentions are good, but her intentions can be very narrow minded in scope. On the surface we look similar in that we are both caring but we go about it in such different ways. I'm more of into encouraging others to find themselves and be an individual. I find ISFJ tend to have this mentality that they know what's best for ppl and try to then control the other by becoming super attached and needy then setting all these expectations. I don't fit into my moms expectations and in turn she drives me nuts. By becoming more needy and giving and expecting more and more. Meanwhile I just want to be me and live my life and deeply want her to find herself and do the things that make her happy. INFJs and ISFJs...very different at the core. Only time we get along is when I do what she says and let her control my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24 Posts
I have 2 ISFJs close in my life. One is my sister-in-law, and one is my admin assistant. We get along great, and it is always a very harmonious, caring, and mutually-supportive interaction. There are definitely some major differences, however.

Both are very literal people. My admin assistant is incredible faithful to instructions, which means a reliably consistent work product every time. It also means I need to remember she does not read my mind when I leave out little bits of detail or expect her to get my general drift about something. Thank goodness she has a sense of humor with me when I get too much in my head! As for my SIL, I get surprised sometimes when I say I want to do something or that I like something and it's just a fleeting impression in my mind that I quickly forget, and then she follows through on it.

Also, I find that they both like things. Especially my admin. She loves luxury goods and collects shoes, handbags, etc. My SIL loves nice jewelry in a major way. They both take gift giving very seriously. They give nice gifts at all appropriate occasions, and they expect regularly scheduled gifts from loved ones.

I think they are both more dependable than me. They are both extremely trustorthy and loyal people.

I tend to have more exotic tastes in things. I have more interest in trying weird foods, reading strange books, listening to ecclectic music, and collecting quirky friends. I am also more theoretical/academic than them, and I often tend to be the inspirer in my relationships with ISFJs. I often find them to be conservative in how they approach life, and I am more inclined towards bold choices.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
583 Posts
Nice people who are great at stuff that I am not.

My perception is that many people can't really tell the difference between ISFJs and INFJs. I've had a lot of people who don't know the real me mistake me for an ISFJ-type person and I admit that this is very frustrating. When I do show my real self, they get all surprised and sometimes offended, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
355 Posts
All the ISFJs I know are good, kind, lovely, helpful people. They often have a good sense of humour too.

BUT, there is a problem. The truth is, although I like them and they seem to like me, conversation between us is not mutually fun or pleasurable after the first few minutes of updating each other on our news, because of Ni versus Si. As politely as they try to listen, I can tell that they are getting a bit bored with the take I have on life (theories and patterns) and, I always feel guilty about this but I find it hard work to sustain concentration on the factual style of talking they do.

That's why I have quite a lot of ISFJ acquaintances but no ISFJ close friends.
I have always felt guilty about my reluctance to spend a lot of time with ISFJs but MBTI has helped me understand the reasons for experiencing this mutual disconnect. Clearly not all INFJs feel like this as evidenced from the previous posts but it is definitely the way that I feel about them and they feel about me.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5, 1w2, 2w1 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
10,471 Posts
My mom-in-law was an ISFJ and my best friend is also an ISFJ. We got on quite well. Couldn't have asked for a better mom-in-law. She was super generous, loyalty was very important to her, humble (quick to apologize even when she wasn't truly wrong), independent, amazing at organizing events for people and family gatherings and an outstanding mother to even kids who weren't her own. She had a heart for animals and older people and she was good at touching them. I just wish my kids would have gotten to have her as a grandmother...

As for my best friend - she is super sweet. One of the sweetest people you will meet. She's also humble and easy to talk to. I sort of lose her when I talk to her about abstract things but she's still open to what I have to say and I enjoy talking about real life things too :)

I do understand where they are both coming from. The only difference is they tend to tune out when abstract topics are brought up where as my ears will automatically perk up. That's basically it! I would say they are better at organizing things but I am an sp type 1 so I am also good at organizing my external environment...it's just maybe a more obsessive thing for me where as it comes to them more naturally? I don't know. I get overwhelmed if there are too many steps to something concrete. Where as an Si dom doesn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,721 Posts
Adriana, I can relate to your statement. My mom is an ISFJ and we butt heads like crazy. I find her controlling, albeit I see that her intentions are good, but her intentions can be very narrow minded in scope. On the surface we look similar in that we are both caring but we go about it in such different ways. I'm more of into encouraging others to find themselves and be an individual. I find ISFJ tend to have this mentality that they know what's best for ppl and try to then control the other by becoming super attached and needy then setting all these expectations. I don't fit into my moms expectations and in turn she drives me nuts. By becoming more needy and giving and expecting more and more. Meanwhile I just want to be me and live my life and deeply want her to find herself and do the things that make her happy. INFJs and ISFJs...very different at the core. Only time we get along is when I do what she says and let her control my life.

I think this has come up in previous threads where you've mentioned this, but I think definitely this has a lot to do with the type of relationship that an ISFJ has with someone. I think ISFJs in general like to have things planned out, set in place, and to know what's coming. We tend to over-worry about things important to us if we don't have this. So when something is unpredictable, it really stresses ISFJs out.


So I would imagine that when an ISFJ has children, they tend to over-worry about them so much that it becomes controlling. That's one reason (among many) why I don't think I would ever want to have children...I would be constantly stressed out by the fact that I would be responsible for the child but wouldn't be able to control what they do.


It's possible that for many ISFJs this extends into other types of relationships, particularly for those that ISFJs deeply care about. However, I think when the ISFJ isn't in a position of authority where they have to take on some sort of responsibility for another person, this is much less likely to be the case.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
629 Posts
So I would imagine that when an ISFJ has children, they tend to over-worry about them so much that it becomes controlling. That's one reason (among many) why I don't think I would ever want to have children...I would be constantly stressed out by the fact that I would be responsible for the child but wouldn't be able to control what they do.
This strikes a cord with me, I constantly tell my mother that she can't control the world, and bad shit may happen, but you can't try and control everything. That never satisfies her, so its constant tension between my wanting to do things my own way and her trying to make me see it her way. Tough marbles.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
762 Posts
I have maaaany ISFJs in my life who know me pretty well and vice versa. My mom, grandma, and sister are ISFJs, and so are two of my long-term friends. I don't know any male ISFJs... Anyway, it's hard for me to answer this question, because I have five different flavors of ISFJ in my life, which makes it hard to stereotype! They're all pretty different. I can say that common threads through all of their lives are genuine care for others, enjoyment of light-hearted (but not over the top) sarcasm, dependability, structure, responsibility, attention to physical detail, and a knack for comparing the present with the past.

I love them for their deep kindness, their goofy sense of humor (they all really seem to love Ne-type humor, and it throws them off-guard enough to make them guffaw), and that they'll do what they say. Clashes occur between Si and Ni (of course)... I don't feel free to enthusiastically talk about ideas with them, and I can catch myself zoning out on their more sensory-focused conversation. What we do jive well on is Fe, talking about people in our lives and how they make us feel and how they tick and why they're that way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
My husband is infertile due to his cystic fibrosis, but we talk a lot about maybe adopting and what kind of parents we would be,
he's made it clear how overly protective and controlling he would be, I don't know whether to like that he would be that way which only shows how much he'd love the child or to dislike that he wouldn't really let the child live their own life Dx


I also relate to other posts in that I can't really talk about abstract things with him with out him tuning me out or just not getting it, I do know that he tries hard to at least look like he's listening even though I can tell what I'm saying isn't sinking in, I understand why so I do not get upset with him.

I enjoy talking to my INFP sister about those things :)

at times he is very controlling, but I do not mind this....because he always has my best interest at heart, and he would never stop me from doing something that makes me happy,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,162 Posts
Like a lot of people here, my mother is an ISFJ. @Adrianaand @peacenluv78 basically summed up my experience nicely.

We can usually get along well enough, but we've never been on the same wavelength, which is extraordinarily frustrating at times. The biggest difference is that she REALLY caters to people's feelings in any situation, whereas I'm more likely to just be blunt as often as possible (or as long as the Fe lets me :)). I always feel like tip-toeing around the issue when addressing it for fear of upsetting someone is a sign of disrespect to that person, effectively implying they can't handle the straight truth =\.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,500 Posts
The only difference is they tend to tune out when abstract topics are brought up where as my ears will automatically perk up. That's basically it! I would say they are better at organizing things but I am an sp type 1 so I am also good at organizing my external environment...it's just maybe a more obsessive thing for me where as it comes to them more naturally? I don't know. I get overwhelmed if there are too many steps to something concrete. Where as an Si dom doesn't.
This is a problem though, my main interests lie in philosophy, literature, critical theory and psychology... you get the idea...even how these are expressed through art/film and other aesthetic orientations. Almost all of it is abstract. I enjoy talking about them, even if the other person doesn't really know that much about it. The fact that they will talk about their ideas with me is fine enough.
I could probably hold conversations about high culture/technology and things like that also though...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,803 Posts
All these ISFJ mothers. My mother is an ISFJ and she annoys me sometimes because she's ultimate best mother in the world. Other ISFJs I know.. I only know like one or two. Very nice people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,785 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Thanks very much for all the insights! Very interesting!
Me and my twin sister are ISFJ and INFJ, so I was wondering about it.
We tend to clash with a few areas of life (i.e. I'm more self conscious around people because of 'superficial' things, like if they like me, and she's more worried about if they want to be there, and can read what they think about her). I also found we both can be controlling with each other because we both think we know what's best XD It's the same with my ENFJ mum (she understands my sister better than me -probably N/S divide again- so she worries more openly about me).
I know an ISFJ and an INFJ outside of family and both don't really talk to each other, but get on fine when they do as far as I can see. I could see the lack of a deep connection though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
355 Posts
Thanks very much for all the insights! Very interesting!
Me and my twin sister are ISFJ and INFJ, so I was wondering about it.
We tend to clash with a few areas of life (i.e. I'm more self conscious around people because of 'superficial' things, like if they like me, and she's more worried about if they want to be there, and can read what they think about her). I also found we both can be controlling with each other because we both think we know what's best XD It's the same with my ENFJ mum (she understands my sister better than me -probably N/S divide again- so she worries more openly about me).
I know an ISFJ and an INFJ outside of family and both don't really talk to each other, but get on fine when they do as far as I can see. I could see the lack of a deep connection though.
This is so interesting. You are clearly the expert on the ISFJ/ INFJ difference. The "getting on fine but not really talking to each other" describes my relationship with ISFJs. Conversations don't go beyond 5 minutes really unless they are work related.

I am interested in this difference in social situations. You say that you are thinking more about whether people like you whereas your sister worries about whether people want to be there. I am like your sister in worrying about the latter. My ex-boss was ISFJ and I was aware of how important is was for her that people liked her.

And you also mentioned that your sister can read what people think about her. Would you say that she does this more than you?
Would love to hear more from you. Is your sister on PerC too?

It would be amazing if one day you and your sister wrote an article on the difference between ISFJs and INFJs! (Wishful thinking - I'm sure you've got better things to do with your time!)
 
1 - 20 of 44 Posts
Top