Personality Cafe banner

21 - 40 of 66 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,320 Posts
An interesting read, but I think that the INFJ-INTJ description is a bit biased towards female INFJs and male INTJs. I've been with my INFJ partner for almost two years now and he is still the more stoic of us (I'm 4w3 and I have a looooot of feelings; he's 5w6) and most of the conflict in our relationship stems from the fact that he is much less emotionally communicative than I am and truthfully can be oblivious/inattentive in a very hurtful way. I'd say that the strengths you listed are accurate, but I would definitely pitch the strength of this pairing more than you've done here. My partner and I understand each other like nobody has ever done before and we're both very committed to healthy communication and making our relationship the strongest it can be. He's the love of my life and we truly make a great team.
 

·
PerC Mermaid
Joined
·
23,481 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #25
^^YES^^, especially to the last paragraph and part I bolded and underlined.

As an INFJ who has been married to my ESTJ for 25 years (and harmoniously so for the most part) I can't say THANK YOU enough for making the effort to show "why" this pairing can be so beneficial to both people in the relationship. It's quite refreshing really from the usual "theory only, no taking into account that there are exceptions" mindset. Honestly, from what I've experienced and seen in other couples and their pairings, I'd have to say the success of any relationship regardless of type depends a great deal on their maturity, emotional health, shared values, and respect. My partner and I have learned so much from one another over the years and it's only made us better and more balanced people.

I don't know how "on" your insights are for the other pairings you have listed but do like that you presented your findings for all of them in a constructive manner.


...Okay, I had to come back and add that on a non-romantic level, the INFJ-ENTP (my mom), INFJ-ISTP (my nephew and godson), and INFJ-ISFJ (my dad) pairings you noted seem pretty accurate to me.

I'm glad I could provide you with something good to read! I really hate the "this doesn't work other than a few exceptions" mentality. Every couple can do very well if things are worked out. Well, you know, almost every couple. It certainly shouldn't be judged by personality typing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #26
@Scootaloo How do you know my parents?

I actually was really worried that this thread was going to be another 'Praise ENTPs, bash your less liked type' thread, and am very pleased to instead find some well thought out ideas on how each of these combinations would work, both good and bad.
THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY

I tried to stay unbiased here, and even though a few biases probably shine through, I just don't think it's such a big deal. INFJs get a bit wild with praising one specific type, however.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #27
An interesting read, but I think that the INFJ-INTJ description is a bit biased towards female INFJs and male INTJs. I've been with my INFJ partner for almost two years now and he is still the more stoic of us (I'm 4w3 and I have a looooot of feelings; he's 5w6) and most of the conflict in our relationship stems from the fact that he is much less emotionally communicative than I am and truthfully can be oblivious/inattentive in a very hurtful way. I'd say that the strengths you listed are accurate, but I would definitely pitch the strength of this pairing more than you've done here. My partner and I understand each other like nobody has ever done before and we're both very committed to healthy communication and making our relationship the strongest it can be. He's the love of my life and we truly make a great team.
I'm glad to hear that things with your partner are working out well! I simply based my writing upon what I found people were saying, and what I thought would work out temperament-wise. INFJs and INTJs can be an excellent pair, and I'm really happy for you! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #28
I love your name ^_^
idk why but it reminds me of my childhood :D
It's the name of a long-time member of the My Little Pony cast, Scootaloo. She's a spritely, dedicated, brave young filly and she totally reminds me of me as a child. My favorite character easily.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
63 Posts
It's the name of a long-time member of the My Little Pony cast, Scootaloo. She's a spritely, dedicated, brave young filly and she totally reminds me of me as a child. My favorite character easily.
lol that's a little embarrassing that I'm linking my childhood with my little pony... BUT i think it was what my sister used to say when she was trying to play with with me or just be cute overall :proud:


INFJ and ISTJ

How the relationship works: ISTJs and INFJs are both very committed in a relationship, and will set clear, concise goals in their own heads of where a relationship is going. They love to go out and do things together, and will have the best time just hanging out. They’ve been known to surprise one another with small, delicate acts of kindness. They will thrive best in a long-term relationship, and can work as a dynamite team to build a home together. Dedicated and truthful, this team can really work together to create beautiful things.

Why the relationship may not work out: INFJs and ISTJs are both pretty good liars, and they are totally cool with hiding things from one another. Unfortunately, they both like to be told the direct truth. They are also both very good at arguing, and will take everything personally in a clash. They both are prone to trust issues, and while INFJs are very artistic with speaking, ISTJs like to simply get to the point of it all. Communication can be a major issue in this manner.

How to keep it: ISTJs and INFJs have got to work together as a team to solve problems; they can’t just fight all the time. As much as it may make the ISTJ uncomfortable, sitting down and talking about feelings is completely necessary. INFJs may need to be completely literal in important situations so that all feelings are conveyed accurately. Small acts of romanticism and words of confirmation will help this couple to succeed.


INFJ and ISFJ

How the relationship works: ISFJs and INFJs are naturally incredibly nurturing and will take incredibly good care of one another. They both are very empathetic, and love to work things out in bad situations. ISFJs and INFJs both love to showcase their appreciation and service towards their mate. INFJs love nothing better than being appreciated, and the ISFJ makes it known when an INFJ is making them happy. They will do best in a long-term relationship and are often an inspiration to those who know them.

Why the relationship may not work out: INFJs love to be relevant and interesting, so they have to prove to their mate that they are fascinating through little "tests". The ISFJ, however, probably won’t take particular interest in such tests. Because they are both naturally quiet, they don't dig deep into each other's personalities often. INFJs can be cold and often feel numb, which confuses the ISFJ and may hurt their feelings. The ISFJ needs rules and often does not appreciate the INFJs intuitive nature.

How to keep it: The ISFJ in this relationship has to prove just how much they love their INFJ. The INFJ must be forgiving and open-minded with their ISFJ, accepting their differences. The INFJ must try their hardest not to be too stubborn, and explain their feelings carefully. Since they both take things very personally, they should avoid personal insults when fighting and think carefully about every word said. With caution, this couple can thrive together.
However, on the topic of this thread (I should probably try to contribute)... I was in a relationship with either an ISTJ or an ISFJ, although by your descriptions she's most likely an ISTJ, I feel as though you nailed the relationship right on the head! (but this relationship was a hydra "with many heads")

One thing I wanted to ask you was in this type of relationship, which one usually is the instigator for a fight? I thought INFJ's were kind of known for hating confrontation and valuing harmony and peace(which is me to a tee ^_^) , and ISTJ's were something similar in that value? Because what I found for ISTJ's were exactly the opposite.

What I always ran into with this ex-girlfriend was that my feelings never made sense to her, or were of little value. I also was never able to provide her with the right kind of support. For instance, I lavished her with all of my time, love, affection, money, etc. Nothing that I could provide was withheld from her, but what she would always say to me was that I never had her back or I never defended her or stood up for her. All these things require ,to a degree, confrontation and fighting. The truth is she was wrong most of the time, and I'm not one to support or encourage bad behaviors. Plus I'm very empathetic, so I can always see where people are coming from. Arguing is agonizing for me...:angry::frustrating: Am I getting the types mixed up here or what?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #31
One thing I wanted to ask you was in this type of relationship, which one usually is the instigator for a fight? I thought INFJ's were kind of known for hating confrontation and valuing harmony and peace(which is me to a tee ^_^) , and ISTJ's were something similar in that value? Because what I found for ISTJ's were exactly the opposite.
I don't think that either personality type is particularly confrontational, so to find a fight "instigator" might be difficult. However, INFJs are very protective and guarding of things they feel passionate about. In that sense, INFJs will fight tooth and nail for what they believe in. If beliefs clash, it's not great.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
63 Posts
I agree. I guess I was trying to ask it in a dysfunctional kind of way. Like in an unhealthy person, but even then, those are not related to any one type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
437 Posts
INFJ and INFP

How the relationship works: These two understand one another like nothing else and feel a strong connection. They are intrigued with one another’s lives and can talk for hours on end. They are both totally willing to go on crazy adventures and always have a lot of fun together. They are both highly nurturing, and care for one another in a beautiful fashion.

How to keep it: These two lovers must learn to accept one another’s differences and understand that they cannot change one another. Once they realize this crucial fact, they can work out almost anything together. It is unlikely for them to fall out of love.[/B]
Perfect :happy: We have a powerful passionate connection, we understand and are intrigued by each other like nothing else, we are very cautious and nurture and care for each other constantly, we talk all night until the sun rises, we can talk for hours even with just small talk. Together, we can get through anything. I can tell from experience that this sounds exactly right, good job :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #34
Perfect :happy: We have a powerful passionate connection, we understand and are intrigued by each other like nothing else, we are very cautious and nurture and care for each other constantly, we talk all night until the sun rises, we can talk for hours even with just small talk. Together, we can get through anything. I can tell from experience that this sounds exactly right, good job :happy:
Thank you :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
INFJ and INTJ

How the relationship works: INTJs and INFJs are very intuitive and can relate to one another in a lot of ways. They are both generally very caring people, and will nurture each other and help one another to blossom. They are very in-tune to one another’s emotions, and tend to each other’s needs with utter selflessness.

Why the relationship may not work out: INFJs are generally moody and emotional, which can really confuse the usually peaceful INTJ. INFJs like to express things through feelings, and this can frustrate an INTJ, who just wants things to be explained rationally.

How to keep it: INFJs need to remember to explain things in a concise, rational manner in order to provide clarity to a sensitive INTJ. Likewise, INTJs need to be accepting and reasonable when an INFJ is having a bad day. When they work together as a team, they can make this happen easily, and their relationship is almost effortless.
I definitely finish his sentences. He's one of the most responsible people I've ever met. We live in close proximity with a couple of others and he's always the one who keeps all the household chores in line. Without him we would've been a mess. I haven't seen the "emotional mess" aspect of him though, and his having a bad day never bothered me. My rationality never bothers him either. Maybe he's never had a really bad day around me, but every time he complains about something he catches himself and apologizes for it :rolleyes:. It's not the most exciting relationship I've had but it's the most mature. If nothing else we can be happy roommates.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
450 Posts
I can see a lot of effort went into this but I do just to not recognize my relationship with any of those types accurately described here. Notably INFPs are just about the last type who are capable of understanding me. I am never intimidated by ESTJs, they just tend to bring out the aggressive in me over time. The only one that sounds vaguely familiar is the relationship I have with INTP and even that one is quite off, sorry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #38
I can see a lot of effort went into this but I do just to not recognize my relationship with any of those types accurately described here. Notably INFPs are just about the last type who are capable of understanding me. I am never intimidated by ESTJs, they just tend to bring out the aggressive in me over time. The only one that sounds vaguely familiar is the relationship I have with INTP and even that one is quite off, sorry.
Have no worries! This is just an observational chart and I hardly tackled cognitive functions. With MBTI, one size does not fit all, and that is okay! :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Likeagoat

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
I have experience with ISTJ. We were together for years, which shows that both types are comitted. But in the end we were just too different. ISTJs arent very feely and after the first hormonal crush phase was gone, verbal affirmation was very scarce. Not good for an Infj. Top that with different values and priorties, a different way of seeing the world and communicating (Sensor-Intuitve). I wouldnt date an SJ again, sorry.

My sister is an ISFJ and even though she is not really confrontational she NAGS. Ive noticed that SJs are very quick to criticize you but you better not do it back or they freak out. All SJs I know do this and it p*sses me off so much (I know a LOT of SJs). I just dont want that on a daily basis in a relationship.

I have also experience with an ENFJ and its the best thing in the world! Its pure BLISS. I was shocked you wrote that they are unstable, thats so not true! It is VERY stable. There is an endless amount of trust and understanding.

Im curios about the INFJ INFJ pairing, I think it would work out great.

In my opinion INFJs need a partner that has Ni. I could never be with someone who doesnt have it. I function on Ni and the entire world around me seems to be made up of SJs. So I need another Ni user to come home to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
59 Posts
I was married to an ISTJ for 25 years. He never showed emotions and couldn't deal with mine. He was dependable, hard working and followed the rules. But we had nothing in common and the kids couldn't even get close to him. We are now separated.
 
21 - 40 of 66 Posts
Top