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Grumpy old bastard
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Don't be shy ladies.

I'm 46. I usually date older women.

a 30 year old INFJ has caught my attention. She has joint custody with 3 kids, she was married at the age of 16.

She is brilliant.

She is interested in me. I met her around the first of June, dated on an off a tiny bit, then I figured out she wanted to party so I kicked her loose, albeit nicely. She was married until 2 years ago, dated a 55 year old who tore her up emotionally. She broke up with him 7 months ago.

Obviously she is putting it all back together and healing. And for now I am being a friend and helping her heal, and I do indeed derive enough satisfaction watching her heal to make it worthwhile for me. She sems to be done partying, is focused on her kids, her job, and herself.

I am conflicted. First lady in a while who keeps up with me mentally. Chemistry is there for me, but I'm burying it for now. She reads me like none other.

Is it creepy of me to want a 30 year old? Is it creepy of her to want an old guy? She does not have daddy issues that I can tell, but.......

For now, I'm being a friend, listening, trying to let her sort it out. And I can either let it play out as it will, or I can back out gently, and be safe, good friends.

Be honest.
 

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I don't find it particularly creepy. If it's fine with her, I think it's okay. But being her friend right now is probably for the better right now. I personally probably wouldn't date anyone more than 10 years older than me, but that's personally just me. The oldest person I've pursued is the person I'm pursuing now, he's about 7 years older than me.
 

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Divorce is a very messy and emotional thing, normally most people go through at least one transitional relationship after a divorce. Considering it has been 2 years & she figured out that she didn't want to stay in a bad relationship the last time I think she is probably stabilizing out finally.

In regards to your question about age, I don't think 16 years is a huge deal between 30 & 46, but you'll be taking on a lot with 3 kids, not sure if you have any of your own but stepping into that will be a huge change if not. When you're ready to retire she'll be still going for another 16 years. When she's ready to retire you'll be in your 80's. If you were 30 and she was 16 years your junior she would have been 14...wouldn't have worked too well then. My ex wife's mom & dad had 30 years between them, worked pretty well for a long time but he died several years ago before she even got to retirement age.

Guess I'm taking a long time to say it could work, but you'll have a lot of challenges with that much difference in age.
 

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Grumpy old bastard
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have 2 teens. Committing to help raise kids, and her accepting the help on that is a ways down the road, but it is an issue.

When I was 26 I married a lady 7 years older than I.

Thank you.
 

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I have 2 teens. Committing to help raise kids, and her accepting the help on that is a ways down the road, but it is an issue.

When I was 26 I married a lady 7 years older than I.

Thank you.
Romantic relationships are funny things. I'd just go with it and see where it leads personally. I don't see it as creepy, both of you are mature adults.

 
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