Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Dear INFJ,

I'd like to have your opinion on that:
I have met this INFJ that I fell in love with in another country and I ended up to move to his country after he suggested me to come. I am a free spirit so I said yes... we knew each other's for not so long but that was so intense That I thought I should give it a chance. Before I officially moved to his country we had 2 months love long distance reIationship and he said to me that he could not promise me to not have sex during our 2 months away. That sounds crazy but even if I was disappointed in a way at this time I thought : at least he is honest and doesn't promise me that he will not see any other girls and lies. We finally met us again after the two months of long wait and after a week together with him acting a bit awkward I asked him if he dated other girls when we were long distance. He said yes and told me that one was a one shot and the other girl was a friend that he has known for 10 years and they had sex
6 times (i asked him.. I must be masochist butI wanted to know all) . It was very painful for me to hear that as on my side I waited for him and could not even think about having sex with anyone else. Also we were speaking on the phone everyday when we were at distance and he actually told me that he had no time for girls as he was focusing on writing his book so I was quite confident I should not be worried and when I met him again I was very "full on". On his side has was very warm and kind but when I said cute words he was not very responsive ...
So After that and what he revealed to me about those girls I started to Have doubts and I had a bad intuition that something was going on. Last week he left his computer turned on when he was away and I could not resist to check his Facebook. I know that's bad but I had to know the truth and I could feel that he would never tell me everything... my intuition was good... he was still chatting with one of the girl he slept with and was asking to see her again. He was mentioning me in the message he sent to this girl saying that he could find an excuse to see her again when he will be with me so that they can continue to see each other's... there was also ambiguous conversation around sex with other girls ... That was a real shock to read all of that. This guy seemed so far from the profile of the playboy... that's the typical INFJ intellectual / philosopher. He is a deep idealist with plenty of morals and ethics (enneagram 1 for those who knows about enneagram. Everyone thinks he is the good guy as he is always helpful, nice, polite... I really thought I was safe with a guy like this and booom...!
Just after I check his Facebook he came back and asked me if I checked his computer. I told him that I did and that I have seen everything and that I was so chocked. He did not even seemed to feel sorry and actually puts all the fault on me. He was terribly cold and impassive and was just repeating with a freezing calm " such a shame you did that" without even looking at me. I told him "okay and what about you who wants to meet a girl behind my back for sex?" But he was just not listening to me.. this happened two days ago, we live in the same apartment but he does not talk to me and act if I am transparent. I asked if we could have a honest conversation between adults but he said he does not want to talk with me and have been avoiding me everytime I tried to initiate the conversation... I don't want to be with him anymore and the only reason why I want to have this conversation is because I hate leaving things like this and we were having such deep conversation together that I would be willing to forgive him and be friends with him. I still have a lot of compassion for him. I know that sounds crazy but that's the way i am. It would be good to have an exterior eye on the situation and I hope you will be able to help me on what I should do now and if My desire to arrange things is crazy or understandable....

Thanks in advance.
 

·
Mr. CafeBot
Joined
·
13,103 Posts
*You are hearing a robotic sounding voice coming towards you*



Greetings Reve1autremonde and welcome to PersonalityCafe!! My name is Mr. CafeBot. I am here to personally greet you and thank you for joining our humble little forum. No matter your type, you will surely experience a wonderful time with the members of this forum. We cater to all personality types so you will never feel alone or weird. Truth is this forum is full of weirdos!! Pleazeee hel.... *Ahem*I mean we have the nicest people you will ever meet. :)

If you need basic forum information our newbie guide link is here...
http://personalitycafe.com/intro/2319-friendly-guide-newbies.html


To keep the forum entertaining and safe, our forum rules link is here...
http://personalitycafe.com/announcements/540-personality-cafe-forum-rules.html


If you need any help or have any suggestions, please let us know here...
http://personalitycafe.com/support-suggestions/

We will always be glad to help you!

Also don't forget to watch my music video...




Again, welcome to our forum Reve1autremonde. We hope that your experience with us is tremendously benevolent!

P.S. Meet my family

My Wife - http://personalitycafe.com/members/mrs-cafebot.html
My Daughter - http://personalitycafe.com/members/jenny.html
My Dog - http://personalitycafe.com/members/dog.html
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,584 Posts
Hello Reve1autremonde!

Welcome to this forum ;) sadly (?) I am not an INFJ, so I will ignore what you have written ^^

I wish you much fun here!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Hey there,

I am a 19 year old INFJ female and I am also new to this website and forum. I did read your message and I did not ignore you. I really feel sorry that you are dealing with this. I feel your pain here. I am also going through the same thing as you are with another ENFP guy but it’s a very long story. So you are not alone here.

From reading your message, I feel like the INFJ guy does not truly love you from his heart . If he only loved you and wanted to be committed only to you, he will not be going after other girls. Also, he won’t get upset and stop talking to you when you found out the whole truth about him on Facebook. I also found out that some INFJ guys have a hard time being committed in a relationship unlike INFJ females who are willing to be in a long lasting relationship and make things work out. This is true unfortunately.

So, I would suggest that you should stop pursuing him if he does not love you back and not willing to work things out with you. It’s better that you should try to move on with your life. Try to focus on achieving your goals and dreams to get your mind off of this and then the right guy will come along in your life without you having to pursue him. It won’t do any good for you mentally if you keep holding on to him.

I am not sure if you are a religious person or not but if you are religious then try to have trust in God and look up to Him for his guidance. He knows what is best for us and He has a plan for all of us. Again, I am not trying to force my religion on you and you can do it only if you are religious. I am a Catholic and I have been raised up as a Catholic all my life so I have this perspective.

You really do deserve to be with a guy who will love you back and be willing to make an effort to prove to you everyday that he really wants you and be faithful to you. You are a gem. He should be the one who is at loss and not you. Also, the first guy won’t always be right and this could have happened so you can end up finding the real love of your life.

So I really hope this helped you out. If you still have any concerns you can feel free to message me back. Also if it helps, you can think about seeing a professional relationship counselor and they will know better on handling these issues. Good luck and I wish you all the best:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,973 Posts
This guy is deceitful and manipulative. He made you leave your home for him and then he isn't true to you? This is a horrible guy that cannot stay with 1 person. He's super messed up. He thinks he's a good guy? Well he isn't. He's just using everybody so that he can feel important. This is all a game for him. Get out of this situation immediately and get to somewhere safe. I'm so sorry this happened to you! This guy is good at making everybody think he's a good guy. It's a game-- safe travels. I hope you get home as quick as you can!
 
  • Like
Reactions: dulcinea

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Also one more thing, don’t trust online dating websites. They are not safe nowadays . Just avoid online dating websites to be on the safer websites. There can be fake and manipulative people in online dating websites. I would rather meet and get to know a guy in person rather than on the internet. That is much more safer.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top