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Discussion Starter #1
I left my ENTP boyfriend of three years two months ago. One of the central reasons I left him was because I've always struggled to connect with him via conversation. I've read a lot about INFJ-ENTP interactions and most of what I've read is promising. Very promising. But after leaving the relationship, I'm left wondering why what I've read hasn't lined up with what I've experienced.

He's a storyteller. He likes talking about what happened in his day. He's marvelous at finding the humor in almost anything. And it's great. He also liked talking about different ways that he was innovating his classroom (he's a 3rd grade school teacher). That was also great. But whenever I would start to talk about something that interested me, he almost always zoned out within a few minutes. He's even fallen asleep a few times. Sometimes, when I confronted him about it, he chalked it up to poor communicating skills.

Which confuses me so much. One-on-one conversations are where I usually feel most at home. I bond with my closest friends over long-winded, analytical conversations. I also enjoy vulnerable conversations (the Fe in me, I suppose). At some point, I realized that I was able to give him what he needed (an audience), but he couldn't return the favor. He would get frustrated when our talks would get too theory-heavy. If he couldn't see the practical application, he just couldn't go there. Have any ENTPs out there experienced this kind of disconnect with their INFJ lovers and/or friends? And if so, help me understand what makes the INFJ-ENTP dynamic so special. Yes, I could see the way our Ni-Ne functions complimented each other here and then, but surely that's not the only thing that makes INFJs and ENTPs good matches.
 

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He would get frustrated when our talks would get too theory-heavy. If he couldn't see the practical application, he just couldn't go there.
Are you sure he's an ENTP? This smacks of ESTP.
 

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He would get frustrated when our talks would get too theory-heavy. If he couldn't see the practical application, he just couldn't go there.
Really don't think that is an ENTP. Sounds like an ESTP like nujabes said. Might even be an ENTJ.

I love theory and abstract thinking, and thats a prevalent characteristic of ENTPs in general. I almost think a problem between you and an ENTP would be that the conversation could become TOO theoretical and abstract, to where it makes almost no sense to an outside listener. Talking from experience.

Sounds like maybe he was not fully developed or matured... maybe find a more intelligent ENTP and see how you get along with him? He'd be more likely to use Ti when listening and really focus on analyzing what you're saying, then use Ne to explain useful or insightful feedback.
 

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lt's like you picked key phrases from an ESTP profile and mentioned them here :tongue:

You sound like a fine gentleman, but l think many, many people seek out an ENTP with an ESTP image in mind and never really succeed in differentiating the two.
 
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Coming from an ENTP, we live for long winded theory talks and enjoy using our verbal skills to debate. Vulnerable conversations are so-so, sometimes they can be uncomfortable as we are Spock-like in our emotions a large percent of the time.
Taking all this into consideration, I doubt your man was an ENTP, but I wish you the best of luck in finding a real one:crazy:
 
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Thats a shame that you broke up with you lover it takes two people to make a relationship work i hope you end up with your ideal partner.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
He loves debating for the sake of debating. He's also extremely innovative. The superintendent of our state school system has been asking him to host conferences about project-based learning. He's half as old as most of the people he's teaching. Growing up, he would sit in the back of class and write down the ways he would teach differently than his teachers. In college, he approached one of his professors with a strategy for making her lectures more interesting. It cracks me up.

He enjoys reading. His favorite book is Atlas Shrugged, mainly because of its ideas about selfhood and work ethic. When we talked about books, he talked ideas.

I've read a few ESTP profiles, and although I see the similarities, ESTPs seem to be lacking the introspective, even slightly introverted tendencies that I see in him. Although he stays a lot more "in the present" than I do, he's definitely someone who's preoccupied with how things could be, even when he's happy with where they are. He's always building and revising systems in his head.

He's diagnosed ADHD. He used to take medication for it, but he works himself so hard that he crashes when he's on that stuff. I wonder if his ADHD might make him less capable of long-winded, theoretical conversations? I know one other ENTP with whom I could chat pretty inexhaustibly. Her attention was 100% mine and vice versa. My ex, on the other hand, is always struggling to focus. On everything. To be honest, I used to think that ADHD was just another way of saying Extraverted Perceiving, but maybe now I'm seeing the true distinction? :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Coming from an ENTP, we live for long winded theory talks and enjoy using our verbal skills to debate. Vulnerable conversations are so-so, sometimes they can be uncomfortable as we are Spock-like in our emotions a large percent of the time.
Oh, I don't go to him to get my fix for vulnerable conversations. I figured that out pretty quickly.

I did some research on ENFPs when I first met him, thinking that he was one. At the time, I really wanted to date an ENFP. When he tested as an ENTP, the first thought I had was, "Well, shit. I couldn't be with a T." Turns out, the more impartial, egotistical edge is a pretty big turn on. I love his sense of humor. He's excellent at what he does and I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. The Ti never bothered me. My friends think he's too narcissistic, but I think it suits him just fine. :wink: They couldn't understand why someone vulnerable and empathetic like me would go after someone crass and unsympathetic like him. Sometimes he could be a bit too insensitive, but I understood him well enough to expect it. Whenever he did take things too far, he was never too proud to apologize and make it right. Long story short, I'd take an ENTP over an ENFP any day. Consider me converted.
 

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He loves debating for the sake of debating. He's also extremely innovative. The superintendent of our state school system has been asking him to host conferences about project-based learning. He's half as old as most of the people he's teaching. Growing up, he would sit in the back of class and write down the ways he would teach differently than his teachers. In college, he approached one of his professors with a strategy for making her lectures more interesting. It cracks me up.

He enjoys reading. His favorite book is Atlas Shrugged, mainly because of its ideas about selfhood and work ethic. When we talked about books, he talked ideas.

I've read a few ESTP profiles, and although I see the similarities, ESTPs seem to be lacking the introspective, even slightly introverted tendencies that I see in him. Although he stays a lot more "in the present" than I do, he's definitely someone who's preoccupied with how things could be, even when he's happy with where they are. He's always building and revising systems in his head.

He's diagnosed ADHD. He used to take medication for it, but he works himself so hard that he crashes when he's on that stuff. I wonder if his ADHD might make him less capable of long-winded, theoretical conversations? I know one other ENTP with whom I could chat pretty inexhaustibly. Her attention was 100% mine and vice versa. My ex, on the other hand, is always struggling to focus. On everything. To be honest, I used to think that ADHD was just another way of saying Extraverted Perceiving, but maybe now I'm seeing the true distinction? :tongue:
Maybe he's an ISTP.
l dunno, man. That's one type l briefly considered for myself. l think l can relate with them pretty well, l'd say ultimately l get restless and am simply not as grounded, but my behavior could resemble one at times.

l have limited patience with people, some of that comes from losing energy from expending too much in small doses. l don't really seem to be able to control it but that's what l mean by not being grounded :crazy:
 

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He's diagnosed ADHD. He used to take medication for it, but he works himself so hard that he crashes when he's on that stuff. I wonder if his ADHD might make him less capable of long-winded, theoretical conversations? I know one other ENTP with whom I could chat pretty inexhaustibly. Her attention was 100% mine and vice versa. My ex, on the other hand, is always struggling to focus. On everything. To be honest, I used to think that ADHD was just another way of saying Extraverted Perceiving, but maybe now I'm seeing the true distinction? :tongue:
I'm a diagnosed ADHD as well. It's definitely not just another way of saying Pe. It takes a huge toll on you and it's always really physically and mentally draining. I don't think meds affect what I enjoy and don't enjoy. They actually allow me to be more tolerable of things I don't have an interest in. I can even have better theoretical conversations and ideas when I'm medicated because I don't lose my train of thought or focus as easily as I usually do.
 

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He loves debating for the sake of debating. He's also extremely innovative. The superintendent of our state school system has been asking him to host conferences about project-based learning. He's half as old as most of the people he's teaching. Growing up, he would sit in the back of class and write down the ways he would teach differently than his teachers. In college, he approached one of his professors with a strategy for making her lectures more interesting. It cracks me up.

He enjoys reading. His favorite book is Atlas Shrugged, mainly because of its ideas about selfhood and work ethic. When we talked about books, he talked ideas.

I've read a few ESTP profiles, and although I see the similarities, ESTPs seem to be lacking the introspective, even slightly introverted tendencies that I see in him. Although he stays a lot more "in the present" than I do, he's definitely someone who's preoccupied with how things could be, even when he's happy with where they are. He's always building and revising systems in his head.

He's diagnosed ADHD. He used to take medication for it, but he works himself so hard that he crashes when he's on that stuff. I wonder if his ADHD might make him less capable of long-winded, theoretical conversations? I know one other ENTP with whom I could chat pretty inexhaustibly. Her attention was 100% mine and vice versa. My ex, on the other hand, is always struggling to focus. On everything. To be honest, I used to think that ADHD was just another way of saying Extraverted Perceiving, but maybe now I'm seeing the true distinction? :tongue:
I think he was INTP
 

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I'm a diagnosed ADHD as well. It's definitely not just another way of saying Pe. It takes a huge toll on you and it's always really physically and mentally draining. I don't think meds affect what I enjoy and don't enjoy. They actually allow me to be more tolerable of things I don't have an interest in. I can even have better theoretical conversations and ideas when I'm medicated because I don't lose my train of thought or focus as easily as I usually do.
Thanks for this.

I'm going on medication soon (Tomorrow seeing psychiatrist about getting the perscription, coincidentally), after finally admitting that I need help. It's taken years of patterns of... Issues with ADHD to finally concede.

My hypothesis going in was that it would help me become ... More myself. The me I should be without the illness.

More focused and able to have better theoretical conversations, as you said. :)
 

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Why are 90% of the topics in this forum asking about ENTPs actually about ESxPs?

Guess it's because real ENTPs don't have problems, :wink:.
 

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Why are 90% of the topics in this forum asking about ENTPs actually about ESxPs?

Guess it's because real ENTPs don't have problems, :wink:.
Whoa. And that ENTPs are just as much fun as ESxPs without the hassle!? Yes.
 
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