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Hello all!:wink:

Hope everyone is doing fantastic! Well, I'm a little curious to see what everyone thinks of a INFJ and more than likely an ESTP relationship. I'm having some trouble. See, I am married to a ESTP and me and him are COMPLETE opposites. We shared nothing in common! I am settled and looking for stability while he is out there "spinning his wheels looking for the next adventure" (There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.) But, every since I discovered my personality and why I am the way that I am. I'm on a path for my own happiness. I realize that I can conform and I've always been exceptionally well at doing so but, Im tired of trying to be something or someone that doesn't make me happy (as a person) anyhoo, back to the question....Is there anyone else that has a relationship with their opposite? Curious!!!
 

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The Doer King
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First off are you saying you are having a problem? I have been in a relationship with my opposite. We dated for 4 months then she moved back home which was far away. We knew she was going but we did it anyway. I don't regret it and it was wonderful. In this case I had no problems with her being the opposite of me. It took some effort on my part to get her out of her shell at times but knowing MBTI made it easier. Me being ESTP was good too cause gettign people to talk is somewhat natural for me.
 

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The Doer King
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I am settled and looking for stability while he is out there "spinning his wheels looking for the next adventure" (There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.) But, every since I discovered my personality and why I am the way that I am. I'm on a path for my own happiness. I realize that I can conform and I've always been exceptionally well at doing so but, Im tired of trying to be something or someone that doesn't make me happy (as a person) anyhoo, back to the question....Is there anyone else that has a relationship with their opposite? Curious!!!
I'm dating an ISTP so have been searching for the same info. There are a few posts on various INFJ and ISTP forums. An INFP on Personality Cafe posted something about dating an ISTP in the ISTP forum. Sorry I haven't bookmarked them. Wait, here's one forum.infjs. com/infj-and-istp-t4840. html It wouldn't let me post links, so I'm trying to put some spaces in there to see if that works.

I don't know if it's similar to what you're dealing with, but a difference/difficulty I've had is my bf likes to talk to his acquaintances a lot when we go out if we run into them... that's normal. Maybe it has a little in common with your husband's quest for adventure, I dk. My bf's conversations will go on for a very long time, which makes me feel pressured to try to push into the conversation, something I usually just don't like doing. Occassionally I've just walked away, which also makes things akward- akward enough that even my bf notices and doesn't like it. When I first dated him I forced myself into conversations with his friends at parties, but I didn't enjoy it much. Sometimes it's good for me to force myself to be more outgoing, but I don't think forcing myself in the situations I'm in with my bf is the best thing for me. Maybe it's the best thing for me considering the sake of our relationship.

I guess I'm struggling between the value of commitment and learning from someone very different versus moving on and spending less time with someone with whom it's such a tiring effort to reach mutual understanding, including the understanding of whether we care about each other. I read some things about how INFJs tend not to take care of our own needs enough. Then again, I'm in my late 30's and never married, though I've dated a lot, so might be a bit commitment-phobic.

I 'spose it's different for you, since you're married. The person on the ISTP forum is married and more positive about making things work. Other people on that link I posted are more positive too. These ISTPs (and, I'm sure, ESTP's though I don't know that type) certainly have their good qualities, and I haven't forgotten why I fell in love with him in the first place. Hmm, I'm interested to hear more about how you're handling it if you want. I spend so much time trying to figure this out! Sorry, I'm mostly going off on my own issues, but thanks for asking the question and giving me a place to blabber :blushed:
 

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I'm dating an ISTP so have been searching for the same info. There are a few posts on various INFJ and ISTP forums. An INFP on Personality Cafe posted something about dating an ISTP in the ISTP forum. Sorry I haven't bookmarked them. Wait, here's one forum.infjs. com/infj-and-istp-t4840. html It wouldn't let me post links, so I'm trying to put some spaces in there to see if that works.

I don't know if it's similar to what you're dealing with, but a difference/difficulty I've had is my bf likes to talk to his acquaintances a lot when we go out if we run into them... that's normal. Maybe it has a little in common with your husband's quest for adventure, I dk. My bf's conversations will go on for a very long time, which makes me feel pressured to try to push into the conversation, something I usually just don't like doing. Occassionally I've just walked away, which also makes things akward- akward enough that even my bf notices and doesn't like it. When I first dated him I forced myself into conversations with his friends at parties, but I didn't enjoy it much. Sometimes it's good for me to force myself to be more outgoing, but I don't think forcing myself in the situations I'm in with my bf is the best thing for me. Maybe it's the best thing for me considering the sake of our relationship.

I guess I'm struggling between the value of commitment and learning from someone very different versus moving on and spending less time with someone with whom it's such a tiring effort to reach mutual understanding, including the understanding of whether we care about each other. I read some things about how INFJs tend not to take care of our own needs enough. Then again, I'm in my late 30's and never married, though I've dated a lot, so might be a bit commitment-phobic.

I 'spose it's different for you, since you're married. The person on the ISTP forum is married and more positive about making things work. Other people on that link I posted are more positive too. These ISTPs (and, I'm sure, ESTP's though I don't know that type) certainly have their good qualities, and I haven't forgotten why I fell in love with him in the first place. Hmm, I'm interested to hear more about how you're handling it if you want. I spend so much time trying to figure this out! Sorry, I'm mostly going off on my own issues, but thanks for asking the question and giving me a place to blabber :blushed:

Hey, I'm an INFJ and my first BF was an ISTP, and I fell for him hard, once, twice, three times...and then after many starts and stops, I just had to end it. We were oppostites, yes, but we were also muffled by our joint introversion, and that meant that we couldn't access each other's oppostite innards. I still care for him, but I know it would never have worked out between us.

On the other hand, I am presently dating an ESTP - he is very outgoing, charming, valiant, sociable, sometimes advantageous, and always planning an activity. But he realizes now that I need to have down time, that my immune system and general self just can't keep 'going hard' like he can - his job interests are stressful (banking industry) and take a lot of his energy, but he never really tires. Meanwhile, I need a certain amount of routine and self-nurturing to feel like myself. I think we are mature enough to give our relationship a fair fighting chance, and to communicate whatever is bothering us, seeing as we are complete opposites. We are very cognizant of our processes, and are fairly honest about them, so that seems to help with any misunderstandings.
 

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One of my good guy friends is an ESTP. The other day, I actually told him he was an ESTP and couldn't understand how I could figure him out so well. lol He likes me, and always tries to get some "brownie" points, but I really just can't see him as anything more than a friend. We get along real well - its just that I need an N to date. :dry:
 
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Hello all!:wink:

Hope everyone is doing fantastic! Well, I'm a little curious to see what everyone thinks of a INFJ and more than likely an ESTP relationship. I'm having some trouble. See, I am married to a ESTP and me and him are COMPLETE opposites. We shared nothing in common! I am settled and looking for stability while he is out there "spinning his wheels looking for the next adventure" (There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.) But, every since I discovered my personality and why I am the way that I am. I'm on a path for my own happiness. I realize that I can conform and I've always been exceptionally well at doing so but, Im tired of trying to be something or someone that doesn't make me happy (as a person) anyhoo, back to the question....Is there anyone else that has a relationship with their opposite? Curious!!!

Well, I have been married to an ISTP for almost 17 years now so perhaps I may be able to aide you in some manner. First off, I wanted to be committed to my marriage; and I understood the first rule: Seek first to understand...then, to be understood. (I had to learn to speak his language, understand his mind. Then, find the middle ground between to two.) Once, I took action and showed through example he seemed to follow quite easily.

I realised that what this guy can "do in the physical" is basically the same thing I do in the mental. I learned just how much I valued and appreciated it. - It is quite fascinating to watch him work on something... well, anything because I am terrible at those kinds of things.

He learned that I am quite amazing myself in some ways with people. He thought it was amazing to see how I knew what the real issues were and how best to deal with them. After having children, the mix between us appears to cover most anything that comes up.

It became a great match. Instead of thinking, just how different we are from one another.... We remember to "value and love" our different manners, and to not try to change one another. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Hopefully, this will happen to you two as well.
 

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Opposites

My husband and I are also opposites. I am INFJ and he is ISTp/j - we have been married many years. The opposites make the relationship interesting and exciting. As in the above post, we each have our strengths and have learned to use them. Once going on a trip, he rushed around the house completing all the details so thoroughly and quickly and easily and as we were driving away, I asked him if we had the air plane tickets. He respects my intuition and people skills and loves using me as an advisor.

Because he loves managing details, it frees me up to keep in tune with the big picture. When you realize how beneficial an opposite can be for you, you can do the work to understand him and bridge the gap with communication and interpretation. The initial impulse after realizing the differences is frustration--but if you can talk about it and respect limits, it gets really interesting.
 

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That's awesome to hear of INFJ and ISTP pairings, and ones that have lasted! I made the error of fatally judging an ISTP that I had very good rapport with many years ago, and naively ended the relationship based on stupid insecurities and fear. I would have rather rejected him than be rejected, and I was afraid of our differences splitting us up, afraid that he would not accept my love, so much so that I decided to hurry up the supposed innevitabe - I am such a nihilist!...so much fear of the unknown, and insecurity! It ultimately sabotaged our relationship. It was the most rewarding one I can remember thus far - we both had mutual respect for each other's perspectives and I valued the different angles he would pick up on and how he introduced me to new music, film, humour, etc. If I ever have a second chance, I will do things very differently.
 

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I'm an INFJ married to an ISTP for almost 30 years. We had a years long, on again/off again dating history but we kept coming back. We actually thought he was ESTP early on, but that was when we were still easily hooked into friends and social life from high school and college years. After we got married, had kids etc.. and staying in touch with people got harder, he didn't have the inner drive to keep up with the friendships. I was really all he wanted or needed in terms of friends, but I needed so much more (in depth of relationships, not quantity). Anyway, we got married because it was clear to me that I would spend the rest of my life thinking about him and that would ruin any other relationship I was in (and did, before I married him). We already had a child when we married, so that was enough to keep us hanging in. We had three more after. It was rough going for sure, especially in the early years but we stuck it out, a lot of times simply for the kids. We never stopped working on the marriage and never cheated, which are maybe the two things that contributed to its longevity. Now that the kids are all mostly grown I have to say that an INFJ/ISTP combination can produce amazingly well rounded and unbelievably gifted children. We got a "bulk rate" discount on counseling for our family, and learned to laugh at ourselves. We give each other time and space for our own interests and whenever things seem bleak I remind myself that I had plenty of opportunities to make other choices, and I've stuck with him for a reason.
 

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Hi carolina24, I'm new to this forum so I hope I'm doing this right, anyways...

I've been dating an ESTP for about 7 yrs now and just recently we both took the Myer Briggs personality test and understood why we were so different and sort of compatible at the same time. I also feel like I'm more of the planning type and that he's always looking for the next adventure, but as you say, knowing your personality really helps you care for yourself a bit more. I have heard of INFJ's becoming the shadow of ESTP's or that they are not compatible at all. I really don't feel that way, for me and my boyfriend things have turned out great and we've never had a fight, he sort of admires the way I see things even though he gets annoyed at my perfectionism sometimes and I love his entertaining and charming personality even though sometimes he gets me a bit tired... I don't know, at least for me this has worked great, like no other personality I've been with before. Hope it turns out this way for you, or at least that you can be more comfortable in your relationship.

Thanks for reading
 

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I clash a bit with an ISTP in truth; ESTPs are okay with me because they get things of their chest, when/if we clash I can get the closure I want then. This ISTP gets wound up by my lack of practicality (lack of S effectively), and lets it boil over now and then. My tendencies cause me to react emotionally and take it personally when it's not so much as it is coming from a T.

This is why I "don't do" other introverts as a broad rule, I try to analyse them and never get enough out of them. Analysing extroverts is much more practical, they give more away and then you know how to push their buttons.
 

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I've been married to an INTP for close to 5 years now. He's my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him, yet we are almost complete opposites save for a few common interests and ideals. With any marriage, it needs communication and giving to each other, rather than seeking out your own wants and needs. If you're having problems, it's best you work them out by just TALKING to each other and learning more about each other because it seems like you two are going in two different directions. Remember, any relationship you're in will require effort.
 

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hi @carolina24 !

i can't speak about ESTPs, but one of my closest friends is an ISTP. we've been friends for about 10 years. she has developed her inferior Fe somewhat...i believe this is partially due to her having grown up with an ENFJ (?) mom. the friendship works out unbelievably easily in a lot of ways.

for example, we both crave solitude...so we can spend time together when desired and then spend time apart when desired and neither one of us takes offense. it's hard to find friends that are loyal even when your longing for solitude causes you to 'drop off the face of the planet' for a while, but she is, because she understands. :) we both care about people but may express it in different ways. we both like to try to understand people and figure out situations ~ she says that we often come to the same conclusions but through different means. we explain to each other the thinking patterns by which we reach our conclusions, and they are drastically different (which can be shocking and helpfully enlightening to discover) but, oddly enough, achieve similar results. she is so honest and i love that about her. i can talk with her about a lot of things i would be scared to talk about with anyone else, because she is not a judgmental person. i like the fact that we can disagree on some things and yet still respect one another, and that she doesn't try to control the way i think about things. we both admire the strengths in each other that are weaknesses for ourselves...and try to learn from each other...i admire her courage ~ she's not afraid of anything (!) and i try to imitate that myself; she admires my awareness of my own and others' feelings and tries to learn to become more aware herself.

i think so long as two people are committed to be loyal, and want to learn from each other's differences rather than reject them, this sort of relationship can work out easily.
 
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