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I am a female INFJ, and today, I finally plucked up the courage to tell my oblivious ENFP friend I have gradually fallen in love with him over the course of the three years since we've met. He told me he figured out what was going on last night (about time!) after many dropped hints and a few mutual friends telling it straight to his face. He admitted that he feels the same way, but he's confused and unsure of what to do. He is afraid of a long distance relationship (we are going to different schools next year) and does not want our friendship to be broken and awkward again (we liked each other a year ago, but a friend terribly embarrassed us and we did not talk for six months). I confessed to him that every time I see him, my heart glows with happiness and all my problems are forgotten. He stopped walking, gazed deeply at me, and said he gets the exact same feeling, but he doesn't know how to put it in words. He said that I was a major reason why he did not want to go to a different school next year, but he has no say in the matter due to personal reasons. He wants to come back the year afterwards, and until then, he promises that he will wait for me so we can finally be together.

I honestly don't know what I want at this point. At the moment, I want some way for us to express how we feel about each other without delving into the social pressures and expectations of "being in a relationship." No, I do not want to be friends with benefits or have a secret relationship. On the other hand, I am worried that he will lose interest if we do not see each other on a daily basis. In the long term, however, I do think that we are very compatible and are (excuse how cliché this is) meant to be together. We both just know it is meant to be, but the circumstances are not in our favor. :(

ENFP males, what does my friend really mean when he says he is unsure of what to do? He told me he would think really hard about it tonight. We are both inexperienced with relationships, if that helps.
 

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I am no ENFP but I want to help.

Is it really love if one goes far away yet unwilling to hold on to your heart? Loyalty is part of love and both of you need it. The both of you just need to find a way like communicating online, and most importantly, is the need to have patience.
 

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I am a female INFJ, and today, I finally plucked up the courage to tell my oblivious ENFP friend I have gradually fallen in love with him over the course of the three years since we've met. He told me he figured out what was going on last night (about time!) after many dropped hints and a few mutual friends telling it straight to his face. He admitted that he feels the same way, but he's confused and unsure of what to do. He is afraid of a long distance relationship (we are going to different schools next year) and does not want our friendship to be broken and awkward again (we liked each other a year ago, but a friend terribly embarrassed us and we did not talk for six months). I confessed to him that every time I see him, my heart glows with happiness and all my problems are forgotten. He stopped walking, gazed deeply at me, and said he gets the exact same feeling, but he doesn't know how to put it in words. He said that I was a major reason why he did not want to go to a different school next year, but he has no say in the matter due to personal reasons. He wants to come back the year afterwards, and until then, he promises that he will wait for me so we can finally be together.

I honestly don't know what I want at this point. At the moment, I want some way for us to express how we feel about each other without delving into the social pressures and expectations of "being in a relationship." No, I do not want to be friends with benefits or have a secret relationship. On the other hand, I am worried that he will lose interest if we do not see each other on a daily basis. In the long term, however, I do think that we are very compatible and are (excuse how cliché this is) meant to be together. We both just know it is meant to be, but the circumstances are not in our favor. :(

ENFP males, what does my friend really mean when he says he is unsure of what to do? He told me he would think really hard about it tonight. We are both inexperienced with relationships, if that helps.
How old are you? I'm not an enfp male - but usually when I tell somebody I'm confused - it means I'm confuse - we are really straight up with our feelings.


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ENFPs usually deal really well with long distance relationships... (i do really well) dont worry!
and always believe what he says, ENFPs are usually sincere with their feelings... unless they know that their "sincere feelings" could hurt your feelings...
 

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I'd reiterate what people are saying about taking what he says about his feelings at face value.. We don't always like to be super-vulnerable, but when we are we are very literal and sincere in describing it.

I can relate to not being big on the idea of a long-distance relationship, although I'd never say never.

If it were me I think I'd be wary of committing to something that would take a lot of focus. Perhaps (and I think probably) what he's afraid of is that since you guys have been friends for so long that it would automatically be super serious if you got together, and with the future long-distance element added in that could be a potentially stressful decision to make on a relationship that hasn't even begun yet, especially when he doesn't know how things will change after you move. At this point, because of his strength of feeling toward you that must seem like a very all-or-nothing situation with a lot on the line.

What I think, and what I think I would want in that situation, would be maybe to start something very slowly- get together but really not too much commitment or change on what you already have as friends.. and then maybe by the time you guys are set to go separate ways he'll have gradually settled into it (like a hot bath) and the perspective will be totally different where he'll feel like it's a much easier decision to commit to something long-distance. Then by the time you guys are back in the same place you can be ready to really then just go for it with no strings attached.
 

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I am a female INFJ, and today, I finally plucked up the courage to tell my oblivious ENFP friend I have gradually fallen in love with him over the course of the three years since we've met. He told me he figured out what was going on last night (about time!) after many dropped hints and a few mutual friends telling it straight to his face. He admitted that he feels the same way, but he's confused and unsure of what to do. He is afraid of a long distance relationship (we are going to different schools next year) and does not want our friendship to be broken and awkward again (we liked each other a year ago, but a friend terribly embarrassed us and we did not talk for six months). I confessed to him that every time I see him, my heart glows with happiness and all my problems are forgotten. He stopped walking, gazed deeply at me, and said he gets the exact same feeling, but he doesn't know how to put it in words. He said that I was a major reason why he did not want to go to a different school next year, but he has no say in the matter due to personal reasons. He wants to come back the year afterwards, and until then, he promises that he will wait for me so we can finally be together.

I honestly don't know what I want at this point. At the moment, I want some way for us to express how we feel about each other without delving into the social pressures and expectations of "being in a relationship." No, I do not want to be friends with benefits or have a secret relationship. On the other hand, I am worried that he will lose interest if we do not see each other on a daily basis. In the long term, however, I do think that we are very compatible and are (excuse how cliché this is) meant to be together. We both just know it is meant to be, but the circumstances are not in our favor. :(

ENFP males, what does my friend really mean when he says he is unsure of what to do? He told me he would think really hard about it tonight. We are both inexperienced with relationships, if that helps.
If he said he'd think about it it really means that he needs some time to consider. Don't look for alternate meanings, think about it this way : he probably wants to take some distance and make a cool headed decision. You're asking him to make a very important decision, don't expect him to be too rash about it !
 

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^ I'll echo what was said above. Distance is my go to when it comes to making sure I know what I'm feeling... It's kinda like a transitory period where I question how I feel about "us," and whether it's something I actually want.

> "On the other hand, I am worried that he will lose interest if we do not see each other on a daily basis."

Lol, yeah you're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one... Too much space and I'll get distracted, bored. Too little space and I'll bolt faster than Usain.

Honestly just give him time to think about it. The worst thing you can do is be all up in his grillz when he's taking a time out; all that'll do is reinforce too his "secret" fear that you'll be too much commitment than he can handle.

I hope I can speak for most ENFPs when I say: the best kinda relationships are the easy breezy kinda relationships. Ones where we can just "be" and have our own things going on too.

Good luck!
 
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