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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was wondering if anyone has or are experiencing a deep connection with either an INFJ female or male? Are you completely similar? Is it almost like you're the same person?

I'm an INFJ female, and I met an INFJ male almost four months ago. I've been doing a lot of research and I've come to notice that my connection with my friend (or more than a friend) is a lot different than most INFJ+INFJ friendships/relationships I've been reading about. Apparently having the same personality type instantly means you're both incredibly alike and similar in almost every way. That's not really the case with me and my INFJ friend. We do share a lot of the same personality traits and ideals and thought process. However, our experiences, our upbringing, our lifestyles, our hobbies and interests, our moods...none of it is the same.

A lot of the time he doesn't understand me. And I just thought INFJs are naturally understanding of other people, but especially towards fellow INFJs because there's just an undeniable comprehension of the other person. He's a very optimistic and outgoing person; he's introverted, but a lot more social and confident and generally excited about things more than I am. I prefer to stick to myself, I have no self-confidence and I try to avoid face-to-face social interaction as much as I can. I'm also very pessimistic and prone to extreme mood swings; I'm negative 90% of the time about everything. He's always happy, or at least content, every single moment. I am often depressed or numb or just emotional. We can't connect in regards to our interests, because none of them relate. He always minimizes how I feel, even if it's irrational at the time, rather than tries to empathize or understand them. He takes the easy route out of things, rather than putting in the effort and hard work to make something happen. He's big on words, but not actions. He's a huge romantic, and always so caught up in the fantasy life of what we would be like together in the future, and that affects our present because he's not realistic about things. He's either incapable or chooses not to be completely independent, or to stick up for himself and those important to him. He backs down when things get tough; he will never disagree with anyone, even in the moments where he should be standing up with his own opinion rather than relying on everyone elses and dictating his life by other people's comments.

Anyway, there's a lot more to it than that, but I'm sure I've written enough as it is. My point is, I'm now questioning our personality types. I am sure, and confident, that I am an INFJ. There's no doubt. But I am wondering if maybe he is or not. When we first met, we were noticing all our similarities. But as time has gone on, all our differences keep piling up to the point where we have a lot more uncommon between us than common.

Does anyone have any opinions or experience or insight with this? Thank you.
 

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that will, never work. you are both (or perhaps both stereotypically pessimistic) and vulnerable to strong emotions. i once had that girl with same personality of mine and, we have strong connection indeed. however, that was just a short-lived connection. she over analyzes me of everything i do, and ended up to harshly criticize me. J plus J are 'butting heads' and are not natural partners at all. our real partners are ENFPs and ENTPs.
 

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You might be in different stages in life, and there is the healthy and unhealthy spectrum within types which may have contributed further to your differences. More than that, if you look at Enneagram, you'll find that within types there are sub-types which highlights different motivations. You can even go further than that and check the instinctual variants. As you've mentioned, there are also environmental/social/(cultural)/(genetic) influences to think about.

There is no doubt that many of us may feel strikingly very similar to each other as INFJs, same goes to those within each of the other types. How we perceive the world, process information, how we respond, inclinations and interests even. But as it goes to show, humans are really far more complex that what can be observed.. It is natural to see similarities before recognizing differences~ we tend to show our 'positive' or 'socially accepted' aspects of ourselves far more and only when someone gets to witness us in different situations are they only exposed to our different sides.

haha.. if you get to meet someone so similar or complimentary, say: type, health, enneagram, culture/environment and your variants compliment each other, etc.. I would imagine the connection would be unbelievable. You can compare it with meeting your perfect soul-mate~ explosions. I'm guessing [I'm dreaming].
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
You might be in different stages in life, and there is the healthy and unhealthy spectrum within types which may have contributed further to your differences. More than that, if you look at Enneagram, you'll find that within types there are sub-types which highlights different motivations. You can even go further than that and check the instinctual variants. As you've mentioned, there is also environmental/social/(cultural)/(genetic) influences that is also something to think about.

There is no doubt that many of us may feel strikingly very similar to eachother as INFJs, same goes to those within each of the other types. How we percieve the world, process information, how we respond, inclinations and interests even. But as it goes to show, humans are really far more complex that what can be observed.. It is natural to see similarities before recognizing differences~ we tend to show our 'positive' or 'socially accepted' aspects of ourselves far more and only when someone gets to witness us in different situations are they only exposed to our different sides.

haha.. if you get to meet someone so similar or complimentary, say: type, health, enneagram, culture/environment and your variants compliment eachother, etc.. I would imagine the connection would be unbelievable. You can compare it with meeting your perfect soulmate~ explosions. I'm guessing [I'm dreaming].
Yes, I think that could be true...we're at different stages and on different paths, and I think that's having a major affect on things.

I suppose in the beginning we showed each other all the good things, all the things we shared. As time went on, more of our inner selves came out and I think that's where our differences lie. And we can either choose to work with and around them, or maybe it'd be too detrimental, too difficult to accept. Not sure.

You're right, probably sounds a little too perfect for something like that to happen. An unrealistic dream, perhaps.
 

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You might be in different stages in life, and there is the healthy and unhealthy spectrum within types which may have contributed further to your differences. More than that, if you look at Enneagram, you'll find that within types there are sub-types which highlights different motivations. You can even go further than that and check the instinctual variants. As you've mentioned, there is also environmental/social/(cultural)/(genetic) influences that is also something to think about.
This! Really, this is the only explanation needed, because it's the one that leaves no loose ends. Different types and health levels, combined with MBTI is what explains why some individuals are different from other individuals of the same type.

The MBTI + Enneagram are a gift from humanity for humanity and are an excellent guide to people.

Also, another thing to take into account, it is best to find someone not only that is of the same level of maturity with you, but one that will mature at the same rate with you, to make sure you can grow together.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
This! Really, this is the only explanation needed, because it's the one that leaves no loose ends. Different types and health levels, combined with MBTI is what explains why some individuals are different from other individuals of the same type.

The MBTI + Enneagram are a gift of humanity for humanity and are an excellent guide to people.

Also, another thing to take into account, it is best to find someone not only that is of the same level of maturity with you, but one that will mature at the same rate with you, to make sure you can grow together.
I can't for the life of me understand Enneagram, it's confusing for me. So I'm just going off a lot of MBTI research.

You're right. And that doesn't seem to be happening at the moment; we're on different maturity levels, and we're moving at completely different paces.
 

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Yes, I think that could be true...we're at different stages and on different paths, and I think that's having a major affect on things.

I suppose in the beginning we showed each other all the good things, all the things we shared. As time went on, more of our inner selves came out and I think that's where our differences lie. And we can either choose to work with and around them, or maybe it'd be too detrimental, too difficult to accept. Not sure.

You're right, probably sounds a little too perfect for something like that to happen. An unrealistic dream, perhaps.

Oh.. don't get me wrong. I believe in this dream.
I believe in dreams. no limits~
 

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that will, never work. you are both (or perhaps both stereotypically pessimistic) and vulnerable to strong emotions. i once had that girl with same personality of mine and, we have strong connection indeed. however, that was just a short-lived connection. she over analyzes me of everything i do, and ended up to harshly criticize me. J plus J are 'butting heads' and are not natural partners at all. our real partners are ENFPs and ENTPs.
Although I do agree with you that "too similar" is a bit annoying in a relationship, I would like to add something: ENFPs and ENTPs (and INTJs) seem to have a very "natural" bond with us, but that does not mean that it can't be awesome with other types. I personally believe that, yes, it would be very difficult for me to be with an INFJ, as the "emotional rollercoaster" and the "overanalyzing" would become overwhelming. However, people are complex and there is always so much more to the story.
I actually think that being with a "J" is not bad at all. It actually feels very good right now. I have tbh had more connection with Js than with Ps (romantically+friendship), but as I said, there is much more to the story. It's incredible to see the depths of one other person unravel before your eyes, but it doesn't always happen so easily and quickly. Sometimes, we need time to get to grips with what someone else is all about-and it can also be frustrating. But if there is something to fight for, then, inevitably, the two parties will try to make things work, by understanding more about each other.
Sure, there are certain predispositions and it might be "easier" to connect with some types generally speaking, but simply learning to "admire" the depths of some other human being is bliss, or maybe even more: a blessing.
 
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Anyway, there's a lot more to it than that, but I'm sure I've written enough as it is. My point is, I'm now questioning our personality types. I am sure, and confident, that I am an INFJ. There's no doubt. But I am wondering if maybe he is or not. When we first met, we were noticing all our similarities. But as time has gone on, all our differences keep piling up to the point where we have a lot more uncommon between us than common.

Does anyone have any opinions or experience or insight with this? Thank you.
I have not met an INFJ male so far. They seem to be more rare than us. But even if I do meet one, I don't expect to find so much in common.

I joined the personality cafe very recently. I joined to meet people like myself. But even here in the forum, we are not all alike. Look how different our points of view are. We are how we were brought-up, what we experienced. I think MBTI shouldn't be taken that seriously to read like a horoscope. It provides a frame of who we are, that's all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I have not met an INFJ male so far. They seem to be more rare than us. But even if I do meet one, I don't expect to find so much in common.

I joined the personality cafe very recently. I joined to meet people like myself. But even here in the forum, we are not all alike. Look how different our points of view are. We are how we were brought-up, what we experienced. I think MBTI shouldn't be taken that seriously to read like a horoscope. It provides a frame of who we are, that's all.
That's actually a good point; even though two people may share the same personality type, it in no way makes them the same person. Though I still would think there'd be a good amount of things in common.
 

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I've been told I naturally draw people out of their shells, especially with other INFJs, which I believe is because i appreciate authenticity and meaningful connection, while also wanting to do something about the lack of it.

If anything, because we're so much more expressive of our true selves around each other, it can feel as if we're that much more different as well. The fundamentals building blocks are the same but everything else has an unlimited amount of differing configurations and patterns. Some INFJ-INFJ relations never get into much talking unless necessary and these can be wonderful fun but for me, I still want to explore every ounce of depth that is to find more of myself and the other.
 
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