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Hi, I'm new.

I'm a very preceptive/intuitive INFJ but I have always found men much easier to understand. Women confuse and frustrate me to the point where I have trouble maintaining friendships with them. I'm always the odd one out in a group of girls or I at least feel this way. Do any other INFJs have this issue? Why does this happen? No matter how nice a female is I always see the bad side of them and can't get passed it.
 

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Well, even as a male INFJ I have issues making friends or maintaining friends. They have to "click" with me, or I don't really feel comfortable.
 

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I agree with you, though I'm INTJ. Growing up, all my friends were male. If I had female friends, they were the girlfriends of my male friends. It's mostly because I was never interested in the same things they were. I consider myself independent, I didn't mind getting sweaty, being smart, if I have a problem I'd say it, and I didn't mind leading. Most of the girls I grew up with were always looking to date, didn't lift a finger in gym, pretended to be dumb, back stabbed, and never took the lead.

I'm not sure if you're experience was close to mine, but I think it's a cultural thing. A lot of these girls parents were stay at home mothers that were part of some fancy neighborhood or book club. Where I went to school, for the most part, you didn't see mothers making all the money, it was almost always the fathers. Yet, I was raised in a family where both my parents worked and they had a very strong work ethic. They never bothered me to do homework or any such thing because they knew I would just do it for my sake. I grew up with a very different mind set to my female peers.

Now that I'm in college, I pretty much only have female friends. All my male friends just want to sleep with me and I've met a good group of girls that have grown out of the stereotypical female mind set. They still have their moments where I just have to suck it up and be a good friend.
 

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i always found myself lost when it came to having female friends. they all just seemed to be unintelligent and got on my nerves. i was and still am better friends with men. they are so much easier to read.
 

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IVE ALWAYS HAD THIS PROBLEM. i just cant get other females. same with always being the odd one. and as for seeing the bad side, SAME. and thats the part that bothers me most. i dont do it to men as much, but in women i can just see the bad more than the good. i just cant get passed it once i catch on to it. i have no answers as to why we are cursed with these things, but i thought you would like to know that someone else is in the same boat.
 

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I don't think it has something to do with being INFJ ... I know several girls that are not INFJ who feel the same way.

But for me it has something to do with the people whether I can connect or not, and I think it's about 50:50 boys and girls... There are types of males I can connect pretty easy and I can read them without problems and connect well, but I'd say still most of males are a single mistery to me, like I cannot look in their minds. Whereas, the same goes with females, there are types that connect well to me, but with most of them I don't, still I wouldn't call it mystery.

If I'd be asked, I would nevertheless tend to say I can connect easier with females in general. Though I might say it's easier to establish a friendship with a male.

PS: Oh, and I grew up with my mother earning all money and my father staying at home. I don't think is has anything to do with that, though my sister is much more the male-friends-only type ... but she's definitely not INFJ, I think she's ISTP.
 

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I have the same problem but as a man. I can talk to guys but I prefer talking to ladies, which can be a problem as women always think I'm trying it on or I'm gay which is worse.

I think that infj girls get on together rather well. As the INFJ ladies are a tad on the rare side it is normal to find you have little in common with others of the same gender. I only tend to get on with ENTP blokes or other INFj males in parallel to your problem so maybe a look in that direction may be fruitful.
 

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my girlfriend (INFJ) has talked about this as well...

from a male's point of view, i really don't have a preference one way of the other--we're either worth each other's time or we're not.
 

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I have trouble maintaining friendships with girls long term, or with anyone long term... but I love females and have always gotten along better with them than men. This might have more to do with childhood and life experiences than type. I grew up very close to my mom and my older sister, who is my best friend. I also have trouble getting close to guys as friends (unless they're gay) because I don't trust men very much. I think being rare and unable to relate to people is a constant problem for all INFJ's, but friendships are about finding similarity and shared experiences with someone, which is easy to do if you meet people while doing something you're passionate about.
 

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For me, I preferably like to be friends with guys or around them. They just seem less dramatic and gossipy, and definitely more thrill-seeking. I've been known to understand men very well. Even though I have quite a few girl friends, I've always had issues with them at times. Sometimes I don't want to understand why so many girls out there are so selfish and manipulative, and I know some men are too, but it completely baffles me when a women does it. Maybe it's an evolutionary thing, idk.
 

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I can relate to males and females about equally. I've never found it difficult to find female friends with similar interests and lifestyles to me. I think there's about the same amount of males and females I can and cannot relate to.
 

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this sounds like my (INFJ) sister. I think she just believes herself superior to other women and that by relating to men on that level she feels less insecure about feeling different. Its much too broad a statment to make in my opinion. Not all women are the same, not all (MBTI) types of women are even the same.
 

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From an INFJ female perspective I can get along with other girls but I feel like they are always sizing me up or judging me. I don't necessarily feel "different" but I never hold friendships with many girls for very long...only a select few. In college I remember joining clubs with other girls but eventually I felt like they all grew closer and I just drifted out. It has always been that way.
 

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I think there is a difference in the way guys and girls make or form friendships, and it doesn't really have anything to do with personality types. I think the circumstances in which these friendships are born is the biggest reason why girls (not just INFJ's) can't bond as close as guys can.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, because I might be one sided on this, but from my experiences it seems that men are more into things and have particular interests or passions about something. And they will pursue those interests and eventually find great friends through that. If they like, say, hockey(or basketball, or soccer, etc.), they'll form a little hockey team(just for fun) to meet every week and practice with friends. If they like music, they'll form some kind of band and practice at each other's garages. If they like comics, they'll hang out at comic book stores and play board games or card games, and basically do other comic book related things. They might go out with friends to dinner or movies, or concerts, but that won't be the only way they could find a reason to hang out together.

What do women do? I usually see them just go shopping together, meet up for lunch to catch up on the latest news or gossip, dress up, and go to the movies, etc. as their main way of hanging out. You can basically do all that with a stranger though, and it won't make any difference. Even if they like music, or sports, or art, it's still the same if there is no passion about it. And alot of times when it comes to making friends, it will be to go shopping together as their common interest. So once you stop hanging out because you're busy, suddenly they're not your friends anymore and there's a falling out. It doesn't happen as easily if you both shared a common interest or passion for something else, whether it be the arts, music, books, sports, etc.

I'm not trying to be biased, but it's been true in almost all of the situations I've seen.
 

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When I was in high school, I went through a phase where I thought that most girls watched The OC and loved cliche quotes like "live laugh love." I hated it. But then I realized that not every girl was like that. Lol. As you grow up, you usually find more girls who aren't the stereotype of a girly girl in this society.
 

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I've never had a problem relating to anybody in a social sense. However, I tend to just not particularly like the company of many kinds of girls. I hate conformity and I hate it when people are fake, so I try to avoid that. I'm pretty good at figuring people out even though Im an INTP, and i tend to avoid people who I feel dont have good motives. Most of my friends and acquaintances are male, but thats just because of my interests (i love sports, videogames, and im an engineering major). However, my closest friendships are with females with the exception of my boyfriend.

Its an INxx thing for girls much of the time. E's can typically make it work, but I's have a bit more trouble. Just an observation, I could be wrong, but just from my experience, INxx girls have more issues relating to people in general if they dont put out a lot of effort.

I for one dont really understand people and they dont understand me all that well either, but you come to a point where you realize you arent going to "get" everyone. Nobody is simple, and much of the time, people arent going to relate to you. It takes a long time and a lot of effort on both sides to get to that level of friendship where you can truly understand someone. It doesnt just happen.
 

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I have a few female friends, but I don't do a lot of the "girly" activities with them. I prefer some of the more intellectual pursuits such as debating and writing; and some guy-oriented activities like drinking and camping. Of the girlfriends that I do have, they are compartmentalized according to what we enjoy doing together: some I only write with, only debate with, only go clubbing with, etc. I have some friends who went to grad school or internships with me, and they are more versatile, but also more introspective and thought-based types.

As a child I had a mix of friends, male and female, but as I entered junior high & high school, it took a swing towards the male contingency. All my "girl" friends were the romantic partners of my guy friends. I had few female friends of my own that I could rely on. College, seemed to even out. I also struggled to find my social-footing in college since I wasn't into the frat scene. I spent hours in the library & stacks.

I kind of like it this way. It works for me; I'm allowed to be blunt and abrasive with men, whereas I might have to hand a female a packet of tissues each time I open my mouth.
 
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