[skene]

Do you think it is easier to make friends as and young INFJ or do you think it becomes easier as you get older?

Interested in your thoughts.

 

[curious0610]

It was definitely easier for me when I was younger.

 

[Dalien]

I am going to say that is easier for an INFJ to make friends when they are older. Simply because they are wiser because one learns the understanding their personality type traits better, as wel as, other personality types. Even with that said, I am very selective in who I become very close to as friends. When I find someone that I can connect with & trust, I pull them all the way in, instead of holding them from a distance. Actually, this is how I have always done it. Hope this helps.

 

[curious0610]

Dalien, I agree with what you say -- I think because I am selective (of who I can connect with and trust), and because I am more selective the older I get, it is harder to make friends. Once I do find these friends, the friendship is very precious to me.

When I was younger, however, I was less selective (and less wiser), and I freely interacted with my peers. I was considered very extroverted & amiable when I was younger for this. I think the older we get, the more selective and observant we get -- in this sense, it is "easier" for us to choose good friends, but I would still say it was still easier when I was younger, because I put less effort and thought into it.

 

[skene]

I appreciate your comments and thank you for your response.
I am finding it harder and harder to connect with people as I get older. Not because I do not want to they just do not understand me. INFJ what can I say.
I have a loving family and husband that totally get me. Others find me difficult to read and I do not fit into the square so I am on the outer. That does not bother me as I am always only looking for people that have real values, not the ones that pretend to be deep and meaningless.
I know am I judgemental. Unfortunately that is due to past history.
I would like to make new friends that understand my personality.
As and INFj where do you find new friends and how?

 

[eyerin]

I think its easyer to make make play friends when youre younger, but real friends when youre older.If you get what I mean:laughing:

For years I had no new freinds, I just could not find someone who could understand me enough to call them friends.But somehow one ENTP found me, we met in a really funny situation, in a hot dub actually durning our school trip XD He introduced me to some new people and now they are all my friends^^ I am really greateful to him

 

[yellowbritt]

It's easier for me now than it was when I was younger. As a child, things were black and white. Either a person was good or bad, nice or mean, etc. Now I can see all the shades of gray in people. I recognize that even good, nice people can be hurtful. I weigh the pros and cons and decide whether caring about a person is worth the risk. I think everything is easier now that I'm older.

 

[quigglehope13]

I think it was easier when I was younger to make friends for just the day but now it is easier for longer term.(even though a lot of my friends now I met when I was younger) But i think that is with a lot of people. kids do not care what is what they just want someone to play with while their parents are off doing adult things

 

[BodhiTree]

...

Dalien, I agree with what you say -- I think because I am selective (of who I can connect with and trust), and because I am more selective the older I get, it is harder to make friends. Once I do find these friends, the friendship is very precious to me.

When I was younger, however, I was less selective (and less wiser), and I freely interacted with my peers. I was considered very extroverted & amiable when I was younger for this. I think the older we get, the more selective and observant we get -- in this sense, it is "easier" for us to choose good friends, but I would still say it was still easier when I was younger, because I put less effort and thought into it.

same here...

 

[Bambles]

I had a large group of friends when I was younger and it was easier I think to make friends in a way. Now that I a little older (I'm still in my teens:tongue I find it a little harder to make lasting friendships. Though the friends I do have now are true friends who understand me and aren't the kind of fickle friends some childhood friends can be. As some of you have already said while it was easier to make short term friends when you're younger, the friends you do manage to make when you're older are better friends in the long run. If that makes any sense:laughing:

 

[Bambles]

Dalien, I agree with what you say -- I think because I am selective (of who I can connect with and trust), and because I am more selective the older I get, it is harder to make friends. Once I do find these friends, the friendship is very precious to me.

When I was younger, however, I was less selective (and less wiser), and I freely interacted with my peers. I was considered very extroverted & amiable when I was younger for this. I think the older we get, the more selective and observant we get -- in this sense, it is "easier" for us to choose good friends, but I would still say it was still easier when I was younger, because I put less effort and thought into it.

I completely relate and agree!

 

[Zomboy]

Neither

Granted, it's easier to make friends now than when I was the school punching bag

But I don't really care for making new friends now (unless they interest me)

So I guess it might just be me

 

[chaosome]

i don't remember making my friends that i had all through elementary through high school, seems like we just always were. and it's awesome. as for the one's in between, it was easy to make friends when i had other friends around and could show those various sides around comfortable people. the problem now is i'll be around a group of complete strangers and will feel unable to act outside of how the group seems to be. people have a hard time seeing the parts of me that make me unique because i've been unable to show them. used to be fairly extroverted appearing but finishing up college this year and i find myself much more reserved. it doesn't feel like a lack of trust around people though, it feels like a lack of energy. when i finally let certain sides of me out if nobody seems to like it or pick up on the little jokes and things i say i end up feeling worse off than before. i think i'm slowly getting the hang of being myself around strangers though. stress does not help, which i've had a lot of lately. but old friends are the best. nothing to prove, nothing to hide, nothing but being friends.

 

[foxglove]

I think it's just as hard for me as it was when I was younger (though some would still consider me young)...

You asked 'where'... perhaps somewhere you spend a lot of time. Gym, library, workplace?

 

[spook]

Making friends gets soo much harder the older I get due to shyness, self-consciousness and not fitting in. tbh I have not felt consistently happy since childhood when I had some half decent social skills *cough* obliviousness. I second what eyerin and curious0610 said, I get what Dalien is saying, but to me that doesn't mean easier, it just means my friendships have matured with more discernment and depth. That often takes more work but its worth it in the long run.

 

[hazzle92]

Easier now than when I was younger, I was really shy when I was little, although it is still difficult as I am still relatively shy. I usually pick introverted feeling dominant friends, which I only now realise.

 

[Dalien]

Dalien, I agree with what you say -- I think because I am selective (of who I can connect with and trust), and because I am more selective the older I get, it is harder to make friends. Once I do find these friends, the friendship is very precious to me.

When I was younger, however, I was less selective (and less wiser), and I freely interacted with my peers. I was considered very extroverted & amiable when I was younger for this. I think the older we get, the more selective and observant we get -- in this sense, it is "easier" for us to choose good friends, but I would still say it was still easier when I was younger, because I put less effort and thought into it.

I see what you mean curious0610. Your post makes very good sense to me. Being younger, one would think in a lesser abstract & more carefree way. I don't know I sometimes wonder if I have always been a deep thinker. For me as a child, I was a lot more introverted than I am now. I was very quiet behind the scenes kind of kid & to top that off I was picked on for being so very small & wore coke bottle glasses. So, I went for the underdog, because I was an underdog too! I was as selective then as I am now. I should have added these details to my post.

Sometimes, I have so much in my head that I can't get it all out! :happy:

Sorry to all about my spelling & grammar on my first post...It was atroscious! Yes, this bothers me! LOL

 

[Linus]

Just as easy, but harder to find a good connection...
It depends what you're after

 

[Ethanol]

This is such a great question.

I've changed alot from my younger years. I wouldn't say that it's gotten any harder or easier to make friends, I would say that it's been the same. I think the harder thing is making 'true' friends (lifelong relationships) which are always the kind I seek. Making true friends and building a life long friendship has always been difficult, that aspect has never really changed for me.

My problem as a child was that I saw things in black and white. I didn't bother with friends/acquaintances. I saw them as a waste of energy if things didn't develop into a lifelong friendship. God forbid any of my true-friend ever screwed up, I would axe them from my life without a second thought.

The only thing that's really changed since my younger years is that I've become more tolerant of acquaintances/friends (I group them in the same category) and more forgiving of lifelong friends. I've learned to view acquaintances as potential instead of a waste of energy... atleast until proven wrong. If I were to give an analogy, it's that everybody starts off with an A... if you screw up, the grade comes down... and if you get an F, the desire to maintain any sort of contact evaporates but I can be civil. I still have the same 'grading' method when I was younger, the only thing that's changed is that I don't fail somebody for getting a B LOL

I've learned alot about friendships as I've gotten older. Things really aren't always clear cut, and people aren't perfect. They'll screw things up, sure... but I think the one thing that's changed about me in that arena is that I've switched from "accept perfection, ditch anything less" to "assume the best, prepare for the worst".

I changed my approach after looking at my lifelong relationships; humans are never perfect, but if they have good intentions and a good heart eventually we'll work with each other and arrive at the 'lifelong' part of the friendship lol My INTJ friend has taught me that being able to spot a good heart, and forgiving them for mistakes (the bigger the better - to an extent ofcourse O__O) it sometimes makes the relationship stronger than it would have ever been even if it forever changes the dynamic... I could go into this forever, but I'll leave it at that

 

[ivory919]

Making friends gets soo much harder the older I get due to shyness, self-consciousness and not fitting in. tbh I have not felt consistently happy since childhood when I had some half decent social skills *cough* obliviousness. I second what eyerin and curious0610 said, I get what Dalien is saying, but to me that doesn't mean easier, it just means my friendships have matured with more discernment and depth. That often takes more work but its worth it in the long run.

I can relate to this one-hundred percent.