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Hey guys I'm an entp and Ive been talking to a infj for a couple months (mostly texting and occasionally seeing each other in groups) and in the last 3 weeks I've been taking more incative and asked her to go on a couple dates. we've been on three dates. she said she dislikes technology and doesn't text much but as of late we have been texting a bit every day. every time we are together in person its electric, really really enjoyable, we have intense deep convos, and she stays late even though she's been exhausted every time I've seen her. but then I asked her to to go out again (after two dates in one week) and now she's been really short or ignores my texts. side note every time we go out she texts me and says she had a wonderful time. I'm quite confused I don't know what I could have done to put her off. any ideas?
It might be too intense.

I had a best friend first time around in college, most likely an ENTP, and we'd get together every three weeks from about 6:00 p.m. until 5:00 a.m. and do what I called "Take apart the world and put it back together better," which was awesome, but I couldn't do it more often, and good for me, he was busy with his other friends and what-not so we kept it pretty much the same: Every three weeks.

We didn't have texts back then, just phones, and I didn't like talking on 'em, neither did he, so we were cool.

I can't 'suppose' much as from what you write 'when' you get together it is intense, you notice she is tired, and as another INFJ I can say that I need a lot of time in between intense exchanges, so if she does too, take it at face value and back off a bit--let her recover.

If you don't, then she may do the famous 'Door Slam,' not because she didn't enjoy you, but because you were insensitive to cues that she needed space and pressured her.

Also, for women? It's still true for a lot of us: We learned to make excuses rather than face possible conflict.

An example:

I began a friendship with a guy who turned out not to be my intellectual equal, not even close. He was kind, and we had met when he helped me out of a jam for which I was grateful enough to see him a few times in person, but no spark; he was boring.

So remembering how many men I've seen online and heard in person say they'd rather have the truth I told him as gently as possible that we weren't a good match.

He took umbrage, sputtered about how he wasn't stupid just because he wasn't an intellectual like me. I said, "See, this is why women lie. Guys say they want it straight but really don't..."

That's my take on what you shared, and of course, I could be wrong, but if I were in your shoes I would give her some space, see if she wants to get together again, dial back on 'intensity' somewhat, then give her space... see if that works well enough for the both of you if it's not too late.

And whatever you do? Don't ask her if what I'm sharing is true! That will make the door slam more likely to occur because she'll feel cornered, more pressured, more fatigued.

Hope any of this resonates, and of course, helps.
 
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