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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It seems to me the last thing anyone should ever do in a relationship with an INFJ girl is do as she says.

But rather, create an environment that is conducive to dreaming, it is the only way anyone can meet high INFJ standards (which are also a result of dreaming).

This is how charming people with stories get INFJ girls, they create a story in which they and the girl are characters and somehow lead that to sex ("making love") and make it sound really enchanting and not at all realistic.

So, for any more logical people (xNTP etc.), you have to create your own stories ("dreams") and use that, rather than trying to please the INFJ, even if a normal, more factual relationship sounds like a good proposition to you it's not going to do anything for the INFJ girl, who is inextricably bound to her imagination and is led by it.

Thus, any relationship between a guy and a INFJ girl should be like: dream, dream, dream, because anything remotely realistic is going to ruin it, perhaps even before it begins.

INFJ girls are, paradoxically, more trusting of fantasy than fact. Why? Who can say?

Fantasy, which an INTP like me may regard as bullshit at first glance is actually most important to INFJs, which leads to having magical relationships with INFJs, which is actually better than anything realistic that can be offered.

Amirite or what? :kitteh:
 

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Nah. In fact, I will avoid a charmer like the mother fucking plague, because I know empty words tailored to appeal to my imagination are just that... EMPTY WORDS.My SO and I are very realistic in regards to our relationship and have been from the beginning. Dreaming is something I've done on my own for most of the four or five years in this relationship. I might have my head in the clouds, but I'm smart enough to keep my feet on the ground.

You probably just have shit luck with women or something.
 

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There are some parts that are partially right.

It seems to me the last thing anyone should ever do in a relationship with an INFJ girl is do as she says.
We'll usually want them to be themselves, but I will point out something that is bothering me. If it stopped or decreased I would appreciate them for listening or at least trying .

It's true that we value the creativity more than the mediocre ways. Or at least I do. However, I do get rather suspicious if it doesn't sound genuine.


I sometimes have a hard time pointing out INTx's show affection which is usually with their quick logical problem solving. I think it is really endearing, but may take me a while to pick up that pattern since I'm off to dreamland half the time. :laughing:

Honestly, the best approach will be a display of genuine interest, rather than making it up completely.

"All fantasy should have a solid base in reality." -Max Beerbohm
 

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Just be natural, don't "push" anything , even if u think it may work at first , u cannot do something it doesn't come natural for u forever. Show her who u are and let her like u for that. And give her space when she's on dream mode. For me that's quite personal (the dream thing ).
 

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You figured it all wrong...
What you described is some unrealistic, spoiled, naive and overly trusting girl who waits for her knight in shining armor to rescue her and that is NOT an INFJ woman! Well, at least I am not that woman...
Yeah, I daydream all the time, I have my wild fantasies but I know how to separate the real world from the imaginary one. I don't expect to ride dragons in reality and save the worlds, so I sure as hell don't expect a real knight.

Someone who would not listen what I have to say and who would constantly disregard my wishes doing only what they THINK I would like them to do would not even be my friend and specially not my partner.

Charming people?
I love charming people, who doesn't?
But I don't like players and I think I can easily recognize one when I see it. They are so superficial and flaky it hurts.
Actually, I will admit, I may even be even more suspicious about people who only tell we what I would like to hear and who are only into talk. Actions are what count.

Good stories leading to sex? Lol
I would really like to see a guy with THAT much patience whose only intentions are to have sex with me.
I have such a high standards that it takes me a loooong time to truly trust someone and I judge people by their actions, not only by their words. Charmer who is only playing around would go crazy with me...

INFJs are not led by their imaginations.
We are led by our values, which includes honesty, morality, respect and integrity over all.
We are actually very realistic and logical in our daily life, but we do hold to our ideals and values always.

We want stability and comfort in our relationships, not some mind games and you are talking exactly about that.
We sense that and we leave you and then people open topics about why did an INFJ door slammed them and surely she/he must be crazy.

BUT

All that said...
I personally LOVE passionate, adventurous, funny, mature, charismatic people, people who are optimistic and know how to fully live their lives, people who love to explore all sorts of things, like to travel, people who are logical and realistic, yet always full of positive energy...
If this means I like to live a dream, well, yeah, then I am really happy because I already have those kind of people in my life...

Being an idealist doesn't mean you can't be rational and logical... it just means that you have high values and you expect that others also hold to some values too...

What you are describing is so calculating it's ridiculous... create stories to catch an INFJ girl.... Good luck with that! :D

Don't forget...
We all have different needs and wants.... some INFJs will prefer NTs, some NFs, some STs and so on... we are not all the same...
One INFJ girl would feel more comfortable with some logical type of a guy and the other would love to be with some more emotional one.... there are so many factors involved here...

If you wanna know what we really want I would recommend reading this thread (all the way to the end :p), it should be a dating bible for INFJs... :D

http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/63989-hot-pursuit-infj-woman.html
 

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Hey, I'm just trying to figure things out so I can be a better man/lover/etc. and make my future woman really happy
Just be genuine and natural... we can see through all the masks and it will only push us away from you...
A woman should love you for your true self and not for the image you have created, that will only fade away with time, and then you will be left alone wondering why she doesn't love you anymore.

I will never understand why is it so hard to people to be themselves...
 

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I'm just going to put myself out there and say that I agree with the OP more than other's seem to have here.

However I think that that "strategy" would only work as long as you're genuine. As a "just want to get in your pants" - strategy I think an INFJ would see through it.

Also, I think that my opinion stems from the fact that my first relationship was very much like you described. And let's just say that I let it happen and I was head over heels in love with that guy. Turns out he was a douche lol (I think he was an INFP btw). But I'll never forget the relationship and what we had, caus it literally was like fantasy. It pretty much felt like a real life Twilight (LOL). So much drama.

But maybe that worked on me so brilliantly because I was a naive, young teenager. Who knows. Nowadays I'm in a relationship with someone quite the opposite, and I can appreciate the realism... ^^' It's a different relationship than the one I used to have, but at the same time I'm glad it's so...normal.

And I do disagree that any sort of realism would ruin the romance. We're not that shallow. :) We want a relationship that'll last even if we see you take a crap on the toilet lol.

P.S. I think for many INFJs, especially me; honesty is the most important.
 

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Are you searching for answers to improve yourself, or your love life? Only one of those can be helped from an external source.

Also, indicating you want to be "better" to your future woman in your life means not currently dating anyone? If so why are you only seeking INFJ? Is INFJ criteria for a suitable partner?
 

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yet when I present my genuine self I get rejected for appearing fake: "nobody is that honest or straightforward"

what is a person to do?
Method A won't work on person B and vice versa. I say stop the generalization, you can't predict how one interesting girl is going to react whatever you do, so just do what you're most comfortable with and hope you'll meet someone who likes you in that behavior.

Another thing: you seem quite desperate to 'obtain' an INFJ girl. Why? I mean, I know, in the end, no one wants to be alone, but don't be so pressured. Just do your own thing, come what may.

No fantasy spell is going to magically make an INFJ love you regardless of who you are. Oh and don't talk to us just to get in our pants, please dear. It's no fun.
 

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I just like them better
So you are attempting to "fit"/"match" with someone else, using information to mold you to be the "prince charmer" and be better to the partner that doesn't exist yet but you have an ideal of what she is like.

This is called fantasy. See you are doing it without even realizing. ;) Half way there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
so whatever I do is no good, I can't be myself cuz she'll think I'm fake (lived it), I can't try to be different cuz she'll think I'm fake and I can't try to change myself so that when I do meet someone I like of the INFJ type I can do better than last time cuz it's unrealistic to want to be better than one already is

you know what, forget I asked
 

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so whatever I do is no good, I can't be myself cuz she'll think I'm fake (lived it), I can't try to be different cuz she'll think I'm fake and I can't try to change myself so that when I do meet someone I like of the INFJ type I can do better than last time cuz it's unrealistic to want to be better than one already is

you know what, forget I asked
Wait. If a girl rejects you because she thinks you're fake when you're not and she can't be convinced of the truth, what does this tell you about this girl? Right. She isn't very good at reading people, or is paranoid, or, MAYBE, you come off as fake, but that would be strange indeed and not the most likely cause. It's even more probable that she just made it up as an excuse and she's not really attracted to you because of DNA/feromones or whatever.

Please don't think that because she is so foolish, we all are, and that every INFJ you're ever going to meet is going to think like her. Please. If you're going to try to predict every INFJ's reaction to your behavior based on single events, your predictions aren't going to come true. Don't change yourself because some girls didn't like you. Not everyone is like them, thankfully.
 

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so whatever I do is no good, I can't be myself cuz she'll think I'm fake (lived it), I can't try to be different cuz she'll think I'm fake and I can't try to change myself so that when I do meet someone I like of the INFJ type I can do better than last time cuz it's unrealistic to want to be better than one already is

you know what, forget I asked
You can be yourself. Just because the result for that instance was not desired does not mean all of them will be. You're not in a science lab testing virus immunization.

I mean I'm all for helping you better yourself. But you have to better yourself for yourself and that be the only purpose. You can't be "better" for a relationship. A relationship is self-defining and self-perpetuating, you can only be better in a relationship when you are better self-defined.
 
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