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I'm still looking for the girl of my dreams, who, as it turns out is still in her 20s, while I'm now another 10 years older.

It is very true, in my case, that I'm looking for near perfection.
I've backed away from it a bit, but it is still a problem (not to lower my standards, but to be more open-minded).
Nowadays, my search for perfection is less in her appearance, but more in her likelihood to clash with my feelings and beliefs.

I'm still not completely convinced that INFJ males are not doomed to live out their lives walking the beach alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I'm still looking for the girl of my dreams, who, as it turns out is still in her 20s, while I'm now another 10 years older.

It is very true, in my case, that I'm looking for near perfection.
I've backed away from it a bit, but it is still a problem (not to lower my standards, but to be more open-minded).
Nowadays, my search for perfection is less in her appearance, but more in her likelihood to clash with my feelings and beliefs.

I'm still not completely convinced that INFJ males are not doomed to live out their lives walking the beach alone.
So all Infj males want perfection when it comes to appearance?
 

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Without restraint, more like perfection with everything (including appearance).

When I catch myself, I can be a great deal more caring of them and less sensitive for my own well-being.

I will admit, that I've stopped opening up to a girl or two simply because I thought they were taken, or looking for someone more extroverted; other times because they were absolutely beautiful and deserved a lot better than a quiet introvert like me.
 
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This is a loaded question and is framing.

Males in general are usually shallow in general, when it comes to sexual preference - just physical appearance. To be fair though, women tend to do the same with status.

How non-shallow someone is in terms of romantic desires someone is going to have a lot more to do with how well developed and intellectual someone is over their personality type. Though, I would argue INFJ's likely have a higher incidence of demisexuality than average if we are measuring by "shallowness" , so they would be less shallow than average. Ni-Fe means we are going to be looking for a lot more than just appearance, but as human beings, someone who looks presentable is going to be more approachable.


You will find people, even those who are a-sexual, will have a tendency to make relationships, intimate or not, with people with the same range of physical attractiveness. Similarity theory at it's finest.


TLDR: I am sorry for harping on your question, though to me it just seems to even be asking that question. I feel like you are missing the point. Or, perhaps something happened and it didn't sit well with you. I am just going by your choice of words and their associated connotations, seems a bit more negative and personal than an intellectual interest.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
This is a loaded question and is framing.

Males in general are usually shallow in general, when it comes to sexual preference - just physical appearance. To be fair though, women tend to do the same with status.

How non-shallow someone is in terms of romantic desires someone is going to have a lot more to do with how well developed and intellectual someone is over their personality type. Though, I would argue INFJ's likely have a higher incidence of demisexuality than average if we are measuring by "shallowness" , so they would be less shallow than average. Ni-Fe means we are going to be looking for a lot more than just appearance, but as human beings, someone who looks presentable is going to be more approachable.


You will find people, even those who are a-sexual, will have a tendency to make relationships intimate or not with people with the same range of physical attractiveness. Similarity theory at it's finest.


TLDR: I am sorry for harping on your question, though to me it just seems to even be asking that question I feel like you are missing the point. Or, perhaps something happened and it didn't sit well with you. I am just going by your choice of words and their associated connotations, seems a bit more negative and personal than an intellectual interest.

Something did not sit well with me, that is why I ask. I don't mean to sound typist.
 

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I am a gay man and i like doing all sort of stuff with men ;-)
ps.
I think title of the thread and actual question that you are asking are somewhat different.
-Ob.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I am a gay man and i like doing all sort of stuff with men ;-)
ps.
I think title of the thread and actual question that you are asking are somewhat different.
-Ob.

Infj guys- What is your sexual preference?
When seeking a relationship, what is your sexual preference? Do you have one?​
 

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Infj guys- What is your sexual preference?
When seeking a relationship, what is your sexual preference? Do you have one?​
I think i made it quite clear. I like men sexually. You are asking what sort of relationship i prefer. Well, i like to be in a monogamous , committed relationship.
-Ob.
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I think i made it quite clear. I like men sexually. You are asking what sort of relationship i prefer. Well, i like to be in a monogamous , committed relationship.
-Ob.
Oh, I used that quote of mine to show you that my title and question are the same :)
 

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Are Infj males usually shallow?
Somewhat shallow, but if there's no depth I'm not interested.

So all Infj males want perfection when it comes to appearance?
I appreciate aesthetics; I do not require perfection. Many other qualities matter more to me, but if there's no surface attraction at all there's no point.
 

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I'm 100% straight (by 100% I mean 100%) and strictly monogamous.

Appearence: not gonna lie, she should have at least average looks (or at least slightly above average), she shouldn't be fat (but just a few pounds extra are no problem), and she should be a few inches shorter than me.
Also not gonna lie, I prefer the bigger boobs, but that's not necessary (and rather smaller but natural than a breast enlargement), but actually it's all fine either way.

To me the appearence thing is more like a check, what matters to me is to find my soul-mate (complete emotional, mental, sexual compatibility, the ability to sort of "merge", and yes she should have a very sexual nature). I haven't yet found any truly compatible woman (if she exists at all, which I'm beginning to doubt).

Obviously I need to keep constantly working on myself too, I'm not sure whether I fully qualify for such a relationship either.
 

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I'm not a dude but I don't really understand the question, are you asking INFJ males what they like as far as looks? Sexuality (gay, straight, bi, asexual, etc)? Poly or monogamous? What kind of sex acts they like? All of those aspects? None of them?
 

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Something did not sit well with me
What was it?

To try to answer the question, appearances do matter. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't attracted to me. If I'm not attracted to them my ability to enjoy any sexual interaction with them is reduced. If they're not attracted to me I'm essentially being either lied to, resented for something I can't change or, perhaps worst of all, put up with. There's nothing satisfying about knowing someone likes you despite being mildly repelled by something you feel insecure about.

If you've experienced an INFJ being judgemental about appearance, it probably wasn't quite as harsh as it came across. We can be crude, crass and blunt, but it's often either a defensive thing or it's because we can sometimes enjoy coming across as laddish. It often won't mean much of anything, but there are times when it might. I can be a bit judgemental about appearance. I think it's important. Dressing well, being hygienic, well groomed and putting forward a good image shows not only self-respect, but respect for the people around you, especially the people closest to you. I like to pay people that kind of respect and I appreciate being met with the same.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
What was it?

To try to answer the question, appearances do matter. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't attracted to me. If I'm not attracted to them my ability to enjoy any sexual interaction with them is reduced. If they're not attracted to me I'm essentially being either lied to, resented for something I can't change or, perhaps worst of all, put up with. There's nothing satisfying about knowing someone likes you despite being mildly repelled by something you feel insecure about.

If you've experienced an INFJ being judgemental about appearance, it probably wasn't quite as harsh as it came across. We can be crude, crass and blunt, but it's often either a defensive thing or it's because we can sometimes enjoy coming across as laddish. It often won't mean much of anything, but there are times when it might. I can be a bit judgemental about appearance. I think it's important. Dressing well, being hygienic, well groomed and putting forward a good image shows not only self-respect, but respect for the people around you, especially the people closest to you. I like to pay people that kind of respect and I appreciate being met with the same.
Not judgmental, but rather, a male Infj I was in love with looking at a random picture of a scantily clad person wanting to know if she 'did anything for me' because I'm a demisexual, I don't want that in a relationship, and every relationship is different. He says he's curious to know if he finds anyone attractive sexually, but tells me he only finds me sexually attractive, and is also curious about what women find sexually attractive. I just don't see the point of being curious about that when you're in love.
 

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Not judgmental, but rather, a male Infj I was in love with looking at a random picture of a scantily clad person wanting to know if she 'did anything for me' because I'm a demisexual, I don't want that in a relationship, and every relationship is different. He says he's curious to know if he finds anyone attractive sexually, but tells me he only finds me sexually attractive, and is also curious about what women find sexually attractive. I just don't see the point of being curious about that when you're in love.
=\ I don't know if it's an INFJ thing, or a man thing.

I'd probably be interested in knowing that someone I love at least finds me sexually attractive.
 
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