Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 42 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! Me and this INFJ (she took the MBTI test) have been talking for a long time now and we are really good friends. She didn't speak a single word to me today, went out of her way to not talk to me, but she was looking at me a lot. No anger, just looking into my soul with the notorious INFJ stare...What does this mean?? I am so confused.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,258 Posts
Hi! Me and this INFJ (she took the MBTI test) have been talking for a long time now and we are really good friends. She didn't speak a single word to me today, went out of her way to not talk to me, but she was looking at me a lot. No anger, just looking into my soul with the notorious INFJ stare...What does this mean?? I am so confused.
Ask her. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,649 Posts
Well you should know how you might have offended her... My ISTP friend a few years ago sometimes dropped hurtful remarks here and there and then "couldn't understand" why on Earth I was "all silent". Reflect on your words and actions, I'd say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,245 Posts
Hi! Me and this INFJ (she took the MBTI test) have been talking for a long time now and we are really good friends. She didn't speak a single word to me today, went out of her way to not talk to me, but she was looking at me a lot. No anger, just looking into my soul with the notorious INFJ stare...What does this mean?? I am so confused.
Anecdotally speaking, I have had to distance myself from a possible INFJ feeling she had become emotionally distant, 1 sided in her communication style, lacking the ability to offer mutual emotional support, unwilling to consider how her attitude towards friendship lacked maturity and very prone to offloading. We INFJs can struggle to trust others, being perceived as the 'the helpers' or 'counsellors' while at times remaining unsure how to get our own emotional intellectual needs met (emotional maturity, non judgemental thinking and acceptance are big areas for me personally)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,347 Posts
I've caught people staring at me for lengths of time and when I look back, they seem to be all :confused: "I wonder why he's staring at me." Then they read into it far more than they should have...in some cases, this has led to girls thinking I have a crush on them! NO! You're the one that was staring at me and acting odd / weird as hell.

May not be applicable in your case, but I'm sure you're not behaving completely normal with her either, even at a distance. Other people can pick this up, especially INFJ's -- yes, this includes simply having paranoid or seemingly obsessive thoughts about them. We read minds! (...sorta)

In any case, you'll get in touch with her eventually. I'm a little concerned your mind is going a bit haywire trying to figure it out though, you seem to be jumping to all sorts of conclusions and I'm sure there's more than what you've expressed...
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,445 Posts
Random attack of butthurtness ftw?

You've reached out to her, which is probably all you can do at this point--and which by my views says the bad karma is on her side, not yours, whatever it is. Keep holding your head high and keep doing what you're doing--it'll come out in the wash eventually. Double-check you're not accidentally hurting her somehow, but it sounds like you're thoughtful enough for that not to be the case.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I've caught people staring at me for lengths of time and when I look back, they seem to be all :confused: "I wonder why he's staring at me." Then they read into it far more than they should have...in some cases, this has led to girls thinking I have a crush on them! NO! You're the one that was staring at me and acting odd / weird as hell.

May not be applicable in your case, but I'm sure you're not behaving completely normal with her either, even at a distance. Other people can pick this up, especially INFJ's -- yes, this includes simply having paranoid or seemingly obsessive thoughts about them. We read minds! (...sorta)

In any case, you'll get in touch with her eventually. I'm a little concerned your mind is going a bit haywire trying to figure it out though, you seem to be jumping to all sorts of conclusions and I'm sure there's more than what you've expressed...
Nope, that's all I've done. I always see her out of the corner of my eye staring at me but she would always talk to me during History, but now shes just staring at me. It bothers me because she recently opened up to me (a big thing for any Ixxx) and now she goes out of her way to ignore me. It's bothering me a lot more than it should and I don't know why! :s
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Random attack of butthurtness ftw?

You've reached out to her, which is probably all you can do at this point--and which by my views says the bad karma is on her side, not yours, whatever it is. Keep holding your head high and keep doing what you're doing--it'll come out in the wash eventually. Double-check you're not accidentally hurting her somehow, but it sounds like you're thoughtful enough for that not to be the case.
Well she saw one of her ex-friends (she hates this girl) hug me for no particular reason, and that's when I saw her glare at her ex-friend and then me, and now I'm getting the silent treatment. I'm a really benevolent person and she may have misinterpreted what happened. Are INFJ the jealous type?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,594 Posts
Nope, that's all I've done. I always see her out of the corner of my eye staring at me but she would always talk to me during History, but now shes just staring at me. It bothers me because she recently opened up to me (a big thing for any Ixxx) and now she goes out of her way to ignore me. It's bothering me a lot more than it should and I don't know why! :s
Just a random idea, but did you discuss any of the things she opened up to you about with anyone else? If not, is there a chance that she thinks you did? Because that could explain some of her behavior.

In my experience, the kind of behavior she's displaying usually stems from feeling betrayed in some way. She could be operating under some kind of misconception or misinformation that makes her think you broke her trust. There are a lot of possibilities. Maybe you said something she took the wrong way and then drew erroneous conclusions from. Maybe someone who likes you and sees her as a threat put some false accusation against you in her ear to turn her against you (sounds crazy but I've encountered this very thing before), making her think you betrayed her in some way. Maybe she likes you and and believed you liked her, too, but then saw an interaction between you and someone else that challenged that belief, again, making her feel betrayed, fairly or not.

The point is that you're going to have to confront her about it in person if you really want the answer because it sounds like she's going to play it passive aggressively and try to dodge you if she can. We INFJs, as a general rule, despise conflict, and as young as she is, she may not have learned how to overcome that weakness yet.

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Just a random idea, but did you discuss any of the things she opened up to you about with anyone else? If not, is there a chance that she thinks you did? Because that could explain some of her behavior.

In my experience, the kind of behavior she's displaying usually stems from feeling betrayed in some way. She could be operating under some kind of misconception or misinformation that makes her think you broke her trust. There are a lot of possibilities. Maybe you said something she took the wrong way and then drew erroneous conclusions from. Maybe someone who likes you and sees her as a threat put some false accusation against you in her ear to turn her against you (sounds crazy but I've encountered this very thing before), making her think you betrayed her in some way. Maybe she likes you and and believed you liked her, too, but then saw an interaction between you and someone else that challenged that belief, again, making her feel betrayed, fairly or not.

The point is that you're going to have to confront her about it in person if you really want the answer because it sounds like she's going to play it passive aggressively and try to dodge you if she can. We INFJs, as a general rule, despise conflict, and as young as she is, she may not have learned how to overcome that weakness yet.

Good luck!
Nope. I keep a lot of secrets. I guess I hold myself to some sort of internal NDAA every single time I am told about anything, and hers is no exception.
 

·
MOTM October 2013
Joined
·
6,445 Posts
Well she saw one of her ex-friends (she hates this girl) hug me for no particular reason, and that's when I saw her glare at her ex-friend and then me, and now I'm getting the silent treatment. I'm a really benevolent person and she may have misinterpreted what happened. Are INFJ the jealous type?
Easily hurt types, (it's that darn sensitivity) which can lead to jealously if handled wrong (by her). In my experience jealously is often coupled with fear--that somehow you may listen to her ex-friends' stories over hers, and then start judging her for all her insecurities that's she's already painfully aware of (you can probably tell that it's sometimes a pretty irrational fear!). If you can find it in yourself, maintain friendly contact, but also don't let her uglies get to you. Whatever happened between those two, it's not her place to get on you for it (passive-aggressively or otherwise). So...gentle but firm--assertive, even! The definition of assertive is respecting everyone's rights, including yours, when drama hits the fan and goes splatty-splat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Easily hurt types, (it's that darn sensitivity) which can lead to jealously if handled wrong (by her). In my experience jealously is often coupled with fear--that somehow you may listen to her ex-friends' stories over hers, and then start judging her for all her insecurities that's she's already painfully aware of (you can probably tell that it's sometimes a pretty irrational fear!). If you can find it in yourself, maintain friendly contact, but also don't let her uglies get to you. Whatever happened between those two, it's not her place to get on you for it (passive-aggressively or otherwise). So...gentle but firm--assertive, even! The definition of assertive is respecting everyone's rights, including yours, when drama hits the fan and goes splatty-splat.
I guess it sounds like I should talk to her about it tomorrow. I hope I'm forgiven for something I don't even know what I did yet. :frustrating:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,594 Posts
Easily hurt types, (it's that darn sensitivity) which can lead to jealously if handled wrong (by her). In my experience jealously is often coupled with fear--that somehow you may listen to her ex-friends' stories over hers, and then start judging her for all her insecurities that's she's already painfully aware of (you can probably tell that it's sometimes a pretty irrational fear!). If you can find it in yourself, maintain friendly contact, but also don't let her uglies get to you. Whatever happened between those two, it's not her place to get on you for it (passive-aggressively or otherwise). So...gentle but firm--assertive, even! The definition of assertive is respecting everyone's rights, including yours, when drama hits the fan and goes splatty-splat.
I don't know how I missed the part about him hugging her loathed ex-friend, but that is yet another possibility to explain her behavior. She could be just immature enough (given her youth) to expect @HiWhatsYourNameMeToo to take sides in her falling out with that friend, thereby interpreting his friendly interaction with "the enemy" as disloyalty.

Again, HiWhatsYourNameMeToo, you need to directly confront her, and if she won't talk to you, throw some of the possibilities listed in this thread at her as questions and see if that opens her up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,649 Posts
Just a random idea, but did you discuss any of the things she opened up to you about with anyone else? If not, is there a chance that she thinks you did? Because that could explain some of her behavior.

In my experience, the kind of behavior she's displaying usually stems from feeling betrayed in some way. She could be operating under some kind of misconception or misinformation that makes her think you broke her trust.


Well she saw one of her ex-friends (she hates this girl) hug me for no particular reason, and that's when I saw her glare at her ex-friend and then me, and now I'm getting the silent treatment.
Well maybe she opened up to you about her antagonistic feelings for that same girl, among other things? And seeing you accepting her hug made her feel betrayed by you, her "ally". Lol. I can understand her, cuz I'm that immature sometimes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I don't know how I missed the part about him hugging her loathed ex-friend, but that is yet another possibility to explain her behavior. She could be just immature enough (given her youth) to expect you to take sides in her falling out with that friend, thereby interpreting his friendly interaction with "the enemy" as disloyalty.

Again, HiWhatsYourNameMeToo, you need to directly confront her, and if she won't talk to you, throw some of the possibilities listed in this thread at her as questions and see if that opens her up.
Oh no, this was a long time ago when they we're fighting. It's just a very awkward tension being in between them. I've been friends with INFJ for a while now, and her friend started coming onto me very aggressively just recently. I need to stop being so nice it seems :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,594 Posts
Well maybe she opened up to you about her antagonistic feelings for that same girl, among other things? And seeing you accepting her hug made her feel betrayed by you, her "ally". Lol. I can understand her, cuz I'm that immature sometimes.
Yeah, I second this possibility as well. If one of the things she opened up to you about involved her expressing to you how she felt about this girl, about how much this girl had hurt her or whatnot, then when she saw you accept a hug from that girl and be friendly, she could have had the following thought process: "OMG, how could he? He knows what she did to me and how badly she hurt me. I poured my heart out to him about it and now he's over there hugging her and being all sweet to her. He must not care about me at all!"

Yes, when young, our thinking can be that black-and-white and that dramatic when it comes to relationships of all kinds. It probably stems from our own sense of loyalty. When I was a kid up into my very late teens, if you hurt one of my friends, you and I were done. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just go directly to jail (sorry for the Monopoly reference, but it fit). It would have felt disloyal to me to be friendly to someone who had hurt one of my friends.

Of course, as I got older, I came to see more of the gray areas in this kind of situation and that affected both my own behavior and my expectations of my friends' behavior (for the better). But she's young, so she could be entrenched in this kind of thinking and filled with "righteous indignation" against you.
 
1 - 20 of 42 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top