Where do I begin? *sigh*
28 y/o INFJ FTM here...and I think I've fallen for a 21 y/o female ENFP. I've tried and tried and TRIED to avoid it. I was in a 4 year relationship with an ESxx who completely stomped on my heart and ended worse than I could have ever imagined. I dated a 36 y/o female ENTP for about 6 months I guess as a rebound because she was someone who was interested and interesting. I kinda let it go on too long because I found her pretty scatterbrained and frankly, I wasn't physically attracted to her. It was just nice to be close to someone.
It's been about 6 months since that ended and 5 months since I met this ENFP. I met her through my best friend (ISFJ) who graduated high school with her.
Setting the scene:
My bestie's 21st b-day bar hop. I work at 2:30am so this is basically breakfast time for me. I see this smoking hot red head making eyes at me. I'm sober. She's had a few. She sends her bf away several times so she can talk to me. She just has to tell me that "she's attracted to me". I tell her the feeling's mutual, I appreciate the compliment but I don't get involved in anyone else's relationship.
I'm high on her compliment for a few days. We don't speak again until I notice her facebook relationship status changes to "single". Soon after she messages me her number asking me to text her + ""
So it begins.
Some of the best conversations I've ever had are with her. We've had dinner a handful of times since then. We went to an amusement park together. A whole day of standing in lines and I didn't even care if I got on a coaster - we never ran out of things to discuss. That night we stopped in a field in the middle of nowhere to look at the stars. Saw six shooting stars! It was all I could do to not put my arms around her because I'm so afraid of fucking something up.
*sigh*
I told her that after the fact. She says my self control is impressive. Damn me..
We text here and there pretty much daily. Come to find out as of recently she's still sleeping with her ex because he's a good lay. I don't care if someone's doing that but the other person ought to know where they stand. I try to put it out of my mind. She's her own person. And she's young and still has a lot to experience.
Two weeks ago, I invited her over for dinner. We take a walk, I make an awesome pot roast, we have a couple drinks We walk to my good (ENTJ) friend's burlesque show which my ENFP has never been to before. She loves it. We kinda sit in the back where I prefer to people watch and have good conversation. I get enough liquid courage to throw part of my conscience out the window and I kiss her. She tells my she's been dying to kiss me for months. We pretty much spend the rest of the evening engulfed in each other, kissing, holding hands. She stays over, I lend her a spare toothbrush and some shorts to wear to bed. We made out for HOURS and her kisses were PERFECT. She drunkenly wanted to take things further and I resisted telling her I wasn't going to cheapen the experience by turning it into a drunken impulse. Besides, I have a hard time separating sex and love with someone I care about. She deserves better because she's special.
I told her that the next day after she calls me to tell me her feelings and I practically write her a dissertation about my fears and how much she means to me. We hold no secrets from each other.
Here's something to throw everything off course:
Last week we get into some words because I think she's stringing her loser ex along because he doesn't know where he stands. She loves him but she's not in love with him but he's still sleeping with her and leeching off of her and her mother, with whom she's living with for a couple weeks in between leases. The ex is a very talented photographer, nice guy but not motivated enough to get a job or even his own place. Her mom threatens to kick them all out and I don't blame her one bit.
The kicker:
After a night of harsh words that end angry but caring, I get a drunk text saying that my ENFP still thinks I'm wonderful for caring and she still wants to see me. I'm still peeved a bit. I'm at work so I save my response for later. Toward the end of my shift I get a call and a voicemail from my ENFP. She says her mom passed away (from Lupus, which she's had for several years) overnight and they found her in her bed that morning. I bite my pride (Obviously. The poor girl's hurting) and I call her. She explains, cries, mumbles. My heart is in shambles for her. I let her know she can count on me for whatever she needs. She asks me to tell our mutual friend, the ISFJ. Done and done. I give her distance because of family in town, loser ex lingering, etc, but I text or leave voicemails a couple times expressing my concern and willingness to help. Needless to say it was a long weekend of me worrying for her and being unable to wrap my arms around her while she cries.
Monday was the viewing. I never met her mom but my ENFP tells me that one of the last conversations with her mom was about me and how her mom wanted to meet me because I sounded like a "really wonderful person". I hung around for the first two hours for moral support not knowing a single person except for my ENFP and the ex. I had a hard time being there anyway because of my concern for her and the fact that April of last year, my family took my grandpa who raised me off life support - I knew exactly what she was feeling by losing a parent due to a prolonged illness.
She made her rounds with visitors. I continued to have sympathy pains for her like I had all weekend (nausea, restlessness, fatigue, that watery taste in your mouth just before you puke). Her little sister introduced herself to me. I met the father and a couple cousins but I pretty much remained a wallflower as I like to be.
After the first two hours, they broke for dinner. The family headed to their cars, the ex came out. I observed the gestures between her and the ex which proved to me she was honest about her old relationship being over on her end. A bit of relief for me. He heads to the car. An INFJ/ENFP hug - simply awesome. We banter a bit and she thanks me for supporting her. She just has to mention that she really wants to kiss me again but can't because it might look shady to the family. I suspect they, too, think she and the ex are still together.
*sigh*
This girl has issues like any other person of any type. I just wish she were 2 or 3 years older with some more life experience under her belt. Her philosophies on life are so in tune with mine but we go about it in different ways. The hangover with the ex is precisely the reason I'm so apprehensive to get too closely involved.
*heavy sigh*
But I'm also afraid to pass up on an opportunity with a possible soulmate, no matter how different our junctures in life.
I think she feels the same way about me. I can see it in her eyes and her face and I can feel it in our connection.
What do I do? I'm high on this girl.
28 y/o INFJ FTM here...and I think I've fallen for a 21 y/o female ENFP. I've tried and tried and TRIED to avoid it. I was in a 4 year relationship with an ESxx who completely stomped on my heart and ended worse than I could have ever imagined. I dated a 36 y/o female ENTP for about 6 months I guess as a rebound because she was someone who was interested and interesting. I kinda let it go on too long because I found her pretty scatterbrained and frankly, I wasn't physically attracted to her. It was just nice to be close to someone.
It's been about 6 months since that ended and 5 months since I met this ENFP. I met her through my best friend (ISFJ) who graduated high school with her.
Setting the scene:
My bestie's 21st b-day bar hop. I work at 2:30am so this is basically breakfast time for me. I see this smoking hot red head making eyes at me. I'm sober. She's had a few. She sends her bf away several times so she can talk to me. She just has to tell me that "she's attracted to me". I tell her the feeling's mutual, I appreciate the compliment but I don't get involved in anyone else's relationship.
I'm high on her compliment for a few days. We don't speak again until I notice her facebook relationship status changes to "single". Soon after she messages me her number asking me to text her + ""
So it begins.
Some of the best conversations I've ever had are with her. We've had dinner a handful of times since then. We went to an amusement park together. A whole day of standing in lines and I didn't even care if I got on a coaster - we never ran out of things to discuss. That night we stopped in a field in the middle of nowhere to look at the stars. Saw six shooting stars! It was all I could do to not put my arms around her because I'm so afraid of fucking something up.
*sigh*
I told her that after the fact. She says my self control is impressive. Damn me..
We text here and there pretty much daily. Come to find out as of recently she's still sleeping with her ex because he's a good lay. I don't care if someone's doing that but the other person ought to know where they stand. I try to put it out of my mind. She's her own person. And she's young and still has a lot to experience.
Two weeks ago, I invited her over for dinner. We take a walk, I make an awesome pot roast, we have a couple drinks We walk to my good (ENTJ) friend's burlesque show which my ENFP has never been to before. She loves it. We kinda sit in the back where I prefer to people watch and have good conversation. I get enough liquid courage to throw part of my conscience out the window and I kiss her. She tells my she's been dying to kiss me for months. We pretty much spend the rest of the evening engulfed in each other, kissing, holding hands. She stays over, I lend her a spare toothbrush and some shorts to wear to bed. We made out for HOURS and her kisses were PERFECT. She drunkenly wanted to take things further and I resisted telling her I wasn't going to cheapen the experience by turning it into a drunken impulse. Besides, I have a hard time separating sex and love with someone I care about. She deserves better because she's special.
I told her that the next day after she calls me to tell me her feelings and I practically write her a dissertation about my fears and how much she means to me. We hold no secrets from each other.
Here's something to throw everything off course:
Last week we get into some words because I think she's stringing her loser ex along because he doesn't know where he stands. She loves him but she's not in love with him but he's still sleeping with her and leeching off of her and her mother, with whom she's living with for a couple weeks in between leases. The ex is a very talented photographer, nice guy but not motivated enough to get a job or even his own place. Her mom threatens to kick them all out and I don't blame her one bit.
The kicker:
After a night of harsh words that end angry but caring, I get a drunk text saying that my ENFP still thinks I'm wonderful for caring and she still wants to see me. I'm still peeved a bit. I'm at work so I save my response for later. Toward the end of my shift I get a call and a voicemail from my ENFP. She says her mom passed away (from Lupus, which she's had for several years) overnight and they found her in her bed that morning. I bite my pride (Obviously. The poor girl's hurting) and I call her. She explains, cries, mumbles. My heart is in shambles for her. I let her know she can count on me for whatever she needs. She asks me to tell our mutual friend, the ISFJ. Done and done. I give her distance because of family in town, loser ex lingering, etc, but I text or leave voicemails a couple times expressing my concern and willingness to help. Needless to say it was a long weekend of me worrying for her and being unable to wrap my arms around her while she cries.
Monday was the viewing. I never met her mom but my ENFP tells me that one of the last conversations with her mom was about me and how her mom wanted to meet me because I sounded like a "really wonderful person". I hung around for the first two hours for moral support not knowing a single person except for my ENFP and the ex. I had a hard time being there anyway because of my concern for her and the fact that April of last year, my family took my grandpa who raised me off life support - I knew exactly what she was feeling by losing a parent due to a prolonged illness.
She made her rounds with visitors. I continued to have sympathy pains for her like I had all weekend (nausea, restlessness, fatigue, that watery taste in your mouth just before you puke). Her little sister introduced herself to me. I met the father and a couple cousins but I pretty much remained a wallflower as I like to be.
After the first two hours, they broke for dinner. The family headed to their cars, the ex came out. I observed the gestures between her and the ex which proved to me she was honest about her old relationship being over on her end. A bit of relief for me. He heads to the car. An INFJ/ENFP hug - simply awesome. We banter a bit and she thanks me for supporting her. She just has to mention that she really wants to kiss me again but can't because it might look shady to the family. I suspect they, too, think she and the ex are still together.
*sigh*
This girl has issues like any other person of any type. I just wish she were 2 or 3 years older with some more life experience under her belt. Her philosophies on life are so in tune with mine but we go about it in different ways. The hangover with the ex is precisely the reason I'm so apprehensive to get too closely involved.
*heavy sigh*
But I'm also afraid to pass up on an opportunity with a possible soulmate, no matter how different our junctures in life.
I think she feels the same way about me. I can see it in her eyes and her face and I can feel it in our connection.
What do I do? I'm high on this girl.