[nwsurfrider]

Whee, what an interesting past six weeks - just backed out of dating my former girlfriend (ISTP) for the second time...I can't really see how that match works: she did not prioritize trying to cultivate a relationship one bit, and finally I grew tired of feeling like 14th place on her list and called it good. The "I don't give a shit" attitude can be fun for activities, not so much for feelings.

Anyways, in the past 24 hours I've started in with another INFJ. While I half expected the doors to fly open, violins to began playing, and white doves to appear...I'm curious about other people's firsthand experiences having a relationship with the same MBTI type. I understand I'll likely get the glut of typical answers, that everyone's different, so and so forth. But I'm looking for a yay or nay on how that worked out for you personally. It won't affect my interest, I'm just hugely curious. Positives. Pitfalls. Etc.

 

[Instinct98]

I haven't posted on here in awhile. An INFJ-INFJ relationship is something I'm seeking/interested in as well at the moment and I hope it works out. For more info on my situation: https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/72oejl/infj_infj_dating_relationship_marriage/

Haha please don't make fun of me of the questions I asked. From what I've learned, the relationship can work for sure. With the other INFJ I'm interested in now, maybe lack of a better words but there's this humble respect between us and both of us like to make sure the other is alright and caring when one needs to vent. There is a bit of a conundrum when it comes to Fe/Fi when we say we're ok, sweeping our problems under the rug to take care of the other but the other does the same so there can be our more than average worrying/overthinking. I'm always worried I would flood someone with my problems and basically be asking them to move heaven and earth and I could bring them into the same negative storm I'm in but I read from other INFJ-INFJ couples giving the other space/privacy, they'll get back on their feet. Another big point is communication and asking instead of theorizing which theorizing is a big thing of ours AND sometimes already having an idea answer/image in our head. Communication: It makes me groan too but taking the extra breathe and energy to ask the overly simple questions can save us the overly complex thinking and stress. In the reddit topic, one couple said they went on vacation but got frustrated because her partner wouldn't help but she never asked was his reply which was true. Is it polite to help out and isn't one of our characteristics (most of the time lol)? We're not perfect and forget or it can't always be on our mind. No one was exactly in the wrong.
Asking instead of theorizing: Shoot you probably didn't want this long of an answer and it's 4am here, my brain is fried. I think the saying is it's best to hear from the horse's mouth or something like that. We ask, they paint the picture for us. Even though I keep falling into what ifs and "It's probably this" train of thoughts, I got recommended in the reddit topic to JUST meet my INFJ interest and get the facts, not my prejudice theories. Yes, just, simply, why can't you just, are triggering to me but eventually, eventually, I just have to do what is "easy", what I think is going to be a catastrophe and let it work itself out. Sorry didn't mean to go on this long and bore you but last small thought. Many of these couples I've noticed have been together 10+ years plus if not married already 5 years which is very cheerful to hear. If I totally missed the question you asked I'm so sorry lol, hope I helped someway.

 

[foamonthewaves]

Fuck no. I would never date someone of the same type. I already get annoyed with myself. Why would I want to date someone that similar to me?

Also, I am dating an ISTP. It's wonderful because I don't have to fucking babysit his emotions like I do mine. If I had to babysit mine and someone else's I'd lose my fucking mind.

Insight: You probably were not 14th on your ex's list. Probably more like 5, other times 4, sometimes 3, 2 here and there, and 1 more often than you know. ISTPs do not make their lives revolve around their significant other.

 

[Vivid Melody]

I've been married to an INFJ for 11 years. For a little more background on how our relationship got started, you can read here: http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/1092466-significant-other-type-experiences.html

Positives:

 

-Mentally and emotionally stimulating conversations all the time.

-We're both very focused on growth - not only the growth of our relationship but as individuals. I'm glad we both value this.

-We expand each others' minds. We're almost always on the same wavelength. If we're not, it doesn't take us long to be on the same page naturally. That's just how it goes in our relationship anyway.

-We offer each other clarity when struggling and clouded by emotion. Some people say a twin type relationship will fail because you both have the same weaknesses. But I've found that because we're the same type, I work to develop my lesser used functions as a way to balance things out. For better or worse, that is. I can be very logical when he's very emotional and vise versa. As for strengths, our INFJ strengths are magnified. You know the saying - two heads are better than one? It's true

-We have similar or the same interests, taste in things. Same/similar values. But our values have evolved over time too. We have evolved together.

-It's nice having that mutual understanding between each other because we are similar in a lot of ways. It is so corny to say but he truly is my best friend. I can't imagine it being another way.

-We're both adventurous people and love to have fun.

Pitfalls:

 

-We're both really intense people in slightly different ways - for better or worse. Him more outwardly so than me. I think this is a biological difference between us. But his passionate nature is one of the things that drew me to him so I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I get distant when I feel anxious in general or as a response to his intensity. He doesn't want me to pull away though even during those times, he wants me to move towards him (we're both Sx/Sp, btw). Sometimes I forget that and pull away. He's always felt more comfortable to express his emotions more freely in the moment. This is one area where we differ. I've had to work at improving on this and I have.

-We're both really stubborn! But like I said, it doesn't take us long to get on the same wavelength. We forgive quickly and work out/resolve our issues quickly. I cool down fairly quickly myself.

-Our Si is shit so sometimes we don't prioritize those types of things as we should. Sometimes we lose things even though I keep everything fairly organized. I'm the organized one in the relationship lol. I just don't have a good memory for where I placed things months ago.

 

[nwsurfrider]

Fuck no. I would never date someone of the same type. I already get annoyed with myself. Why would I want to date someone that similar to me?

Also, I am dating an ISTP. It's wonderful because I don't have to fucking babysit his emotions like I do mine. If I had to babysit mine and someone else's I'd lose my fucking mind.

Insight: You probably were not 14th on your ex's list. Probably more like 5, other times 4, sometimes 3, 2 here and there, and 1 more often than you know. ISTPs do not make their lives revolve around their significant other.

Hey, to each their own. If it works for you, then it's all good. I'm sure there's great ISTPs out there, and sounds like you have one. I'm positive I was low on my ex's list, right beneath "enema cleanse" and "remove the lint from my belly button." I don't expect a relationship partner to hover all around me, but for fuck's sake act like you at least care a little bit.

 

[nwsurfrider]

I've been married to an INFJ for 11 years. For a little more background on how our relationship got started, you can read here: http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/1092466-significant-other-type-experiences.html

Positives:

 

-Mentally and emotionally stimulating conversations all the time.

-We're both very focused on growth - not only the growth of our relationship but as individuals. I'm glad we both value this.

-We expand each others' minds. We're almost always on the same wavelength. If we're not, it doesn't take us long to be on the same page naturally. That's just how it goes in our relationship anyway.

-We offer each other clarity when struggling and clouded by emotion. Some people say a twin type relationship will fail because you both have the same weaknesses. But I've found that because we're the same type, I work to develop my lesser used functions as a way to balance things out. For better or worse, that is. I can be very logical when he's very emotional and vise versa. As for strengths, our INFJ strengths are magnified. You know the saying - two heads are better than one? It's true

-We have similar or the same interests, taste in things. Same/similar values. But our values have evolved over time too. We have evolved together.

-It's nice having that mutual understanding between each other because we are similar in a lot of ways. It is so corny to say but he truly is my best friend. I can't imagine it being another way.

-We're both adventurous people and love to have fun.

Pitfalls:

 

-We're both really intense people in slightly different ways - for better or worse. Him more outwardly so than me. I think this is a biological difference between us. But his passionate nature is one of the things that drew me to him so I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I get distant when I feel anxious in general or as a response to his intensity. He doesn't want me to pull away though even during those times, he wants me to move towards him (we're both Sx/Sp, btw). Sometimes I forget that and pull away. He's always felt more comfortable to express his emotions more freely in the moment. This is one area where we differ. I've had to work at improving on this and I have.

-We're both really stubborn! But like I said, it doesn't take us long to get on the same wavelength. We forgive quickly and work out/resolve our issues quickly. I cool down fairly quickly myself.

-Our Si is shit so sometimes we don't prioritize those types of things as we should. Sometimes we lose things even though I keep everything fairly organized. I'm the organized one in the relationship lol. I just don't have a good memory for where I placed things months ago.

Thank you, a great response! On paper, it seems like an awesome pairing, and I'm excited for it. Though I'm aware that our strengths and weaknesses will mirror each other, which of course can be great as well as challenging.