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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm interested in hearing real-life examples of how people in close INFJ-INFP relationships (such as close friendships, close family connections, romantic relationships) have used the cognitive function model to understand each other better.

I'll start with a couple of the (many) examples from my own primary relationship with my INFP mate:

1. Fi-dom and Fe-aux dynamics:

Initially, we had this problem where I would start out by almost automatically trying adapt to wherever my mate was coming from in (what I experience as) her Fi-dom assertiveness. And then over time my Fe-aux efforts to adapt would often start to feel wrong to me because of clashes with Ni perceptual flows and I would end up having to use Ti to pick apart whatever I had internalized from her and it would often turn into a big confusing fight. She observed that I had a pattern of starting in one place and then turning it around later, like 180 degrees, and that seemed to really piss her off.

Knowing that she is Fi-dom and I am Fe-aux helped a lot in understanding the dynamic. Now, when I feel that Fi-dom energy push, I can slow down my adaptation impulse a bit and kind of watch the dynamic rather than unthinkingly adapting only to have to get out later. And arguments about this have a conceptual language so it's not this big confusing mess of WTF ARGH GRR, so communication when it happens tends to be much clearer and less intense. And sometimes I'm able to just work it through myself without having to talk to her about it, which saves time and energy for other more enjoyable interactions.

2. Judging-dominant versus perceiving-dominant

She's been pretty critical of me for how much time it takes me to come to conclusions in what I consider new situations, while I have gotten really frustrated with her for not taking in enough information before coming to a conclusion. She thinks I tend to waste time and energy by taking in so much information, and I think she tends not to take in enough information to justify the confidence she has in her own understanding of the situation.

Before we had a mutual understanding of this pattern as a matter of cognitive function difference, all we had was vague frustration with and misunderstandings with each other on this point. But knowing that this difference comes from a difference in cognitive processes - specifically that she is a judging dominant and I am a perceiving dominant - has allowed us to be kinder to each other. Instead of acting from this vague "WTF is UP with you!?" irritation, we can see that this is just difference and tend to joke about it more than struggle with it these days.

These are just two examples, there are lots more.

But I want to hear about other people's experiences with this.

Those of you in close INFJ-INFP relationships - how has attention to the different cognitive functions helped you better understand and interact with each other?
 

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I have been in a lovely relationship with my INFP girlfriend for nearly two years now. We haven't really had this type dynamic misunderstandings or whatever you want to call it. This makes things overly complicated.

Also: I can read her like a children's book. Seriously, it's a little weird.
 
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I don't understand what you mean here. Do you mean it would make things overly complicated for your relationship to think/approach it this way? Or are you suggesting that to be true for all of us?
This approach for all of us. (IMHO)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This approach for all of us. (IMHO)
I'm curious to know how you could make that broad of a statement when I have said that it has actually assisted me and my beloved in very real ways. I don't mind us two being the only ones, but "all of us" basically erases the lived experience of at least two actual people. Not sure why that would be necessary - surely you don't believe you understand our life and relationship better than we do?
 

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I'm curious to know how you could make that broad of a statement when I have said that it has actually assisted me and my beloved in very real ways. I don't mind us two being the only ones, but "all of us" basically erases the lived experience of at least two actual people. Not sure why that would be necessary - surely you don't believe you understand our life and relationship better than we do?
I did not mean it in that way, I think just talking it out should do the trick and bringing cognitive functions can make it complicated in ways that aren't really necessary. I really meant offense and it was my opinion. "All of us" was of course a generalization and not supposed to be taken literally.
 
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