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55 Posts
The first month will be heaven. Go ahead. Have it, but whatever you do... DO NOT LET THEM DUMP YOU. It will take twice as long to get over, as you will be left figuring out what the hell happened, by yourself, and they will be too busy trying to forget you (no matter how close you were) to care to reveal anything about it, or themselves to you EVER AGAIN.
You will feel delighted and special, being one of the few, if any to be "allowed in." Don't get carried away into thinking you are both on the same page. The INFJ doesn't think you are, trust me. You will notice this time keeper, date counter, gate keeper presence constantly lingering around the edges of the INFJ no matter how deep you get. You will think you can coax him out of his shell into the promised land of enough self esteem to be honest.
Indeed, they will trust you more than anyone oneelse (for the moment), but they will never fully trust you, never fully let you in, never fully break down/ confess/ lament/ confide. They will never know the sweet communion an INTP feels in his soul, when he can finally be completely transparent.
Do not deceive yourself INTP. They only say nice things for appearances, things like "be friends later" and "just need space now" are all flat out LIES. look anywhere online. INFJs only "need space" because they want you outta sight outta mind, and it is a COLD COLD day in hell for an INFJ to ever ever ever change their mind about someone once made up, and especially not about a past lover
All those prebreakup conversations you had, filled with soul searching and promises will ring in your ears, but they will not listen. INFJs are FAMOUS for doing this, and then RUNNING away.
Meaning they will tell you not to even contact them ( "need space"), when you are devastated and recoiling for answers.
While I can't say I relate to everything in @addd's bitter post, these snippet sure hit close to home.

After dating with an INFJ for 3 to 4 weeks, I was told by her just last weekend that she "needed space". I haven't heard from her since. We went from chatting for hours nearly every day to total radio silence.

I have no idea whether she still has any romantic feelings let for me at all, or even if she still wants to be friends. I feel dazed and confused and miss her deeply, yet I don't even have a clue when she'll re-initiate contact, if ever at all.

She told me she'd "certainly send me a message every now and then to let me know how things are on her end and to check up on how things are going with me". She told me she thinks "I'm a very nice and sweet guy and she's happy she met me".

I do think she means what she said. However, those words sure make it sound like she friendzoned me already. And the uncertainty both of how she feels towards me and when I'll hear from her again drives me totally crazy...

Either way, I'm glad I've had those 3 to 4 weeks living on a cloud with her. But the abrupt way it ended and the uncertainty that followed is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone...

INFJ 3w2
715 Posts
The very specific and bitter posts about how an INFJ wronged someone sound like experiences I've had with people of all types. One of them was an ESFP. I think what was described should be attributed more to either a psychological disorder, or the product of an abusive upbringing. To say that all INFJs would behave that way would be extreme. It simply can't be all or nothing when describing a relationship between two individuals.

5,590 Posts
Wow, this is an old post haha.
I'm an INFJ in a relationship with an INTP. He's not maybe the "typical" INTP, as he is religious, but, still a thinker, he thinks rather deeply about his core values. He also seems to be more in touch with his feeling side than a typical dominant thinking person.
The thing I love about our relationship and about him are:
He's unashamed of who is he is: a proud nerd.
He's very good at helping me detach from strong negative feelings.
He's very kind and generous.

Things that we have conflict over:
Sometimes I'll jump the gun and get on him over something without thinking of his reasons for making a particular choice.
He struggles with making decisions within a time frame.
I'll ask him a question and I see him mulling it over, and it takes a good while for him to respond.
I actually like the last thing, because I know when I do get a response it's going to be a well thought out response.
I actually like his flaws a lot, even, even when it's like pulling teeth to get him to try something new, or when he gets on my case for reading a map upside down, because it makes more sense to me that way.

I'm hoping we can be together in person soon enough, since he lives in the UK, but we'll just have to see.
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