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Discussion Starter #1
I'm a mostly-confirmed INFJ. I've been working in software development for 15 years but I do a lot of illustration projects as a sideline. For the last year I've been working with an ISFP gal on developing a regular brand with art prints we create together. We've had good sales at different sci-fi fantasy conventions we go to and last month we had some really big sales at a show. We were all geared up to do a new series of prints - but all of a sudden she has totally flaked out on me and I don't understand why. Perhaps it has to do with Type? (probably heh heh)

Originally I hired her through an agency just as a model for one picture for an ongoing series I do of roller skate girls. Clean, no nudity or anything. She was a really good model, very natural. She was interested in doing more projects as a team so we got together and put a lot of hard work into producing a calendar last year. It sold really well. We did a couple more modeling sessions and came up with more prints which we have continued to sell at conventions. She is very creative and helps with coming up with concepts and even makes her own costumes based on sketches we do.

I will admit I've made a mistake by becoming too emotionally invested in her too soon. Not in a romantic sense but in the sense of empathy and wanting to help her. She is a single mom with a little baby girl. I'm a father of 3 daughters and she is the same age as my oldest daughter. Her regular modeling career is essentially over because no producer is going to hire her to do swimwear now that she's had a kid. What I hoped to do was partner with her to develop our own brand so she could write her own ticket for her future. She has a following of fans, makes decent money off the prints, has a way to explore her creativity. I feel like I've helped her develop a great opportunity to do more than just walk into somebody's office and have them hold a tape measure up to her and say "Nope. Not right. Next"

At one level I think she appreciates this - but at another I think she is rather clueless about it. She has totally checked out on me. I'm up against a deadline, it's stressing me out and of course the negativity is coming through in the art. I need her to get her head back in the game. And frankly cheer me on a little more because while the job may "stop" for her when the camera is turned off I still have a lot of work to do until the art goes to the printers and we go to the next show.

I think she may misunderstand my motivation. Some of this has to do with Type, and some with her day to day experience. Obviously she is very beautiful (or I would not have hired her) and that means she gets a lot of attention. Guys are always fawning over her and so I think she is used to that and perhaps even feels some sense of entitlement. I don't feel that way. My goal is to create great artwork and if possible help her grow because I care about her. She may not believe deep down that a man could care about her just as a friend and not as a sex object. Maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to that. But she is treating me like a rejected suiter and it is really driving me nuts.

I have a lot of money tied up in this upcoming show including separate acommadations for her since I travel with my wife. When somebody ignores you it negatively affects the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain which is associated with physical pain - not just mental pain. It also is closely tied to our sense of risk/reward and to concentration/attention etc. So her ignoring me is playing havoc with the part of my brain I need most to finish this project.

The more I need attention and support the more she treats me like a rejected suitor. Which I'm not trying to be her lover - I just want to be her art partner and friend. Under normal circumstances I could just give somebody a chance to cool off. But I'm under a hard deadline, the stress is killing me and I would really just like to hear her say it's fine - we're cool - I support you. I don't need her to stroke my ego every two seconds but to hear her say thanks once would be awesome because I've done a lot that has made her a lot of money.

Is this typical ISFP - this shutting down and shutting out? I think if I get involved in something like this with another person I'm definitely going to hold them past arm's distance because this is killing me.

Sorry for the long post - I've just got a lot of emotion pent up inside because of this. Maybe somebody can relate.
 

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I hate to say it but this sounds as if this was a fleeting passion for her. She's moving on for one reason or another. Don't get your passion confused with hers. Of course I don't know the exact situation but maybe it's not a matter of her being an ISFP at all...perhaps it's just her age and the fact her true passion is elsewhere. As an INFJ I know we tend to dig too deep in most cases...try not to over analyze something that can be simply explained. Furthermore, as a woman, there comes a point when we want to be appreciated for more than beauty. Even though you appreciate her for much more than that, the job evolved from and still does revolve around the fact that she's pretty in pictures. She's seeking something...whatever it is, let her go find it and continue to move forward with your own projects.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I appreciate it waterviolet. I can understand her wanting a break, or wanting even to move on. If that's her wish that's fine. But it's a very bad time - a very irresponsible time to come to that conclusion. If she isn't going to support me during the next 4 weeks, I have to find some way to pull my head out of my butt and focus on the art in a positive way. That is very difficult when all the reference shots are of her. It's her face I see when I look at the reference and put a brush on the canvas. Maybe I need to just put those pictures in the can and do some rapid fire shoots and art with another model. The rush job will suck but maybe it won't suck any worse than if I just obsess over this for the next 4 weeks.

Thanks for listening - erm reading - lol
 

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If the shots of her are good, use them! I think the hurdle is your own at this point - why create more work for yourself? It sounds as if you do have an emotional attachement to this woman, perhaps this is what she sensed. I wish you the best on your project...think of it as you would a nude drawing...her face is merely a compilation of parts.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Well I feel like an idiot.

I ran into her at Wal-Mart yesterday evening. She was bright and cheerful. Asked me about the show and then I guess she realized I was glum. I explained that I was under a lot of stress trying to do this artwork in such a short period of time. With her not returning my calls, texts or emails I was freaking out. I thought she had decided to quit and I was so worried because my wife had already paid for separate accommodations and passes for the upcoming show and so forth. (I have a lot of money tied up in this project, so that is a big source of stress.)

She said "You Dork!" - she wasn't quitting and that I was the best friend she had. She explained that her phone was broken and her dad still hadn't come through on buying her a new one. Her brother currently has her laptop for school so she hasn't been checking email. Also she had not tried very hard to contact me for two main reasons; For one she thought I would be too busy for chit chat and had noticed how I get obsessive as deadlines approach. Secondly she felt guilty that the shoot schedule and general production schedule had been put behind because of her being overbooked (which it was) and she was afraid I might be angry with her. Not liking conflict and not having an easy way to contact me she had decided to hang back and just let me do the work.

Now I could have gone to her work or something to see what if anything was wrong, but I wasn't going to chase her down like a jilted high school kid. I may be obsessive about the project and value her friendship but I'm not a stalker. In hindsight I realize that a 5 minute stop by her work last week could have solved all my unnecessary worry. Pride was also getting in the way.

She didn't realize how much I rely on her creative input and mental support. I didn't realize how stupid and paranoid I was being over something that wound up having a simple explanation. My wife said "Chris you need to understand, she's just 20 and is a free spirit. She is never going to obsess over this stuff the way you do. She likes doing the work and she's your friend. Now get over it."

I have something to think about there. But for now I'm getting back to work on the project.

Is this a typical INFJ / ISFP misunderstanding?
 
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