I'm a mostly-confirmed INFJ. I've been working in software development for 15 years but I do a lot of illustration projects as a sideline. For the last year I've been working with an ISFP gal on developing a regular brand with art prints we create together. We've had good sales at different sci-fi fantasy conventions we go to and last month we had some really big sales at a show. We were all geared up to do a new series of prints - but all of a sudden she has totally flaked out on me and I don't understand why. Perhaps it has to do with Type? (probably heh heh)
Originally I hired her through an agency just as a model for one picture for an ongoing series I do of roller skate girls. Clean, no nudity or anything. She was a really good model, very natural. She was interested in doing more projects as a team so we got together and put a lot of hard work into producing a calendar last year. It sold really well. We did a couple more modeling sessions and came up with more prints which we have continued to sell at conventions. She is very creative and helps with coming up with concepts and even makes her own costumes based on sketches we do.
I will admit I've made a mistake by becoming too emotionally invested in her too soon. Not in a romantic sense but in the sense of empathy and wanting to help her. She is a single mom with a little baby girl. I'm a father of 3 daughters and she is the same age as my oldest daughter. Her regular modeling career is essentially over because no producer is going to hire her to do swimwear now that she's had a kid. What I hoped to do was partner with her to develop our own brand so she could write her own ticket for her future. She has a following of fans, makes decent money off the prints, has a way to explore her creativity. I feel like I've helped her develop a great opportunity to do more than just walk into somebody's office and have them hold a tape measure up to her and say "Nope. Not right. Next"
At one level I think she appreciates this - but at another I think she is rather clueless about it. She has totally checked out on me. I'm up against a deadline, it's stressing me out and of course the negativity is coming through in the art. I need her to get her head back in the game. And frankly cheer me on a little more because while the job may "stop" for her when the camera is turned off I still have a lot of work to do until the art goes to the printers and we go to the next show.
I think she may misunderstand my motivation. Some of this has to do with Type, and some with her day to day experience. Obviously she is very beautiful (or I would not have hired her) and that means she gets a lot of attention. Guys are always fawning over her and so I think she is used to that and perhaps even feels some sense of entitlement. I don't feel that way. My goal is to create great artwork and if possible help her grow because I care about her. She may not believe deep down that a man could care about her just as a friend and not as a sex object. Maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to that. But she is treating me like a rejected suiter and it is really driving me nuts.
I have a lot of money tied up in this upcoming show including separate acommadations for her since I travel with my wife. When somebody ignores you it negatively affects the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain which is associated with physical pain - not just mental pain. It also is closely tied to our sense of risk/reward and to concentration/attention etc. So her ignoring me is playing havoc with the part of my brain I need most to finish this project.
The more I need attention and support the more she treats me like a rejected suitor. Which I'm not trying to be her lover - I just want to be her art partner and friend. Under normal circumstances I could just give somebody a chance to cool off. But I'm under a hard deadline, the stress is killing me and I would really just like to hear her say it's fine - we're cool - I support you. I don't need her to stroke my ego every two seconds but to hear her say thanks once would be awesome because I've done a lot that has made her a lot of money.
Is this typical ISFP - this shutting down and shutting out? I think if I get involved in something like this with another person I'm definitely going to hold them past arm's distance because this is killing me.
Sorry for the long post - I've just got a lot of emotion pent up inside because of this. Maybe somebody can relate.
Originally I hired her through an agency just as a model for one picture for an ongoing series I do of roller skate girls. Clean, no nudity or anything. She was a really good model, very natural. She was interested in doing more projects as a team so we got together and put a lot of hard work into producing a calendar last year. It sold really well. We did a couple more modeling sessions and came up with more prints which we have continued to sell at conventions. She is very creative and helps with coming up with concepts and even makes her own costumes based on sketches we do.
I will admit I've made a mistake by becoming too emotionally invested in her too soon. Not in a romantic sense but in the sense of empathy and wanting to help her. She is a single mom with a little baby girl. I'm a father of 3 daughters and she is the same age as my oldest daughter. Her regular modeling career is essentially over because no producer is going to hire her to do swimwear now that she's had a kid. What I hoped to do was partner with her to develop our own brand so she could write her own ticket for her future. She has a following of fans, makes decent money off the prints, has a way to explore her creativity. I feel like I've helped her develop a great opportunity to do more than just walk into somebody's office and have them hold a tape measure up to her and say "Nope. Not right. Next"
At one level I think she appreciates this - but at another I think she is rather clueless about it. She has totally checked out on me. I'm up against a deadline, it's stressing me out and of course the negativity is coming through in the art. I need her to get her head back in the game. And frankly cheer me on a little more because while the job may "stop" for her when the camera is turned off I still have a lot of work to do until the art goes to the printers and we go to the next show.
I think she may misunderstand my motivation. Some of this has to do with Type, and some with her day to day experience. Obviously she is very beautiful (or I would not have hired her) and that means she gets a lot of attention. Guys are always fawning over her and so I think she is used to that and perhaps even feels some sense of entitlement. I don't feel that way. My goal is to create great artwork and if possible help her grow because I care about her. She may not believe deep down that a man could care about her just as a friend and not as a sex object. Maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to that. But she is treating me like a rejected suiter and it is really driving me nuts.
I have a lot of money tied up in this upcoming show including separate acommadations for her since I travel with my wife. When somebody ignores you it negatively affects the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain which is associated with physical pain - not just mental pain. It also is closely tied to our sense of risk/reward and to concentration/attention etc. So her ignoring me is playing havoc with the part of my brain I need most to finish this project.
The more I need attention and support the more she treats me like a rejected suitor. Which I'm not trying to be her lover - I just want to be her art partner and friend. Under normal circumstances I could just give somebody a chance to cool off. But I'm under a hard deadline, the stress is killing me and I would really just like to hear her say it's fine - we're cool - I support you. I don't need her to stroke my ego every two seconds but to hear her say thanks once would be awesome because I've done a lot that has made her a lot of money.
Is this typical ISFP - this shutting down and shutting out? I think if I get involved in something like this with another person I'm definitely going to hold them past arm's distance because this is killing me.
Sorry for the long post - I've just got a lot of emotion pent up inside because of this. Maybe somebody can relate.