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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hi, I'm new here and I came onto this forum because I've seen people give some great advice here. And I need advice. Here goes.

A month ago, I discovered the MBTI and was so thrilled at the accuracy of the results that I shared it with two of my close friends, since the three of us have an interest in psychology. One of them, a girl, was an ISTJ, while the other one, a guy, was an INTP.

After reading some of the basic descriptions for our types, the INTP lost interest. According to him, people shouldn't define their lives according to the MBTI, though it is a great start-off point. I agree, but I'm just so in love with my personality type that I kept researching more into the MBTI with the ISTJ.

Now here's the troubling part. The three of us have a lot of projects that we work on together because we all love Science. Even before any of us knew our MBTI results, the ISTJ was slightly bossy* and slightly blunt, but she was almost never rude. So, she would be slightly bossy to the INTP due to his tendency to come up with infinte theories but not get much done in the physical world.

After the MBTI, she took a liking to the description of herself as "blunt, efficient, brutally-honest". She now goes around calling people inefficient, without considering that they might have had personal problems to stop them from doing their share of the work. She has also become more blunt and says she can't help it, as she is not sensitive to other people's feelings. But I know that she does make a conscious effort most of the time not to hurt my feelings, so that can't be completely true.

The INTP says she never used to cut him off before knowing her MBTI(she cuts him off now anytime he starts talking about Physics or other theoretical stuff). She says that his interests are too abstract and he is ineffecient which makes him irritating. He says that it is the MBTI that made her so insensitive and she was nothing like this before. I have to disagree, because she was just a little bit like that before. I know that the ISTJ does not truly dislike him.

They have almost gotten into arguments several times, with me always trying to diffuse the situation. They're both my good friends and we are a great match of friends when she is not being rude.
What do I do?
*P.S. I'm so sorry the post became so long ><
 

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I'm kind of interested since I haven't come across a "trio" personality mesh thread before, but I refuse to read a block of text. If you would kindly (you don't have to) edit your post and add paragraph spaces, then I'll gladly read it.

Forgive my stubbornness. My eyes just blur when they see the mega-wall of text. :unsure:
 

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ok... here it goes.

you need to explain to that SJ that she is not the best person on earth. she also has flaws and she needs to fix them. this is typical behavior for SJ's (not all of them) that you are describing here, so just remind her that she's not the best fish in the pond.
to deal with that INTP: make him feel like his ideas are important, whether they have to do with the assignment or not. this will make him want to work with you. also, give him time to do your group work alone. also tell him that arguing is pointless since it is not solving anything. ^.^

no this is not the best advice, and no I'm not an expert, but there you go ^.^
 

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Since she is quite blunt, I guess the best way to communicate to her is by being straightforward with her and stand up against her current behaviour. There's a fine line between being brutally honest and being insensitive. The fact that she's cutting him off is rude. As for the INTP, I agree with the previous poster that you should make sure he knows that his ideas are important. I'm sure he understands that he can be quite inefficient with all these ideas and it can annoy the ISTJ if he shares one too many. Not to say that he shouldn't continue sharing them but... just be mindful.

My INTP best friend and I often have debates. She'll share her ideas but they're often flawed and I try to get her to see a different perspective, particularly about people's motivations but... never mind that. I don't completely deny her ideas but I'll often explain why I think it is flawed and share a different perspective on it. The idea gets thrown back and forth because a lot of the time, INTP ideas need to be refined. Maybe that's what the ISTJ should be doing - throw a question back at him that requires further thinking rather than cutting him off and denying his contribution. Then again... I don't really know many ISTJs so I've got no idea how they'll do when working on abstract ideas. I'd say my sensor friends don't really contribute much to these discussions. They sit back and do their own things while my friend and I discuss.

Sometimes, when issues aren't solved between the two parties, someone needs to step up and deliver. I don't particularly enjoy allocating tasks to people and forcing them to do something they might not agree on but if you need to move on, someone's gotta do it.
 

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MBTI should not give anyone an excuse to act like a jerk. That bothers me so much! When people find out about about their personality issues and start believing 'well that's just what I am so suck it up.' That sounds like what is happening. There are unhealthy rude forms of every type and it's not necessarily something that someone should be proud of and continue. Especially when they are aware of it.

My advice is to be blunt back. We as INFJs also have a brutally honest stubborn side but can manage to access it without hurting others for the most part. Let her know that this is really interfering with projects and putting you in a catch 22 position that you don't deserve to be in. His points are valid, doesn't matter if it feels irrational to her or not, and she needs to attempt to incorporate them if all of you are working together.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·

Thanks for all your advice. I do try my best to make him feel like his ideas are important, because I actually find them interesting.
I want to be straightforward with her but I keep holding back because I don't want to hurt her feelings, even though I have a lot to say to her. It feels like there are some insecurity issues that have made her cling to the MBTI like that(though I may be wrong) and I don't want to make it worse for her. I actually tried to tell her to be more polite before, and she agreed and kept it up for a few days, but lately she's been reverting back to her old self again. Any tips on how to feedback to her?
 
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