[Killbain]

I posted a similar thread a while back asking how INFJ males found interacting with all male groups, given that all male groups have some peculiarities distinct from mixed gender gatherings.

I just thought I'd turn it around to get a female / all female perspective -

As we are introverted, feeling but judging by type, how do you ladies feel / cope when in a large group of females - which I'm sure has it's own unique peculiarities?

 

[vanilla_dream]

I find it hard to relate to the wider population of females I'm surrounded with. If I'm dropped into a convention hall full of women, I'd probably be an island and stand at one corner, observing the dynamics that is going on in front of me. I'm tempted to think that my mindset is probably too "masculine" for their taste, in that I hold an apathetic attitude towards gossip, make-up, T.V. soaps, "cute" guys, fashion, and many other typical "feminine" interests. However, in reality I do try to reach out to them anyway, and adapt superficially to their apparent enthusiasm during conversations, so I listen to them and give reflective responses when necessary as I go.
Although I appreciate the individual differences that set me apart from them, I'd rather spend less of my time with them, as I tend to get drained, and often times they speak as if they come from another planet (and probably they hold the same view towards me).
So far, there are only two females of my generation who I can effectively and warmly connect with.

 

[ohTOMICho]

Unless they talk about a topic I am interested in, I don't really interact. In a large group of females, I kind of just exist. I'm talked to. That's about it. I interact more in a large group of males. I become one of the boys.

 

[walloftext]

I feel out of place and totally un-girly. Not sure if that makes sense. I just suddenly don't feel like a girl. It's as if my rights of womanhood are on display for them to inspect and usually I fail. However, I get along with groups of guys fine.

With a group of women I tend to cope by going off into a corner, nodding, staring into the distance like a deer in headlights, trying to figure out what my mom would say, or all of the above at the same time. Same women one-on-one I'm fine, but as a group suddenly I stick out as "the weird one" or "the one without kids" or "that one that doesn't talk about her personal life". There's a list of prescribed topics for women. They talk at me about all their womany stuff. Which typically means about their kids. There's lots of showing of pictures. Still, I don't think if I was a mom it would be any different. But I think from their perspective it goes well. They all tend to be sympathetic to me when I answer their trivia questions, which I don't really understand, but yeah. Women.

On second thought I have gotten through this weird barrier with a few women-groups at work. We talk about our hobbies now. And a few of them love zombie movies. Once I get to interests and away from identification/rank inspection I'm good.

 

[Xistiller]

Depends on the group size and how up their own asses about the "superiority of femininity" they are.
I cannot tolerate man-haters or people that treat "masculine" habits like they're lesser than "feminine" habits.
That being said, I also get annoyed when an all female group hates on "feminine" habits. Not cool, bro. People all live differently, and I guarantee you we are all equally superficial just about different things.

But I don't talk to any group if I don't people well. Male or female.

 

[VenusianMizu]

I don't hang out with groups of other females too much. If I do, I just sort of....exist, and my world is somehow made suffocatingly boring when they talk. I'm pretty sure if they're hanging out together talking about pointless shit, they share a brain. Or worse, they don't have a brain and are just spouting whatever comes out of their mouths. It annoys me.

Meanwhile, I can hit it off with a guy from 10 minutes of gaming conversation, easy.

 

[Feelings]

females do get rather... hyper and girly when in groups

 

[Feelings]

Meanwhile, I can hit it off with a guy from 10 minutes of gaming conversation, easy.

clever choice of topic

 

[Opabinia]

Depends on what kind of girls they are, how old and how many. My favourite kind of girly girl, I think, is ENFP. I think I've learned a lot of about hanging out with girls from my ENFP friend.

 

[Bast]

I agree with most of what everyone here has said already. It depends on the "type" of girl, mostly. If it's a group of girls who skew more nerdy, geeky, or quirky, I'm usually just fine. However, if it's a bunch of the type of girls who want to sit around and talk about the latest Cosmo magazine issue, I'd rather not, thanks. Over all, I usually tend to get along much better with men.

 

[OrangeSoda]

Disclaimer: I'm an INFX

I really like being around all female groups. I feel more comfortable expressing both my intellectual thoughts and my personal feelings. Many females are good listeners so I am more likely to feel like the interaction was meaningful than if it were with the average man (who tends to either want to compete, or is not a good listener).

Edit: I also want to add...I really don't understand how so many people on this thread are saying that all women like to talk about is clothes, makeup, gossip and superficial bullshit. Stereotype much? I have NEVER been in a group of women and have that be the main topic of conversation. Who are yall hanging out with? The girls from Disney tween movies? Its also a little weird how there is this dichotomy between men and women: Men = talk about things with substance / geeky / "interesting" things. Women = talk about every stupid thing under the sun / I don't understand how any of them could graduate from high school.

 

[emerald sea]

at large meetings of women, it feels like there is too much estrogen concentrated in one place...i feel very out of place. but then again, i'm a female INFJ engineer - kind of a weird anomaly - thus more used to being around large groups of men. lol so that probably has something to do with it.

my brother was my best friend as a kid, my mom (the only other woman in my immediate family) is feminine yet has always gotten along better with guys than with girls, and all my closest female friends have always been similar to her in that respect...as a result, i don't feel as at home with girly-girls, but i don't have anything against them.

i like the company of girls or guys, as long as they are genuine, nice, not catty/cliquish and not superficial...and we can find topics of conversation that are interesting to both of us. i love joking around with guys, discussing deep topics, talking with people about their lives or helping them with their problems...

i don't have trouble getting along with women in general. it's just difficult to have to be around catty women who make a pretense of friendship with others, exclude people, morph their level of friendliness to match the current level of popularity of each person they come across, and spend their days gossiping about unimportant things or slandering people who are supposed to be their friends. i don't enjoy discussing fashion or celebrities or whether that girl's shoes match her dress, or superficial stuff like that...or hanging around people who don't value or discuss anything of real substance. unfortunately that kind of stuff seems almost epidemic in the groups of women i've encountered in my life (i'm not speaking for women in general, just the social groups in which life has placed me) so sometimes it's just easier to hang around guys, because the interaction often seems more laid-back and direct, and sometimes just more 'real' in certain respects than interaction with catty women. i love how protective guy friends are - they really look out for you - i love my brothers and guy friends, who really become 'honorary brothers' also. and i cherish my genuine female friends...they're wonderful...and they make such a comfortable, supportive environment for opening up about emotions...

 

[Mendi the ISFJ]

My INFJ sister talks about her dislike of women (not all but she doesnt make this distinction) she claims women are gossipy, weak, controlling etc and that she prefers to socialize with men because of this. My mom is also INFJ and while she doesnt verbalize her dislike of women, she has very few friends. This may be due to her moving across the country when she married and both my parents dont get out very much. I also have two INFJ best friends and they seem to have a variety of female friends but Id guess that most are IxFx.

 

[Coil]

"Let's sit in a circle and everyone can tell the latest gossip in their lives! " "Nghh" "You don't have any gossip to share? " "Nggh, no. My life is very boring" "Oh... ok, well, I met this guy yesterday, O M G, you should have seen him! *bla bla bla*".

:angry:

Worst experience with an all female group right there. And these weren't particularily shallow and stupid people, which is what amazed me. Did they loose their brains the moment they walked in the door? Fortunately, I haven't encountered much of this after I started uni. Most women here are intelligent and not very gossipy people. I only have one all-female group that I hang out with, and in those situations I just go into Fe-mode and try to interact with them without saying too much weird shit. I'll never understand how they can entertain themselves by retelling the last episode of some reality-show, but when they talk about uni-stuff I like them. I think most of them are SJ's, which is probably a bigger explanation for why I prefer other people, even though I like them. Maybe intuitive girls tend to hang out in mixed groups more often?

 

[Mendi the ISFJ]

"Let's sit in a circle and everyone can tell the latest gossip in their lives! " "Nghh" "You don't have any gossip to share? " "Nggh, no. My life is very boring" "Oh... ok, well, I met this guy yesterday, O M G, you should have seen him! *bla bla bla*".

:angry:

Worst experience with an all female group right there. And these weren't particularily shallow and stupid people, which is what amazed me. Did they loose their brains the moment they walked in the door? Fortunately, I haven't encountered much of this after I started uni. Most women here are intelligent and not very gossipy people. I only have one all-female group that I hang out with, and in those situations I just go into Fe-mode and try to interact with them without saying too much weird shit. I'll never understand how they can entertain themselves by retelling the last episode of some reality-show, but when they talk about uni-stuff I like them. I think most of them are SJ's, which is probably a bigger explanation for why I prefer other people, even though I like them. Maybe intuitive girls tend to hang out in mixed groups more often?

thats interesting, my INFJ friend enjoys gossiping about friends and family to get the latest news but its not in a shallow judgey way, more of getting the whole picture of our social group. I take offense to people thinking that SJs in particular are shallow and absentminded drones whose decisions revolve around buying shoes and dieting. Maybe people are watching too much TV.

 

[owlet]

I've only been in a group of girls a few times, mostly in classes (my friend group is mostly guys). The ones I sit with are kind of goth/emo style and love K-rock, which I know nothing about. If we talk about class, I'm fine, but if they switch to their very different interests, I just nod and smile.

I've only ever known one girl who was traditionally girly (tested ESFJ) and we got on in a very shallow way, mostly because we never got past small talk in over 8 years (she is sort of a part of my friend group, and I made friends with her the same time as I made friends with an ISFJ (an eccentric one) who I feel very close to).

I do get on more easily with guys, but I don't like big groups regardless.

 

[Coil]

thats interesting, my INFJ friend enjoys gossiping about friends and family to get the latest news but its not in a shallow judgey way, more of getting the whole picture of our social group. I take offense to people thinking that SJs in particular are shallow and absentminded drones whose decisions revolve around buying shoes and dieting. Maybe people are watching too much TV.

I guess I worded my post a bit badly. I like to hear news about the people in my life too, as long as the information is not too personal or negative and judgemental. The difference is that I actually care about these people. Endless talk about "some hot guy you know who was actually a douchebag" don't interest me at all. My discomfort in this situation was mostly that I don't like to talk about myself or about someone that only I know. I'd be afraid of giving people the wrong impression of that person, and I'd feel the need to constantly state "well, he's not always like this, I'm sure she also has good sides, I don't know him that well etc.". I'd much rather discuss post-modernism or the political situation in the Middle East. :tongue:

And I apologize if I made it sound like SJ's are shallow, I didn't mean that at all, and I can see why you would take offence. I'm also offended when women in general are stereotyped as stupid and shallow (which I realize I might have contributed to). I think this is far from the truth, but there is a group dynamic I sometimes struggle to fit into. I have great appreciation for my SJ friends, we just tend to care about different things very often.

 

[jenecis]

Most girls - in a big group - are boring.

The trendy ones talk about clothes, music, fashion, and oh-my-god-your-hair.

The nerdy ones talk about grades, are highly competitive, and generally uncomfortable to be around when they're overtly ambitious (and see you as a 'threat').

Having said that, I make a good pretense in the company of both and can chat with them amicably, but I wouldn't make a habit of hanging around them on a day-to-day basis. In the end, I believe there's always an undercurrent of jealousy underneath all the interactions ...

Guys are cooler, they balance things out. Sure I need some female companionship sometimes, but guys don't take everything so personally, they are nicer and more willing to help out.

Girls don't like it when you're smarter or better looking than them (this is amplified when they are in a group) ... but guys think it's pretty neat =)

 

[Opabinia]

girls don't like it when you're smarter or better looking than them (this is amplified when they are in a group) ... But guys think it's pretty neat =)

qft. ..

 

[Nightingalee]

I actually really like some girly conversations and have started them myself.
However, I've always gotten along with boys better.
That may be because I was brought up in a family of boys.