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So I try to be a kind open-minded person to everyone. I try to be tolerable to all people, treat everyone with respect. Despite all of that, I do have a breaking point. When I've been around someone for to long or someone says something with a certain look on their face that irks me!

I have an emotional meltdown on the inside and completely shutdown and stop talking, quit associating with them. But if I'm put into a situation when I'm one on one with someone who knows me and they tell me something that throws me over the edge I share with them what I'm truly feeling, and it's like I have shattered their world (keep in mind this has only has happened rarely, and although with age I can understand situations more, but now that I am older i have learned to stand up for myself better. So if someone betrays me, undermines me, is harmful to my family, I can have a skillfully scary side.

Can anyone else relate?

*my first post so sorry if it sounds stupid*
 

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Yes.

I've always thought of myself as an infinetily patient and tolerant person, until I actually had to work with people different than me. It was during an architecture school project that I was in a group with an INTJ and an ESTJ where I really got to feel how the shoe can press.

On the first day I was steamrolled over and hurt badly, the second day I fought back and was literally by enraged their lack of sensitivity and understanding, not just towards me, but towards anything remotely related to idealism, psychology of experience, conceptual and out of the box thinking that such a project also needs. Needless to say, I was on an emotional rollercoaster during these six weeks, and I learned that I'm not even half as patient as I thought I was. I probably thought that my worldview was obviously true and common knowledge, but experienced that people can live for 20 years and not even once be aware of how rooms affect you in other ways than being able to store your stuff in them.

It was shocking and extremely taxing having to explain these things to them, especially when they didn't take me seriously most of the time. It's not that they were always wrong or that I didn't learn anything new from them, just that there are several aspects to architecture, and all of them are important to adress in a project. I just wish they were as open to my ideas as I were to theirs.

I also learned how frightening I can be when I become angry. I mostly hide my negative feelings until I explode, and then the fun is definetily over. I even frighten myself. Yeah, I think I need to work on rhetorics and emotional strategies.
 

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I can empathy your idea and emotion.
I also experienced to torate, help, understand other people. and I don't demand my need.

Just felt satisfaction to make other people happy. I thought it is my pleasure but I don't realize that loss of energy myself. and from time to time,(more often expected than) When other people take my goodwill for granted, I was disappointed about their attitude.

At now, I think that INFJ need supportive friends, companion, soul-mates. INFJ can recharged through people that fully understand them. I wish that I will get.
 

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I think, I am a very patient person. For 17 years I was befriended to a very nerve racking girl. There were times when I ignored her for a couple of days, but eventually I couldn't stand that either, because she kept following me. She never understood the reasons why I felt hurt. Complete lack of empathy. Now we don't see each other anymore.
One time another girl offended me literally on facebook. My patience didn't last as long as it would have if it had been a real life conversation. I tried to explain why I felt offended, but she turned my words around and also said that I have no right to feel offended for the simple reason that she wouldn't feel offended by her own words. Then she startes to write a whole essay about how everybody hates her. Since then we haven't talked and I'm afraid of her. I only talk to her sister.
 

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I am a very patient person until it is clear that a person is always going to place their needs before mine, or that the person clearly has no respect for me. Selfishness, superiority, entitlement, or belittling behavior are the things that make me walk, every time. I am by nature a giver, and am used to not taking much away, but when I feel used or unappreciated I leave.
 

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I relate to many answers in this thread; I am very patient and I hardly ever snap or something because I myself would feel horrible if someone suddenly exploded at me and I want to spare others that. I think I have never really screamed at someone because I was so angry, I only did something that caused minor physical injury once or just got up and walked out of the room.

However, those things only happened when either a friend I otherwise genuinely like or a complete stranger annoyed me, and in the complete stranger case it only applies to impersonal discussions. Throughout school I had a "friend" whom I only spent time with because I felt like I could just ignore her after graduation and also because she was the only person spending time with me for a while. But dear god, during the last year of school she behaved so badly, constantly lying about totally insignificant things to portray herself in a better light (why should I, as a friend, care why she doesn't have her homework? Why would you make homework excuses to your friend?) or always be the one who has to have it the worst off. She always said completely insensitive things, cuddled up to me despite me keeping saying I don't want to be touched (she even said "I know you don't like this but I just have to hug you!") and, finally, when she found out we have feelings for the same person, systematically collected hints on why that person wouldn't be into me and presented them to me combined with childish excitement. The only thing that could keep me from doing something really stupid was our object of affection telling me in private that my friend was behaving really annoyingly and didn't respect any personal borders.

Anyway, this seems like someone you usually would really tell your opinion, right? I never did. I regret it now, but I never did. When she asked me if I hated her, whining about all of her friends having abandoned her, I couldn't say "yes", even though I understood why no one wanted to spend time with her anymore. When things got too much, I ranted to other friends or took it out on myself.

I certainly reached my limit with that person many times, but since the matters were personal and I didn't have the hope she would understand it if I confronted her since she was prone to spreading nasty rumors about people she'd fallen out with, and because she was a complete stone when it came to understanding what other people were feeling, she never noticed any of that. To this day she probably still thinks she was a good friend to me. I hope someone more courageous than me will give her a lecture soon because it terrifies me that she will carry on like that, and I feel dumb for injuring and endangering myself because of someone I shouldn't even dedicate a fart to. Those are the things I regret. Otherwise I feel like my patience is a good trait of myself.

Woah, that post got a bit out of hand.
 

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Pssh! Stupid?!?! It's anything but stupid. I have that problem all the time. Whenever I have a conflict and the person literally throws an insult, I literally get out of the room and have a panic attack. I used to just yell back or do something worse but people told me it's bad and I have to leave the room. I still disagree and believe that keeping in that anger is a lot worse than letting the other person know (especially when they started it) that I am extremely angry! Personally, I hate it more when they forget all about the conflict and I still have the exact same feelings the day before. What?!?! Can someone explains this to me?!?! I hate forgetting about conflicts that haven't been resolved. Once it is, I can easily forget. (Sorry for the long rant :) )
 

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I think my limit has gotten worse with knowledge of MBTI to be honest... It allows me to seek out traits in people that I know will not be compatible with mine and once I sniff it out - I swiftly exit the friendship. I don't do it to be mean, it's just I know in the long run these people will wear me out and/or bring me down... I'd rather surround myself with people who help/encourage me to grow as a person by constantly challenging me to think in different ways.

Incredibly judgemental people are the first on my list, they drain me the most. Whiny people come second, they rarely ever want solutions just to waste my time by unloading all their emotional BS onto me. No thank you.
 

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So I try to be a kind open-minded person to everyone. I try to be tolerable to all people, treat everyone with respect. Despite all of that, I do have a breaking point. When I've been around someone for to long or someone says something with a certain look on their face that irks me!

I have an emotional meltdown on the inside and completely shutdown and stop talking, quit associating with them. But if I'm put into a situation when I'm one on one with someone who knows me and they tell me something that throws me over the edge I share with them what I'm truly feeling, and it's like I have shattered their world (keep in mind this has only has happened rarely, and although with age I can understand situations more, but now that I am older i have learned to stand up for myself better. So if someone betrays me, undermines me, is harmful to my family, I can have a skillfully scary side.

Can anyone else relate?

*my first post so sorry if it sounds stupid*
i can completely relate, and you don't sound stupid at all. I've spent most of my life being dependable and tolerant, but everyone has their breaking point. As I've gotten older, I've become more willing to walk away when I hit that point rather than continuing to give those who hurt me space in my head. That helps me to not express the scary anger that drives those I love away. I will tell those closest to me when they have hurt me, but I try to be gentle with those I don't want to lose.

I love your term "skillfully scary side." I am very like when you hurt the ones I love.
 

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I am infinitely patient and forgiving as long as people are respectful and honest.

But I have limits and when pushed, then it's over.


A former friend betrayed a confidence of mine in an embarrassing way - I no longer speak to her.

A girl in high school told lies about me to my old highschool boyfriend, trying to break us up. I haven't spoken to her in 12 years. I simply don't have room in my life for people like that.

My former neighbor sort of slid off the deep end into crazy land and started engaging in ridiculous lies and emotional manipulation. I don't talk to her at all - no response to texts, nothing.

I don't doorslam often, but when I do I really mean it.

Last weekend this lecherous old man hit on me and my girlfriend in a very creepy, awful, disrespectful way, and I gave him a piece of my mind. Cool, calm, shockingly honest. When pushed that far, I leave all the social niceties behind and tell people what I really think of them. They never expect it. It was a response to the inherent disrespect in that encounter.

Other encounters of the romantic variety that leave me cold are dating encounters where guys are obviously trying to run "game" or come onto you in a non-genuine, manipulative way. Depending on how much fun I feel like having, I either engage and then beat them at their own game in a not very nice way, or shut them down very abruptly, in line with the above. There, I'm responding to the manipulation, the dishonesty.


I think I'm a very kind, loving, forgiving person, and sometimes people honestly think I don't have boundaries. But I'm not a doormat and there are very definitely limits.

I think the problem is that sometimes I don't even know where the limits are until they are crossed (I'm pretty go with the flow), so my reactions can be a little surprising, both to self and others. I've been doing a lot of journaling exercises to define exactly what I will and will not tolerate from others (parents, friends, family, significant others), so then I can communicate these boundaries to the important people in my life before something turns into a nuclear crisis, and then and build stronger relationships.
 

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you should try to have sex more often(or masturbate) and a good night of sleep then those things will not be bothering you possibly

works for me!
 

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I think the problem is that sometimes I don't even know where the limits are until they are crossed (I'm pretty go with the flow), so my reactions can be a little surprising, both to self and others. I've been doing a lot of journaling exercises to define exactly what I will and will not tolerate from others (parents, friends, family, significant others), so then I can communicate these boundaries to the important people in my life before something turns into a nuclear crisis, and then and build stronger relationships.
This describes me as well. I think perhaps I should try the journaling.
 
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