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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Dear INFJ men (and women, too, if you may, or any past/current romantic partners of INFJs),

Please help.

I am an INTP female developing an unexpected crush. I have read/searched all INTP-INFJ interactions in this cafe and elsewhere, and I have been consistently finding:

- INTPs are not emotional enough.
- INTPs needed more time alone, INFJs "unintentionally" viewed as needy.
- INTPs can't stand emotional talk, INFJs want the emotional talk.

etc. etc. I admit this can be very true in many cases, but also these were usually about male INTP - female INFJ relationships.

Here is a peculiar case where things are opposite, where:

- the INTP girl feels more needy, where INFJ male is more reserved
- the psychologically trained INTP asks for more emotional expression while INFJ holds off
- INFJ male seems to be much better at being alone where the INTP has difficult time dealing with lonliness..


To explain the situation I will give a quick background of myself (i.e. development of a deviant case of a very INTP individual):

There is no doubt I'm an INTP. Born and raised that way; I am told I talk and act like SHERLOCK (BBC) at times when I'm in my "T" mode, despite being a girl (I had to look him up, it's kind of creepy how HE acts like me sometimes). My analytic ability and academic interests are definitely that of an extreme, classic INTP, but I don't look like a textbook case - here is why.

1. I was raised by a loving ENFJ father who was (and still is) hopelessly in love with his only daughter, and I grew up to be much more E and F than whatever I was born with (but still P 99%).
2. I am also very "artsy."

I talk like an NT all the time, but I can also act like a "social butterfly" (though this takes some energy and I always have to recharge after), and I also look much more F due to my NF parental influence and my extensive interest and training in psychology/counselling. With close friends I laugh a lot (just my personality), I'm usually not afraid to talk about what think (I only shut up if it seems like it's not worth the cost of others' social discomfort or when I'm feeling too lazy to talk), but I also basically look like an INFP when I read/discuss poetry, play music, or do anything artistic for pleasure. I am animal- and nature-loving, I go out for walks in the rain alone, and used to play instruments or sing on the streets with friends (whole bunch of INTX and XNFPs) in high school. And as you might imagine, I was an NF magnet starting middle school.. (mostly ENFJs or INFPs).

But I ran away from them.

My ENFJ father was very loving, but due to his own issues and personal history he is also very sensitive, moody, and judgmental, and I learned to tip-toe around NF males when they approached me, because I knew how easily they can be hurt, and how secretly resentful they could become. (You know what I mean?)

I started relationships late, only in college, and I dates series of INTX.
My last and longest relationship was with an INTJ and it was both wonderful and difficult. For me he was too cold, too introverted, did not talk about feelings enough, and too distant. (Sound familiar?) I definitely was feeling like the NF of an NF/NT relationship when it came to emotions, though we were extremely compatible in our NT-ness..

OK.
I took me years to get over him, and I just started to get to know someone.
He was so interesting and weird and genuine and warm and fun (????) all at the same time, that I almost got confused in our first meeting, which was rather spontaneous. I am working in the mental healthcare field, and I have also learned to not think too much about ("turn off") MBTI especially in first interactions, so that I can just focus and look at "the person" in front of me. But I was so confused (and intrigued) by this interaction with this guy that I took out my MBTI tool again. And I still couldn't immediately see that he was an INFJ, but I quickly realized there is no way he can be anything else (process of elimination, always helpful).

Our second meeting confirmed that he is indeed an INFJ, and wow, this is the first time I feel a pretty strong attraction to an NF male. I have a male INFJ friend, two male INFJ mentors, a very close INFJ female friend, all of whom I absolutely adore and respect, but for men, I have never felt any sexual attraction whatsoever. So it's not like I've never seen an INFJ male before (though they are extremely rare), but something about this is different, and I have been trying to take it apart.

He looks kind of "cold" and aloof (as a default state), but when he smiles or laugh, he does that pure, unguarded INF smile thing which makes me .. you know. Stare at him like the time has frozen.
He is funny in his own way, and I rarely meet people who challenge my thoughts and opinions with quick wit, and he does that. Constantly.
I am caring but I can also be "charismatic" and bossy - usually when I'm trying to be nice to people :) I try to do things for them, and take care of others, because that's how I was raised. I'm also very independent. We went to a cafe and I told him I'll get the drinks (or something). I got up and he stands up, told me to "sit down," in a very nice and simple way that I could not refuse.. I quietly sat back down and waited for him.... like a kid.. VERY weird experience. No one just, tells me to sit down.... you know? And I usually never listen! But when he says/ suggests something, I just.. follow. Something about the way he says it - I can't refuse or argue.
I had been pretty dominant in all of my relationships with bossy/confident INTJs, really dark INTPs, etc.
But this guy has a way of making me do things his way, sort of.. It feels like a gentle suggestion. Do you know what I mean? (See how my NT logical language is already falling apart here? ahhhhhhh)

Both times we met, we met for "a meal" and ended up spending 7+ hrs together. We talked, walked, and just sat around and talked some more. It was not boring at all, and not "intense" like the interactions I had with other NT crush, and I felt so comfortable all of those hours.. And this combination.. intriguing + comfortable with a romantic interest is so rare for me.

But sadly, it also became clear (he talked about it) that he is now in no state to have a relationship. He is extremely stressed out, busy, and tired. He also talked about his family, and he seems to be holding a lot of things in his life in terms of his role in his family too, and just the timing of his career development.

We are also in different cities, so I am willing to (well I might just have to) let it go, and/or give it some time.

But in these small interactions that we had, I am the one craving more contact (texts) and interaction, I get very lonely and I'm having a strong desire to settle with someone intimate (someone like him..).
When we meet in person, I am much more "bubbly" and I talk about emotions (also due to my job, I am just well-trained in this too) where at various points he would stop and say "let's not talk about that."

Sad, no?

Despite being very busy, he made time for me both times when I went up there "to see some friends" ;)
He always came early and waited for me at our meeting place (oh I LOVE that J characteristic in anyone..), and always walked me over to my "next appointment" where my other friends were waiting (maximized his time with me!?). He wouldn't even say hi to my friends, but just quietly stand by the door and see me off, wave once or twice and smile, quietly walk away..

I think I like him. I wish he has easier time with whatever he is doing now. He is usually never online (last fb update is about 3 years ago..), and never texts first, though he will always appropriately text back (with some time) when I text him about silly things.

What do you think. What is he thinking/ feeling?

I'm thinking he's too tired and he needs time to himself.. He also seems very good at being alone.. unlike me :(

When we first met, he seemed much more "flirty" and I did not have much thought that time. But I started thinking about him more and more as days went by, and when we met again after, I was kind of hooked..

The second time, he was just as respectful but not as "flirty," but we talked a lot about personal stuff....

Any guesses on your kin, INFJ males? What does this look like to you? I'd believe it if you say he might have some interest in me, too.. I heard he also had some stressful relationships before, and he said things like "I'm very easy (shy smile, shy smile)" when it comes to girls.. but I think he just means casual relationships. I don't believe that an INFJ would just "easily" like or take anyone.. I don't know.

I will read anything you have to say. And thank you already for the time you've taken so far to read this! This got a lot longer than I expected. This is what happens when an INTP gets disorganized and fall apart due to emotional turbulence.

Thank you very much for reading this. Happy spring to you all,


:)
 

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Well first off welcome to the forum, and hopefully this situation works out well. I have only had one relationship in my life thus far and that was interestingly enough with an INTP female. I see many parallels with what you are saying. We were friends for many years before we got together and that was mainly because we were both too afraid to make the first move XD. It is a very playful sort of relationship, with constant verbal "Poking" at each other, testing each other's wit, playfulness and humor. We are the quiet thinkers but we get drawn out of it pretty well in this match up. Also INFJ males tend to become more calm and rational in the relationship and the INTP will soften and become more emotional. This is because the male learns that the most effective way of communicating with the INTP is with that seemingly cold rationality and the INTP feels secure and encouraged to let that affection seep out.

He definitely likes you, or is very intrigued because an INFJ that is hooked wants to observe and study that person so they want to spend a lot of time with them. So I wont speak for him in full, however it is a recurring trait in INFJ's so make of it what you will ^_^.
 

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I don't understand this every time. For me it is quite easy. Yes, I tire from spending time with people. However, I never tire from spending time with my SO. Am I breaking the INFJ code here? Am I faulty? Seriously, time with my SO recharges me. I look forward after a day's work to get home to her. During weekends all I can think of is spending time with her.

Let's say that I'm in a new relation or at the start of one. I would want to spend as much time as possible. How could I not? I thrive on social interaction when it comes to my romantic interest. I may be called clingy, and that hurts, because all I want is to be talked to, dined and... well, sexeh times. Then repeat.

Yeah, I think I just broke INFJ standards and regulations. Sorry guys.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
INFJ males tend to become more calm and rational in the relationship and the INTP will soften and become more emotional. This is because the male learns that the most effective way of communicating with the INTP is with that seemingly cold rationality and the INTP feels secure and encouraged to let that affection seep out.
Hi Vaan! Thank you :)

It took me forever to figure out signing up and posting this, and was worried people might not see it.. hehe
Seeing your reply was a HUGE relief, and thank you for welcoming to this forum. I think I will learn to love it.

Let me see if this cool "quote reply" thing works.
I completely agree that INFJ males tend to be more calm and reserved, while INTP female learns to be even more open with her emotions. I come off as more calm and analytic at first, though I will always act "caring and warm" (my counselor identity). But with him, I was acting like a little kid, all bubbly and happy, which is something I only do with very close/old friends.. He immediately brought out that "comfortable side" in me that only my close friends or family members get to see.

He is an unusually good listener (a trait I consistently find in INFJs, to varying degrees) and I am a good listener by training.
He will let me talk forever with sustained, genuine interest, or when he talks, I would listen very attentively leaning towards him, often smiling or asking equally deep and private questions. I think these personal traits we have make our interaction easy for both of us..

I'm secretly blushing when you say "he definitely likes you" .. hehe ^^

I just wish I can spend more time with him.. but making that contact is difficult for both of us - seems like we both rarely leave our rooms unless we have to (we agreed that our "perfect vacation fantasy" is being in a cabin by the ocean or in the woods, full of books, no electronic devices whatsoever and just good bottles of wine..), I am also physically frail at the moment, both somewhat busy with work, and I can't keep giving myself excuses to go up .. I don't know.. heh

I'm off to work for now, but your reply made me so happy :) I think I'm off to a pretty good start of the day today^^

Hope you have a very happy day too, Vaan. Thanks again!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
I don't understand this every time. For me it is quite easy. Yes, I tire from spending time with people. However, I never tire from spending time with my SO. Am I breaking the INFJ code here? Am I faulty? Seriously, time with my SO recharges me. I look forward after a day's work to get home to her. During weekends all I can think of is spending time with her.

Let's say that I'm in a new relation or at the start of one. I would want to spend as much time as possible. How could I not? I thrive on social interaction when it comes to my romantic interest. I may be called clingy, and that hurts, because all I want is to be talked to, dined and... well, sexeh times. Then repeat.

Yeah, I think I just broke INFJ standards and regulations. Sorry guys.
Hi Mystikro,

Thank you for your reply :) It is very sweet that "all you can think about is spending time with her" on weekends .. :)

I am the same way too; acting extrovert tires me out but I recharge in 1 on 1 interactions, especially with my romantic partners.

When I say "he seems to be tired," I think it's something about starting a relationship or managing a beginning of a relationship. He also seems to find that relationship is lots of work, or even draining.

He mentioned that he had some very tiresome relationships before (which is very much expected for young INFJs, they become the "benefactor," "protector," "provider" in some sense), and naturally, he then had some relationships where the girl clung to him where he needed more space.

He talked about relationships as "distractions."

In order to succeed in the work he is doing now, he said, he needs to learn to be "not swayed" by others emotionally, and being in a relationship did that to him. I asked him if he can imagine being in a relationship where he can recharge.. He looked surprised, paused, and said those will be very lucky individuals.. That made me sad too..

A lot of my relationships were difficult and intense due to INT-INT interaction, but it always had the recharging characteristic, for both of us. To hear that he has only had difficult, draining relationships makes me sad.

I've read a lot about INFJ being the benefactor in an INFJ-INTP relationship (and I'm sure, in many others as well). But the truth is this dynamic seems different, and I'm a not so typical INTP in that sense.
I was always the caretaker, protector, and emotional support in the relationship. With close friends and especially with my romantic partners, I adore them and protect them with every capacity I have developed, and I am always in the "let me do this for you" mode both psychologically and with other things.
I'm the "psychologist" in my friend group, I was always that counselor kid people came to or called late at night.

When we interact, he takes care of me as if it's his second nature. He picks up coats and gloves that I carelessly drop everywhere, he never lets me carry anything heavy, and his soft, gentle way of saying "Yes, and you were saying?" when we are interrupted.. All of which I have not experienced so much in my relationships with INTX .. haha
But I am still acting as the holder and carer of emotions in this interaction, too. I know I can make the people I care feel better. I am good at holding emotions and thinking through emotional problems together..

Only if he knew :)

All I need is just some time and his automatic way of caring and warmth. He seems perfect the way he is, and he wouldn't have to try hard to do anything.. He wouldn't have to do things alone or suffer with emotional disconnect.. I'd never let someone I care hang like that.. you know?

Thanks Mystikro. I hope one day (not necessarily with me, but with anyone), he learns that comfort and recharging characteristic of a good relationship.
 

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You sound like a great person. Are you sure you're INTP? I'd class you as an INFP more. Anyways, that's the trouble with INFJs. I was saying earlier on another topic, I don't really like INFJ exactly for this reason. Yes, INFJ is great, the best one can have, feels deep, can think and do, not just plan forever, can be rational if needed too. Great support and a good person to have around. But, damn, immature INFJ or unhealthy INFJ, that's a nightmare. Always sulking, always looking at the bad things, never at the good things, always slowly slipping in depressions, man, it's terrible. Yes, I am an INFJ. Yes I did all those things. Yes, I feel terrible about doing those. I had a recent shock in my life that simply hit me so bad that my life changed. What would normally take years to grow and mature, happened all in 3 months. I can only describe what happened to me using a metaphor. You know how the planet Uranus is tilted to the side due to a huge ancient impact? That's how I feel. I was idiotically spinning around, then, WHAM! got suckerpunched by life. Woke me up to realize what I was doing wrong. Got a lot more white hair on my head now, got wiser, got more romantic, got more involved, got better. I am much better now and I would never go back to what I was. Sorry to say this, but any other INFJs out there that would rather sulk or feel sorry for themselves, you should get your shock so that you can grow. It's a new way of living, I can't explain, I am still an INFJ, but a lot more motivated, happy, creative, better, improved, V1.5 patched.

If he fails to see you, it will be his loss in the end. But you should try to explain to him how you feel. INFJ have this thing where they can put themselves in the other person's shoes. Even when unhealthy or immature. It's natural.

I wish you the best of luck with this INFJ, hopefully he can see how wonderful you are, and not throw it away.
 
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You didn't ask for this, but I want to call you out: You really like this guy, and it's freakin adorable. I don't have much that I feel I can accurately say about this guy from the descriptions provided, but I can 100% without a doubt tell you that you like this guy. A lot.

I got up and he stands up, told me to "sit down," in a very nice and simple way that I could not refuse.. I quietly sat back down and waited for him.... like a kid.. VERY weird experience. No one just, tells me to sit down.... you know? And I usually never listen! But when he says/ suggests something, I just.. follow. Something about the way he says it - I can't refuse or argue.
Get rid of the analogy that it's like a kid obeying an authority, because if you're both good people, it's not accurate. If you're both good people, then the scene you just described is a fulfillment of both of you finding something you truly desire, whether you realized it before or not. It's you expressing your admiration and relief at finding a gentle/strong man, and it appears that he's expressing desire to serve and care for you.

This hits on something that I, as an INFJ male, strongly desire. I want my gentleness to be viewed as manly, and not misinterpreted as weakness or timidity. We are by nature gentle men, but we are still men. We desire respect (when I say respect, I mean admiration of a lover, not dominion or obedience. I mean my lover's devotion to the idea that I have a strong heart even when I appear weak, my lover's belief that I am worthy of a leadership position and that she wants to encourage me towards leadership by following/supporting my attempts to lead, my lover's belief that I have good intentions towards her and want to serve her in my leadership, and her belief that I have intrinsic value).

And I don't believe women give all this to a man unless they strongly, strongly desire them, and more importantly, trust them. So let's just fully embrace it: You like this guy.

May just be my perspective on romance. Not sure if it's shared among others here.

Not what you asked, but it's the clearest thing I personally can provide.




edit: another thought: your relationships are not defined by MBTI. When two people are focused on serving each other, seeking to understand, supporting, encouraging, those MBTI predictions of conflict just don't matter anymore. Yes, conflict happens, and quite often it happens where MBTI predicts, but that just doesn't matter between two people who love and respect each other. You sound like an incredibly UNselfish person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
But, damn, immature INFJ or unhealthy INFJ, that's a nightmare. Always sulking, always looking at the bad things, never at the good things, always slowly slipping in depressions, man, it's terrible.

I wish you the best of luck with this INFJ, hopefully he can see how wonderful you are, and not throw it away.
Thanks Mystikro :) You are naturally caring..

I have experienced various trauma in my life myself; and as my friends and mentors always told me, we always learn the most with things that are just difficult enough so that we barely survive. Anything less, it won't have that enormous corrective power. Right? I am just getting out of one myself. Having a crush on someone is the ultimate sign of recovery in my case..
I'm glad you are better now :) Being more romantic, I think, is always a plus in life, regardless of its cost.

Yes, I do sound like an INFP when it comes to romantic feelings, and when I talk about people I really care about. Also when I talk about poetry and music. But you'd know I'm an INTP if you met me :) I wear it all over me.

One thing I really appreciated from what you said here -

you are right to say that "run the hell away from unhealthy INFJ."

Trust me, I have seen one, and it was the nastiest thing (psychologically) I have ever observed in my life (and by now, I've seen tons of really disturbed patients, etc.).

That uncanny ability to "read" others minds, when used as a weapon, is just beyond imagination. I observed it happening to someone else, and just the way this (fucked up) INFJ girl destroyed the other girl's feelings and eventually her relationship... Such a sly guilt trap that neither the abuser or victim realized. The best part was that it was unconscious. The abuser was "not guilty," in her mind. I saw through it because I do that, but no one noticed, especially the victimized girl or any of our mutual friends around. When I saw that happening, I cut ties with that INFJ girl immediately (stopped talking to her altogether) and she came up with her innocent face (almost tears in her eyes, I'm sure) and asked me (also guilted me, again) why I wasn't hanging out with her. I told her I just don't build or maintain such relationships, no explanation. Just my way (most socially acceptable way) of saying fuck off. :p
She was depressed, silently angry, and destroyed others' happiness one by one by using the same guilt trap. She was disgusting, to say the least. And guess what, one of the most beautiful friend I know is an INFJ, too ^^ I absolutely adore her..

This was one of the most valuable lessons in learning MBTI. This is how we snap out of it - seeing the limitations and variations of it all.

Thank you for wishing me luck :) Your last sentence is so sweet too. But as always, the pleasure will be mine to get to know someone wonderful. I do wish we give each other that chance ^^

Happy day,
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
You didn't ask for this, but I want to call you out: You really like this guy, and it's freakin adorable. I don't have much that I feel I can accurately say about this guy from the descriptions provided, but I can 100% without a doubt tell you that you like this guy. A lot.

Get rid of the analogy that it's like a kid obeying an authority, because if you're both good people, it's not accurate. If you're both good people, then the scene you just described is a fulfillment of both of you finding something you truly desire, whether you realized it before or not. It's you expressing your admiration and relief at finding a gentle/strong man, and it appears that he's expressing desire to serve and care for you.

Not what you asked, but it's the clearest thing I personally can provide.
InTheRockies,

What an invaluable comment.. You are completely accurate in your view of that scene.
I will not get rid of it, because it really was sweet :) But I will elaborate the parts I missed to mention.

Yes I waited for like a kid, like an excited kid waiting for my daddy to get me cotton candies ;) (And now that I think about it, he actually was getting something sweet for me haha). The silent excitement, and the experience of being held and taken care by someone was so special - it is exactly as you described it. I am expressing my admiration of his gentle, strong manly qualities, and he does seem to show me he doesn't mind doing caring things for me :)

Thanks for the reminder ;) I'm so carefully tip-toeing around this crush, scared and surprised. My natural intellecutalization defense mechanism is up and I'm on this MBTI forum analyzing the hell out of the situation. But I think you are right, I do like him. In a very different, comfortable way I have never felt before with other NT crushes. I like it.

This was better than what I asked for - something I didn't know to ask for. And I thank you for that.

Good day :)
 

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InTheRockies, What an invaluable comment.. You are completely accurate in your view of that scene.
I will not get rid of it, because it really was sweet :) But I will elaborate the parts I missed to mention.

Yes I waited for like a kid, like an excited kid waiting for my daddy to get me cotton candies ;) (And now that I think about it, he actually was getting something sweet for me haha). The silent excitement, and the experience of being held and taken care by someone was so special
Oh gosh, you're so right, don't get rid of that!

Best wishes, freud. You sound like a lovely person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
edit: another thought: your relationships are not defined by MBTI. When two people are focused on serving each other, seeking to understand, supporting, encouraging, those MBTI predictions of conflict just don't matter anymore. Yes, conflict happens, and quite often it happens where MBTI predicts, but that just doesn't matter between two people who love and respect each other. You sound like an incredibly UNselfish person.
Haha thanks! That's flattering..

Are all INFJ men this nice :D? Look how this thread is turning out.. haha

I can't agree more that relationships are rarely defined by MBTI. It's funny when we read MBTI compatibility threads. There is so much more in the picture - physicality, parental influences, our own little traits.. And when two people are mature and both genuinely wish the other to be happy, I think any pair can be worked through. I totally agree with you.

But he really is a unique person and knowing MBTI, and figuring out that he is an INFJ did help me a lot. The few mutual friends who know him are utterly confused by him. This cool, private character that only very few are friends with.. haha

I see him though. I mean, I really "see" him, you know? And I think he's starting to understand that a bit. I just wish we get the physical (in terms of time and space) chance to get to know each other better :) ..
 

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I am very curious what your Enneagram type is. Have you taken a test before? I find it quite fascinating that an INTP can reach that level of emotions, there must be something else going on here. I'd expect this from an INFP.

If you don't know which one it is, here's one, it will take some time.
http://similarminds.com/test.html

I hope you can solve this problem you're having with your INFJ romantic interest to meet your heart's desire. People like you deserve the best. Because they try to make it.
 
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and he said things like "I'm very easy (shy smile, shy smile)" when it comes to girls.. but I think he just means casual relationships. I don't believe that an INFJ would just "easily" like or take anyone.. I don't know.
Not just anyone. That phrase is a recognition that he feels swept away by your presence and attention; that you could so easily wrap him around your little finger. It's quite a fine compliment.
 

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Hi Vaan! Thank you :)

It took me forever to figure out signing up and posting this, and was worried people might not see it.. hehe
Seeing your reply was a HUGE relief, and thank you for welcoming to this forum. I think I will learn to love it.

Let me see if this cool "quote reply" thing works.
I completely agree that INFJ males tend to be more calm and reserved, while INTP female learns to be even more open with her emotions. I come off as more calm and analytic at first, though I will always act "caring and warm" (my counselor identity). But with him, I was acting like a little kid, all bubbly and happy, which is something I only do with very close/old friends.. He immediately brought out that "comfortable side" in me that only my close friends or family members get to see.

He is an unusually good listener (a trait I consistently find in INFJs, to varying degrees) and I am a good listener by training.
He will let me talk forever with sustained, genuine interest, or when he talks, I would listen very attentively leaning towards him, often smiling or asking equally deep and private questions. I think these personal traits we have make our interaction easy for both of us..

I'm secretly blushing when you say "he definitely likes you" .. hehe ^^

I just wish I can spend more time with him.. but making that contact is difficult for both of us - seems like we both rarely leave our rooms unless we have to (we agreed that our "perfect vacation fantasy" is being in a cabin by the ocean or in the woods, full of books, no electronic devices whatsoever and just good bottles of wine..), I am also physically frail at the moment, both somewhat busy with work, and I can't keep giving myself excuses to go up .. I don't know.. heh

I'm off to work for now, but your reply made me so happy :) I think I'm off to a pretty good start of the day today^^

Hope you have a very happy day too, Vaan. Thanks again!
Yes my INTP was much the same, I think perhaps the seeming childishness is either a final line of emotional defence or it could be due to the infrequency that they get those opportunities to open up in that way.

I will give a word of warning, long distance relationships are very hard on this pairing. It is a learning type, the INFJ develops their Te and the INTP develops their Fe. While they are developing common themes are clingyness/possessiveness and overworrying and an emotional coldness from the INFJ. If there is distance involved those symptoms become 10X worse. Distance is what killed our relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I find it quite fascinating that an INTP can reach that level of emotions, there must be something else going on here. I'd expect this from an INFP.
Hahahahaha Mystikro, I will take that a huge compliment. Hahaha .. It is sad that the INTX reputation as an emotionally retarded is sadly true in so many cases.. We are all results of our own personal history. I was born with certain capacity and tendencies, and my environment made me to develop them in certain ways.. :)

I will try that enneagram thing and get back to you. I do not know much about it but sounds interesting, I'd love to find out.

And yes, INFP is my secret alter ego when it comes to love and arts, I absolutely adore those individuals for that reason..
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I hope you can solve this problem you're having with your INFJ romantic interest to meet your heart's desire. People like you deserve the best. Because they try to make it.
Mystikro,

What a sweet thing to say... This sentence feels like a gift to me. Thank you :) Thanks for these sweet words .. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Not just anyone. That phrase is a recognition that he feels swept away by your presence and attention; that you could so easily wrap him around your little finger. It's quite a fine compliment.
SiFan,

I was really hoping someone would say something about this. This was one of the most confusing things.

I was thinking the totally opposite - like he is "very easy" and would easily fall for anyone, but not me..... :'(

I don't know, haha. Also I believe that INXXs would generally be pretty careful and picky in their own ways.. I just thought he meant casual relationships, he's easily convinced or something. (I still don't quite get it). When I talked to one of my INFJ girl friends, she said she'd be "SO promiscuous!" if she were a man hahahaha

I can definitely see that side in them too, I think that's wonderful. But thanks for translating(?) it haha.. I thought I was somehow "below" the mark, like someone even "as easy as himself" wouldn't come forward for me? or something.

Thanks SiFan :) Love your cute dragon too..

Good night,
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
Yes my INTP was much the same, I think perhaps the seeming childishness is either a final line of emotional defence or it could be due to the infrequency that they get those opportunities to open up in that way.

I will give a word of warning, long distance relationships are very hard on this pairing. It is a learning type, the INFJ develops their Te and the INTP develops their Fe. While they are developing common themes are clingyness/possessiveness and overworrying and an emotional coldness from the INFJ. If there is distance involved those symptoms become 10X worse. Distance is what killed our relationship.
Vaan,

Thank you. I believe INTX childishness is our completely undefended state, which is usually quite comfortable and fun.

I do take your point seriously on LD relationships though. I can totally see that happening, and it is the biggest factor that holds me back. I think in any INXX - INXX relationship, it can be difficult. We are imaginative types, but we do need a lot of adjustment period to really get to know our complex internal worlds. Unless we have a lot of memories of spending time together, LD would be difficult. Starting a relationship LD would only kind of be successful with at least one high-energy (probably E) individual making some concrete and sustained moves.

Thanks Vaan :) Have a beautiful evening,
 

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Vaan,

Thank you. I believe INTX childishness is our completely undefended state, which is usually quite comfortable and fun.

I do take your point seriously on LD relationships though. I can totally see that happening, and it is the biggest factor that holds me back. I think in any INXX - INXX relationship, it can be difficult. We are imaginative types, but we do need a lot of adjustment period to really get to know our complex internal worlds. Unless we have a lot of memories of spending time together, LD would be difficult. Starting a relationship LD would only kind of be successful with at least one high-energy (probably E) individual making some concrete and sustained moves.

Thanks Vaan :) Have a beautiful evening,
I think we can sense that too and we really thrive on that because while childish its also 100% genuine which is fantastic ^_^.

No problem, keep us updated, I hope it all works out well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I am very curious what your Enneagram type is. Have you taken a test before? I find it quite fascinating that an INTP can reach that level of emotions, there must be something else going on here. I'd expect this from an INFP.

If you don't know which one it is, here's one, it will take some time.
Free Enneagram Personality Test

Mystikro,

I took the enneagram test and I'd like share the results with you if you are interested, but somewhere outside of this thread so this space remains in topic. Do you have something like "visitor messages" on your profile? I couldn't find one on your profile (still getting used to this forum..).

I have some guess as to what you may have thought I might be, but I think the results will surprise you. I took the test three times, same exact high scores for the first two types. I read each description of the types (and three number combinations), and I agree they are accurate. But since I don't really know this well, I don't know what they mean when they come together (It's like I only know the definition of I, N, T, P separately, and do not understand the whole that is bigger than sum of its parts). I'd love to hear what you think of it/ help me analyze it. Wanna do it on my "visitor message" wall thing? What's easiest for you?
 
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