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Discussion Starter #1
I am an INFP and my (male) INFJ friend has started acting strangely around me, but not around any of our mutual female friends. Sometimes he'll see me in the cafeteria and sit at a different table. Sometimes we'll sit together and communicate perfectly, and other times we'll have uncomfortable "conversations" where I try to think of things to say while he appears to be deep in thought. I think probably we're both trying to think of things to say and/or overthinking the situation. Other times I'll catch him staring at me thoughtfully, usually from a distance- when he does it in the middle of a conversation it usually derails my train of thought. Does this sound familiar? If not, how do you flirt?
 

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this sounds about right...at least in my opinion
 

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Discussion Starter #6
The confusing thing is that he seems to like me, even though I know he can tell right away when I am silently judging someone. So maybe he's not sure? Who knows. And by that I mean we probably won't get together unless Fate shuts the two of us in a broken elevator for five hours straight because I don't see any other way of getting past the pre-relationship stage. Oh introversion...
 

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Eyes ... eyes ... they're my tools of breaking a woman's will :p You just know when to give them a piercing look that makes 'em stop and think for a moment :D (no modesty here)

Even at a young age (when I was about 13 or 14) - my mom used to tell me not to "look" at someone a certain way and that "she'll get some wrong ideas" ... so I naturally practiced it in the mirror for hours :D

I'll use that look whenever I want .. and I do notice the reactions.

There's another thing we INFJ's (at least I) do .. if there's something about a lady's dressing on a particular day that strikes out at me, I'll be sure to point it out. I love big earrings on ladies - so I'd openly compliment all my girl friends who show up wearing big earings.

But at the same time, I'm very protective also - so as to not come across as being too obvious. The one area where an INFJ truly shines is the damsel in distress that needs saving ... oh man -- absolutely irresistible ! No matter who it is ... where she's from .. what my feelings towards her are ... if she's in trouble, I'll do anything to help her!!

One day, I remember, I was ill in bed with a 102 degree fever (dunno what's that in celsius) and I got a call from a girl friend that she'd forgotten to fill up her gas tank ... well .. the INFJ's probably know the rest of the story without me bothering to finish it :)
 

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Oh all the times I've flirted and made women blush ... sometimes downright evil .. I'm not much of a looker, so I compensate other ways .. just a couple of days ago, an office colleague for no apparent reason remarked "I have beautiful eyes!" .. well, I turned my look on her and said "Look at me" ... She gave me a half glance and looked away ... I didn't give up though, I was like "You better look at me, so that I can see into the depth of your soul!" ... and relished the blush afterwards :p ... it was just nothing but fun office flirting ...

another day, I was on the phone with another girl friend talking about my divorce ... and she said "Well, watch out for rebounds, don't go sending me any wedding invitations any time soon!" ... I was like "How bout I send you a proposal instead?" .... oh the silence after was fun :p (we both knew of course it was a joke) ... but well, that's how I flirt ... and I do it quite freely and often.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
This made me smile haha. Yeah the seeing into the soul thing sounds familiar. ... your flirtatiousness seems to be the exception to the rule, sadly.
 

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perhaps :D I've suddenly become a lot more extroverted since my divorce ... in fact, another colleague was baffled by my admission that I'm actually an introvert (perhaps being a sales manager has helped me become a little more extroverted)

aah .. but now flirtations are mostly with the girls I've learnt to trust --- and who know with absolute guarantee that I'm not leading them on. I'd hate to be the cause of mis-interpretations of my intentions.
 

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Um, yeah. Sounds like there is something there.

Back in the day I "flirted" by being as supportive and uplifting as I could possibly be to a girl that I was interested in. The results were usually disastrous. I was so worried about pushing my now-wife into a relationship too quickly after a previous bad relationship that we might not have ever gotten together if she hadn't gotten confused and initiated "the talk."
 

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Discussion Starter #17
original_jawz: It's good to know you only flirt with girls who know you don't mean anything by it. That's my policy too, except with guys. And it's been my experience that some I's can turn on and off their extroverted function, but personally when I do that I feel like I lose some intuition. Finn Darkrider: That sounds like something my friend would say. And if that's his approach too... it's working...
 

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sometimes we flirt "Innocently", and dont realise that we are leading them on, so be careful of that, but yeah this seems sincere at face value ^^
 

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I'm about to go into my deeply introverted and philosophical phase here for a bit so bear with me.

My experience with love in life has been fairly traumatic - but what tortures me up is the knowledge that I've had opportunities, but I've let them slip by. When in high school, you've no idea how many girls I passed up on - because I was too closed minded about relationships in general (I was quite the priest back then).

One of the hardest things for me has been judging a woman's intentions towards me. The attention is always flattering - but it's the reception of that attention and the hundreds of thoughts that go behind judging the actual purpose of the attention is the impossibility. My introversion took a turn for the worse after my first "break-up" - and I became a recluse to the point that women didn't exist.

Then enter my mum who told me about this girl that I should consider for marriage (and the chapter was closed as far as I was concerned). I convinced myself that I would be the ideal person this girl would desire - and changed myself to suit her. (If you've seen the TNG episode "The Perfect Mate" you'll kinda know what my culture is like) Mentally, I've been so deeply involved with one woman at a time so obsessively that I've been oblivious to consider other/all women romantically. The desire to even consider more than 1 woman romantically at a time was shut of deep in the corner of my brain - that perhaps at the moment I've been over-compensating for the years of romantic deprivation - and am perhaps coming across as a player.

I know that I have broken one heart during my engagement and marriage - and I hope that she has forgiven me. There was a girl who gave me all the signals - and I used to enjoy her company even more than I enjoyed my fiance's. But I had already gotten engaged by then - therefore nor she, nor I could do anything about it. In our culture, commitments are usually for life - and an engagement is as good as a marriage. I could spend hours talking to her - and wouldn't know where the time went. She always used to invite me over to her place (something which is very uncommon in my culture) - she helped me get a job at her company when I was down (during marriage) - and she even cried as I sat and told her about my resignation (to join another company). Then when her father died, I only went for the funeral - and didn't even call her to see how she was doing. That was the worst I've ever treated a woman in my life. But thankfully, she's married now and has moved out of the country altogether. I pray for her happiness and wish her well.

My past has had the opposite effect on me as far as my interactions with women are now concerned. I am a lot more free - and I lay out the cards early in the relationship by referring to her as "best friend", "sister", "like my sister" and so on and so forth to avoid any misgivings. I hope it works. I don't consider myself attractive, or good looking - but I do have a personality that seems to attract many women - and I'm not egotistic, or arrogant about it - it's just the way life is for me.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Wow so um. Thank you for sharing with me some of your experiences. Did you know at the time that you were changing yourself to be with that woman? You were coming off a little as a player but not anymore, goodness haha, your flirting philosophy is a lot more advanced than most men's. And I'm sure the women interpret the "sister" comments correctly. Yes, your personality type at least is definitely attractive to women, it's funny though, I might be the only one that finds my friend attractive.
 
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