INFJ: Newbie to the forum. Just wanna say hello.

3169 Views 23 Replies 12 Participants Last post by darkstar13, Feb 8, 2010

Vanish

Discussion Starter · Feb 7, 2010

Whats good guys, I'm an INFJ male, in college and living a very casual life. I question and talk to myself a lot. I tend to judge myself a lot. I don't know many people that I call friends. I'm really quiet, keep to myself, and talk when I have to. I know that my personality type is rare, but wish it was more known. I feel so invisible because of who I am. I don't know why but I feel that I'm not attractive or no one wants anything to do with me. I guess INFJs are just lonely people.

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zwanglos

· #2 · Feb 7, 2010

Welcome.

Whats good guys, I'm an INFJ male, in college and living a very casual life. I question and talk to myself a lot. I tend to judge myself a lot. I don't know many people that I call friends. I'm really quiet, keep to myself, and talk when I have to. I know that my personality type is rare, but wish it was more known. I feel so invisible because of who I am. I don't know why but I feel that I'm not attractive or no one wants anything to do with me. I guess INFJs are just lonely people.

I can strongly relate to most of what you are saying, but currently it sounds like you're only concentrating on (or perhaps only aware of) the negative aspects of being an INFJ. I kind of felt the same as little as a month ago before I joined this forum, but then learning that I'm not the only person in existence who feels the way I do, and that I'm not inherently flawed in some way, it's both comforting and life affirming. And I'm learning to play my strengths more than worry about my weaknesses.

I don't know why but I feel that I'm not attractive or no one wants anything to do with me.

Why's that?

I guess INFJs are just lonely people.

INFJs can be lonely people if you judge them by the standards of extroverts who have 300 facebook friends but don't really know or understand any of them. I'm usually in the same boat, but I keep a glimmer of hope alive that eventually I'll find a handful of people that I have deep, meaningful friendships with.

Anyway, I hope you stay around. Maybe you'll start to see the finer sides of being an INFJ. :happy:

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Slider

· #3 · Feb 7, 2010

There are "finer" sides?

Anyway. Keep yer chin up. Focus on your studies, go make a lot of money, and then women will suddenly become attracted to you. Nobody knows why this happens.

I agree with, 'wang. Try to meditate on your strengths, rather than your weaknesses.

Vanish

Discussion Starter · #4 · Feb 7, 2010

cool, and yea i guess your right, i do tend to look at my weaknesses more than i do my strengths. I feel unattractive because no girls find me attractive. I cant keep a conversation with a girl for long because i run into topics that require too much thinking. I plan to stick around because i feel this is a good place to meet others like me. It kind of sucks knowing that 1% of the worlds population has this personality type. We are always in the background. I feel like i think more thoroughly.

amanda32

· #5 · Feb 7, 2010

Slider said:
There are "finer" sides?

Anyway. Keep yer chin up. Focus on your studies, go make a lot of money, and then women will suddenly become attracted to you. Nobody knows why this happens.

I agree with, 'wang. Try to meditate on your strengths, rather than your weaknesses.

lol. Slider! "make a lot of money and then women will suddenly become attracted to you?!"

zwanglos

· #6 · Feb 7, 2010

There are "finer" sides?

Theoretically

'wang

Please don't turn that into my nickname D:

It kind of sucks knowing that 1% of the worlds population has this personality type. We are always in the background

So? In my view, being on center stage sucks. I never feel more uncomfortable than when everyone is paying attention to me at the same time. Makes public speaking difficult, though :crazy: (controlling my nerves during public speaking is something I need to work on, tbh)

I feel unattractive because no girls find me attractive.

I don't know you well enough to comment on that, but keep this in mind: society and the media has been subtly convincing you your entire life that only certain kinds of men are 'attractive': those that are built like Brad Pitt (or whoever the latest heartthrob is supposed to be); that have a successful job that they put lots of effort into (but somehow still have a million hours to devote to their significant other); have lots of money; love football/sports in general; are extremely sensitive and caring; are complete and insensitive badasses (contradiction, eh?); smell great all the time because they always buy the perfect cologne; etc., etc., etc.

It's bullshit.

One: because a lot of those 'messages' are being sponsored by companies selling products. Companies involved in football want to convince you that football is the greatest thing ever; clothing companies always use obscenely 'hot' models because they want you to make the subconscious connection that if you buy said clothing, you will be obscenely hot, too; and when you feel you have to smell perfect all the time just to be attractive, then Calvin Klein makes quite a profit.

Two: not only is it making stereotypical messages about what a man 'should' be, it's also generalizing what women are supposed to think they want in a man. A lot of them probably do want the kind of man described above, but you'd be surprised at how many look for different qualities.

Again, I don't know you well enough to say for sure, but is it possible you're just assuming women don't find you attractive? If so, why? I have a lot of things that I consider unattractive about myself, but many women tell me that it isn't really the case or that I'm overreacting.

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nikkii

· #7 · Feb 7, 2010

Vanish said:
Whats good guys, I'm an INFJ male, in college and living a very casual life. I question and talk to myself a lot. I tend to judge myself a lot. I don't know many people that I call friends. I'm really quiet, keep to myself, and talk when I have to. I know that my personality type is rare, but wish it was more known. I feel so invisible because of who I am. I don't know why but I feel that I'm not attractive or no one wants anything to do with me. I guess INFJs are just lonely people.

Welcome, You will feel understood and less lonley here.

fribblesandyoko

· #8 · Feb 7, 2010

Vanish said:
cool, and yea i guess your right, i do tend to look at my weaknesses more than i do my strengths. I feel unattractive because no girls find me attractive. I cant keep a conversation with a girl for long because i run into topics that require too much thinking. I plan to stick around because i feel this is a good place to meet others like me. It kind of sucks knowing that 1% of the worlds population has this personality type. We are always in the background. I feel like i think more thoroughly.

Welcome! I'm not an INFJ but I just wanted to tell you something that a close friend of mine tells me anytime I have problems relating to guys I go out on dates with. If these girls you're talking to are unable to hold their own in a conversation that "requires too much thinking" then clearly they aren't right for you. I'd assume you're searching for someone who you can connect with on a deeper level, one that goes further than appearances, so why waste your time dwelling on those who have no interest in doing the same?

Anyhoo, glad you joined, Vanish! :happy:

Reactions: 2

Vanish

Discussion Starter · #9 · Feb 7, 2010

i feel so awesome here. i love the fact that there are infj people out there who found this forum. i wish i found it earlier but its better late than never. i feel that i cant connect with ppl my age but only ppl that are older. i get along well with more mature people. but the things i like to talk about are never what others talk about for example i like to talk about how the world needs caring and more attention while others talk about jersey shore or whatnot. i cant find a decent girl that has even the slightest thing in common with me. i feel alone most of the time but i tend to just ignore it and go about my business. im only 18 and feel that i should be older. ive had compliments from older women that im much more mature for my age. i even had a girl said to me that she would date me if i were her age. im confidant but semi-shy i mean i can talk to anyone or just spontaneous talk to a stranger. just cant do that with random girls because in my head i feel it might be creepy. dont know how to relate to girls because im not much of a media guy so i dont watch tv. so i cant relate to reality shows or whatnot. i guess im a boring guy. im more comfortable talking to guys because they dont judge as much as women. guys dont care much of other guys thats why. like some girls i see in malls stare down at other girls which is stupid. guys just do their thing and mind their own business. but anyways this is kind of long sorry.

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Emilie Sinclair

· #10 · Feb 7, 2010

Hi Vanish. I'm new too, but I'll say welcome as well. I can also relate to a lot of what you wrote. I'm working right now on my low self-esteem and my social confidence, so I know it's difficult. As I said in the intro forum, I feel a little less alone after reading some of the posts here. Hang in there and enjoy the forum!

-ES

PivotalSyntax

· #11 · Feb 7, 2010

Vanish I can relate exactly to how you feel. I wish there were more people who are able to connect on a level that isn't superficial. A level where conversation can be meaningful rather than small talk and jokes. Perhaps this is why people find me boring, but I am just waiting for the right people to come around.

And yes, it's nice knowing there's more of us around.

Blue Heart

· #12 · Feb 7, 2010

Vanish said:
I cant keep a conversation with a girl for long because i run into topics that require too much thinking.

Welcome to the Cafe, Vanish!

NF's are fairly rare, but when I find one I often times click with them. We INFJ's and other NF's LOVE deep conversations, in fact I personally NEED them. If you are looking for friends, don't worry about age, my best friend is 14 years older than me. I know the books and websites say we are supposed to be compatible with certain other types, but I will say from my personal experience that while I can date any type, my heart of hearts always goes for the NF's (especially INFP's).

Slider

· #13 · Feb 7, 2010

amanda32 said:
lol. Slider! "make a lot of money and then women will suddenly become attracted to you?!"

You know I'm right.

Reactions: 1

napoleon227

· #14 · Feb 7, 2010

amanda32 said:
lol. Slider! "make a lot of money and then women will suddenly become attracted to you?!"

LOL! I love INFJ humour.

kdm1984

· #15 · Feb 7, 2010

Hello. When I was your age, I also felt completely out of place socially. I was a girl into sports and theoretical concepts, not shopping and gossip. The friends I did have were usually male, too, although I had to wait another year before I found one who was attracted to me physically as well as personality-wise.

Hopefully you can find some good friends along the way of either gender to help you cope in a world that squelches individuality as much as possible. I've since conquered most of the social fears I had back then, but at 25, my problem now is figuring out where I fit into the working world. Life as an INFJ is a continual uphill battle of finding one's place. Just try not to get too discouraged - support from loved ones and finding creative beauty in life can sustain you in the long run.

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Vanish

Discussion Starter · #16 · Feb 8, 2010

thanks for the warm welcoming guys its making me feel great. im just trying to live a casual life. while most guys are out there trying to bang as many girls as possible, i just feel like im not built like that. i mean i love women, but with affection and compassion. i dont want to just get any girl, and sometimes its really hard to know which one is right. i have a close friend that i go to school with. shes a nice girl but i cant see me dating her. for others she would be ideal but for me its just not right. i havent been in a relationship recently but would like to be in one. i know i can be a good partner or whatnot but i can never get to that point. i mean i can talk to girls and such, i dont have problems doing that. but being able to attract a girl through my words is something i dont know how to do. i mean sweet talking is easy but then it just becomes stupid. most of my friends tell me to think of get girls as a game that way itll be more easy because you would be more confidant. i am confidant but girls are humans too, why do i have to treat them like an object? no one understands me asides from you guys on here.

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Vanish

Discussion Starter · #17 · Feb 8, 2010

and one other thing... since INFJ are 1% of the worlds population... it seems there are many of us from the looks of this site. and i was wondering where the INFJ are coming from like what country and what state or province because i hope to meet with someone that lives near me. I live in the Greater Toronto Area in Ontario Canada.. if you guys have Skype i would love to talk to you guys.... Skype is free and is great for conference calls....

darkstar13

· #18 · Feb 8, 2010

Your initial post tugs my heart. :crying:
It's like you wrote the words as if reading my feelings like billboard-size advertisements.

PivotalSyntax

· #19 · Feb 8, 2010

Vanish said:
and one other thing... since INFJ are 1% of the worlds population... it seems there are many of us from the looks of this site. and i was wondering where the INFJ are coming from like what country and what state or province because i hope to meet with someone that lives near me. I live in the Greater Toronto Area in Ontario Canada.. if you guys have Skype i would love to talk to you guys.... Skype is free and is great for conference calls....

I have Skype and would be willing to talk to you for sure. Problem is I don't have 15 posts so I can't PM you my Skype name and I don't feel like having random people message me.

Vanish

Discussion Starter · #20 · Feb 8, 2010

ok.... well itll be nice to be able to talk to other INFJ.. so if you have skype pm me it or email me at http://scr.im/freshob

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