[Knives]

Due to another thread, I realized that the reason I admire the INFJ type so much is due to the Fe and Ni that I grew up with!

As the child of an INFJ parent, I have always been curious about the workings of the INFJ. So, INFJ parents, give me YOUR perspective, since we are all more open on the internet.

If you don't have children yet, how would you handle or feel about having an archetypal ENTJ child? (For the sake of theory of course).

Similarly, INFJ children of ENTJs please share your experiences.

 

[vocalist]

My son is only 3, so a little young to be "typed" for certain. But from reading descriptions, my closest guess for now is that he's either an ENTP or an ENTJ, as those are the two childhood descriptions that seem to fit him best (ENTP a little moreso, I think).

It is and will continue to be a challenge, but my husband and I will do our best.

Seeing as my husband and I are both introverts, and most of our family members are introverts, raising an Extravert is not something we are used to dealing with. So far, that is the biggest challenge, since our son gets bored so easily being stuck at home, especially during the long cold winter; and we often do not have the energy to keep uo with his demand for constant entertainment and stimulation. We turn to the television (or computer) way too often as a means to keep him entertained when we want or need some time to ourselves. I'm hoping once he learns to read on his own (which he is close to doing), things will get a little easier.

 

[cyamitide]

I dont have any ENTJ children or any children of my own for that matter, but I am sort of mentoring a younger ENTJ in an MMO game.

Qualities that we share:
Love for organization, efficiency, and planning for the long term, not just to achieve immediate benefits. Both of us want to think about bigger picture of things before taking any action. Desire for our group to be the best. My desire is based simply on feeling like I am one with any group I belong to. His desire is simply based on the fact that he is part of the group so if group fails he has failed too. Ability to be self-critical, not just blame others for our mistakes but learn from our mistakes. Ability to be form critical judgements about other people as well, but he is way more outspoken about it.

Qualities we don't share and may conflict in:
A particular mix of extraversion and love of competition makes him argumentative. Sometimes he argues about things that in my opinion are very small matters. INFJs to the contrary introverts. Our Ni will make us think 7 times before opening our mouth even once and even that gets overridden at times by our Fe telling us that what we are about to say is not tactful. His secondary Ni makes him think only 3 times before opening his mouth and that gets overridden by his strive to excel above others so he opens his mouths and starts arguing. When he joined our gaming group with this behavior he has set several people very much against him so that I had to have a few talks with him about it. Competitiveness and extraversion (talkativeness) are definitely his traits that I do not share in.

 

[Runescribe]

My son is only 3, so a little young to be "typed" for certain. But from reading descriptions, my closest guess for now is that he's either an ENTP or an ENTJ, as those are the two childhood descriptions that seem to fit him best (ENTP a little moreso, I think).

Hi Vocalist,

Three is definitely too young to be typed for a number of reasons. I'm a father of 3 daughters - the oldest is in college on a music scholarship, the two younger ones are a senior and sophomore in high school respectively. Having been there as a parent for them over the years I have seen them go through many changes as they have matured and developed. I've been reading about type for about 20 years now and it seems there is always something new - but especially in recent years there is a lot of new information about the connections between the biology of the brain and the anecdotal narrative we call type.

My point - friendly - is that the processes involved with individuation are complex and the science on it is still emerging. Many factors such as genetics, neuroplasticity of the brain and the influence of formative experience likely go into shaping Type. The structures in the brain relating to basic language for instance will be constantly emerging and developing for your son until about age 12. That's only one of countless elements of cognition that go into shaping how we think - to say little of what we will become. Your love is the most important thing for your son right now. Much more important than anything else.

If my guess is right scientists will still be arguing this stuff - me along with them - when my grandkids are changing diapers. And I suspect that they will regard all this stuff as grandad's silly delusions. I do wonder and consider what type my children could be. I have discussed the concept with them as a way of understanding that different people have different perspectives and motivations. But I've resisted imposing type on them. I would prefer the younger ones wait a while.

The oldest one I'm frankly baffled by. We love each other but I couldn't begin to guess what her type is.

Just a friendly for what it's worth - from an old parent to a new one. Not trying to tell you what to do or criticize. Being a parent is a wonderful experience. You know that already :laughing:

 

[vocalist]

Runescribe--

I understand, and you're right. It's more just me taking a "wild guess" than anything. If I have even a general idea of my kids' possible personality strengths and weaknesses, maybe it will help me more effectively nurture and guide them to be the best they can be.

Talking extensively with my mother-in-law about my INTP husband as a kid, I know from his childhood experiences that biology of the brain does affect how our personalities developed. When the hubs was in first grade, sadly he was emotionally abused by his teacher-- she singled him out as a "scapegoat" of sorts and allowed all the kids in the class to pick on him mercilessly without once intervening, and if he ever responded, he was the one who was punished. It was a horrible situation, and one that didn't come to light until at least halfway through the school year. Before that time, Hubs had been very energetic and socially outgoing, but this experience caused him to turn in on himself and he's been an introvert ever since, though observing him as a toddler/preschooler he probably would have been pegged for an extravert.

Just one scenario. But yes, I will be careful about tentative typing of my children.

Thanks for sharing

 

[Runescribe]

I know from his childhood experiences that biology of the brain does affect how our personalities developed. When the hubs was in first grade, sadly he was emotionally abused by his teacher-- she singled him out as a "scapegoat"

I think this is something that can happen easily in a "Guardian" SJ environment such as how a traditional school might be. The kid who leads with Ni can seem a little spacey to an SJ. Depending on the perspective of the authority figure this can be endearing or be read as a kind of passive aggressive or recalcitrant behavior.

I got that a lot in school - We know you are smart but you aren't applying it (Subtext - you aren't applying it the way that we SJs want you too). When I was in school corporal punishment was still allowed. So I got paddled a lot simply for being myself and spacing out. Forgetting homework, or losing track of stuff. I understand now why those things happened because of the otherworldliness of Ni and the immaturity of Ti-Se which gives you the refinement to carry out physical things.

So it can be helpful to understand type when looking at the child's development especially in scenarios like that. I would just be cautious about trying to pigeonhole them because it's hard to know exactly when the brain is still very rubbery. LOL

Don't mean to sound like a scold. Hope you don't take it that way. Just an old parent to a new one

 

[Queen of Cups]

My oldest son is 9, and is an ENTJ. This summer we had him tested because of some issues he was having at school (suspected ADD, the teacher not me) and I specifically asked the Psychologist to give him the MMTIC because I know that sometimes temperament can play a role in childhood behavior in school. It just confirmed what I already suspected. I have been hesitant to try and type any of my children since they are so young, but the older he gets the more stereotypical ENTJ he becomes. He's confidant, intelligent, charismatic, and when he puts his mind to something he won't stop until he achieves it. He is also very rational. (Watching a 7 year old try to rationalize their emotions is quite a sight believe me). But, he can also be slightly egotistical, competitive, argumentative (thinking he is always right and that his way is the ONLY way to do things), and is not always aware of how his words and actions affect other people. He wants to be treated like an adult and gets really angry when someone tries to talk to him like a child (been doing this since he was about 4).

My approach has been to just let his personality develop on it's own. I think that with a lot of love, logic (not always easy for me), and redirection will be the best thing I can do for him. My love for him is unconditional, but that doesn't mean that some of his more difficult qualities don't make me want to bang my head against the wall sometimes.:tongue:

 

[water]

Due to another thread, I realized that the reason I admire the INFJ type so much is due to the Fe and Ni that I grew up with!

As the child of an INFJ parent, I have always been curious about the workings of the INFJ. So, INFJ parents, give me YOUR perspective, since we are all more open on the internet.

If you don't have children yet, how would you handle or feel about having an archetypal ENTJ child? (For the sake of theory of course).

Similarly, INFJ children of ENTJs please share your experiences.

All I can write is from the prospective of an Infj mother, as I have three teenagers. -- I would not and do not care "what type" they are. My job is to help them to become "their own" very best. Whether that is personality type, faith, school, relationships, etc. Once they figure this out for themselves or ask... I help, we work the process together.

Parenting would not and is not, about me... it would and is, about them.

*I do call them on their behavior though.

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I would much rather spawn an INTJ, whom I could groom for world domination. Though I do not want children, if I were to be blessed with an ENTJ, I would nurture their need for order and control by teaching them valuable skills, such as organizing and cleaning the house and balancing checkbooks. I would finance a lemonade stand, guaranteeing myself 50% of all future profits, and enjoy an early retirement when the child turned it into a multi-million dollar franchise.

 

[Christie42476]

I'm an INFJ mother of 4, the oldest of which is an ENTJ female. She amazes me. Always has. Though I can't deny that raising such a powerful and independent daughter has been rife with unique challenges (not the least of which is how exhausting it's been at times), it's also been tremendously rewarding for me as a mother, and I'm extremely proud of her strength, competence, drive, and advanced maturity.

She's actually on this forum, and I have no doubt that if she discovers this thread (and that I've commented on it), she'll have something to say about it. That should prove entertaining if it happens =)

 

[themonocle]

I found this today searching for a completely different topic and it's an old thread, I realize that, but it applies so much to me personally that I can't resist exploring this a little further in writing.

I'm an INFJ. My dad is ENTJ. My son is ENTJ. My grandfather was INFJ.
We laugh about it how strange it is that we have this personality configuration pattern. It's every other generation. I personally loved my grandfather. My dad looked up to his quiet nature. His kindness. He was so good with people and had the most loving personality. My dad, you can see the similarity, but it is expressed differently. If we all sit at table we look so much alike it's insane. Not just in the physical sense, but in mannerisms and style. We all have this put-togetherness a certain standoffish aloofness as well, but we are all so close, and that's completely obvious to other people.

I've had an unusual journey in my life with the ENTJ personality. My dad... I love him to pieces. He's my dad. He's strong, ambitious, protective, successful, intelligent... Everything you would want in a dad. He also intimidated the hell out of me for years. It was a like a king had entered the room and if he tipped his scepter to you he meant business. As a child I was massively approval seeking. Go figure. Between my personality and being the daughter of an ENTJ everything ran perfectly. Until I was a teen and started asserting my individuality with the most headstrong and protective father under the moon. I did not understand his critical nature at all. Nothing was good enough for me. Boy did he have a hard time with letting me grow up. I can see it for what it was now.

My youngest son has been one of the most amazing blessings to me. Each of my boys have been for different reasons, but this one helped me understand my dad so much better. He's sixteen. My oldest son is an ENFP so he tends to be a little more into his own world. My youngest he has been my shadow since he could walk. He's getting to that point to where he spends much more time with friends and doing his own thing, but he still makes time to come hang out with me purposefully. We have a good relationship. We just do. He comes to me with certain personal questions. Questions about the world. About how people see things or understand things. How or why someone may not quite get his intentions or communication style. Bless his heart. He's doing so well with being kind and considering others. I know sometimes it his assertiveness can run away with him, and I don't want him to change his nature, we do work on prudence though. I've told him, "Son, I love you, you know I love you with all my heart and nothing you do will change that. Ever. But the tongue needs a driver in the seat child. Why don't you try another way of saying that with a little softer person in mind." God love him. I usually get a, "Sorry, Mom. I wasn't thinking about your feelings I was just talking. Let me see if I can think of another way." I call it the reboot. Let's reboot and start this over. He laughs. He knows I'm not mad at him or judging him, I just want him to have the best future he can have and he will need his friends and strong relationships. That's my main concern. That's what I do.

I've learned so much from him. How soft and kind and tender an ENTJ really is. How shy they can actually be. How uncomfortable they can be with expressing their feelings. I've been able to talk to him about not judging how he expresses his feelings. To focus on how people want to be loved and how they express love because there are so many ways. To make sure that whoever he cares about understands that he cares about them. If that's through affection, gifts, actions, spoken word... (Yes, I explained the love languages to him.) I feel like I'm betraying something here, but I also know that if his experience helped someone else he would be willing to share. ENTJ's have the most beautiful spirits, and the part that they don't show the whole world is so soft and genuine. When you meet that part of them it's like a breath of fresh air. This is much easier to see as a mother than as a daughter.

My Dad is reaching his 70's. His grandson is a little more open than he is. A little more trusting. A little more willing to listen. I think, when the two of them are together, my son reminds my Dad of his highest good. And my Dad shows my son developed thought, experience, and tempered wisdom.

I'm really quite glad to be part of this family. It's an honor. And I've seen the difference the quiet role of the INFJ makes. And personally, I have learned a lot about integrity and strength from the men in my life.