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If all the people in my life could stop stressing out long enough for me to have a relaxing day off and then let me go back to work before becoming a spewing volcano of drama again - that would be brilliant! I was so looking forward to relaxing. :frustrating:

Sometimes I wish my life had a pause button. Not for me, just to pause everyone and everything else so I could find some peace. That might sound very self absorbed but I don't get to do anything enjoyable any more without someone spoiling it for me - then when I do find time alone I don't know what I want to do.

I've recently gotten my hours at work increased so that i'm full time which is brilliant, but on the odd occasion I find myself at home someone always has some drama that cant wait. :shocked:
 

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:laughing: Maybe it's a hint to actually use the silverware then? (Not that that would be much fun..)



What kind of test are you looking for?



It's not just the people, it's also the furniture!



Or whatever that thing is. Really, I haven't the faintest.

This thing looks a lot like a Cribben gas stove from the early 1940's, but I'm not positive. :anyone:
 

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INFJ's, since your cognitive funcitons are Ni Fe Ti Se, your whole internal world comes from Ni and Ti. Do you think you are coldhearted? But still, you seem to care about your friends... In which situations would you think you are coldhearted? Do you think you are colder inside than you acually appear?
 

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It's not room-spinning dizziness it's more like "I'm going to fall over, I need to lie down" type of dizziness. Just hope it doesn't lead to another needle in the spine. :p
Interesting. And they still don't know why?

I hope you don't get a needle in the spine, too. That sounds like no bit of fun at all.

You're a medical mystery, Jebby!


Spike Island is on the Irish Netflix, might be on the US one too. Give it a go if it is!
I'll give a look up and see. I read somewhere how to get all the Netflix stuff from everywhere... but now I can't remember if it was an easy hack or not. As I recall, I think it was somewhat easy. I dunno... I'm gonna give finding it a go, though, cuz I'm interested.

~~~

May be a stormy night here. It was stormy last night, just not where I live. The city, parts of it at least, got hammered. The boy had torrential rainfall at his house and some small hail. RN had large hail and heavy rain at her house. Analucia, the newb from work, got her windshield cracked on the drive to work...

I wouldn't mind a big hail storm, but for my truck. Getting it all dented to shit would suck. I do need a new roof on the house, though, so it'd be cool if the insurance paid for it instead of me having to do it. But denting the fuck outta my truck would make me unhappy and I've no place to put it if it starts up that business.

Of course insurance would pay to fix that, too. But that's not the point, really.

Anyway... may be stormy here tonight as well. Has been already... tornadoes and what not, but not locally. So I guess we'll see what it turns up doing it. It's warm (mid 80s F) and humid as all fuck... kinda the right potions to make that storm brew, eh?

I was bumping around on the internet on my phone last night and came across a bit where this group (or whatever) had gathered up both halves of current/former relationships, set them across from each other in a room and had them answer questions that were written on cards placed face down in front of them. Cards about their relationship...

There are apparently videos, but I only saw one couple cuz my phone was not liking the format, and it was a young couple who had been together for 7 years before breaking up and now it had been 2 yrs since their split... and they were sitting down together to answer these questions.

It was awkward, uncomfortable and... interesting, really. There were tears from both parties... and seemed to be some enlightenment happening. They didn't hate each other, which is always bonus, but there still seemed to be a good bit of hurt on both sides. The conversation seemed to give them both at least some closure.

After watching I thought about how it would be to have such a discussion with my exes through out history. Honestly, I didn't think it would be too bad at all, for the most part. I'm still friends with several, the breaks up being breaks up and all... but reasonably amicable ones where the conclussion was met that things weren't going to work out on a romantic level, but... there seemed to be no reason at all to toss out the whole relationship because of that one part that didn't work.

Others... some we tried to stay friends, but it was just awkward, I guess. And we didn't really even formally say that we should stop seeing each other as friends, it just eventually led itself to that over time.

And then there have been the few where I'd rather set myself on fire than to ever share any time/space with them again. Fortunately, that list is very small, though... just two people.

I do think it would be interesting to gather up all the exes, sit down and play the answer the question on the card game. Though it'd not really be a game, obviously. See if there could be any honesty in the coverstation and what kind of closure could be had from it, if any closure were needed. I think there could be some interesting things that popped up that one side or the other was never aware of, which I think could be illuminating for the opposing side of the ball.

It's other relationships, too... brothers, father/son, etc.

Ha! Found a link... The { } And

But... not gonna happen in my neighborhood. Which is ok, too.

I wonder how the work is going to go tonight. Probably much slower than last night. Probably write a lot unless Analucia hangs out on my unit again. I was really surprised she stayed basically the entire night last night. Makes me wonder if she'll do the same tonight... I'm going to guess no because Sam will be there (or should be, at least) and she's already been warned about him. (Not by me... someone else told her. Probably more than one someone, actually.)

So... I'll probably write. And hope the night goes by quickly whilst I'm doing so.

I'm considering taking next Sunday night off. Or trying to do so, at least. That would make bidding shift a whole lot easier. Or perhaps taking Monday night off... though Sunday would be better. I dunno yet. Bidding shift is going to suck as I have to stay up way past my bed time which means I won't get the amount of sleep I should get which I'm means I'll be tired as fuck and annoyed as fuck and that on top of possibly getting bumped could cause all manner of problems that I don't really want to deal with...

On the other hand, do I want to burn vacation time for that? Not really.

Decisions, decisions.
 

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Sometimes I wish my life had a pause button.:
Drama sucks, but I feel like my life is stuck on pause and I can't get the stupid button to lift. Wanna trade?

Do you think you are colder inside than you acually appear?
I'd assume it's the opposite, actually.

Stonefaced, but inside all squishy.
 

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Discussion Starter #20,007
In which situations would you think you are coldhearted?
By staying bottled up and refusing to share any information.

In other news, I'm preparing my butthole for the reaming that this week will bring. Second week of classes, already have a fucking couple of papers due and on top of that I'll be working close to 40 hours because at the hotel we're having a lot of parents stay while other kids return to school. Take last night for example: That was the first night we should expect them AND we had a clam bake. Usually on Mondays we serve 20 people, but we served 70+ with the Sous chef running around serving every lobster and two trainees on grill. Besides that it was just the guy who trained me and, well, me. Got around 5 minutes of help.

Basically I'm looking at 60 hours between classes and work, and that's not including any assignments I have to work on. Guess I shouldn't have bitched for so long about nobody really caring I'm alive, because if I had those people around they'd be worried about me eating/sleeping and would be on my ass for attention I can't give.

Still going strong though. A little crazy, maybe, but I'm not dead yet so I guess I'm doing a good enough job.
 

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Well. Last night sucked. Not because of work but because about 2 or so hours in, I started to feel poorly and that feeling just got worse as the night progressed. Cancelled IHOP Tuesday with the boy... came home and laid about until I could get to the pharmacy... got my drugs and went to bed.

And I slept well, so that's good. And I don't feel so gross now, so that's also good. But it sure did make last night suck.

I hope that whatever was ailing me has left the building, so to speak... cuz there's nothing that makes a night drag on like feeling unwell... and having nothing else to focus on but for the fact that you feel unwell. Talk about making time stand still! Sheesh.

Glad whatever was making me feel unwell wasn't something that stuck around. I've not been sick for quite a long while now. Migraines, yes. Pain, yes. But ill? Nope. Not for some time now and that's good... who wants to be sick, after all?

Just signed up for two computer science/programming/IT classes... one from UC Berkeley and one from ETH Zurich. The one from Berkeley looks fun. It's very basic stuff, which is pretty much what I need. I did take programming way back in the day. You know, back when the computers of choice were the IBM and TRS80. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TRS-80

I didn't stick with programming (le sigh) because the DOS based coding of the day was going to drive me infuckingsane. Not necessarily the coding itself so much as the needle in a haystack game of finding errors in coding. I got bored with that shit really, really fast unfortunately.

Another huge part of the problem was that I could only code in class. These were $500-$600 machines at the time... neither my (unemployed) self nor my parents had that much money to plop forth on such things. (When you only make $19K-$20K a year, $500-$600 is a lot of money!) So... like so many other similar things, I was at a disadvantage becaues of financial reasons.

Not anymore, obviously... and programming interests me a bit... this course from UC Berkeley looks like a very easy course and a very easy way to learn the basics of (current) programming. And it looks like it will be fun. That's the best kinda course, after all. Not sure about the ETH Zurich course... it's also introductory level... but it doesn't look like as much fun (even though it has a fun course title), but whatever. As long as it's introductory and not boring, I should be ok.

Cuz I'm a smart motherfucker. :tongue:

So, they've let Kim Davis out of jail. (If you're unaware who she is she is a county clerk in Kentucky is who is refusing to issue marriage license to same sex couples based on her religious beliefs despite the fact that she is legally bound to do so and in not doing so was found in contempt of court and tossed in jail.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Davis_(county_clerk) I'm not sure how I feel about that.

One side of me wants her to sit in there and rot for being a Bible thumping Christian hypocrite who's in violation of the law and part of me feels like it's... well, there are those far more deserving of a jail cell.

She is an elected government official who is essentially refusing to do her job. If she can't do her job, then she needs to resign or be repealed or what the fuck ever, to get her out of office. As a government official, she does not get to pick and choose which bits of the law she wants to follow. (Law is not like religion where you only have to obey the bits you like or are convenient for you.)

Of course, she has her supporters... those who believe her religious beliefs (Ok... Christianity...) are under attack. Those who somehow fail to understand that it's not her beliefs that are under attack, but her refusal to do her job. :rolleyes:

It's not a matter of religion, it's a matter of bigotry. Plain and simple. The poor persecuted majority can claim all they like that such is not the case, but facts are not on their side. Not only will Davis not issue licenses herself (allegedly due to her beliefs) but before being tossed in the clink, she'd not allow her underlings to do so either, even if it didn't interfere with their beliefs.

(Also, she's not exactly a pillar of Christian values... having been married x4 and having had children with one husband whilst still being married to a previous husband. Seems her Christian Values are somewhat situational, at best.)

She's out but as dictated by the judge who released her she is not to interfere with the issuance of marriages to same sex couples... which her lawyer has already said she will not follow. :dry:

Of course, there are (republican) presidential candidates on this woman's side. Quite unsurprising, really. However, shit like this Huckabee Aide Reportedly Blocked Ted Cruz from Speaking to Kim Davis Crowd | Mediaite amuse the hell outta me.

Poor Ted Cruz. :laughing:
 

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needle in a haystack game of finding errors in coding.


Jaysus. During my internship I had to take jstacks of faulty Java processes for the Java guy to fix. It was so fucking long. I'm staring at a bunch of gibberish and thinking "someone knows what all this means".



Been meaning to start learning that stuff myself. In my internship I was the one who monitored all that stuff but since they shut down I've been wanting to learn it. Have an idea for a website I want to build. My only problem is procrastination. :laughing:



Also back from the hospital. Only a 9 hour wait this time and they didn't keep me overnight. :tongue:
 

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I'll give a look up and see. I read somewhere how to get all the Netflix stuff from everywhere... but now I can't remember if it was an easy hack or not. As I recall, I think it was somewhat easy. I dunno... I'm gonna give finding it a go, though, cuz I'm interested.


I think it's something to do with DNS settings? I know using a VPN would work but you have to rent them. I've wanted to try it too but I was anxious about what damage it would do to my watchlist when half the titles disappear. :laughing:
 

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I never cease to be surprised how kung fu reaches into every aspect of my psyche and scrubs out all the icks. More than therapy ever did, certainly.

We've been doing a lot of gymnastic type stuff in my classes. (At least, the girls have been. The guys have been practicing full contact sparring.) I'm TERRIBLE at it. Lagging behind the rest of the class by a lot.

And I figured out tonight what my main problem is. I disassociate.

Having my feet off the ground and in the air somewhere above my head frankly scares the shit out of me. And when I get scared, I space out. I don't "go to my happy place" exactly, but I detach myself from my body and my thoughts, meaning I mentally "black out" and don't remember anything until the "bad thing" is over and done with.

Which is a pretty bad idea when you've got your feet in the air over your head, don't cha know. Usually by the time I "wake up" again, I'm on the ground in an awkward position.

I'm surprised because this kind of spacing out is something that is common to PTSD--one could say a unhealthy coping skill taken from it. And surprised it'd surface in kung fu in such an obvious way for me.

But there it is. And in order to get better at the gymnastic stuff (<whimper>), I need to work more on keeping myself focused and aware while I'm doing these manuevers.

Blech. Argh. Ick. Blergle. Ha ha. I'd rather be sparring with the guys. Though honestly, I notice I sometimes space out there, too.

I didn't stick with programming (le sigh) because the DOS based coding of the day was going to drive me infuckingsane. Not necessarily the coding itself so much as the needle in a haystack game of finding errors in coding. I got bored with that shit really, really fast unfortunately.
LOL, it's still a little like that, unfortunately. Though the higher end coding platforms (whatever you call them...like Microsoft Word, except for coders instead of writers) help you catch the errors. Not all the time--like Word they can be a little stupid when you're using obscure kinds of "grammar".

Even so, that's why I decided I didn't want to do what my Dad and brother do for a living and write software. I didn't want to be that angry all the time. :laughing:

Another huge part of the problem was that I could only code in class. These were $500-$600 machines at the time... neither my (unemployed) self nor my parents had that much money to plop forth on such things. (When you only make $19K-$20K a year, $500-$600 is a lot of money!) So... like so many other similar things, I was at a disadvantage becaues of financial reasons.

The good news is, all you need these days to code is a computer, a text editor, and the compiler for the particular coding language you're writing for, which is often free or already on your computer in some form. But...going that much to basics means you may need to jump through a few hoops to get the code in your text file to properly talk to your compiler--but that's what the interweb is for, yes?

Or you could the easy kids route and download something like Eclipse or NetBeans...which does all the back end stuff for you, and you learn to write code in a program that also can catch errors and suggest commands if you're drawing a blank.
 

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Jaysus. During my internship I had to take jstacks of faulty Java processes for the Java guy to fix. It was so fucking long. I'm staring at a bunch of gibberish and thinking "someone knows what all this means".

Been meaning to start learning that stuff myself. In my internship I was the one who monitored all that stuff but since they shut down I've been wanting to learn it. Have an idea for a website I want to build. My only problem is procrastination. :laughing:
LOL, it's still a little like that, unfortunately. Though the higher end coding platforms (whatever you call them...like Microsoft Word, except for coders instead of writers) help you catch the errors. Not all the time--like Word they can be a little stupid when you're using obscure kinds of "grammar".

Even so, that's why I decided I didn't want to do what my Dad and brother do for a living and write software. I didn't want to be that angry all the time. :laughing:

The good news is, all you need these days to code is a computer, a text editor, and the compiler for the particular coding language you're writing for, which is often free or already on your computer in some form. But...going that much to basics means you may need to jump through a few hoops to get the code in your text file to properly talk to your compiler--but that's what the interweb is for, yes?

Or you could the easy kids route and download something like Eclipse or NetBeans...which does all the back end stuff for you, and you learn to write code in a program that also can catch errors and suggest commands if you're drawing a blank.
We'll be using the Snap! programming system https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snap!_(programming_language) which looks really easy to work with... just "snapping" blocks into place to assemble your code. Just the little bit I saw last night looks pretty cool. I wanted to try it but it doesn't seem to be compatible with my tablet, so... I'll be doing those bits of the course at home on the pc, I guess. Which is annoying, but... whatever.

It does sound like they'll get quite detailed with the course, but either way... seems a good way to start. I like when I can do something right away and not have to put in hours and hours and hours of study/work/practice before I can produce anything tangible. I want some rewards now, damn it! :laughing:

If nothing else, it looks like it'd be a lot of fun to play around with...

I think it's something to do with DNS settings? I know using a VPN would work but you have to rent them. I've wanted to try it too but I was anxious about what damage it would do to my watchlist when half the titles disappear. :laughing:
I don't even remember. I just remember looking into it at one point cuz... why shouldn't we be able to watch all of Netflix?! I'll have to do some research again, cuz it's not on the US Netflix. Damn it. :angry:

Also back from the hospital. Only a 9 hour wait this time and they didn't keep me overnight. :tongue:
Sounds like an ER visit here. :rolleyes:

~~~

Much better night last night. Not feeling so gross certainly helped. And I had the course to work on and then some crosswords and some reading. Kept me busy all night.

It still amuses me that any time anyone on my shift is planning on doing a crossword, they make a copy for me too... so they can get answers from me when they're stuck. :laughing: Takes me about... 10-15 mins to complete the small one and about 30 mins (on average) to complete the larger one. And I always do. Complete them, I mean. I'm a bad motor scooter when it comes to crosswords... the only one that really gives me much challenge (that I get in the local paper) is the NY Times Sunday crossword. Fuck a monkey, those are bitch sometimes.

Nothing really going on. Just trying to get through the week to the weekend, so I can just chill. No plans at the moment. Maybe I'll just chill the fuck out at home this weekend and... do whatever. (aka nothing)

Mustang's going into the shop tomorrow morning. Hope they fix whatever's ailing it and that whatever's ailing it doesn't cost me a fucking arm and leg. Dunno how that's going to turn out. Have the battery charger on the truck... forgot to put the battery tender on it when I parked it in March. Battery on the nearly, but not quite, completely dead side. :dry: I gotta remember to quit forgetting to do that, eh?

Ah well... I suppose I should get along. Somewhat tired this morning...
 
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