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I have been thinking a lot and doing little. Someone told me months ago, "if you keep doing the same things, you will get the same result." and that is true. But I am also unsure how to break out of my cycle. The person said that I rely too much on outside support, and that is true. But I also feel like I don't have the confidence to make it on my own and it helps to have support. You don't get ahead in life on your own. You need a network.

I would have wanted to be a journalist, have friends and family and a potential partner. I could still try to write articles and send try to send them to papers I guess.

I still blame myself for my first psychosis in 2015, because I did not took care of myself. Because I did not eat much for two weeks, and I fainted even, and I did not sleep and I was so obsessed with PerC... I got this anxiety. Though people say a psychosis isn't your own fault, but I don't know, it may wouldn't have been triggered if I had been different. The second psychosis from last year I don't blame on myself, it was triggered by intense emotions. The darkness I was in.

I don't know if to try to raise more awareness on mental health or not. Try to open a converstation. Maybe it could also be to help myself. I am not sure if I want to talk about psychosis, I realize I get a bit nervous when I talk about it with someone. I remember some of the delusions I had. Last year for example, i had felt such despair and I needed hope. My delusions were starting soon when I thought that someone who used to make YouTube videos "saved me" and I thought he was going to come visit me, and I thought I felt happy because his videos made me laugh and the ones talking about mental health and about telling stories were inspiring. I don't remember much of it, but I wrote down in a diary app that I felt happy. What was.all of that? But it was not real. I do not remember feeling happy. I do remember all the emotional turmoil and fear I felt. All that pain.

Someone I knew believes that you meet people for a reason. And you know, there are a few people that have made me go "hmmm" and I wonder if I will ever meet people from my past again. I wonder if some of these people I did meet to learn something from.

It's just unfair to lose friends because of mental health issues, times when you weren't in control of your own mind.

6,248 Posts
I'm wiped out and it's only the 2nd day of my work week. Bah. I actually should be napping right now, honestly. I'm that kind of tired and I've been that way since I woke up. Fantastic.

Last night went by super quick, though. I mean... so fast that I completely and totally lost an hour. And wasn't even aware of it. I still have a hard time believing that it happened, but I myself verified with my phone clock and every clock in the building after I found it.

I lost an hour. poof All gone.

I went outside on break at what I thought was 0100. I'm out there enjoying some fresh air after using the toity and Kelly shows up. We're chatting for a moment or two and then she's says "You're out here at weird time." and I was thinking, the fuck is she talking about? So I told her that it was 0100 and I almost always gone on break at or around that time.

And then she said "It's 0200."


What? I didn't believe her. I thought she was joshing me. I looked at my phone and... yup. 0200. I was... I don't even know how to describe it really. I was so unaware of that hour's passage of time that it was like... stepping into a time warp or something. It made me feel outta sorts, really.

I mean, I was happy... don't get me wrong. Any time you can make an hour (or more) of work just "disappear"? That's a good fucking thing. Let it go. Be gone with you!

But it was so weird. So weird that I still can't really wrap my mind around it. Freaky, bruh.

I may lost that time because I decided to play The Bard's Tale again. I've never finished the game and I originally had it (a very early version of it) on one of the early consoles, though I don't recall which one. I have this version on my tablet and I've never finished it mostly because I only play at work and either end up distracted or... the last time I tried a play through, I got hopelessly stuck.

But... work is boring as fuck, so I thought I'd give it another go.

I was looking for a video of the game and found this one. It's not much to do about the game, but there are amusing little songs like this throughout. I just hit this scene last night in game play, actually, which is why I chose it.

I must've been pretty absorbed if I lost an hour. I have to assume that's what happened...

Came home and played with the puppo lads for three hours or so. Did some gaming. I've been playing Sims 2 whilst patio perching of late. And yes, I know there are newer versions. I don't like the newer versions, thanks. I bought Sims 3 and it sucked. I much prefer Sims 2 and I'll keep playing that version until I can't anymore. Then, maybe, I'll buy Sims 4 or whatever version is out at that time. Sims 2 is the best version, I think.

I make 10 families and put them into my neighborhood and then play each family for a week at a time. Rotating through them all. So the kids grow up, marry other kids from the 'hood and so on. I do have to introduce other families along the road to add to the gene pool. But... I really like just watching how the families turn out ("genetics" wise) and I like to build the houses. (I like to build, period. I think I've mentioned that before!) It doesn't take a lot of brain power to play... so it's like a great game to mess around with if I don't want to think very hard.

The very first game that I ever had that was like this, in it's "genetics" was Creatures. 'Twas a nice little game with creatures called Norns. Creatures 2 was the best version, though. The little norns had "digital dna" according to the developer, so breeding creatures would pass down traits.

It was true as well. I had a trait were in a couple creatures that caused the baby norns to be stillborn or die directly after birth. I didn't like that trait. And then modders jumped in to add new looks and... yeah. It was cool to breed your creatures and see what they would look like. They also had a little community area and you could "teach" them to do stuff... like babes needed to be taught what things were food or they'd starve.

There aren't a lot of Creatures videos, but here's one for reference sake.

Had an email yesterday from Amazon saying that the expected delivery date for The Last of Us 2 was July 15th, despite the game coming out on June 19th. (Can't remember if I've mentioned this or not) I was not happy. I pre ordered the game for a reason... to have it at my door step on release day. Not a fucking month later.

I mentioned my frustration in a tweet. I got an email today saying the revised delivery date was June 23rd. Still four days past the release date but at least in the same month, for fuck sake.

I'm still a bit peeved about this... but it will be arriving at a good time for me... the same week my month of four day weekends rolls into town. So, I'll have a lot of time to play the game. Yes indeedy. And I will play the hell out of it, too. I've been waiting for this game for fucking eons.

And yes... I've heard all the rumors. I don't care. People get all bent out of shape about the weirdest shit. I'm not 100% sure what happens, but I have ideas... stuff people have been thinking since the game was announced, really. And frankly... heroes don't always come out on top. That's how life works.

Remember when Game of Thrones ended and people freaked out because Dany acted "out of character"? She didn't... but they liked her and admired her and was thinking she was something she was not. I liked that character for about 10 minutes, but... then I saw the reality under... and yeah.

And, either way, it was a tv show and people should just chill the fuck out.

And George RR Martin is never going to finish those books, is he? Fucking fat old teasery bastard.

Anyway. I'm off. You all be good.


6,248 Posts
Well. I've got 30 minutes or so to kill before leaving for work. Thought I'd write more.

You're welcome. :cool:

I wrote all about gaming and forgot all else going on in my world. Silly me.

Today was my baby niece's 1st birthday. The time? Damn. I, of course, couldn't attend her birthday party because they live an hour away and I have to work. So... 4-5 hrs out of my sleeping time is not going to work. My sis & bil took my mom and the rest of the crew headed up there.

Just lil old me that has to work every weekend, missing out. Yay. C'est la vie, eh?

Work. Besides the missing hour.

Isaiah was miffed. It was his night to work in central control. Rita and Natalie normally are secondaries together on this day. Rita had a vacation day last night. Malachi called in sick. Ruby (2nd shift) and Karen (1stie) took the voluntary overtime to cover for Mal and split the shift... so that Ruby just stayed an extra 4 and Karen came in 4 hrs early.

Fair enough.

Ruby was also pissed off because she ended up back on max security, the quarantine part... where she'd just spent 8 hrs covering 4" suicide watch... and Kelly put her right back in there for another four hours of 4" suicide watch.

That's bogus as fuck. And I'd have been pissed off, too. The only thing that calmed her down was Kelly telling her that Isaiah would help her and Karen out in between doing his secondary stuff.

Wait. What?

Isaiah's secondary stuff? Isaiah's post assignment is central control... da fuq?

Ok boys and girls... you get three guesses as to who ended up in central control...

Did you guess? If you said Natalie... ding ding ding, you win the kewpie doll!

Natalie is supposed to be secondary on this day. But... she'd have had to do it all alone and go help Ruby and Karen... which means she wouldn't be able to sit on her ass all night, which means, obviously... that she didn't end up as the secondary last night. Nope... they pulled Isaiah out of his post assignment and put her in it and made him do all of her work whilst she sat on her ass and read a book all night.

Even better, Isaiah tells me that Natalie came to him last week and asked him to trade with her on Saturday (last night)... she did this as soon as she found out Rita had the night off. And Isaiah said I'll think about it, which of course means no. And it means no because nobody will trade with her because she's always scamming or boot licking to try to wriggle her way into not doing a fucking thing all night, every night.

And, apparently, she knew exactly what I'll think about it meant and went to Kelly to get her way. And fuck everyone else. And Kelly bows down to her... get one's boots licked must feel pretty fucking nice if you're willing to alienate everyone on your shift, except the boot licker, eh?

Some people's kids... I swear.

Now... what would've made sense is putting Ruby in central control... let her sit. She's already done an 8 hr shift and it was with 4" suicide watch. So... Ruby in control, Isaiah in max and Natalie doing secondary. That's how it should've worked out. But... nope.

You can't cut someone, who's already worked an 8 hr shift, a break when you got your lazy bestie boot licker to think of!

This is not a thing that is strictly a Kelly/Natalie thing. Oh no. It happens on all shifts with all supervisors.

Doran and Cassie on 1st shift were a fine example. Doran (former 1stie lead supervisor) wanted to fuck Cassie in the worst kind of way... so she more or less was able to write her own ticket every day, depending up on her mood. She had a post assignment, of course, she just never worked it. Or rarely worked it, depended upon the circumstances.

By the time she quit, she pretty much wasn't really working anywhere.

And no... Doran never got to fuck her. She was married, anyway... and not the type at all to fuck about. He is the type to fuck about, but he's ugly... so... yeah. (She is pretty, petite, Latina... he's ugly, not very smart, etc.)

Anyway. I suppose I really do have to go this time since my timer went off. Bah. I don't wanna.

1,253 Posts
isolated yet still in your thoughts

when a species has empathy pity will always have power imo
Right, there is no perfect answer here. Empathy has great potential to do more harm than good in certain circumstances. It's not always an easy answer when it's appropriate & when it's not. This is a big struggle for me.

1,253 Posts
lol. I was thinking about watching it anyway. I've plenty of time tonight, as I stay up all night on Fridays so I can sleep all day Saturday so I don't die at work Saturday night!
*Still panics

My supervisor was less than impressed when he found out, but oh well. Dude shouldn't have been such a raging dickhead. He's the only one I've ever locked up anywhere in any of our facilities. And he deserved it.
HE DID. :)

People like their bias and it is indeed about power and control, particularly from whites at the bottom of the totem pole, so to speak. They don't have much, but at least they're not a goddamn nigger or wetback or chink or redskin or A-Rab. Even though they're low on the totem (education, socially, financially, etc) they're still above racial minorities, they're still powerful. If you're at the bottom, you don't want to give shit up.

Ever heard someone say that <insert minority of choice> is going to take their job? It's the bottom feeders that are afraid of that... I mean, a poorly (or un) educated, poor, barely speaks English job isn't going to take my job. Or your job. Or a brain surgeon's job. As far as I'm concerned if you're afraid an immigrant who is poorly (or un) educated, speaks little or not English or what not is going to steal your job, perhaps you should've tried a little harder.
Fortunately I've not heard someone say this. I have seen it online though. I live near the border & have a good number of friends that immigrated here from Mexico along with one that lives in Mexico & comes up every day for work. It isn't a big deal here. I do think it's a bit more complex than "power" though. I can see control being an issue more than power I guess. Perhaps the two could be seen as going hand in hand, but not necessarily. Now that I'm thinking about it, the people that I know that have an issue with immigration tend to be people that need to have control of things in their lives.

The Stanford Prison Experiment is pretty well known. It basically shows how cruel people can be if they have power over others. That whole absolute power corrupts absolutely thing.
Yes, I have very faint memories of reading about it. I will spend some time reading up on it again. 🙂

Not silly. There is bias in education as well. We've seen it in our facility. We have our own school (part of the city's public school system) with our own teachers, paras, principal, etc. We have a teacher that everyone hates. The kids skip her classes as often as they dare (they lose privileges if they skip too much, as so many of them are so far behind) and staff hates her as well.

Why? Because she's target a kid (usually a kid of color, but not always) and just ride their ass, day in and day out. And then when the kid reacts, he/she is the bad one... not her, that's been provoking and provoking. Staff try to intervene, but it's not always possible as these kids don't have the best impulse control and they can go from zero to 1000 mph very quickly.

I wish they do away with her, she's a menace.
I wish they'd do away with her too. She sounds awful.:oops: I wonder how she still has a job. I WILL COME FIRE HER begoneeeeee bozo

When I was in high school (all white town, all white school at that time) the bias was based on money. Literally which side of the tracks you lived on. North = poor and therefore not worthy and South = wealthy (or wealthier) and therefore, to be admired and doted on.

It is not fun to have teachers dislike you (sometimes) or not really acknowledge your existence (commonly) just because you lived on the "wrong" side of town. It made me angry and resentful. So much ass kissing going on.

An example; Biology class was required in 10th grade. So, at my table was me, my friend (and across the street neighbor) Scott, my god kids' mom and another girl named Sue. All northers. (My god kids' mom lived on an acerage, but they were not well to do at all.) Also in the class were the superintendent's son and the former superintendent's daughter. (They were a thing, those two. Married now, for all this time.)

So, the teacher's taking questions before a quiz the next day. We sat with our hands up the entire time and were not called on even once. Completely ignored. But, the other two? He must've answered 5-10 questions each over that 45 minute period.

It was so bad and so obvious that the next day, before the quiz and whilst the teacher was out of the room, the two teacher's assistants for that class (two seniors that none of us knew well or hung out with) gave us the answers to the quiz (on the down low, of course) because, they told us, that they had been watching the day before and thought the whole situation was fucked up and unfair. They decided to help us out the best way they could think of...
That is terrible. It makes me sad that this happens. I didn't have this experience growing up, so it's hard to wrap my brain around. It's like a movie. You see things like this in movies. But it happens in real life, which is heart-breaking. I hope things have improved since then, but I'm guessing it still carries on. I think this sums up so much of what's happening in our country right now. People don't believe things like this really happen unless they personally experience it. There's a very narrow-minded, selfish mindset. Tunnel vision.

Everyone does have bias. I don't think I have bias for race. Race isn't important to me, I'm not anymore afraid of a black man than a white man. It's not like I'm color blind... I see who they are, it just doesn't fucking matter to me. But I do have other biases... I don't think I act upon them. At least externally. It's hard to turn off the internal dialogue, though. That voice can be really fucking loud when it wants to be.
Bias- yes. The biggest hurdle seems to be just recognizing & admitting when it's present.

Parents have so much power. It's scary. I'm trying so hard to raise my kids to be kind & thoughtful to others & other perspectives. THE LITTLE TURDS BETTER LISTEN

At least it's just not me. I don't think I'd enjoy it ever day, though. Does it feel like it's up in your ears sometimes or your sinuses? It's a weird feeling and I do not like it and I usually get a sore throat when I feel like that.

We're better today, thanks!
Yes, ears & sinuses. I wake up most mornings with a sore throat & pressure behind my eyes. It's my own fault because I have allergies yet I insist on sleeping with the window open & a fan on for white noise so I can burrow under the covers. I also think I just imagine it sometimes. Because I'm a dippity doo da.

If this isn't normal for you though, it's your body saying "hey bitch, imma do a big bad battle against some germies & you 'bout to get siiiiick" so you need to drink lots of water, get yo vitamin C & make sure you're getting enough sleep. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED THIS OUT ON YOUR OWN YET 🙃

I am glad you guys are feeling better! Good. :)

1,253 Posts
Remember when Game of Thrones ended and people freaked out because Dany acted "out of character"? She didn't... but they liked her and admired her and was thinking she was something she was not. I liked that character for about 10 minutes, but... then I saw the reality under... and yeah.

And, either way, it was a tv show and people should just chill the fuck out.

And George RR Martin is never going to finish those books, is he? Fucking fat old teasery bastard.

Anyway. I'm off. You all be good.
AGREE. Geez louise did I get annoyed by the "Danaerys or however you spell it wouldn't have done that they completely ruined her character at the end!" commentary/whining. THIS IS EXACTLY WHO SHE WAS. My opinion of her changed early on in the books. Though I did think it a bit out of line to have her do that later rather than immediately when they killed her dragon & friend. That bugged me a bit. Also GEORGE RR MARTIN ANGERS ME & IS A LITTLE BITCH

6,248 Posts
Sweet baby Jesus, I'm tired.

I stayed up too late (it was nice outside!) and then got woke up a couple hours later when the big pup decided he needed to go out. And we were out for a few minutes because he had a tummy thing and had the squirts, so... had to wait for him to squirt it all out or whatever. :poop:

And then, I couldn't go back to sleep straight away. And the wee pup kept throwing himself on me, trying to lick me or nibble my ears. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. GO TO SLEEP!


It wasn't just the wee pup being silly that prevented me from sleeping. It was just being up. Sometimes, a little interruption in sleep can set off insomnia and I really don't want to deal with that. And it took forfuckingever to go back to sleep. I feel asleep, finally, watching General Hospital. I see that show sometimes, as I fall asleep with the tv and always on the same channel... there was some brouhaha about some murdery type person and no I don't know a single character's name, nor do I care.

My sis and her former bestie used to watch GH every single day. It was the Luke & Laura years. And I know about that only because we had one tv... and for that hour or whatever, it was always on GH. Couldn't help but know something. Though I really never knew what was going on... just those the name of those two.

Work was boring. It was a bit of comeuppance for Natalie because she got sent to max and the 4" suicide watch because Malachi called in sick again. And Isaiah was supposed to help her. He told me that he wasn't going to do what she thought... cuz when Rita is the secondary when Natalie has 4" watch, Natalie makes Rita do all her work whilst she sits and does the watch. What everyone else does is have the secondary take over watch for a little bit while you do your own fucking work.

So. Isaiah said he wasn't playing that. He was going to tell her he was there to cover her watch, she needed to get her work done. And this amused me. He did say he was going to do her laundry for her... which, with our population as low as it is right now, is a kindness not a necessity. I mean... I had two kids shower yesterday. If I had 4" suicide watch, would I really need someone to do my laundry? Nope. If they did it, that'd be sweet... but I wouldn't even ask. I mean, seriously?

It was a quite night. I did not lose an hour. I was painfully aware of all 8 of them. At least I'm on top of the hump tonight... after tonight, it's the downhill. Of course, tomorrow night I'll be on max and have that 4" suicide watch if the boy is still on them. Here's hoping he's off by tomorrow night, eh?

Read some incident reports last night as well. We had to inmate vs. inmate assaults. One was relatively minor and happened on my male unit. I have three boys on my unit. Two are Latino boys from the same gang and the 3rd is a white boy who's a bit slow and who is a sex offender (he has to have injections to keep his wiener from working or he'd rape everything that moves) and a pretty big kid. (6'2", 220 lbs)

Well, Captain Sex Offender said something nasty about one of the Latino boys' father. He didn't know the boy's father was deceased. The Latino boy lost his fucking shit and punched Cpt. SO right the fuck the mouth and made him cry. (He's 18, but he's a big baby) That's all there was to the incident. The Latino boy walked right into his cell with no issues at all and he only hit the big oaf once... when he could've done a lot more than he did.

The other inmate vs. inmate assault happened on max. I don't know exactly what caused the fight. I don't think staff that were there at the time actually know. But two boys got into a scuffle and Billy (2nd shift staff) got into the mix with them... and then all ended up falling over and onto some chairs... and in the process the bigger of the boys got the other boy into a choke hold and was choking him the fuck out.

Ruby (Billy's sister) was the first to answer the assistance call because she was on the same unit (with the quarantine inmates) and she said the chokee turned red, then purple, the started turning blue. She was shouting at the choker to let go because it was obvious the chokee couldn't breath... the other inmates also started to yell at him to stop. (The incident report said at least two were to the point of intervening by kick... in the face, no less... or striking the choker to make him let go as they were all afraid he was going to kill the other kid right in front of them) None of them did do anything, but... they were seriously considering it.

Ruby was finally able to get some space between the choker's arm and the chokee's neck... which allowed him to breath and also allowed Billy to reposition by rolling them both (he and the choker) and thus broke the choke hold all together. And then... all was right with the world. Mostly. Nobody died, nobody seriously injured.

Though the choker was yelling at the chokee that he was lucky and if he got the chance, there or on the outs, he would kill him. So... there's that, anyway.

And yes... I do believe he would have murdered that boy had Ruby not managed to pry his arm of the boy's neck, just enough for Billy to reposition and eventually break the hold. I also think it's quite likely that the other inmates would've gotten involved had it gone on much longer... even though they'd have likely been charged for doing so... and imagine the confusion when other staff arrived, had two staff been on the ground with two inmates whilst two or three additional inmates were kicking/punching one of the inmates on the ground. It'd have been mayhem and shit would've gotten ugly. How could it not? Yes, the other inmates would be trying to help, but other staff coming would not know that, particularly if they had resorted to kicking someone in the head, which one of the boys wanted to do.

And I know that he would've killed because he's up for manslaughter now. He obviously doesn't have a problem killing people. (And the boy he said he was ready to start kicking that kid is in for murder, so... yeah.)

Lovely children we look after, eh?

MOTM October 2013
6,423 Posts
Weird thing. Every summer we have Miller moths migrate through, to the point I'll have five bouncing about my lamp at night and that many in every other room. For a few years, these migrations practically stopped (not sure why) and though they're annoying little buggers, I really missed them. But this year, they're back. And I'm celebrating having five moths bouncing around in my room again, no matter how many I catch to let them out. The cat is catapulting himself off every surface to try and catch one.

6,248 Posts
Had the tv on whilst I napped on the couch just a bit ago. At some point a show about the whole Rodney King thing (and events leading up to and what not, I think) came... something about The Fall or something. I remember it being advertised, but don't recall the name.

Anyway. I was dreaming that shit. About cops and beatings and corrections and shit. It must've been going into my head and sticking in there whilst I slept. Weird.

I didn't lose any hours last night. Again. I rather enjoyed losing that hour on Saturday night, though it also left me quite outta sorts because I have no recollection of that hour at all. Kelly checks rounds every night, down loads the recorder and has to sit and look through them all. She said I didn't miss any rounds... which I was actually concerned about as I had/have no recollection, at all, of doing them. Or anything else.

I was playing The Bard's Tale, as I said... and that probably distracted me somewhat... but I must've really been in my head for that to have happened and I recall none of it.


I keep hoping for it to happen again. And it hasn't. Bummer. My work week would go by so much faster if hours just randomly went missing from it, eh?

There was a shooting/killing in Atlanta (I think) where a drunk black man scuffled with police, took on of their tasers, ran off... and was shot in the back and killed. He did turn and point the taser at the officer.

The officer was fired. I'm not sure how they're going to proceed from there. I will say that... depending upon how a judge/jury looks at it, it may be difficult to get a conviction if they prosecute. Because he turned and pointed the taser.

The first thought is to say that the cop knew he had the taser, knew it was in his hand, it's yellow... when he turned back toward the cop, the cop should've known it was a less than lethal weapon and not fired at him. But the thing is, it could be a lethal weapon. The guy's running, the cop's running and the guy turns back and successfully deploys the taser to the officer. The officer is going to face plant, most likely. That may or may not be lethal alone (head injury) but also could end up lethal if the guy now takes momentarily stunned officer's gun.

That obviously didn't happen, but it could have. We don't make court decisions by things that could have happened officer, but one has to take into account what's going through the officer's mind at the time.

I think it was a bogus shooting. I would not have shot in that situation. The man was drunk and fleeing. He was actively resistant against officer, but I didn't see him hit or try to hit anyone (that's not to say that didn't happen, I've just not seen it in video), the most aggressive thing he did was point the taser, which he did not deploy, at the officer.

In the video, you can clearly see that the officer would've easily caught up to him before he cleared the parking lot... dude was drunk and running slow and stupid.

And that's the opinion of someone who wasn't there and wasn't in the situation.

I saw a post on the local forums, by a fucking clueless moron, who wondered why black folks couldn't be like Indians. We did a lot of bad shit to them and you never hear them complain.


There is so much wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin. Slappin' the shit outta the poster occurred to me, though.

It appears, by what is written, that the commenter thinks genocide (or any abuses or harms) are ok, but are especially ok if they people on the short end of the stick shut the fuck and don't complain about it.

It also seems as though the commenter has never actually known an Native Americans... because I assure you they do complain, have always complained (in one form or another) about how they're treated. It's just that the white folks of a particular past era nearly eradicated their entire existence. If you know any Native people, particularly those who grew up on reservations... they do fucking complain and they've every right to do so.

People hurt my brain. They truly do. Which is why I avoid most of them as much as possible.

Every now and then, I'll see an Island off the coast of Ireland for sale. Primitive, no structures, only ruins... and I always think how goddamn perfect that would be. Can only get there by boat... build up a nice little cottage and have the entire fucking island to myself. If I wanted to see/talk to other human beans, I could boat across to the Isle.

Unfortunately, I don't have the money to buy an Island off the coast of Ireland. Because if I did, I would. Be a proper fucking hermit, yeah?

Another thing that bugs me, that I just remembered. I was thinking about it this morning after having seen yet another misleading commercial. The anti smoking ads. Good grief. Yes... smoking is bad. But they're stretching quite a lot with these commercials sometimes. (Often, actually.)

So, the lady in the commercial seems to be in a wheel chair or motorized scooter thing. She's obese. She tells us that smoking gave her heart failure and now she has an electronic heart pump. And this happened to her when she was only 37.

Uhm. Ok. Smoking may have been a contributing factor... but let's be honest, being obese is the reason for the heart failure. The main reason. To blame it all on smoking and leaving out the fact that you're obese seems more than a little bit disingenuous.

Another one that's bounced around for a while is a guy who got his feet cut off due to smoking. Uhm... yeah. No. You got your feet cut off because you're diabetic and probably non compliant as well. Also, you're obese. Smoking make have been a contributing factor, but it was down the list quite a little way.

Every time those commercials come on, if they're grasping for straws, I correct them. I can't help myself.

Damn. Time to dash!

6,248 Posts
Well. I'm quite tired. Because I couldn't sleep a lick today. Yay. I so love insomnia. :rolleyes:

I don't know how long this bout will last... I'm up over 24 hrs right now. (And no... I'm not going to work.) I've gone more than 50 hrs without sleeping before. Against my will, which is horrid. So very tired and so unable to sleep. Annoying.

Of course, once I know I'm having a proper bout of insomnia, I get annoyed and try even harder to sleep which, of course, means I have even less chance of actually doing so. It's a vicious circle, it is. I was restless, flopping around all over the place... kept waking up the wee pup... ugh.


And this is on sleep meds. I take sleep meds every night. Sometimes, they just don't work.

I shouldn't be surprised by this as this is not the only day this week that I've had trouble sleeping. Which is the reason I was napping after chow most every night. I'd stay up too late (because I wasn't tired) and then I'd go to bed and not be able to sleep... then wake up tired as fuck.


At least tomorrow's the beginning of the days off. I don't have to do shit and probably won't. I figured I'd write a bit before going to have a lie about on the couch. Find something to eyeball and hope to fall asleep.

I'm disappointed that A&E cancelled Live PD. I fell asleep to that show quite a lot. I get it, in the current climate, but... still... I didn't see it as glorifying anything and I watched it a lot. But... their network, their show, their decision.

It's like... on the local forums right now, they're going on and on and on about Liberals taking away Elmer Fudd's gun. And they're quite seriously pissed the fuck off about it. Yeah... it seems a bit ridiculous. He's a hunter, after all. But also... it's an old ass CARTOON. For fuck sake people. If you're going to get all righteously indignant about something, at least pick something that actually involves real life... or like... something important. Seriously.

Still trying to figure out how a gunless Fudd is going to negatively effect anyone's life...

Last night I was on my first break and there were sirens in the distance. And then more and more and more and then they were quite close. And then they were at our building. (I was in the outside break area) I poked my head around our wall and saw cops, fire truck, ambulance... and I was thinking... the fuck... cuz I didn't hear any call over the radio.

Turns out it was our TEP (Temporarily Elevated Peon) wanna be supervisor, Audrey. They carted her off in the ambulance. But everything is a big secret. Isaiah said Audrey looked like shit earlier... so why she was at work with her germs, I don't fucking know. But... yeah. Kelly called 911... and yeah. Control usually does that. And nobody knew anything about anything except Kelly and she wasn't talking. Much.

I expect it's that secret keeping medical stuff that's the rules now. I'm just surprised that there wasn't a medical call over the radio. Usually, there's a medical call over the radio. You want as many hands on deck as possible as soon as possible in case shit goes south on you. But nope. Everything on the down low.

The only thing I got out of it was I said and everything's ok... and Kelly said Yeah. Probably not really. And then said that Audrey's husband called her and chewed her ass for calling the police. She said she hung up on him (not likely, Kelly's a big talker/little doer) and that he sent a text later to apologize.

Of course, she didn't call the police. She called 911. The police respond. They're usually the first ones to arrive (and they were this time, according to Kelly... three units. Must've been a slow night) and that she didn't understand how someone didn't understand that's the way it works.

So. Whatever. Who knows. I hope her mystery illness isn't catchy. Otherwise I don't care. The secrecy makes me wanna be nosy and find out what that was all about. Even though I don't really care. Funny how that works.

I wasn't on my unit last night, of course... it's my one night that I have to work max for no reason. It wasn't a big dealio. Not that many kids over there, either. But my unit lost one of the boys yesterday and I was shocked. We lost the sex offender. That's a secret too. Not that he's gone... that's obvious, but where he went. Owen wasn't allowed to tell us (Not even Kelly or other supervisors) where he went after he left. All hush hush.

Which is silly. I looked up his booking/discharge info on the computer and it said he was released to another facility. Well... no treatment centers or group homes would take him because he's so bad he is chemically castrated so that he doesn't rape everything that moves. He was also about turn 19 in August... which would put him out of juvenile court jurisdiction all together.

So... he was quite obviously placed at the nut house. His parents don't want him. If he was released by the courts at age 19 in August, he'd be left homeless with no resources, no insurance, no nothing. Which means the chemical castration would go away and he'd be off and rapery again. And probably all manner of other things since he'd have no place to live, no money, no nothing.

So... they sent him to the nut house. Which... he is likely MDSO (Mentally Disordered Sex Offender) so that is likely where he belongs anyway. That is only a guess on my part, but an educated one. And there's absolutely no reason to keep that a secret. People only care about that kind of shit when you act like it's some sort of national security thing... instead of just being someone going where they need to go.

People are silly.

At any rate... my work load goes down by one. And there wasn't much there to begin with, really. I'm not going to complain, though. Well... yeah, I probably am. Sometimes, but... less is better, regardless of my complaining.

I'm going to dip... try to get some sleep. Cheers

2,100 Posts
Jesus Christ! He's lucky he didn't cut his own damn head off! I hate chainsaws. I've never used one. I would, if I had to, but I don't like them. They're stupid dangerous. One little (or big) slip and nothing good is going to happen. I'm glad he's ok... and it wasn't worse!

Determined, though, eh? :p God love 'em for taking that motherfucker down! He won! And he will have some bad ass battle scars too!

Two of my cousins are Asian as well. Well half, of course. They've had shit slung at them since the covid-19 thing. It pisses me off and whomever is doing that shit is glad I'm not around when it happens, that's all I have to say. I don't worry about them getting hurt so much because they're Asian and female. I worry more about my black cousin... cuz he's black... and a young dude, you know? If some stupid racist shit goes down, he's far more likely to be the victim of it than they are.

Racists need to just... rot. Die and rot. Fuckers.
That's what we were telling him! He got really lucky, even an inch from where the chainsaw hit would have been dangerous.

So the same week, our next door neighbor's car caught on fire! She was parked across the street and the gas dripped down to the racist neighbor's property and her lawn almost caught on fire! Our next door neighbors are Hispanic so I'm sure the racist lady was having a fit. For a generally quiet block, there was a lot of excitement that week.

And I get you on the fear. There's so much racial tension nowadays you don't know who to trust anymore. My family is mixed as hell, I have brothers that are darker, my sister's boyfriend is black, my boyfriend is black, I have a half black nephew, and if they're not black they're Asian...The fear is real.

I used to be scared my brothers could get hurt by doing something stupid when they go out, now it's just a fear of someone deciding their existence is offensive and doing something about it.

6,248 Posts
It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring...

One of those things is not happening right this moment. I'll let you guess which one. :cool:

I didn't go to work last night. I couldn't sleep yesterday. Not a fucking wink. I didn't sleep until well into the early hours of the morning this morning and yeah. Obviously can't not sleep and then go to work. They fire you if they catch you winkin' blinkin' and noddin' on the job. And they already don't like me, sooooooooooo...

And I was quite annoyed by the whole situation. I didn't want to burn any sick leave, for one thing. And also, being tired as fuck and not being able to sleep is aggravating as all hell. And... when you're trying to sleep and you can't and you know you have to... well, let's just say that knowing that and then being annoyed about it doesn't help the sleeping process at all. Not even a wink.

And all this on sleep meds, yet.

Because I am an insomniac by nature. People want to blame such things on working 3rd shift, it's against one's body's nature to be awake in the night. That's what people think. They're wrong, though. At least in my case. I'm a night owl by nature and I always have been. It's always been easy for me to stay awake late or all night... and I've worked 3rd shift, almost exclusively, for over 30 years. It's what works best for me, most of the time.

My problem isn't 3rd shift... my problem is a brain that, at times, will not shut the fuck up. I call it a hyperactive brain. It runs hard and fast, all the time. And whilst I'm awake, that's perfectly fine. I can process a lot of information quickly because ye olde brain is dashing away at warp speed.

However, when it decides to do the same thing when I'm trying to fucking sleep? Less enthusiastic about that.

And the puppos woke me up at 0630, because that's when they're used to getting up. (It's when I get home from work, normally) So... yeah.

There was breakfast and we immediately went outside to hang out on the patio. Actually, they went outside whilst I ate breakfast and then I joined them a little bit later. And we gamed and played and watched tv... all at the same time because that's what we do when we patio perch. And I'm glad for that time, as they're both sleeping now and not annoying the shit outta me. 🐶

Normally, we'd be outside right now, but around... 1p or so, it decided to monsoon. It rained a bit earlier, but it wasn't a big dealio and we didn't need to come in. It didn't last long and it didn't blow under the roof. No harm, no foul... and we continued on. I thought the second wave would be much the same... I was wrong.

A front came through and dropped the temperature by 10 degrees in a snap. This caused a ruckus of wind to blow up and blowing from the west, which means it blew right onto my patio. Oh... and the monsoon bit along with it.

So I'm trying to save the game, exit the game, turn off the laptop and all that fun stuff, whilst covering it with a towel cuz water's getting blow under the roof. And... turn off the tv and cover it as well... then dash into the house with the pups. Really a pain in the ass, it was. All's good, though. Just... wasn't expecting the wind, though I suppose I should've been. Maybe.

It's supposed to rain all the rest of the day, all night and all day tomorrow. So. At least they got to play like... 7 hrs straight today. They may not have a chance to now for a few days.

On the local forums right now there are a lot of old white people losing their shit over Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Buttworth and Uncle Ben... I'm so tired of this polically correct bullshit!

They're incredibly upset that two syrups and some rice brands are changing their name. I mean... seriously fucking upset. I find it... silly, for one thing. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen people be upset about. I really don't get it. Seriously...

All that's going on in the world right now... let's make our stand over syrup. 🙄

No wonder people in other countries think Americans are idiots.

Thanks to the wonderful front that has come through, I've got a migraine knocking on the door. I have no intention of letting it in... I've downed enough ibuprofen for six people (ok... 3, but still...) because I've no migraine meds on board... I don't often have them on board, actually. I think I'll be ok... I've had this feeling ever since I got up and I've just been beating it down with the ibuprofen. As long as it doesn't take hold... things will be ok.

I was thinking of gaming tonight, working on my replay of The Last of Us before TLOU 2 comes out here in a bit. But... I think I'll end up watching something on the telly instead. Not sure what. We'll see I guess.

I'll leave you with this. Three Dog Night - 1972. And 48 yrs later, we're still not there.


8,467 Posts
I still can't get used to the new skin and it is very much affecting how often I visit here. Not that I have been particularly active for the last 3 or 4 years anyway, but the redesign has made it worse for me

6,248 Posts
Weather's trying to get all sketch here. It's not here here just yet, but on it's way. It's been raining pretty much every day since Thursday afternoon. Quite over it now, thanks. The tv is constantly beep beep beeping with weather alerts and all that manner of stuff. Good times.

Unfortunately, it won't prevent me from going to work. At all or on time. It's happened before... where I've not been able to leave for work on time because the weather was losing it's shit on top of me... but it's rare and it doesn't seem like tonight's going to be the night for that, either.

Last night was... blah. I've only four delinquents at the moment. I'm waiting for 4" suicide watch on the unit because one of my females (of course) is not only a frequent flyer, but also a whackadoo. She was being a whackadoo, in general yesterday... just being sketch and acting up and being fucking weird as shit. She slept all night, though, and I didn't hear a peep out of her, so... that was good. I just wonder how long she lasts before she loses her shit and threatens suicide. It's a thing.

The last 4" suicide watch was/is on another frequent flyer. A boy who is just an absolute dumb ass. Why is he threatening suicide? Because after years of getting slapped on the wrist for his armed robbery antics, this time the court has decided to leave him in the adult court system because he's 17. So... instead of another slap on the wrist, this time he's looking at prison time... and he doesn't understand why. Because 1) he's a moron and 2) he's always gotten away with it before. (And yes... I do mean years of armed robberies and other felony nonsense... years.)

Rita was in central control last night and called me 700+ times to gossip. Which... that's what she's about. From what she said/heard it seems that Audrey's issue the other night that involved 911 and police, fire trucks and an ambulance may have been a mental health issue and not a physical health issue. And apparently, folks think that's why she was moved to 3rd shift in the first place... so she could not do anything, not interact with anyone and still get paid.

Nice gig if you can get it, eh?

Rita said she overheard 1sties talking about Audrey's brother dying. I don't know when. I think not like the night it happened, cuz she's been on this shift for a while now. Well... she doesn't actually show up much, but she's supposed to be on the shift. (Even when she's there, you don't see her... briefing, that's it.)

And, apparently, Kelly came onto Malachi's unit when Rita was there chatting with him one night (I don't know when) and told them they had to be gentle with Audrey because she was dealing with a tragedy.

Okey dokey. I feel for her if her brother passed away. That sucks. I've not lost my brother and I'm absolutely positive I'd be in a bad, bad way if I did. So... yeah. That sucks, I feel for her. Truly.

The interesting thing is having a supervisor tell you that you have to be nice because she's dealing with a tragedy... particularly when they've not given any type of shit when the rest of us have dealt with some shit. Malachi's parents have both passed away and not only did they not care, they tried to deny him leave because he was going to (Africa) the funeral(s). (Personnel overrode our agency, cuz they're not stupid.) They didn't care when Rita's stepdad died and left her dealing with her terminally ill mother... nor did they care when her mother died. Nobody came around and said to be gentle with her cuz she'd lost two family members in about as many months.

When my stepmom died, I had a write up waiting for me when I returned to work. For being late... the write up was legit, but they should've let it go under the circumstances. The reason I was late often when my stepmom was dying was because my dad would wait until I was literally walking out the door to go to work (I was living there at the time) to decide to dump all his emotional baggage on me every night. What was I supposed to do? Just tell him to stuff it and go to work? That would've been cruel. (I'll say it wasn't pleasant carrying off his emotional baggage to work every night, either, but them's the cards that were dealt, so...)

And they knew. I explained this to them. And yet, they just went ahead and wrote me up for it. Because you have to be gentle when someone's dealing with tragedy, of course.

So. Yeah. Audrey's not been back since that day, either. I wonder if she'll end up in the cracker factory? Our records coordinator ended up in the cracker factory after her husband died. She married him knowing he was going to die and then we he did, the cheese slid off the cracker. That's sad... but she's a bitch, so I don't really care that much. That and I didn't even know she was married until like a year after the dude died. Because I'm not inside any loops because I don't care.

Just had to correct someone on the origins of sagging. I think most people realize now that it came from the jails and prisons and for a while now there's been this (incorrect) wive's tale that sagging in prison indicated you were up for homosexual behavior. Which is hysterical to me... because it's so ridiculous.

Sagging comes from limited sizing options in jail clothing. Working in a jail, I can tell you that they're terrible, sizing wise. So... instead of having clothing that fits too tightly, most go for the larger size... sizes that are too large, sag down when you don't have a belt. (We don't allow them in our facility) Also, if you're a tall slim person... your pants legs will be about half way up your shin... because the smaller the waist size, the shorter the pants legs.

Likewise, if you're a short, overweight person your pants legs are going to be too damn long and likely need to be cuffed up.

Signaling homosexual behavior. :LOL: I know why that was made up, but it's so ridiculous. The fact that people who pass on that "knowledge" don't take a half second to even think how stupid that is... well, you know.

Well. I have to go now. Aren't I the lucky one. 🤪

6,248 Posts
Well. Another night of storms. Earlier. A couple hours ago. Nothing serious, it got worse as it moved west, but it just rained like holy hell on us. The sun's out now. Welcome to weather in the middle! It's a tired old saying, but... If you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes... it'll change. It's kinda true around here.

I'm glad we were able to play outside this morning for 3 hrs. I wasn't sure we were going to make it long this morning because it looked like it might rain the entire time. It didn't... but it looked like it. The wind came up once, too, and I was getting ready to hastily close shop and dash inside... but nothing happened. Must've been all little front come through.

Work is blech. Still not a fucking thing going on. Sounds like I'm losing one female this week. Which will leave me with just one... but the whackadoo one... so that's great.

The whackadoo was causing all manner of havoc yesterday. Not on our shift. She likes me, apparently, therefore I do not have the problems... but she was on full point yesterday. She's building up to this melt down, started day before yesterday with her nonsense. And escalated last night. Wondering if she's gone over the top today. I'm waiting for the 4" suicide watch nonsense to get started...

Yesterday, she threatened staff, threatened the other girl on the unit, busted some shit, screamed and yelled and carried on, then flooded... making a huge fucking mess.

Flooding... if you've not been in a jail/prison... the toilets could flush a kindergartener. There is that much oomph to them... and they are not like your toilet at home... you can repeatedly flush them without waiting. No tank to refill. So, what inmates do when they're having a fit, is they'll stuff blankets or something large (cuz it will suck down a lot of shit) into the toilet then repeatedly flush flush flush. It doesn't take long at all and you've got water everyfuckingwhere.

You can turn the water off, of course. And they did, but the staff over there, Gabriella, is new... and if you don't shut the water off on a consistent basis over a period of time? You forget. I wouldn't be able to shut the water off quickly. After opening the plumbing chase, it would take me a minute or two to remember which valves to close. (There are more than you would think... there's more than one cell running from each chase and nothing inside is labeled, of course and there are separate valves for the sink & the toilet. It's a cluster, really.)

I'm going to bet Gabriella hasn't the slightest fucking idea.

She's also the staff that Whackadoo what's to whack a doodle on. Which would be bad for Gabriella because she's tiny. Whackadoo probably outweighs her by... 70-80 lbs. The same for the other female inmate. The last time Whackadoo was here, she beat the piss outta one of the mouthy little Sudanese girls. (Who desperately needed and ass whooping, for the record.) She got the girl on the ground and pummeled her. Gabriella was staff that day and could not get Whackadoo off the girl because she just wasn't strong enough to deal with that big of a girl. (Whackadoo is a 200 lber... she's lost some weight, she was about 220 her last stay a few months ago.)

I told Gabriella to be careful. If Whackadoo comes at her, it's not a fight she's going to win.

I want to like Gabriella, too. I did at first. Then I started hearing things. Like her sneaking in R rated movies (for some reason, admin won't let our delinquents watch any movie with a rating above pg13) inside of cases for pg13 movies... and on breaks, she apparently goes and hangs out with the boys on max security.

They seem like little things... but little things like that turn into duck things. And duck things are bad. She's young and perhaps not mature enough to do the job. (Why would anyone spend their break hanging out with inmates??? Particularly inmates of an opposing gender? That's never a good sign...)

We've had ducks (and straight fuck ups) working for us in the past. The end up getting fired. All of them have been female. (We had a male duck fired, but he wasn't a duck at our facility, he was a duck at my nephew's facility... where he got fired and criminally charged... a felony... and because of that he was fired from working part time for us.)

People bringing in shit they shouldn't, letting kids do shit they shouldn't, sucking dicks in the dark corners (Yes, this happened in our facility.) all manner of shit that shouldn't be happening. So... I hope that's not where Gabriella is headed... and I want to like her, I think she's nice... but... it's best to stay away and not interact much, lest one somehow manages to end up in the middle of some shit.

I gots to go...

9 Posts
I find the word shaft to be funny. Most of all I like any word with a long A sound. I absolutely love it. It's really random but it feels so good to pronounce. words like insane, frame, grain. and the R sound combined with the long A sound. I pronounce it so unnecessarily hard and it feels so good with my entire mouth being all sttrraaannnngeee. like Grain. that word is so satisfying to say. My child hood friend likes to do it too. We hit it off in 3rd grade. I love it so much. Affrrrraaiiiidd. INNNSSAAANNNEEE. BRRAAIIIINNNN. FFRRRAAAMMMMEE. I make it all long and appreciate the word while it lasts. We purposely try to innntteeggrrraaaaaaaate words into our conversation. Grrrrrraaaiaaiaiaairrraiiaiiinnnneee. Frosted flakes comin soon.

6,248 Posts

Got TLOU2 today. Haven't cracked it open yet. I'll probably save it for my days off. I was trying to do a replay of the first one before I play. I may still do that. Maybe I'll save the 2nd for the days off next month, since there will be a lot of them. I dunno. It's hard to say. I'm just glad I finally got the damn thing. After all this time and waiting and what not.

I'm so tired today. And yesterday and the day before. I really need these days off. This whole having a job and being expected to actually show up to get paid thing is really start to suck the life outta me. I'm so over it. Like... yeah. It's not terrible right now. It's really not. Well, I mean I still work every fucking weekend (after 21 yrs of service, mind you) and there is no possible way for me to ever have weekends off (Well, unless everyone ahead of me in seniority dies, then I can... but only on 1st shift cuz. Though I think if everyone died ahead of me and I was senior left behind, I think I'd force admin to negotiate a better deal... or I'd walk to. You know? Fuck 'em.) as long as I work here and admin blows ass and all that fun stuff. But... in general, it's not bad right now. There aren't any kids, really. Not many.

But I'm to that point now, where it all sucks. Even when it's not bad. I hate all of it. I'm over it. Well past, actually. I just need to find a new gig and get the fuck out. It's just not easy in the midst of a pandemic... well, it wasn't really that easy prior to it, either, for that matter... but options are even more limited now.

Oh well.

My mom said my bil went all through my truck today, looking at stuff and fixing things up here and there as he thought they needed. Which is cool. (I know from cars, but I'm not a mechanic) I think he's just bored. He's not been working of late. He is kinda disabled... and his job is part of the reason and because of that, he got a settlement from them a few years ago and they basically have to provide him with a cuch job. Something that doesn't tax his body very much since they kinda broke it. And for a few years, he's either worked in stores (they had out stuff to employees, gloves and frocks and that sort of thing) and the lastest has been in the tool room.

Well. They eliminated those positions. So... now he's no place to work. This is his second leave. I think he's getting bored just hanging around the house all day. He's been outside tinkering on things and fixing things and what not.

I wish I could have an absence and get paid. Except, I'd never want to go back.

He should've left that job eons ago. I fucking told him. But... he just wouldn't do it. I worked there for a while. Ten months, actually. I fucking hated every moment, but I needed a job. When I got laid off in summer (a normal occurence) I practically danced out of the building and when they called me to come back, I laughed at them and hung up. Fuck that place.

It's a meat packing plant. Cold and fucking wet all day long. Mind numbingly boring work. Dangerous... I was injured there, twice. Almost lost a finger and had carpal tunnel from hell about 10 minutes after walking into the building the first time. (Despite all the exercises and what not). Oh... and let's not forget about the shredded hands from tying wet plastic net casings by the thousands a day. (The corners of each little square of netting blop together and make a little bump... try dragging hundreds of those little hard blops over cold, wet fingers... thousands of times a day.)

It's owned by one of the large conglomerations that has been in the news for the rampant spread of covid-19 in it's plants. It's happening here, too. But it's being kept pretty quiet. Some people like to sweep things under the rug so it all doesn't look as bad as it is. (And it's not bad here, particularly compared to other places, but that's a population thing, not a people doing stuff to be safe thing, eh?) Oh... and to keep people at work, even though that may not be the safest thing for them and their families.

Damn. My time before work is almost gone already. I didn't even write that much. Or do that much. Wish the time at work went by so quickly. Or I could lost time like the other day. That was weird, but cool.

I played Candy Crush and spider solitaire. I don't even like CC, but I play a couple of times a night. I'm currently stuck on one of the hard levels. Been there for a month or so. Pissing me off. I don't know if anyone plays or not, but it's one of the puzzles with the fucking little bombs. I hate those little fuckers! This puzzle has one "captured" right in the middle of the board. And you have to hit it twice to make it go away. Once to free it, once to get rid of it... and sometimes you just can't manipulate things to get the colors where you need them. Some of those games only last 9 turns... until the bomb goes off. Very irritating.

And I've come with in one jelly of finishing. ARGH. MOTHERFUCKER! 🖕

Then I decided to write for a while. Cuz... that story is sorta banging around in my noggin'. I'm up to almost 50 pgs (singles) of story now. It's a lot of dialogue right now... I'll have to go back and do some rewrites to get everything in place, but it's moving along quite nicely. I'll probably never finish it... that's why I don't write a lot of like... real stuff (not like this rambling about) because I lose focus... or interest or another wholly different thing to write about pops into my head and I'm off on tthat. I have so much partially written shit lying around my house. Like... 40 yrs worth.

It's fun to read some of that old stuff sometimes. Some if it is really terrible. 🤪

Well. It's time for me to go. So I will. Cheerio.
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