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I’m a stay at home mom to two young children and my husband quit his job to trade stocks. He’s a profitable trader, but hasn’t been consistent enough in recording his progress to actually know if this is a sustainable lifestyle for us. He’s told me how much confidence everyone at his current job has in him—that if anyone can pull this off—it’s him. Now I feel like I can’t express any of my anxiety or fears with him because I don’t want to be the bitchy, unsupportive wife. The last thing I want to do is get into a fight that could affect his emotions when executing day trades.

He had grown to hate his job so he thinks this is going to be really great for his mental health. I did not tell him that I felt it would come at the expense of my own mental health.

We do have enough money to live comfortably for a year (at the expense of his entire retirement account) and it will be nice to have him home, but I find myself wondering if I can handle all the big emotions I am going to experience on my own because I won’t be able to express them to my usual outlet (my husband).

Sorry, if that’s TMI. I just literally don’t have anywhere else to drop this worry I’m carrying around.
 

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I’m a stay at home mom to two young children and my husband quit his job to trade stocks. He’s a profitable trader, but hasn’t been consistent enough in recording his progress to actually know if this is a sustainable lifestyle for us. He’s told me how much confidence everyone at his current job has in him—that if anyone can pull this off—it’s him. Now I feel like I can’t express any of my anxiety or fears with him because I don’t want to be the bitchy, unsupportive wife. The last thing I want to do is get into a fight that could affect his emotions when executing day trades.

He had grown to hate his job so he thinks this is going to be really great for his mental health. I did not tell him that I felt it would come at the expense of my own mental health.

We do have enough money to live comfortably for a year (at the expense of his entire retirement account) and it will be nice to have him home, but I find myself wondering if I can handle all the big emotions I am going to experience on my own because I won’t be able to express them to my usual outlet (my husband).

Sorry, if that’s TMI. I just literally don’t have anywhere else to drop this worry I’m carrying around.
Well, review with him the long term facts. If he can trade stocks, he'll be rational enough to judge for himself what's profitable and what's not.
For now I would say: don't pressure him, wait a while for things to play out -- but do set a 'deadline' for yourself (say, another three months) when you think the time is right to review his performance.

Unstable income does suit some people (and to be fair stock exchange isn't even the worst in the genre). But since you're in this together, it's certainly right to credit your fears/discomfort, so try and find that balance with the suggested approach.
 

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I have recently discovered arthritis in a new spot on my left thumb. The top joint. That's fun. And it currently just throbs no matter what I do with it. Both of my thumbs have been bothering me below the 2nd joint (down into nearly the wrist) for a couple of weeks now. Yay.

I'd probably be really put out if I weren't already used to chronic pain. I mean, something starts up like this and I'm just like... Seriously? Le sigh. It does make me wonder how much it would bother me if I didn't have chronic pain in a bazillion other places. What if it was just these thumbs? Would it feel more painful to me? Would it be something that really bothered me a lot if nothing else did?

I dunno. A question that I can't answer. Nor can anyone else, pain being unique to each individual and all that.

Natalie dragged her carcass to work last night, finally. She claims she was sick. She moped around all night, holding her back. When I asked if her back her, she said no. Well... ok. I don't think she was sick and I think holding her back whilst walking about (on camera) was just a way for her to look unwell. I could be wrong, but she plays sick so often. It's pretty hard to take her seriously. Especially when she makes physical displays of it.

Malachi came to work and then asked if he could leave. He was gone before shift briefing. (Before I even clocked in, actually.) He was tired, because he said that. Sometimes, he also doesn't feel well and that usually comes out as I'm tired. He's almost 70yrs old and he's already almost died once, at work, from a brain hemorrhage. So when he says he doesn't feel well, I actually believe him. (And being tired... being almost 70 and working there? Ugh.)

One of our former inmates, a 19 y r old, murdered a 4 mo old infant a couple days ago. Don't know if it was his baby or someone else's. There was another person present who was able to subdue him, but the damage had already been done. Poor little one. I can't even imagine.

So. The number of murderers I know rises again. It seems like that shouldn't be true. That I shouldn't personally know any murderers at all. And yet... I know many. And about half as many murder victims. It's part of the job and something I don't really even think that much about most of the time. But there it is.

The trumptards are apparently planning some armed "protests" at state capitols... I forgot what day, though. I had heard rumblings earlier from peeps on Twitter who are/were also on Parler. But now the FBI is saying this as well. So, that will be interesting.

But, I have to say... there they go again with (possibly) shooting themselves in the foot. Obviously, the right is more vocally (rabidly) pro 2nd Amendment. Always spouting off that the left is going to take their guns, etc and so forth. (The fact that there are metric shit tons of people on the left who own guns doesn't cross their minds, apparently.)

So... they're going to bring firearms (perhaps illegally in some areas) to "protests" at state capitols after the nonsense they've already pulled at the Capitol building? What is the probability that someone, somewhere ends up getting shot. Or multiple someones? It only takes one of the 51 (the state capitols and the US Capitol bldg) to go south with gun play for very bad things to happen.

Well, just imagine the cries for gun control if there would happen to be a multiple fatality incident, involving multiple parties using assault style rifles against local police officers and National Guard units.

One of those taken into custody was a retired Air Force Lt. Colonel, Larry Rendall Brock, Jr. Larry was geared up in all sorts of paramilitary gear, helmet, vest and was carrying a bunch of plastic handcuffs. (Wonder what he was going to do with those?)

This guy, now that he's caught, is pretty hilarious. First... those zip tie handcuffs weren't his, he just found them on the floor and was going to give them to police. And... he said he hadn't entered Pelosi's office, despite being on video coming out of said office. And... I believe he's also the guy that said something to the effect that he thought it was ok to be inside Capitol building. (After busting down the doors/windows to gain entry) 🤨

That's like... it sounds like a 5 yr old lying their ass off, badly, whilst trying to wiggle out of being in trouble for some random naughtiness. You know... like the kid who denies eating all the candies whilst his face is smeared in chocolate? That's what these excuses sound like.

872875


Where's that smile, cowboy?
 

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Tomorrow morning I go to the dentist directly after work and directly after that, to physical therapy.

Which is ok. It's my day off and all that. What's not ok is the weather, which has been unseasonably mild for the past three days is going to turn to shit overnight. So... when I'm waiting/sleeping in my truck in the dentist's parking lot... it's going to be less pleasant than it could've been.

I have blankets. It's all good. This is something I do and have done for years. I don't live in the city and don't see the point in driving all the way home and then driving all the way back, so I make my appointments for early and then sleep in parking lots until places open or it's my appt. time. (My dentist's office actually opens 30 mins early on days I come in because they felt sorry for me sleeping in the parking lot during the winter... so that's cool of them and also nice, cuz I'm leaving just as the place is officially opening.)

It's supposed to be windy and yucky. So that will make my nap interesting. I might still have some handwarmers from football... last time it was really cold, I took two little handwarmers and put them in my shirt on my upper chest. You'd be surprised at home warm just that little bit of heat kept me. (Almost too warm.) I wonder if peeps in colder climes than here keep them in their autos for just that? I think I would. I think I might here, just in case.

I have so many appts coming up that it's kinda stressing me out. I have my two things tomorrow morning. Friday dude's coming out to clean the furnace. Next Thursday I have an interview, I have a doc's appt. coming up and yeah. that's too much. I like my things spread out more than that. I don't like going and this seems like a lot of going.

Ugh.

Last night at work, on 2nd shift, Ruby was attacked by an inmate as she was locking him in his cell. He took one step in and then spun around and punched her in the face. Knocked her down and then continued pummeling her in the head. She was hurt badly enough to require a hospital trip, but not badly injured. She would've been, however, if two other inmates had not intervened and restrained the attacker because Ruby had not had any chance to call for assistance as it happened so fast and there was nobody around to see or suspect anything.

As soon as the other boys restrained him, she called an officer assist call and the cavalry came running.

I don't know if it was a planned attack or what. It's hard to say. It wasn't Ruby's unit. It was Isaiah's unit. Ruby was a secondary and was there so Isaiah could go on break. The boy sure as fuck wouldn't have taken a pot shot at Isaiah and if he had, he'd have gotten rolled up... hard. Isaiah don't play.

Ruby doesn't play, either, for that matter. But she's over 60, female and small. It doesn't automatically make her a target, but once she is a target she's more like to be hurt than someone like Isaiah or me.

So, I was angry last night. I really like Ruby and the fact that some little shit stain hurt her, made me quite angry. (Billy was livid... Ruby is his sister, sooooooo...) It's a frustrating anger because you can't do anything about it. So, all through shift briefing, have a bad brew boiling around... just fucking angry.

And then, starting at 1030p, one of Rita's kids starts calling. In the end, she called x3. And by the 3rd call, I was ready to bite someone's fucking head off. 1) Rita's kids are not kids. The youngest is 20. The oldest, who was calling repeatedly last night, is in her 30s. 2) Not an emergency. 3) It's not a singular event.

Rita's adult children, particularly the females, are incapable of adulting without calling mommy. It's not like super common, but I'd say it's at least once a month. And when they call, they don't call once. They'll call two or three times in a night, at all hours. And it's never an emergency. Ever. I know this because Rita is a sharer. (I know far more about Rita and her kids than I ever really wanted to know, including their sex lives. And no, I'm not kidding.)

An example of a call that I remember from not long ago was the 20 yr old (female) calling x3 in the middle of the night because she had an ear ache. And that's just one of about 5000 calls over the years.

And then... because being angry and being an answering service for Rita wasn't enough, the staff in the other agency decided that 5 people needed to go through the same door in about a 30 second time period. Like... why the fuck didn't all y'all go out at the same time?

By that time I was thinking about causing someone (anyone) physical harm. And that's when Kelly called me. She said that she hoped those were work related calls going to Rita, and at that I just started laughing. And then I explained I was about to stab someone in the throat because I was pissed about Ruby and then these other asshats were annoying me further. She laughed and asked me if I needed chocolates.

Yes.

So, she brought me chocolates. 🤘 They helped. Mostly because they distracted me from other stuff. She gave me a handful and I went about eating them. Unwrapping them was a process as they were wrapped up tight and I have arthritis in my thumbs that's on fire right now... but I eventually got them all unwrapped. (Not at the same time, of course.) I even at the kinds of chocolates I don't like. I ate all of them. I felt better afterwards. Less Hulk Smash.

The rest of the night was chill. Read my book. It's called Relic, it's the first in the Pendergast series. Which is interesting to me as Pendergast doesn't evens how up until after chapter 10, or 12 or something. And then, he's not the main focus, for the most part. Which leaves you wondering about him quite a lot. He's tall, thin, has "white blonde" hair and blue eyes and is an FBI agent from NOLA. He Brit speaks and is snarky in the most polite of ways. And he's a little Holmes-esque, I would say. But other than the outward appearances and what not, you know nothing about him and I'm probably at least 2/3s of the way through the book. Maybe closer to 3/4.

Ah well. Maybe I'll find out more tonight?
 

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It's the days off. Finally. Yay.

Actually, work is not so bad when you just work central control. (Well, so long as there's no catastrophic event or whatever) I come in and chill all night. I mean, I have things I have to do and obviously I am in control of the building, but that's so routine for me that it's really almost like doing nothing. So... I spend my time reading and doing crossword puzzles and time goes by surprisingly fast. And painlessly.

Too bad I can't say there forever, eh?

Interview is a week from today. Hopefully, that has a positive outcome and I can just move along and get started on a new career. Not the most convenient time in one's life to be starting anew from the bottom of the totem, but... whatever. If that's what it takes, eh? I'm thinking that job would be much like working in central control; At first, maybe a bit anxiety fueling... feeling like you're going to fuck something up or whatever and then as you settle in, it just because so chill.

That would be an excellent way to meander my way to retirement.

Or I could win the Powerball or MegaMillions... or both. (Wouldn't that be something? Win both and become an instant billionaire? I expect that's just about a step above the likelihood of the second coming, but... wow if it did happen, eh?)

I'm not greedy, though. I don't need however many millions of dollars that jackpots are. (Now, that doesn't mean I wouldn't take them if I won them, mind you.) I'd be over the moon to win like... $500K. That would retire me... between that money and my retirement money, I'd be all done. I could live comfortably (but not extravagantly) for the rest of my days and not have any worries at all.

Not likely to happen, but... I'd be pretty excited if it did. Obviously. Actually, I think I'd pass out. 😁 I mean... can you imagine? Winning... whatever the jackpot is... ($640 mil for PB & $750 mil for MM)... I expect if I looked at the tix and saw the winning numbers... I think I might get a wee bit swimmy headed. Might actually even drop right out. Cuz that's some life altering shit right there. Not just my life, but everyone who comes behind me. Their lives, too.

The boy sent me a text from the local newspaper. One of my friend's kids got busted. She was shoplifting (a fair amount) from a grocery and dashed out, the police tried to stop her. She hopped in a car and the car tried to take off, but the cops blocked it in. So she's in jail and the dude she was with is as well for the meth and what not.

I've known my friend since I was 5 yrs old. She and her siblings (I was friends with her and her brother. She was in my class and her brother was a year older) lived across the street from me growing up. When I bought this house, they were my backyard neighbors (until like... 6 yrs ago). (Her husband also grew up across the street from me. I've known these people for over 50 yrs, is what I'm saying.)

Sad to see, really. Both of the daughters of my friend were knocked up young. The oldest (not the one arrested) married a dude who went to prison twice, the last time for kidnapping and rape. Had four kids with him. Had another kid with a boyfriend... but seems to be doing ok. (It was iffy all through her teen years.)

The younger one (the one arrested) was knocked up early, too. She got married though, seemed a good dude... had three kids. Then divorced and now she's shoplifting and riding dirty with a meth head. Hmmmmmmmm...

I knew, when the oldest was fucking up, the youngest would too. Neither of them had any business being knocked up when they were. But... it's a thing. Particularly if the mother was knocked up young too (their mother was not). Teen mothers breed teen mothers... and if an older female sibling is a teen mother, it skyrockets the chance of younger sisters also becoming teen mothers. That's exactly what happened here, too.

The unfortunate thing is this girl has young children. You get caught up like that, chances become much higher that your children will got caught up like that, too. Sad dealio.

I don't feel sorry for her. She knows better. I do feel sorry for the wee ones, though.

We're in a blizzard warning here. Yay! The wind be howling. It's been howling along since... early this morning. I'm not sure when it started up, sometime between 0100 and 0400, though. I was outside at work at both of those times. At 0100, it was calm and nice. (probably about 45F, which is crazy warm for a January night!) When I went back outside at 0400, the wind was blowing about 700 mph. Ok... about 55 mph, but whatever. It was still nice outside, though, which was weird but cool. (I didn't freeze my ass off waiting for my dental appt!)

There's supposed to be little snow. Maybe 2"... but it's the wind and visibility issues that have us blizzard warned. Glad I don't have to drive to work in this nonsense. I drove to work in 70-75 mph winds earlier this year. That was somewhat scary... wind would just push me right out my lane and shit. Didn't like it.

Well. I suppose I should go do something.
 

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So, yeah.

Survived the blizzard. Not much snow, hard to say how much since it blew all over the place, but maybe 2" to 3" tops. The winds were howling along all night long, though. Like... seriously, they started somewhere between 0115 and 0400 yesterday and didn't stop till late afternoon today.

The state police stated there were 150 weather "incidents" on the roads locally today. I'm assuming that's accidents, slide offs, jack knifes and motorist assists. I know at least one statie was hit on the interstate by a big rig that had jackknifed and then ran into him. (All are ok, minus the statie's vehicle, which is not so ok.)

Didn't go out. Didn't even have the guys come and clean/check the furnace. They called straight away this morning to reschedule. I don't blame them... there's no sense in risking people getting hurt if you don't have to do so. All the local schools were out as well. Didn't seem like you could see much, particularly outside of the city where there isn't much wind block going on.

Some gaming today. Watched Avenger's End Game cuz I'd not seen it. Was trying to watch the Netflix doco series about The Night Stalker, but damn if I could get Netflix to play nice today. (Earlier, anyway.) Spent the morning not feeling well. Feverish and just blah. Think I've gone and caught a cold. It's not bad at the moment and hopefully, it keeps from getting worse, but... of course I'm going to be unwell the same week I have an interview...

I read this today... GOP Sen. Susan Collins thought the mostly white pro-Trump mob that stormed the Capitol was 'the Iranians' at first

🤨

Ok. So you've got a bunch of inflamed trumptards outside, know what kind of idiocy they get up to and yet... when these same idiots storm the Capitol, you think it's Iranians??? Iranians? Seriously.

It's not the only stupid thing I've read today. Today on the local forums a Caucasian man compared being a long haired metal head to being black... whereas it concerns, well... racism. And no, I'm not kidding. The same person also wondered why there needed to be so many soldiers at the Capitol over some broken windows. Cuz, apparently, that's all that happened at the Capitol. Just a couple of windows were broken. No biggie.

I'm not wholly sure about these people. I'm starting to think it's not all conspiracy theories and radicalization. I'm starting to think these people are actually mental. Poorly educated and mentally ill. Religious. And I just throw that in because, you know, whenever you have cult behavior, the vast majority of the time it's religious peeps. And this trumptardism is very cult like. Don't think I've ever heard of an atheist cult. I'm not even sure how that would work.

God, I'd be a terrible cult member.
😁 I'm way to contrary to be a cult member. And logical. And not stupid.

I'd be a bad cult leader, too. Too fucking much work, having people mindlessly worship you. You gotta go 'round being all charismatic and used car salesman-y and shit. I'd not be good at that, either. And it's all just so... slimey, innit? I'd not be very good at being slimey. Just... no. Yuck.

Not a follower, not a leader... just me, doing my own damn thing over here.

Well. I think I shall go see if I can watch the Netflix now... if not, I may start the Star Wars series with baby Yoda. (I know what it's called but not sure how the spell it and don't feel like Googling it, soooooo...) I hear that's pretty decent. Or at least not terrible. And what's not to love about baby Yoda?

 

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@warweasel You got an interview!! Yay, so happy for you! I hope all goes well, YOU CAN DO IIIIIIT


YES! For picking an Ice Cube song, and of course in support of warweasel's job hunt.

“My truth” is one of the dumbest things people say.
It certainly is. What a load of shit. Truth is truth, it's the same for us all. There's no such thing as a personal truth, that's like the definition of a lie.

Except of course for subjective experiences, like I feel cold but you feel warm even though we are in the same place and the weather is the same; or I see something as more greenish in colour and you see it as more bluish. But that's obviously because sense-perception is not the path to truth, only reasoning, completely detached from sense-perception, leads to truth.
 

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So, yeah.

Survived the blizzard. Not much snow, hard to say how much since it blew all over the place, but maybe 2" to 3" tops. The winds were howling along all night long, though. Like... seriously, they started somewhere between 0115 and 0400 yesterday and didn't stop till late afternoon today.

The state police stated there were 150 weather "incidents" on the roads locally today. I'm assuming that's accidents, slide offs, jack knifes and motorist assists. I know at least one statie was hit on the interstate by a big rig that had jackknifed and then ran into him. (All are ok, minus the statie's vehicle, which is not so ok.)

Didn't go out. Didn't even have the guys come and clean/check the furnace. They called straight away this morning to reschedule. I don't blame them... there's no sense in risking people getting hurt if you don't have to do so. All the local schools were out as well. Didn't seem like you could see much, particularly outside of the city where there isn't much wind block going on.

Some gaming today. Watched Avenger's End Game cuz I'd not seen it. Was trying to watch the Netflix doco series about The Night Stalker, but damn if I could get Netflix to play nice today. (Earlier, anyway.) Spent the morning not feeling well. Feverish and just blah. Think I've gone and caught a cold. It's not bad at the moment and hopefully, it keeps from getting worse, but... of course I'm going to be unwell the same week I have an interview...

I read this today... GOP Sen. Susan Collins thought the mostly white pro-Trump mob that stormed the Capitol was 'the Iranians' at first

🤨

Ok. So you've got a bunch of inflamed trumptards outside, know what kind of idiocy they get up to and yet... when these same idiots storm the Capitol, you think it's Iranians??? Iranians? Seriously.

It's not the only stupid thing I've read today. Today on the local forums a Caucasian man compared being a long haired metal head to being black... whereas it concerns, well... racism. And no, I'm not kidding. The same person also wondered why there needed to be so many soldiers at the Capitol over some broken windows. Cuz, apparently, that's all that happened at the Capitol. Just a couple of windows were broken. No biggie.

I'm not wholly sure about these people. I'm starting to think it's not all conspiracy theories and radicalization. I'm starting to think these people are actually mental. Poorly educated and mentally ill. Religious. And I just throw that in because, you know, whenever you have cult behavior, the vast majority of the time it's religious peeps. And this trumptardism is very cult like. Don't think I've ever heard of an atheist cult. I'm not even sure how that would work.

God, I'd be a terrible cult member.
😁 I'm way to contrary to be a cult member. And logical. And not stupid.

I'd be a bad cult leader, too. Too fucking much work, having people mindlessly worship you. You gotta go 'round being all charismatic and used car salesman-y and shit. I'd not be good at that, either. And it's all just so... slimey, innit? I'd not be very good at being slimey. Just... no. Yuck.

Not a follower, not a leader... just me, doing my own damn thing over here.

Well. I think I shall go see if I can watch the Netflix now... if not, I may start the Star Wars series with baby Yoda. (I know what it's called but not sure how the spell it and don't feel like Googling it, soooooo...) I hear that's pretty decent. Or at least not terrible. And what's not to love about baby Yoda?

You should have told him that Guiliani made his entire political career out of the "broken windows" theory of policing in NYC... broken windows are a big deal if you vote for the LAW AND ORDER party! 🙄
 

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And after reading what you all had to say, I completely forgot why I came in here in the first place. I remember now. It's to complain about how god damn hard it is to find a rental place in a city outside of the one you currently live in. It's the law over here that you have to physically inspect a property before you are allowed to submit an application to rent it. Bit of a problem when you live a 400km round trip away (that's 250 miles in your FREEDOM UNITS, Americans) from the place you're supposed to be moving to. I went up there last week to look at 3 places, and boom, they're gone. One of them is still available apparently and I put in an application, but I'm not confident that I'll get it. I'll have to drive back up there on Tuesday and spend the whole day looking st places just to make sure that I can spam-apply for all of them after I get home, to ensure that at least one of them is available for me.

What an utterly pointless waste of time and fuel. Surely in this coronavirus era this is just one more thing crying out to be digitised? How hard would it be for the agent to do a walkthrough of the property with a camera phone and send you the video to serve as a virtual inspection and meet that legal requirement?
 
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@warweasel You got an interview!! Yay, so happy for you! I hope all goes well, YOU CAN DO IIIIIIT
Thanks. Me and moms are both under the weather here, so hoping this nonsense (not covid) goes away before my interview. Due to covid, not supposed to come if you're unwell. Hoping I can be well or at least fake it well until after the interview. I will medicate the living hell outta myself before I go, damn it! (But not so much that I can't drive, lol. Oy.)

And after reading what you all had to say, I completely forgot why I came in here in the first place. I remember now. It's to complain about how god damn hard it is to find a rental place in a city outside of the one you currently live in. It's the law over here that you have to physically inspect a property before you are allowed to submit an application to rent it. Bit of a problem when you live a 400km round trip away (that's 250 miles in your FREEDOM UNITS, Americans) from the place you're supposed to be moving to. I went up there last week to look at 3 places, and boom, they're gone. One of them is still available apparently and I put in an application, but I'm not confident that I'll get it. I'll have to drive back up there on Tuesday and spend the whole day looking st places just to make sure that I can spam-apply for all of them after I get home, to ensure that at least one of them is available for me.

What an utterly pointless waste of time and fuel. Surely in this coronavirus era this is just one more thing crying out to be digitised? How hard would it be for the agent to do a walkthrough of the property with a camera phone and send you the video to serve as a virtual inspection and meet that legal requirement?
That's a pretty shit way of having to do that, I have to say. What's the point in it? I know there are virtual tours here, to see homes/apartments. Just saw a sign on the way home from the dentist the other day about FaceTime tours for some new condos.

I'd never have a place to live if I had to do all that, too much work!

~~~
We've been struck by an illness here. Not sure what the hell it is. I think just a normal, awful, knock you on your ass cold. Not the regular kind of cold where you sniffle and snuffle and sigh, but carry on. Not that kind... but the true knock you on your ass kind where you're just absolutely miserable. I went down first... and then mom, a bit after.

We were both damn miserable yesterday. I didn't go to work. 1) I felt miserable and 2) I couldn't sleep unless I gulped down enough cold/flu medication to knock out a horse. So... I didn't sleep yesterday. Much. Off and on.

And I did take a fair amount of cold medication, but it was the syrup variety and... here's a fun fact about me; You know how people will say that something's an "acquired taste". Like... shit is nasty, but you can just get used to it? Well... ok... my body doesn't work like that. Ok? There's no acquiring shit. If it's nasty, it's nasty... it'll always be nasty.

And... my body, if you attempt to put something in it that it deems nasty, it will attempt to remove it. Violently and post haste. As in... it goes in and it comes right back out again. Often before it gets too very far.

So, I was slurping down cold medication yesterday and got the first bit down, but the second bit? Well, it did go down... but it was a battle as my body attempted to expel it as soon as it hit my throat. So... there was wretching involved, but fortunately no puking and it went down... but my body was none to happy about it at all.

This is why I can't "acquire" a taste. I've left that stuff alone since late last night... feeling better without it, so unless I really need it, I'm not going to take any more of it. Well just do the pills that I have... pills I can do, but nasty cold medications? Nope. No. Just can't. So gross.

I got most of that Netflix show about The Night Stalker watched. I kept falling asleep, so I might've missed bits. It wasn't as good as I thought it would be, honestly. Was more about the cops involved than about Richard Ramirez himself. Which is fine... but then label it as such. I mean, still interesting, I suppose, but not what I expected.

I remember the day he was captured. East LA, I think? Homies weren't letting that dude get away. Good thing the police showed up when they did, else he might not have made it to prison. Not that I blame them... not even a wee little bit. Sick fucker, that dude.

I watched some Hitler stuff on Netflix after that. Like... the people surrounding him. I don't really remember much of it as I kept dozing off. I picked that cuz WWII stuff is always interesting and because it was something I could listen to with my eyes shut... without being tempted to open them and watch. This leads to drifting off to sleep... which is the whole point and why I don't remember shit about what I was watching.

I suppose I'm going to work tonight. I didn't really want to call off last night, but fuck I didn't feel well. That's one thing... and second was it's Saturday into Sunday, which is when a lot of 1sties want to call in sick. So... figured I didn't want to have to work an additional 8 hrs when I didn't feel well. That's not helpful at all.

Thursday there was an opportunity to take 2 hrs of OT, which would've painlessly put my name to the bottom of the mandatory overtime list, but I had a dentist appt, so I couldn't take it. Which sucks ass, cuz I would've if not for that, but I wasn't looking to reschedule this appointment again, soooooo... plus I had pt after, as well.

Such is life.

Ah well. I'm off to lie about on the couch for a while. Slept all night, not really tired. But should probably rest. And I might fall asleep if I lie around for a bit. Or something.
 

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Ugh.

I feel unwell. Also sent mom to the hospital with my sis, cuz she was almost crying from pain in her head, around her temple. My mom has an extremely high pain tolerance, so that was a bit concerning. Any pain like that in pretty much anyone should be checked out. Ask Malachi... he sneezed whilst in central control a few years ago and almost died from a brain aneurysm.

My sis has just texted that the ct was normal, labs were normal. So, I asked why there was pain and she said they didn't say why. Well. Okey dokey then. I would think that might be information that they tell you. So... well, I guess we'll see. At least she's not going to pop a vein and keel over.

I'm not looking forward to work. It's going to be a miserable eight hours. I didn't sleep well or regular at all at any point on my days off or yesterday or today, for that matter. Off and on, a wink here and a wink there. Because when you're not feeling well, that's just how shit works.

Of course, with my luck, I'll probably get to do some mandatory overtime in the morning.

That would suck. I don't think I'd make it until 2p. I really don't. I'll make it till 0600... but another 8 after that? Gads no. I don't think it'd work out for me that well.

I have seen/read that there have been two suicides connected to the little insurrection thing at the Capitol. One a Capitol cop and a bad guy. That's interesting. Bad guy... I get it. I guess. Did some dumbfuckery, got caught doing said dumbfuckery, probably lost his job over said dumbfuckery and decided to just end it all.

Did he realize, in the end, that he was a dumbfuck? Doubtful. His wife was still full of dumbfuckery, so I imagine such was the case for him as well.

As for the Capitol cop. Wonder what that was about? We'll probably never know. Was he good dude that just got overwhelmed and ended up whacking himself over the whole deal. Or was he a bad player that whacked himself before he was outed? May never know the answer to that... unless he's outed, of course. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt until then.

The officer who was killed during the insurrection was a Dampnut supporter. How's the irony in that? Wonder how he feels about that now? I mean, well... if he were able to feel any way about it, I mean.

I always wonder about that where it concerns people who suicide, you know? When my friend's mom was swinging from the garage rafters by her neck... was she regretting her choice as she died? Because that would be the absolute worst, wouldn't it? To get there and realize that's not really what you wanted to do, but not be able to take it back?
 

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Everyone is feeling better here today. Mostly.

Still sniffly and sleepy and ughish feeling, but much better than Fri/Sat. Mostly it's all just a fucking nuisance now. Just so you know, sneezing when you've got a mask on your head all the time is dumb. (I pull my mask up and sneeze in between my uni shirt & tshirt... because fuck having a snot filled mask all night!)

This morning, however, I did sneeze whilst eating breakfast and hurt my back. Right up between the shoulder blades. Felt like I just ripped my spine out. Goddamn it. Still a little sore and grumpy, but I've laid about on the heat pad this morning and this evening... so hopefully, that's helping it. It's not terrible pain, just yet another annoyance when I'm not in the mood for such things, really.

Also, my mother attacked me with Biofreeze... I think. I mean, well and good. But a little warning would've been nice. She got the heat pad for me and I was standing at the counter making tea when she comes up behind me, rips my shirt up and starts smearing... whatever... all over me. Not in the right place, of course, because she didn't even ask that, but you know... whatever. 😁

I thought I would be able to sleep straight away this morning, I was so tired my eyes burned... but nope. I was actually afraid that I'd gotten too tired and wouldn't be able to sleep at all, because that happens. I did fall asleep eventually and slept like a rock once I did, but goddamn. It took a while to get there.

And I could curl up on my couch right now and go right back to sleep and sleep most of the night away, too.


The other day, I was speaking to one of the boys from the other agency in our building. He's a nice kid... young (23), comes from the area where my dad grew up, has a good head on his shoulders and he's smart... has more sense than most of his coworkers, etc. He's leaving next month to start his career journey in Washington. Counseling and what not.

We talking about how people believe "their time" was the "best time". I used my mother for example... she believes the time she was growing up was the good old days... you didn't have this, that or the other thing. Which I've pointed out to her that it was the good old days for her... but the same could not be said for people with mental/physical disabilities, not for women in general, not for gays/etc and most certainly not for racial minorities.

I was talking to this boy about that and then brought up an example from my childhood. Story goes like this;

So, we were at my grandparents and some people were coming over. I believe these people were/are related to me in some form or fashion, but I honestly couldn't tell you (then or now) if so or how. Before they came over, I was repeatedly warned that one of the children was a M o n g o l o i d and I had to be respectful to the M o n g o l o i d and not upset the M o n g o l o i d and so on. (spaces added to prevent censorship)

Now... in my nine or ten year old head, I'm thinking these people coming to visit are bringing a Mongolian child with them... a junior Genghis Khan... and as a child of this age, I know about Khan and the Mongols... and I'm like... what the fuck... why are these people bringing a fucking member of the Horde to the house? And fuck no, I'm not going to piss it off or hurt it's feeling because... fuck if I'm bringing the horde down upon myself and my family!

Of course, the people arrive and the M o n g o l o i d makes his appearance and... I'm confused. Because I don't see a fucking Mongolian Horde member, but I see a kid who's (in the parlance of the day) retarded. I was both happy that he wasn't a horde member and confused as to why they said he was when he was obviously just retarded.

If you're a young 'un, you may or may not know that Down Syndrome was called Mongoloidism back in the day.

Now... back in the day I knew what retarded was... we had family friends who's son was developmentally delayed and hard of hearing. There were a couple of boys in my class that were developmentally delayed, but not so much that was truly something that stood out until we were in 5th, 6th grade... when others were starting to mature toward their teens years and these boys were not.

We had one boy with Muscular Dystrophy.

When I was a kid, kids with mental and physical issues were not around. Not even the deaf... these kids were all carted off to... institutions and what not. We didn't see them, we weren't around them. They were kind of scary, honestly. Whereas now, children are generally mainstreamed into public schools... instead of being shuttled away out of sight.

My deaf friends went to deaf school. They lived there and only came home on weekends and holidays and during the summer. Which was weird to me as a kid. I didn't understand why that was... they weren't handicapped in anyway, they just couldn't hear. It's like... they really weren't even part of their own families, yeah? They don't have a deaf school here anymore.

Nothing too much going on at work. Waiting for Autumn to go away. Kinda interested to see how long she lasts now that she'll be working 1st & 2nd shift. We're not taking bets yet... but we probably should be. I don't hold out a lot of hope for her. I think she'll quit. But... she could surprise me. I don't see anything like intestinal fortitude in her, but sometimes people can pull that shit out when they get pushed into a corner.
 

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So, my friend's youngest daughter got arrested the other day for shoplifting (and running away from the police) and various other nonsense. And her homeboy in the car got busted for meth and blah, blah, blah.

Last night I was bored so I decided to look her up in our system and see if she's been running downhilll, as it were, or whatever and... yeah. Not so much. Seems she's been on a bit of a decline for a bit. They're both out of jail already, but she was in contact with law enforcement (traffic) again within a day or two of being released... so... yeah.

The most interesting thing that I learned was that she's listed as a transient. As is her homeboy. I was a bit surprised by that. Perhaps I shouldn't have been, all things considered, but... I kinda was.

So... I suppose they're couch surfing or living in the car... shoplifting to get money and using it to buy meth. Because, even though she wasn't arrested for that and she shows no outward signs of being a meth head... let's be honest, she's likely a meth head. Or on her way to being one, likely.

Sad. I hope her kids are with her ex... or someone that's not her, at the least.

I have a bit of a fever right now. So that's annoying. This whole cold thing is annoying, honestly. It's sitting in my noggin or there's pressure there, anyway, and it makes me feel all sleepy and shit. I don't really cough or anything unless I got outside and all my snot starts to run about. Then I cough and carry on, until it stops.

It needs to take itself somewhere else, is what it needs to do. Goddamn it.

Work was ok enough. I was off and on again bored. I read, did crossword puzzles, daydreamed a bit. It's one of those days when everybody there is someone I'd prefer to not talk to, for the most part. Which is ok... I'm good with being an island as that's sorta my default, anyway. It's just that if there's someone around to chat with, it's just another non boredom thing to add to your tool chest, yeah?

Either way, it's all good. I started reading the second book in the Pendergast series. It's a weird series, really, as it's called the Pendergast series but, at least through out the first book, Pendergast didn't seem to be the main character... I'm not too far into the 2nd book, but he's not a lead there, either, so far. Very strange way of doing things, I think, but whatever. The books aren't horrible... though I'd say they're a bit hokey dokey.

Like... low budget X-Files, in a manner.

Ah. I just looked up the character of AXL Pendergast... in the first two books, he is only a supporting character and doesn't move to main character status until the 3rd book. Well. Okey dokey then.

I'm back to being on my last two books... this one Reliquary and another of the Memory Man series... which I'm not 100% certain I'm into yet, either. I read too damn fast. Although, I found with the first Pendergast book (Relic) I had to stop reading it every now and then because it was silly. It's supposed to be serious... and scary... and it was silly. And so I'd have to take a break from the silly... so that I could continue on.

All in all, a decent enough read. Not much actual thought required... fluffy stuff.

Tomorrow the orange monstrosity slinks back from whence it came and we get a new occupant in the White House. Quite ready for that. Whether or not Biden does a good job remains to be seen... but at least he can speak in coherent sentences and put forth an air of... adultness... for lack of a better term.

That's been sorely lacking for the past four years.
 

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Wait, wait, no... sorry @warweasel , my mistake... that's footage from April 2016, not 2021. A protest that happened to be the largest protest since the ones against the Vietnam War in the 1970s. That took place at the Capitol building for a week straight. Rich and poor, celebrities & non-celebrities alike.

Why didn't you hear about then, you ask? Why didn't corporate news air one second's coverage of it, especially if it was 100 times larger than 2021's protest?

Because it was a protest against oligarchy. The buying of congress & the electoral process so that the voters have no power... you know, the thing upon which all other things are caused. Princeton did this study which found that 90% of the time, public opinion has zero effect on what legislation gets passed. Not because they feel like it, but because - as Bernie or Warren would say - "the rules have been rigged"

You know... a protest against that.

Since corporate news is the mouthpiece of that - hell, all of it is owned by six (six individuals!) of our 2,000 or so oligarch dictators - it's no surprise why you didn't hear one word about it. They're not gonna cover a protest against them.

Oh, but you've been getting tons of feigned concern all day every day on corporate news. "Where our country is headed" after all the "Damage Trump is doing" and "Golly gee, oh my heavens"... let me remind you what you they said at the time Trump was running (in last place in polling!!!!) when all the networks gave him $3 billion in free advertising, and aired his campaign rallies in full, without commercial interruption (which never happened for any other candidate in American history)... here's what they were saying then...

CEO of CBS: "Who would've thought that this circus would come to town, but uh, you know... it may not be good for America but it's damn good for CBS, that's all I gotta say. What can I say, it's uh... the the money's rolling... this is something, I've never seen anything like this, and uh, you know, this is gonna be a very good year for us. Sorry, it's a terrible thing to say but bring it on Donald, keep going"

So when you're watching this toxic cesspool and you see all the "Oh my heavens me"... please understand that you're watching a reality tv show. They aren't 'really' concerned about anything, they want everything he did/said to happen, it's good for ratings. That's why they spend so much time on shit like Trump's every tweet or Plaid Shirt Guy. They manufacture all this shit, and then when the chickens come home to roost, they feign worry/.concern - it isn't real worry, it is a reality tv show they are peddling to you to watch.

Take it from a giant number of whistleblowers and people who've quit in disgust, like former MSNBC producer Ariana Pekary who described how the system operates in her resignation email, or NBC's war correspondent William Arkin who quit in disgust & described how the system operates in his resignation email, or the Young Turks who used to be on MSNBC, then got fired for doing their job, and described the shitty way the system operates afterwards.

Here's Ted Koppel telling CNN to their face what I just told you. Here's the normally neutral Bernie Sanders mocking Jake Tapper all throughout this video for the insipid garbage they peddle, and the crowd loudly cheering Bernie on. Of course, of all the 2020 candidates, Bernie was the only one who put forward a proposal to put back all the regulations Reagan & Clinton removed, so that we have an actual legitimate news media again.

Here's award-winning journalist Matt Taibbi describing to Joe Rogan the way the system operates. He was there to talk about his new book Hate Inc.: Why Today's Media Makes Us Despise One Another. In the second video he's talking to 2 time Pulitzer Prize winner Chris Hedges, who was the NY Time Middle East Bureau Chief for 15 years before getting pushed out due to not towing the company line on 'WMDs in Iraq', just as he has done with their latest lie 'Russiagate'. Taibbi's been at the forefront of calling that out too, but no surprise since they're both actual journalists,.



 

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Say... you wanna play a guessing game? Prize goes to the winning guess.

How do you think those protesters in 2016 (peaceful, zero weapons) were treated? Actually... how many of them even got inside the building?
 

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Well.

I was intending to play some Subsistence this evening before work, however... my keyboard decided to go all wonkey donkey and any key I hit opened a short cut. Which isn't very helpful in the midst of a game, thanks. And then I left the game and couldn't even Google a fix because I still couldn't use my keyboard without it opening short cuts.

I restarted the machine and the issue seems to have corrected itself, though I did have some other fixes pulled up on my phone so I could try those if a simple restart didn't fix it all up.

Weird shit. Never had that happen before.

And now it's too late to play a game or really even write here, though obviously I am. I type very fast, especially when I'm just typing my own thoughts or what not, so it will seem like I had a lot of time, when I really just had a minute or two.

Covid is running like wildfire through the facility. Again. I think Mai & Gabrielle both have it. And the other agency in our facility is down pretty much their entire 2nd shift.

Just taking Mai and Gabrielle outta our mix leaves us very short on 2nd shift. Ruby is still out after having been assaulted... so... there are three out right now. And, you know... we're running skeleton crews (intentionally) as it is, so anyone being gone is a issue... three being gone is well past being an issue.

Autumn doesn't really talk to me anymore. Which is ok with me. I don't dislike her, but... I can't say I have much fondness for her either and I think that's starting to show. She's fucking frustrating and I'm glad she's moving on next week. She seems to have found a friend in Billy... they bond over their religious believes... particularly how disgusting and sick the LBGTQ community is. I heard that bit last night via the intercom.

Eavesdropping? Yes? No. Kinda? Not intentionally eavesdropping. When you're in central control, if you're smart and want to be one top of things, when someone like a supervisor walks onto a unit, you leave that intercom on inside that unit. And you do that because it's right beside the door and you can hear when someone is approaching the door... either by their foot steps or their voice... so you can open the door before they ring the bell, as it were, and so you don't have to sit there and stare at the screen waiting for them to come back to the door.

So. Not eavesdropping in the sense that I was leaving the intercom on to hear what they were saying. I don't give a rat's ass what they or anyone else, for that matter, goes on about. It's just a short cut method learned long ago to make one's life a little easier.

Thing is that everyone knows that this is what people do and yet... people still say really stupid shit. Obviously.
 
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