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I can never seem to be fully happy..
I have experienced this as well and I am coming to a place where I'm beginning to understand that this feeling is not uncommon for most. In other words, this is not some fate designed for only me to bare. I am not sure that any of us can truly be completely happy. We can have happy moments, but complete happiness is a myth.
 

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There is a guy at my work called Matt.

He just sent me a email and I responded, I have his email right there in front of me, I had his email address with his name in it right in front of me.

And I still managed to call him Mike.

Someone shoot me now. :bored:
 

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I'm an atheist that believes in life.
 

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Slept all day, ready to go back to work... I guess. :dry: At least I have another 3 day weekend this week. Hope we have a party or a cook out or something for the holiday and the nephew's graduation from the academy. Or something. Anything fun. I'm ready for summer fun!

I wore shorts all weekend. It wasn't that weird. Looking at my reflection in windows and what not, I concluded that folks probably thought I was some sort of gothed out cholo gangsta dude... with the long black cargo shorts, black t-shirt and the tats. Explains all the looks in the pub where we had lunch with the just got outta church crowd. :cool: The fact that I'm a little old to be in the demographic was apparently lost on them.

This weather is crazy. I don't know if all my people are ok. I know M in OKC is ok... storms missed her. P in Wichita is ok... but I've not yet heard from B, also in Wichita... which is unusual, as he's always online... and I can't get any reply from him anywhere. A little concerned about that. Hopefully, he and his family are ok.

Watching the death toll from Moore, OK rise every few minutes via tweets. So sad. If I didn't have to work for a living, I'd be headed down there to help sift through debris and search for survivors. I'm medically certified as an EMT... I could be of benefit. Unfortunately, I have to show up at work and... get paid. I'd rather go help those who need it, though.

Hoping the weather calms down... these people need a break. Storms keep popping in the same area... :sad:
 

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I just can't do it! I just Can't!!!!

It just IRKS me!!!!!!!

And so I'll wait. -_-

because at the end of the day, I know I'm not as needy and have way more patience.
 

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Ok. I'm tired....

I remember having a weird dream, and then suddenly waking up to a lot of noise downstairs at 3am. Nothing wakes you up like a jolt of adrenaline.
Turns out something fell of the shelf on top of a box of cat-food which then clattered on the floor. Nothing was broken thankfully.

Of course getting back to sleep proved rather difficult. I know I slept, because I had a weird nightmare after that. Of course. I do remember the nightmare.... not that it made any sense whatsoever. Someone wanted to set my house on fire by lighting up the stack of old paper I kept in the living room on a wooden pallet, while making it look like an accident and a burglary. Except, that they lay-out didn't match my house at all. (Not to mention I never kept a stack of old paper in the living room)
I woke up during the dream, glared at my alarm clock, and fell back to sleep right into that dream again. :shocked:
The feeling inside the dream was worse though. A feeling of sadness, violation and with a hint of despair.

Then the alarm clock went and now I'm at work. Tired, and having this weird confused feeling I always have after such dreams.
Wish I could stay home and try to get some more sleep of the normal variety.
 

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To the nice lady from Ghana who is in my yoga class,

I am sorry about the other day, when there was no yoga and we had agreed to go to the other class, the bootcamp-like, somewhat scary one, and I didn't show. I said it was due to work, but in reality, I was an emotional mess who had been crying most of the day. I felt awful about not showing.

And now yoga is cancelled again, and we agreed again to go to the scary class with the loud music, but I forgot that I am going to be in Germany that evening (the whole weekend, in fact).

I feel bad, because I have no way of reaching you. In fact I don't even know your first name.

I don't blame you if you don't believe me.

I'm just sorry. You're nice and you shouldn't be alone in the scary bootcamp-like class with the loud music.

<3
 

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Didn't get anything done last night. Hearing of all the lives lost in Moore, Oklahoma... so many of them being little innocents... I just had no motivation to do course work or anything else, really. It didn't help that I listened to CNN drone on and on and on about it all night long, I suppose. But... I couldn't change the channel, either. If I had kids (or if my niece & nephew were younger), I'd be hugging the stuffing outta them this morning.

Not much really gets to me or bothers me on any grand scale... but so many little ones dying? That really bothers me. A lot.

I dropped some money in the donation coffer... but, it seems so little under the circumstances. If I could get off work, I'd go help in search/recovery... I am qualified to do so and the local FD is sending people down, both firefighters & qualified volunteers. I just can't get the time off work to go... we're so understaffed, it's just not possible. It frustrates me that all I can do is throw money at the situation.

A friend I've known for 12 yrs sent me an email last week... she just found out her bf of 12 yrs is an INTJ and wanted my advice. This amused me greatly. I wrote her back and told her if she had been able to deal with his INTJ quirks for this long, she didn't need any of my help, lol. She did appreciate the insight I did give her... which was essentially the INTJ traits. She said I described him exactly. Well. I know my INTJ brethren.
She "missed" the fact he was INTJ for 12 yrs because she assumed his behavior was due to his profession. (He's a military special forces bad ass) Now she realizes that it's behavior that inherent to his personality... it just happens to fit in well with his career. (She is an ISFJ)

I need a weekend again. Already. And vodka. Lots of vodka.
 

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They've lowered the death toll in Moore, I see. Good to see that... still very sad.

The search & rescue peeps here sent a crew of 80 firefighters & qualified volunteers this morning. Still wish I could've gone, frustrated that I've got to be here. But... nothing much I can do about it.

Guess I'll have a busy weekend... busier than I had expected. Boy's graduation ceremony on Friday, not to mention it's my lil bro's birthday... have to go to the ceremony and they we're having a cook out after. Saturday is my dad's bday and his gf texted me this morning that we're all going to go out to the bbq place for that. That really just leaves Sunday for chillaxin' and doing what I want... which will probably amount to patio perching. I just wanna sit and chill... listen to music & drink copious amounts of vodka. :cool:

Made a friend laugh out loud from their work cubicle when they read the story (via email) of the day, many years ago, when I kept dripping sweat on paleontologists at a fossil dig. (Not everybody can say they've done that, eh?) Poor bone diggers.

Two current annoyances on my left hand/wrist: I've damaged ligaments (I'm guessing) in my left ring finger. It's difficult (and painful) to make a fist and it hurts down into the palm of my hand. No idea what I did, how I did it or when I did it. (I noticed it bothering me at the ren faire over the weekend, but have no recollection of injuring it in anyway.) And last night, something bit me under my watch band on my left wrist. Itches like a motherfucker. If I had to guess, it's a spider bite... it itches far worse than any mosquito bite. It's driving me infuckingsane. (Especially right now... I've scratched myself nice and red... have try to stop to keep from removing skin next.)

Time to go reply to some email, I guess... then take a nap. Slept well, still feel sleepy. That's not cool.
 

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Over 3 strikes and I'm outie.

Once again.

Maybe next year loves.

1. someone overtaking my place of refuge because they know it irritates me and can't stay in their own forum.
Probably looking for some other INFJ to prey on with their twisted manipulation.

2. being told to try my luck with chester molester.

3. people speaking on my behalf.

4. and passive aggression that makes no sense.

* and yet there are still so many faces I miss. I just can't for now so sad de moi *

se la vie
 

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After watching The Office finale and Andy said: "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."

And I also found myself thinking about "the good ol'days" when listening to 100 Years by Five for Fighting.

Can we only appreciate our experiences after they pass? Or can we hack ourselves and enjoy the moment for all it's worth? I think its worth a shot. :)
 

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When I was walking home from the bus late at night I saw something written in chalk on the sidewalk.
It said "Be creative or else."

I hear you and I'll get back to it.
Writing a witty response and seeing if you can converse through chalk would be pretty creative.
 
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