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I have so much in this head of mine, and my heart is so huge...but it is all a risk...so I instead come across as cold and detached. Once I trust you then you get to know the real me... maybe.
Sounds familiar when society often sends out mixed messages on how people should think, feel, express themselves and reveal about themselves as people.
 

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It's 0827 and I've already had the dogs out, had breakfast and gathered up most of my tax junk. I'm being quite productive, I have to say. It's all going to end in a little bit, however, lol. I'm hoping for great weather and some time outside with the pups. Patio perching, listening to music and drinking Guinness.

Taxes are for this evening at some point.

Slept well and without annoying or creepy or loud dreams. Perhaps I got all that outta my system now. I think once you realize a person/place/thing has reached pathetic status, there's only so much that can be said or done and... goddamn, be glad it's not you and/or your situation.

I wonder if I'll get stuck with MOT next week... I hope not, but... it's not looking promising. Fucking bullshit, is what it is.

The boy is much the same dilemma, though. Actually worse. At his facility, they changed the way MOT is done a month or so ago. Previous to that there was very little MOT because if an opening appeared, people would take the hours voluntarily. And they would do that because they were allowed to bump people from their posts. Which only seems fair (to me, at least) if you're working an extra shift... you're tired... you should be able to choose where you want to work. That's apparently the way it was for eons and eons at his facility. Now they've changed it so that if you volunteer, you can't bump anyone... you get stuck... where ever. And now people have stopped volunteering to work. So... each and every 3rd shift CO is being mandatoried about once every 10 days.

That much MOT causes people to 1) start off by calling in sick to avoid MOT 2) Quit. If you're already short staffed... you're running MOT out the ass and people quit? It leads to more MOT and more people quit... vicious circle that.

And for some reason the administration over there fails to see they've fucked themselves.

I'm beginning to think that everyone that rises to the rank of administrator in any form, in any industry, is a fucking moron. Probably an ass kissing moron, but a moron just the same. I've never worked anywhere anyone in management wasn't a fucking idiot of one variety or another. Not once.

Anyway...

It's the weekend, so fuck them. :proud: Everything is set up for the day to go smashingly well. I shall enjoy it mightily, believe that.

Also. I desperately need a hair cut. Again. I'm feeling woolly.


:laughing:
 

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Life is so weird. I think one of the hardest things for me to accept is that I have naturally low testosterone. But.. at the same time, I notice that I am intelligent. I think we are all born with a certain number of points.. and they are distributed in different areas. I figured out that I could boost my T with nicotine, but it killed me super fast so I quit. Now- back down to low T. Oh well that's life.
 

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MOTM October 2013
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Finally got the schedule for summer semester fixed...exchanged it for a scenario in which I can't get the (required) proctor for my exam TODAY, because the last two attempts fell through...one due to a proctor service who promised they were open on Saturdays NOT being open on Saturdays...and the other due to me scheduling the exam for "12:00" and not realizing the computer took that to mean midnight, not noon. Yeah, I was dead to the world then...I missed it entirely. And I'm working all this afternoon and well into night so...not sure what I'm going to do. Emailed the instructor...crossed fingers we can come up with a solution. This is happening waaay too often...

<sigh> Yes, I hate college. Really really hate college. If my current job made enough money to live on, I'd totally quit college and opt for fulltime hours there. But no...and I'm only a few classes away from getting my shiny Bachelor's degree...it'd be a shame if I didn't stick through it.

What else is going on? I get to go on a nice long trail ride tomorrow! My instructor's giving her horse endurance training, but couldn't make the time she usually takes him out with a friend, so I get to go instead! So excited...though I'm a little worried I might not be able to handle the endurance training myself, heh. 4 hours straight in a saddle that's a little too big for me, and we'll be trotting a lot, and the horse has quite the bouncy trot...I'll have to remind myself to wear a very good bra on that day. :tongue:

Martial arts is also going well. I now know a total of four different kicks and four different punches. Well, make that five different kicks...though I think that fifth one might not be one included in the rank test for my level. Getting more flexible and stronger...I can actually do a full push-up now, which I used to NEVER be able to do. Now I just have to get to the level I can do ten in a row...heh...

Now the painful part...still disassociating/flashbacking a lot. I completely blew up on ex-friend when she did nothing more terrible than wish me a happy birthday, and frankly...still not sure if maybe I was warranted after all for doing that. The last time we were in contact consisted of her screaming boundless accusations at me, for which I just up and walked away from. I did wind up apologizing to her for my behavior two days ago, and I guess the best thing I can do now is shrug and say...well...get what you give, lady. Don't like people screaming at you, how about trying not screaming at them? Especially when they just got done telling you how terrible they feel. Not smart. Rather bitchy move in fact. Stay out of my life, plzkthxandBAI.

No, the fact I'm more worried about is whether she's going to go tattling to her friend and to the forum administrator and I'M going to be reprimanded yet again for HER thoughtless behavior... Really unfair, and nothing I can do, because both are convinced I'm utterly crazy if I go pointing to the fact this woman pulled the first punches, not me. Because apparently that's overreacting and a sign I need therapy. What-the-fuck-ever... I may be stressed and be dealing with emotional baggage that has me coming down harder on people than I probably should, but I still know crap when I smell it.
 

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Being outside to patio perch isn't looking promising. I was just out with the dog to play some ball... and it's still too cold for that business. I thought it was supposed to be nice today? :dry: Well, I guess it is... in a manner of speaking. There's a light breeze and it's sunny as all get out. Not a cloud in the sky. But... too cold. *sigh* Oh well.

I've run out of things to do to entertain myself here in the house, so I think it's time for a nap. I was up early after all. A little nap would be nice... and warm... and cozy.

Really wish it was nicer outside, though...
 

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4 hours straight in a saddle that's a little too big for me, and we'll be trotting a lot, and the horse has quite the bouncy trot...I'll have to remind myself to wear a very good bra on that day. :tongue:
Bouncy trot. I know have a lovely visual. Thank you. :tongue:

@warweasel Heavy Rain finished. Here's the rundown...
All survived except for the P.I. and the F.B.I. guy. Mike Tyson got the better of me in that scrapyard fight. :laughing:
You lost Mr. FBI in the same place I did, lol. Did you almost save him at the end or not? I was soooooooooo close. I was so annoyed when it went the other way.

At least you got a better outcome. The PI was the only one that survived in my game, lol. Damn him.

~~~

Had a nice nap. Tried the sofa, but I was too cold. Ended up in bed, where it was nice and warm, lol. Ma scared the hell outta me when she came to get me up, too. Man, I hate that... be startled awake. At least I didn't kick the hell outta the bed this time.

Made some lovely bbq chicken breasts on the grill. Yum. I now smell of grill smoke, which is wonderful. Reminds me of summer. I'll be sniffing myself all night. Assuming I'm awake all night, lol. Which is kinda debatable at this point in time.

It finally got up to 60F so I didn't freeze my ass while grilling. It was only in the mid 40s when I had the dog out to play ball. That's why I was so damned cold. They're still saying 80F for tomorrow. Too bad I'll be sleeping through that one... and next week is supposed to be cool and rainy. All. Week. Long.

Annoying. But we desperately need the rain.

And since there's no patio perching to be done this evening... I shall be gaming, most likely. Or watching movies, perhaps. I can't wait for the weather to be better. I'm ready to be outside. Seriously.
 

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You lost Mr. FBI in the same place I did, lol. Did you almost save him at the end or not? I was soooooooooo close. I was so annoyed when it went the other way.

At least you got a better outcome. The PI was the only one that survived in my game, lol. Damn him.
He escaped the car and it was during the ensuing fight. It told me to yank the controller down three times in a row and three times it didn't register it. FBI lost, Mike Tyson knocked him out and he was never playable after that. I assumed the worst after a while.
 

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He escaped the car and it was during the ensuing fight. It told me to yank the controller down three times in a row and three times it didn't register it. FBI lost, Mike Tyson knocked him out and he was never playable after that. I assumed the worst after a while.
I didn't get him outta the car. I didn't have to assume shit, lol. :laughing:

And I was so close, too... I'm sure I probably yelled Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... whilst the bad stuff was happening, lol. Man that was not cool. So close and yet... still quite dead.

I still wanna play through that game again some time. I watched all the possible outcomes on YouTube after I finished it. Cuz... I was curious and these are things I need to know. And I don't think the knowledge is gonna help me a damned bit, lol.

Started a new Civ 5 game... won the last one but didn't kill off all the Siamese before the game clock ran out. I could've gone on and finished them off after the game stopped keeping score... but why? I won.

New game... all remains to be seen.

The problem with that game is it's turn based and so damned addictive. I think this afternoon I played "one more turn" about... at least 100 times, lol. Ended up with a sore ass and about pissed myself on top of it. I can lose hours playing that game.

So many games. So little time, lol.
 

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I didn't get him outta the car. I didn't have to assume shit, lol. :laughing:

And I was so close, too... I'm sure I probably yelled Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... whilst the bad stuff was happening, lol. Man that was not cool. So close and yet... still quite dead.

I still wanna play through that game again some time. I watched all the possible outcomes on YouTube after I finished it. Cuz... I was curious and these are things I need to know. And I don't think the knowledge is gonna help me a damned bit, lol.

Started a new Civ 5 game... won the last one but didn't kill off all the Siamese before the game clock ran out. I could've gone on and finished them off after the game stopped keeping score... but why? I won.

New game... all remains to be seen.

The problem with that game is it's turn based and so damned addictive. I think this afternoon I played "one more turn" about... at least 100 times, lol. Ended up with a sore ass and about pissed myself on top of it. I can lose hours playing that game.

So many games. So little time, lol.
You're an ass though. Because you told me all of your guys died I thought the same thing would happen to me. I was even more on edge because of what you said. :laughing: Any tricky situation they got in I was like "yep, this is the one that ends them".
 

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You're an ass though. Because you told me all of your guys died I thought the same thing would happen to me. I was even more on edge because of what you said. :laughing: Any tricky situation they got in I was like "yep, this is the one that ends them".
lol. See. I probably saved your people for you. I had nobody to tell me all their people died so I could be paranoid, lol. I assumed I'd get through the whole thing without losing anyone, cuz I rock like that. Totally didn't go down that way, though. Obviously.

~~~

Played Civ 5 for a while last night. The land mass I got put on is somewhat unfortunate, so I don't know how this game is going to turn out. I have a civ (don't recall who) north of my coast, literally just a hop skip away... my area is a little bulb connected to a larger mass by a land bridge. That is good... keeps most away from me, but also means I have to go through whomever is there to get anything accomplished. Argh. I've only take the city-state of Hanoi... but the Iroquois are probably going to be my first assault. (The civ I played last game.) They have more cities/territories... but mine are bigger & I'm more advanced.

I'm going to be thoroughly annoyed if I can't take over the world. Damn it. :wink:

Up way too early. Have had a bit of a headache for hours. It doesn't seem to want to go away. It's either the weather or the fact that I'm tired. Or both, perhaps. I definitely need more sleep and will get more before too long. I had to get up, though, cuz I was hungry and the dog needed out as well.

Got laundry started... all that fun go back to work tonight stuff.

Wonder what the mandatory overtime nonsense is looking like this week. Better be less of that shit than there was last week. Even so... better to get caught during the week then on the day that's your Friday. Won't be happy either way, but less annoyed during the week. Really wish admin would pull their heads outta their asses.

RN texted me already this morning about West Side Story this weekend. 2p. Don't forget! As if. I didn't forget last time, I was uninvited without my knowledge. That's kinda different. :rolleyes: I hope the production is good. And food... I hope we eat good food that day too... and maybe do some other stuff as well. I should get some reward, after all. (Though I'm not entirely sure she will see it that way. :laughing:)

My backyard neighbor's son brought his dog over yesterday. My pup wasn't sure what to think of her, lol. She's an Akita pup... bigger than he is. Beautiful dog. He wanted to play with her... but she was pretty big... so they just stood nose to nose at the fence and sniffed the entire time. My dog gets so excited when my neighbor's dogs (A westie & a lab) are outside. They like to run up and down the fence with each other... barking and carrying on. Goofy dogs. He didn't do that with the Akita, though.

My dog loves the westie. He knows the westie's name... so if you say his name, my dog starts looking for him. And when they're at the fence together my pup does the excited to see you puppy dog butt wiggle dance. Not sure why he loves that dog so much, but he really does. He'd probably play with him all day. He's not that interested in the lab for some reason. Too big, maybe.

The dogs here need a bath. They both smell like... dirt. I gotta wait for my mom to do it. I really can't since I can't really kneel for any length of time, thanks to my destroyed knee. I wash my dog off in my shower sometimes, but that's not really a proper bath... more like a good rinsing when he gets muddy. My bathroom is so small, you can't open the shower door fully... so if I were to try to get him a proper bath, I'd have to be in there with him and... no. Just... no, lol.

I didn't do my taxes this weekend. (I'm quite good at procrastinating, lol) I did, however, gather up everything I need... except the stuff from the cars. I'll get that in the morning after work and then... I'll get after it. Tomorrow morning or evening. Depending upon how tired I am.

I don't know why I put it off so long. It's really quite easy and doesn't take all that long. And it brings me a considerable amount of money...you'd think I'd be all up on that, lol.

Well. I suppose. Just rambling on about nonsense. I'm tired. I need to get back to bed...

Be well minions!
 
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