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Yeah, i know that but i believe he had some sort of traumatic experience when he was young. His family was very tough on him and that had a very negative impact on him. Of course, he never let me in on this subject and never discussed it with me but I knew what was going on and felt upset about it. I wanted to help to heal him but he wouldn't let me. That is something that i find regrettable as he is a really good person and his life would have been even more better if he trusted me more in that area. No, he just had this problem with being easily upset and taking things personally where he shouldn't not be. I found it very strange but i understood where it was coming from [his childhood trauma].
That's another INTJ quirk, I think. We're not real good at letting people help us. We prefer to always go and deal with our traumas and emotions by ourselves and in our own fashion. I'm most certainly this way. Most people have no idea if I'm in the midst of turmoil because I don't outwardly project that...

Grief (over a death, for instance) is one area where I will shut everyone out for... 3 or 4 or 5 days. I spend that time processing my emotions and finding a cubby hole for them to be placed into. Once I find that spot, I wrap it all up with a nice bow and put it away. And then I'm done. What takes other people months and months and months (or years) to do... I do in less than a week.

It's not a process that I can do in the midst of other people, however. My own emotions are so intense and nearly overwhelming that I just cannot deal with anyone else's on top of it all. I can't. I won't. I'm not sure that it's an entirely healthy process, but it's one that works for me...

That's too bad about his childhood trauma. I expect we all suffer some form of it, to one degree or another... life is like that. But some people really get piled on and that sucks.
 

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That's another INTJ quirk, I think. We're not real good at letting people help us. We prefer to always go and deal with our traumas and emotions by ourselves and in our own fashion. I'm most certainly this way. Most people have no idea if I'm in the midst of turmoil because I don't outwardly project that...

Grief (over a death, for instance) is one area where I will shut everyone out for... 3 or 4 or 5 days. I spend that time processing my emotions and finding a cubby hole for them to be placed into. Once I find that spot, I wrap it all up with a nice bow and put it away. And then I'm done. What takes other people months and months and months (or years) to do... I do in less than a week.

It's not a process that I can do in the midst of other people, however. My own emotions are so intense and nearly overwhelming that I just cannot deal with anyone else's on top of it all. I can't. I won't. I'm not sure that it's an entirely healthy process, but it's one that works for me...

That's too bad about his childhood trauma. I expect we all suffer some form of it, to one degree or another... life is like that. But some people really get piled on and that sucks.
Well, believe it or not i am kind of like that too. In most cases i won't accept other's help too. I am too independent and stubborn . I just don't want to feel like i owe anything to anyone. Having said that, i would have accepted help from him. We had a very deep connection. I told him things that not even my family knows , no one in this world really. So when he couldn't do the same for me, it upset me but i just accepted it. But yeah, for INFJs it takes a lot of time to recover from these things as you rightly pointed out. Sometimes years ....
 

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@warweasel I streamed Factions tonight and had 8 people watching at one point. I feel famous! :tongue:
Like a fucking rock star! :cool:

Well, believe it or not i am kind of like that too. In most cases i won't accept other's help too. I am too independent and stubborn . I just don't want to feel like i owe anything to anyone. Having said that, i would have accepted help from him. We had a very deep connection. I told him things that not even my family knows , no one in this world really. So when he couldn't do the same for me, it upset me but i just accepted it. But yeah, for INFJs it takes a lot of time to recover from these things as you rightly pointed out. Sometimes years ....
Not totally surprised. I think to some degree it's also a male thing. A lot of it with me is that the role I have always filled within my family unit is the role of the stoic one. I think I took it on unintentionally when I was quite young and because I'm not very (outwardly) emotional my family members just assumed that I was better equipped to deal with some things than they were... which wasn't at all true. I wasn't any better equipped, I just processed/dealt with those things differently.

As I became older, they started leaning on me more and more. And I couldn't let them down, at least that was the thought process going on in my head. Someone has to keep it together if everyone else is coming apart... and that's me. And now that's become so conditioned, engrained, whatever... I really can't do it any other way.

I don't want to put a burden on other people, so... I just deal with everything myself.

@warweasel

Have you had any romantic connections with INFJs? Do tell, if have.
I will respond to this particular question via a PM...

~~~

Quiet night at worky work. Got to watch part two of The World Wars. This makes me exceptionally happy. That was about my excitement for the night, to be perfectly honest.

Last night's discussion with my HFA inmate was concerning dragons. All manner of stuff about dragons. I have no idea why. He brought it up, sorta outta the blue. But... it was interesting to chat about for a while.

I did develop a pounding headache during that convo, though. Not because of him or the conversation... I don't know why, honestly. Just... there it was. The tum was acting sketchy all night as well. No idea what it's problem was/is... it's still behaving on the sketchy side of things... which is rather unfortunate as I'm now hungry. I'm not sure what we've got in the house that I can put in there that won't make the situation any worse.

Tonight would normally be my last night... but because I switched up for Natalie's sake... I'll be back tomorrow night as well. Rather dreading spending a Friday night at work. I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. Probably about... 13 yrs ago. Fuck. Me. :dry:

Bounced around my Twitter feed a fair bit last night. My friend from San Francisco was working the Hugh Laurie concert at the Fillmore Theatre... so she was sending me tweets regarding that business. She was duly impressed by the lad and his band. I kinda figured she'd be into that particular musical genre (blues/jazz, mostly)... and I was right about that. So that was cool.

And CNN's Chris Cuomo retweeted one of my tweets, as well. Which others have gone along and retweeted. He was tweeting during his morning show New Day regarding the shooting incident that took place at UC Santa Barbara... and had a few things to say about that. Well, not that incident specifically, but the (lack of) mental health treatment for juveniles, specifically, in this country.

Apparently, Chris agreed with one of my statements. Fair enough. (Kinda hard not to, as they were all statements of fact...)

Oh... and I learned The Wonder Years is finally coming out on dvd. I didn't think that was ever going to happen due to issues with music licensing and if you're familiar with the show, you know you want the music to be the original music from the series... to replace it with cheap, easily licensed music would just... suck balls in all manners.

I will definitely be getting that series on dvd when it releases! I did rewatch the entire series on Netflix when I first got Netflix... but I'm still buying the set when it comes out. I was quite fond of that show when it aired originally.

And... off to write a quickish PM... then find food and then go to bed at a decent hour. Try to make it there at/before my "bedtime" two days in a row. (We'll see how that turns out, lol.)
 

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Oh... and I learned The Wonder Years is finally coming out on dvd. I didn't think that was ever going to happen due to issues with music licensing and if you're familiar with the show, you know you want the music to be the original music from the series... to replace it with cheap, easily licensed music would just... suck balls in all manners.

I will definitely be getting that series on dvd when it releases! I did rewatch the entire series on Netflix when I first got Netflix... but I'm still buying the set when it comes out. I was quite fond of that show when it aired originally.
Thanks for the information. I watched on Netflix as well, but will buy the DVDs. Hopefully, they contain commentaries and other special features. Dan Lauria portrayed the most realistic father in TV history. Batman is also coming to DVD, so I will finally be able to own two of my favorite series.
 

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Ok. Just so feel a bit better. Sex itself is nothing special. Well, it is nice but don't think of it as i don't know something extraordinary. Couple of hours of passionate lovemaking and then it is all over and back to reality.
I know. But it's the act of love of intimacy that it represents for me.
Here sex is cheap. If I wanted to I could call an escort girl and get it over with.

But that would be just a financial transaction. Cold and devoid of love.

Of course the deeper wish behind this is just wanting to be loved. Something that never happened.
I wonder what it would feel like to have someone in love with me.

But as it stands, I'm only ever good enough as a friend. At age 35 this really starts to eat away at me.
 

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From another forum I frequent for writers, I HAD to share this chicks sig I just noticed. Now mind you, she's an erotica author. So here's her sig.

__________________
Husband: You have this weird thing with dreaming about being married to other guys and then cheating on them with me.


Me: That's because I get the thrill of the affair and none of the guilt when I wake up.
__________________

hahaha!!! It's so funny because I've totally used ex's in my writing. And the one ex from years ago who was so not cool, I made him a homosexual! :eek: LOLOL!! He would be so thrilled! :tongue:
 

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Another lazy moment from my stepdad. Walked upstairs to my room to tell me that there was clothes downstairs that needed to be brought upstairs. He did this empty handed of course...
Typical type 1 :p
 

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Thanks for the information. I watched on Netflix as well, but will buy the DVDs. Hopefully, they contain commentaries and other special features. Dan Lauria portrayed the most realistic father in TV history. Batman is also coming to DVD, so I will finally be able to own two of my favorite series.
The Netflix version also had most of the original music removed... even the theme song was different. There are probably some shows that you can do that and get away with it... but this show is not one of them. As I understand it, they were able to license almost all of the origianl music, including the original theme... so... I guess that's the best one can hope for.

Waking up late and eat everything what you find it is the glory.
That's how I felt right before I went to bed this morning. I didn't feel all that well, but I was so hungry. And I ate something... which seemed to only make me more hungry! (I don't think it's supposed to work that way, lol.) I was tempted to just continue stuffing my face, but I didn't. Probably a good thing... but man, it was hard to resist that urge!

Another lazy moment from my stepdad. Walked upstairs to my room to tell me that there was clothes downstairs that needed to be brought upstairs. He did this empty handed of course...
How old is he? I'm wondering if it's generational, maybe? My dad never did that to me, but my friend's dad? I swear the only reason he had five children was so that they could wait on him hand and foot. And they did exactly that. We'd be downstairs doing kid things and he would be upstairs... and he'd just start yelling one of the kids' names... over and over... until they went upstairs. They'd be gone for a bit and then come back. Almost every time I asked them what he wanted... it was that he wanted them to make him a sandwhich, get a beer from the fridge, get him a glass of water. He was like... 15 ft. from the kitchen and they were on a completely different floor of the house, but he couldn't be bothered to get up to get his own food or drink.

Was quite bizarre to me. Firstly... my dad didn't do stuff like that so it was foreign. And secondly, had my dad tried some shit like that I'd have told him to get it himself. (Or do something to his food/drink so that he'd prefer to get it himself, lol.) I asked my friend why they never told him to get up and get it himself and basically the reason was they were scared to death of him. (He scared me, too. Which strikes me as funny now... he was a small guy. Maybe 5'6"/145 lbs... but he was very blustery. As an adult, I always refered to him as the white George Jefferson, lol. My dad was 6'3"/270 lbs and he wasn't scary at all, by comparison, lol.)

I know. But it's the act of love of intimacy that it represents for me.
Here sex is cheap. If I wanted to I could call an escort girl and get it over with.

But that would be just a financial transaction. Cold and devoid of love.

Of course the deeper wish behind this is just wanting to be loved. Something that never happened.
I wonder what it would feel like to have someone in love with me.

But as it stands, I'm only ever good enough as a friend. At age 35 this really starts to eat away at me.
Sorry man. That really sucks. Life can be incredibly cruel sometimes.

From another forum I frequent for writers, I HAD to share this chicks sig I just noticed. Now mind you, she's an erotica author. So here's her sig.

__________________
Husband: You have this weird thing with dreaming about being married to other guys and then cheating on them with me.


Me: That's because I get the thrill of the affair and none of the guilt when I wake up.
__________________

hahaha!!! It's so funny because I've totally used ex's in my writing. And the one ex from years ago who was so not cool, I made him a homosexual! :eek: LOLOL!! He would be so thrilled! :tongue:
That's one thing I don't do... I may have characters that are an amalgamation of several different people. I can't make them someone I don't like... I want to like all my characters, to some degree. (Nobody is 100% good or 100% evil, after all...)

I also saw a meme just yesterday that said Please don't annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you. :laughing:

~~~

Debating on whether or not I should spend my free time this evening taking a nap before having to get ready for work. Kinda feeling it at the moment. The tum's still acting a bit sketchy. Wish I knew what it's problem was... a touch of some bug, most likely. Whatever's going on it can stop about any time. Seriously.

Not sure where I'm working tonight. Normally, my Thursday night post is central control... but Rita's on modified duty, so she'll be working there. (It's our only modified duty post, soooooo...) So most likely I'll be working her unit. Which will be alright, I guess. I've not worked over there in... over 2 yrs. Tomorrow night, I should be back on my unit, since that's were Natalie works when I'm off and we've switched, soooooooooooo... I should be there in her stead.

Whatever. As long as I have a tv, I'm all good. (If I'm on Rita's unit tonight... there will be no usage of contraband as Sam works tonight and the 3rd shift supervisors' office is on that unit. I'll not be able to keep my contraband outta his view... so tonight? Tonight will be tv night. (Assuming I'm on Rita's unit, of course. Sam doesn't like me being in the same area with him, so it's possible that he could move me from Rita's unit & put me in my unit and put Natalie in Rita's unit. We'll see, I guess.)

Whatever happens, I'm going to be so glad when this week ends. And I'm going to have to remember to have plans the next time someone wants to switch my Friday for one of their days off. Fuck. That. I must've lost my mind when I agreed to do this, lol.

I have no musics in my car. That's highly uncool. I have a very large hole where the stereo used to be, but that's all I have. I hope they are able to get it fixed and back to me before I go to Minneapolis. It'll be a long sucky drive if I have to go 1) by myself and 2) have no music at all. I mean... the last time I went to Minneapolis by myself, I only listened to music for about half the drive. The rest of the time, I was in my head because... I had nothing but time to be there. But at least I had the option of having music. With no stereo, I don't have an option for shit, lol.

Still don't know who, if anyone, is going with me. :dry: I really no longer care. I'm going. That's the important part.

I have a ridiculously annoying zit on my chin. The hell is that about? It's not entirely huge, though larger than I'd certainly like it to be. But the damned thing hurts. At my age, I should be well past the having zits stage, for Christ sake. :dry: At least it's not visible to the outside world, really, because... I haven't shaved in two weeks. :laughing: Laziness prevailed, I'm afraid. I'm scruffified.

I like that word. Scruffified. Lots of Fs and Is. Use it in your next Scrabble game. Tell them War said it was ok. Oh... and use syzygy, too. (Bring a dictionary, though... nobody's going to believe it's a real word. But it is...)

Well. I've just spent an hour distracted by the interwebs... so I guess I should finish this and get back to what I was doing, lol.


Because everything is better with bagpipes, yo.
 

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Like a fucking rock star! :cool:



Not totally surprised. I think to some degree it's also a male thing. A lot of it with me is that the role I have always filled within my family unit is the role of the stoic one. I think I took it on unintentionally when I was quite young and because I'm not very (outwardly) emotional my family members just assumed that I was better equipped to deal with some things than they were... which wasn't at all true. I wasn't any better equipped, I just processed/dealt with those things differently.

As I became older, they started leaning on me more and more. And I couldn't let them down, at least that was the thought process going on in my head. Someone has to keep it together if everyone else is coming apart... and that's me. And now that's become so conditioned, engrained, whatever... I really can't do it any other way.

I don't want to put a burden on other people, so... I just deal with everything myself.



I will respond to this particular question via a PM...
Yeah, i can relate to that 100%. That's how i feel most of the time as well.
PS.
I read your message and will definitely reply but not sure when as i have stuff to do.
 

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How old is he? I'm wondering if it's generational, maybe? My dad never did that to me, but my friend's dad? I swear the only reason he had five children was so that they could wait on him hand and foot. And they did exactly that. We'd be downstairs doing kid things and he would be upstairs... and he'd just start yelling one of the kids' names... over and over... until they went upstairs. They'd be gone for a bit and then come back. Almost every time I asked them what he wanted... it was that he wanted them to make him a sandwhich, get a beer from the fridge, get him a glass of water. He was like... 15 ft. from the kitchen and they were on a completely different floor of the house, but he couldn't be bothered to get up to get his own food or drink.

Was quite bizarre to me. Firstly... my dad didn't do stuff like that so it was foreign. And secondly, had my dad tried some shit like that I'd have told him to get it himself. (Or do something to his food/drink so that he'd prefer to get it himself, lol.) I asked my friend why they never told him to get up and get it himself and basically the reason was they were scared to death of him. (He scared me, too. Which strikes me as funny now... he was a small guy. Maybe 5'6"/145 lbs... but he was very blustery. As an adult, I always refered to him as the white George Jefferson, lol. My dad was 6'3"/270 lbs and he wasn't scary at all, by comparison, lol.)
He's not even in his mid-forties yet.

I swear the only reason he had five children was so that they could wait on him hand and foot.

That's very similar to the attitude my stepdad and all of his siblings have with their children. If someone asks someone else to do something and there's a kid in the room, they always tell the kid to do it. Reminds me of a story that happened when I was 12. My middle brother was only a baby and my mam was changing him in the living room, me and the lazy shite are in the kitchen. My mam calls in "(stepdad's name) will you make K a bottle and bring it in to me?" Stepdad turns to me at the sink, "Make K a bottle." No "can you do that for me please?" just "make him a bottle".

Just last week my mam let it slip that she holds me in higher esteem as a babysitter than him. Apparently whenever he has the two kids and he's the only one with them he always visits his mother's house and stays there with them until someone else is at home. "He can never look after them on his own," she said.

There are hundreds of stories of him making new rules in the house, expecting everyone else to follow them and not following them himself. We've been living under the same roof for 13 years and probably only got along with each other for a collective 12 hours. Used to try bully me for being an introvert and shy by calling me a freak and a recluse and saying how he can talk to people real easily and it should be just as easy for me. He holds everyone to his standards. Everyone should be like him because he obviously feels like it's the perfect way to be.
 

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Yeah, i can relate to that 100%. That's how i feel most of the time as well.
PS. I read your message and will definitely reply but not sure when as i have stuff to do.
No hurries, mate. I'm here all week. :tongue:

He's not even in his mid-forties yet.

I swear the only reason he had five children was so that they could wait on him hand and foot.

That's very similar to the attitude my stepdad and all of his siblings have with their children. If someone asks someone else to do something and there's a kid in the room, they always tell the kid to do it. Reminds me of a story that happened when I was 12. My middle brother was only a baby and my mam was changing him in the living room, me and the lazy shite are in the kitchen. My mam calls in "(stepdad's name) will you make K a bottle and bring it in to me?" Stepdad turns to me at the sink, "Make K a bottle." No "can you do that for me please?" just "make him a bottle".

Just last week my mam let it slip that she holds me in higher esteem as a babysitter than him. Apparently whenever he has the two kids and he's the only one with them he always visits his mother's house and stays there with them until someone else is at home. "He can never look after them on his own," she said.

There are hundreds of stories of him making new rules in the house, expecting everyone else to follow them and not following them himself. We've been living under the same roof for 13 years and probably only got along with each other for a collective 12 hours. Used to try bully me for being an introvert and shy by calling me a freak and a recluse and saying how he can talk to people real easily and it should be just as easy for me. He holds everyone to his standards. Everyone should be like him because he obviously feels like it's the perfect way to be.
Hmmmmmm... perhaps it's the way he was raised then? Or maybe he is just a lazy shite, as you said. Or a combination... which seems more likely. He's probably modeling what he saw or what he was allowed to get away with as a youngster. That seems to be the way it works, generally.
 

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Oy vey.

I am spent. I did not work my normal post nor central control nor Rita's post. They made me a rover. Who is, essentially, the person running all about the place all night long, doing a laundry list of things (including the actual laundry). I haven't been a rover in nearly three years. I'm not used to all that running about, lol. Jesus.

And it was ridiculously hot in the building, as always. So... I was outta my uniform shirt in... 10 minutes. Fuck that. If I kept that on, plus my t-shirt, I was going to puddle. Since there are no administrators or general public around on my shift, the supervisors don't care if you dump the uni shirt. And most of the guys, at some point in time or another, do just that.

So. The bad news of the night was that I was terribly hot and sweaty and being run ragged.

The good news of the night was that, because I was being ran ragged, as it were, time went by really damned fast. Always a good thing.

I did spend the last two hours in central control cuz Rita left at 4p. (Natalie left at 3p...) I was never so glad to be in control in my life, lol.

1) No more running helter skelter all through the facility! 2) I got to sit down & put up my feet! 3) Control has it's own thermostat, so I dropped that bitch to 58F, lol. (Poor Ruby about went into shock when she walked in to relieve me, lol. Such a dramatic temp change.)

Tonight I'm working for Natalie and I'll be back on my unit. Which is good. I still have this past Sunday's course work to do. Yikes! Wanna get this certificate from the University of Queensland under my belt. (I think I might take another course from them as well...) If I don't get to it at work tonight, I'll have to do it here at home... and I don't wanna. The courses are for taking a notch out of boredom at work. I'm not bored when I'm at home. I can't imagine concentrating on a course when I have... video games lurking in close proximity, lol.

All that being said... I think I'm going to have a smoke and take my ass to bed. I'm ready to be there, me thinks. (Besides, if I go to bed I won't be constantly questioning my sanity regarding working tonight for Natalie. I was glad to help her out, but... damn it, it messes with my routine and I really dislike disturbances in my routine. A lot.)
 
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