That's another INTJ quirk, I think. We're not real good at letting people help us. We prefer to always go and deal with our traumas and emotions by ourselves and in our own fashion. I'm most certainly this way. Most people have no idea if I'm in the midst of turmoil because I don't outwardly project that...Yeah, i know that but i believe he had some sort of traumatic experience when he was young. His family was very tough on him and that had a very negative impact on him. Of course, he never let me in on this subject and never discussed it with me but I knew what was going on and felt upset about it. I wanted to help to heal him but he wouldn't let me. That is something that i find regrettable as he is a really good person and his life would have been even more better if he trusted me more in that area. No, he just had this problem with being easily upset and taking things personally where he shouldn't not be. I found it very strange but i understood where it was coming from [his childhood trauma].
Grief (over a death, for instance) is one area where I will shut everyone out for... 3 or 4 or 5 days. I spend that time processing my emotions and finding a cubby hole for them to be placed into. Once I find that spot, I wrap it all up with a nice bow and put it away. And then I'm done. What takes other people months and months and months (or years) to do... I do in less than a week.
It's not a process that I can do in the midst of other people, however. My own emotions are so intense and nearly overwhelming that I just cannot deal with anyone else's on top of it all. I can't. I won't. I'm not sure that it's an entirely healthy process, but it's one that works for me...
That's too bad about his childhood trauma. I expect we all suffer some form of it, to one degree or another... life is like that. But some people really get piled on and that sucks.