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Unsure whether if the reason behind this is because I like reading what you have to say or if it is really some hidden desire to rub lotion on your green skin..

Edit: I didn't even mean that in a dirty manner, I literally mean I've always wondered what it would be like to put some lotion on yoda.
 

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Lately I've been thinking of fire a lot. I think about it all the time, it's just the word in the back of my mind that keeps resurfacing. Burning. I think probably because it correlates to how I feel.
 

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Okay, It's official. My job doesn't deserve me. I'm letting my talented creative brain go to waste here. I hate you bills! and now, what am I going to do about the situation. I'm sure I'll find a solution some or other time. I always do. Only I need something that will creatively stimulate my mind, keep me in routine and pay my bills. Must be patient. I'm good at patient if I have to be. my headache is killing me though :p
 

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Why is it that people insist on seeing other people smile most of the time - even if the smile is fake?

Why would someone encourage anyone to do the fake smile (every smile that isn't a product of your own emotions is fake)?

I feel like I'm lying to people if I do the fake smile. It's so stupid.

Why does world have to revolve around and pamper stupid, shallow- minded people who have to get almost everything served on their plates?
 

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I found a cool website that tells you how old you are in days, how many breaths you've taken etc... As of today I'm exactly half Selma Hayek's age. Apparently my heart has beat over 800,000,000 times too. I'm willing to bet it's about half that considering my heart rate at birth was 80BPM and up until three years ago was only 45BPM. :cool:
 

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yes, I went home after work like a normal person. there for two hours and now I'm back...at work...working...At least nobody is here to annoy me. Actually. I get more work done in this time at work alone than during the entire day! Wish they will let me come in later during the day so I can work at night. It's so peaceful, like my mind can roam through the entire building while I do my work. In peace. in solitude. sigh of relief. untroubled.
 

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Ever dream something and then you wake up and realise it isn't real? Last night I dreamed of something that was real and this morning assumed it wasn't real because I dreamed it. :laughing:

So yeah, two of my school friends are engaged in real life. The not real part is them keeping my sack of various belongings in their house when I left them there after an adventure I can't quite remember.

Also, waking up feeling like I'd had a good seeing-to by a baseball bat didn't make much sense either. All day I had been wondering why my body was aching. It hit me about an hour ago. I think I had a seizure in my sleep. I've been on anti-epilepsy meds for a few months now because of small seizures. Not the body convulsion kind. The only thing that adds up right now is that I had a big body convulsing seizure while I was asleep. I didn't feel different this morning mentally, just physically. I'll need to take note of anytime I wake up feeling like a truck hit me. :unsure:
 

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Why is it that people insist on seeing other people smile most of the time - even if the smile is fake?

Why would someone encourage anyone to do the fake smile (every smile that isn't a product of your own emotions is fake)?

I feel like I'm lying to people if I do the fake smile. It's so stupid.

Why does world have to revolve around and pamper stupid, shallow- minded people who have to get almost everything served on their plates?
I've read that when you force your face to smile, endorphins or any one of those other pleasure-hormones (never remember which one is which) are released as a direct cause of you forcing the corners of your mouth upwards. Also, in my case I'd rather see people happy than sad, because that means that they are happy (I have mad reasoning skills). Happy feels good. Happy is trippy and the closest thing to magic that I experience.




and up until three years ago was only 45BPM. :cool:
My resting pace is between 40 and 50 BPM as well! And I don't even do cardio. I like to fantasize about being super old, and seeing what in the world is going on a hundred years from now.
 

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My resting pace is between 40 and 50 BPM as well! And I don't even do cardio. I like to fantasize about being super old, and seeing what in the world is going on a hundred years from now.
You might have heart problems. That was my problem. Got a pacemaker fitted and now it's around 80BPM or so.
 

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So, yeah.

My friend is moderately annoyed (though pretending not to be) because I called the cops on them, again. This would be the same friend who tried to kill themselves a couple days ago. Started getting texted from them and how they tried and did it wrong and how they wanted a way to do it that wasn't messy or bloody.

Present tense, mind you. Not I wanted something that wasn't messy or bloody... but I WANT something that's not bloody or messy. I respond to these texts and... nothing. I start calling and... nothing. I text that I'm going to call the cops if they don't answer my phone calls and/or my texts... and they don't.

So I called the cops.

And then I waited to see if they get there and discover my friend dead or not.

That's fun.

Not dead is the verdict. Annoyed that I called the cops. Said they didn't answer the phone cuz they were talking to someone else on the phone. So... yeah.

I am myself annoyed. If there's no true intent (and I don't know if there is or not), then it's just emotional manipulation and attention seeking. I really cannot do emotional manipulation... I put up with a lot of that bullshit in a past relationship. Too much... and I cannot do it anymore.

And yet... can't let a friend fall down that rat hole, if I can prevent it. So... kinda stuck in a place, aren't I? :dry:

And being stuck annoys me beyond belief as well.

People quite often make it not worth the effort to give two fucks about them.

In other news...


Well... not much going on, really. :laughing: You know, just dealing with people talking crazy shit... that's it.

And back to work on my regular schedule tonight. That'll be good times, I'm sure. Also a new course started for me... so that's what I'll be spending my time on tonight. Working my way through this weeks' course work. And since our trip got moved back a couple months... I will be able to finish it. I may have been able to regardless, but I think it'd have been cutting it close.

I also need to get the truck licensed by Monday. I'll probably do it Friday morning after work cuz tomorrow morning's supposed to be cold as fuck... Friday's supposed to be kinda warm and Monday's supposed to snow a shit load... so... seems like Friday will be the best bet. I don't want to be putting on plates when it's cold as fuck or snowy as fuck, thanks.

Well... now... I've just been informed the cops are taking my friend back to the hospital. Not all right after all, apparently. Friend is extremely pissed off now... this is all happening because of YOU!

Yeah. Cuz I'm the one threatening suicide twice in three days. :rolleyes:

So, yeah. Oh well. Pissed off friend is better than a dead friend, I suppose.

Well, due to this, I need to make phone calls and get bases covered and what not.

Cheerio, minions.
 

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Well.

If the last phone call is any indication, I've likely lost a friend because of all this.

Honestly not even sure how I feel about that. I'm not really sure I feel a fucking thing at all.

I'm certainly not going to ignore someone talking suicide, especially not a friend.

But I'm also not going to allow someone else to drag me down into the depths of the abyss with them.

Oh well. 20 yrs was a pretty good run for a friendship, right?
 

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I know. And I don't regret doing it, for the record.

C'est la vie.
Though I don't have a high ranking on this website, I do follow a lot of what happens especially on the INFJ forums and some others since I've been here (I can be quite a lurker at certain low points of my life), and you are one of the few people I have followed since joining. I think you are lovely, I am sorry you have to go through whatever you're dealing with. But I do trust it is for the best from the wisdom I've interpreted in almost every post I've read of yours. Everything will be okay *hug*
 

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Disintegration.

Reintegration.

Disintegration, falling to pieces. Reintegration, being restored into one unit again.

The 'microwave' effect?

Sleep deprivation. I know it is a bad thing, but my mind is running full blast on tab now instead of bit's and pieces all sorts of nonsensical tabs. I got this revolutionary idea for my next art project after the trio's trio I'm currently busy with. Hope I can remember it again when the time comes. It's going to be a massive project. bliss! probably going to take years to complete again, but it's going to be worth it :)

I don't need drugs, I am a drug.

It is going to look insane!


(think I should screenshot this in case I forget what i am going to start creating in a few months time)
 
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