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I'm reading MBTI Manual: A Guide to the Development and Use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Third Edition (Briggs Myers, McCaulley, Quenk & Hammer) and came across a study done in 1996 by Marioles, Strickert and Hammer. (Pages 211-213)
In this study, they addressed the "obliviousness" of partners in a relationship. Types which expressed a high response of satisfaction in the relationship when the partner was not, in this study, were given high scores on "obliviousness."
"Obliviousness," in this study, refers to the percentage of a given type who are satisfied with their relationship while their partner is not. In general, more men than women tended to indicate they were satisfied with their relationship when their partner was not. However, there were some major differences by type within the two sexes.
Without recapping the entire study, what I'd like to discuss is this:

Among men, INTPs and INFJs had the largest percentage who said they were satisfied when their partners were not...yet these type rankings were virtually reversed amont the sexes. Among women, INTPs and INFJs were among the least oblivious...this pattern suggests that at least for INTPs and INFJs...there may be some major differences between men and women in their experience of intimate relationships.
I'd specifically like to hear some input about INFJ relationships and the differences between INFJ men and women.

For INFJs:
How would you rank your awareness in your romantic relationships?

INFJ men, have you ever been told (directly or indirectly) that you are not completely "in tune" with the health or status of the relationship? Are you blindsided often by negative turns in your relationships?
Or, on the flip side, are there any INFJ women who actually feel that they are the "oblivious" (by the study's definition) one in the relationship?

And for other types who have been in a romantic relationship with an INFJ:
What was/is your relationship with your INFJ? (Marriage, engagement, dating)
Were you with a female or male INFJ?
What was your experience with your INFJ?
How would you assess his or her awareness in the relationship?
Did you find that he or she was satisfied with the relationship when you were not, or the opposite way around?
Would you say this is a pattern for this person in his or her relationships, or would you consider your experience with your INFJ's awareness to be unique to your relationship?

 

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*waves*

How would you rank your awareness in your romantic relationships?
ok, I am extremely aware of my husbands feelings/emotions, I think I know how he feels before he does....
he thinks I'm psychic and has told me so >.> I know I'm not using any psychic powers....I'm just really good at reading how he's feeling and what he needs.

he on the other hand I have to spell everything out for...if I need something I better say it cuz he won't notice XP lol but I'd like to think that's because he's a sensor
 

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I was in this situation where I was "oblivious".

But I wasn't oblivious at all, I simply loved her so much that I repressed all the negative things in my mind. I pushed them into this closet and locked the key, wanting to believe the relationship was alright. So if I were interviewed during that period, I would have said things are fine when I *knew* they were not.

Conscious awareness exists on many levels. We know things we are not aware of, and we are oblivious to things we might claim to have awareness of.
 

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When my ex broke up with me it came completely out of the blue. I think I'd been so concerned with my own dissatisfaction, that I failed to notice that he wasn't happy either. I think this has more to do with him being bad at communicating is feelings though (typical ISTP?). Looking back, I really didn't have much to go on in terms of signals or warning signs. I think I would have noticed it very quickly if I was happy and he wasn't, though I have nothing to base this asssumption on.
 

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How would you rank your awareness in your romantic relationships?
Wooo this is a good one... I would rank my awareness as VERY high in relationships. I am INFJ Male. After sensing a strange moment or possible niggle with my girlfriend I usually follow up quickly to 'check in'... I call it a possible 'invisible big elephant' in the room, taking up necessary space and making things awkward. I'm usually very aware and she says that I can read her mind... 'Is there an elephant in the room?' No, darling...

INFJ men, have you ever been told (directly or indirectly) that you are not completely "in tune" with the health or status of the relationship? Are you blindsided often by negative turns in your relationships?
No, I have never been told anything of the sorts. Usually I am the person to state that the relationship is going through a rough patch. I think this is my dominant Ni kicking in, I am always looking at the relationship from different angles, so I dont see how I could be blindsided by negative turns...
 

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What was/is your relationship with your INFJ? (Marriage, engagement, dating)
Dating.

Were you with a female or male INFJ?

Male.

What was your experience with your INFJ?
Basically fantastic in every way.

How would you assess his or her awareness in the relationship?
In terms of our love languages, I value words of affirmation a little bit more than he does, but other than that, we're pretty evenly matched. I don't have any substantial complaints that I can make.

Did you find that he or she was satisfied with the relationship when you were not, or the other way around?
Sometimes, but I wouldn't say that either of us is less satisfied. I'm just more neurotic about "us" than he is. He's very sure (about everything, it seems), and I really love him for it.

Would you say this is a pattern for this person in his or her relationships, or would you consider your experience with your INFJ's awareness to be unique to your relationship?
N/A -- he hasn't had any other relationships.
 
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How would you rank your awareness in your romantic relationships?
I think I'm reasonably aware in my romantic relationships, but I think there's a difference between being aware and what you do with that awareness. There is also something to be said for the kinds of persons you choose to engage in relationships with, there tend to be patterns, and sometimes we don't always choose people who we're going to be the best suited to or whom are going to be best suited to us
 

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I think we aren't oblivious, girls just don't like us much.
Every relationship I have goes great for a few weeks, then something happens. I see it, they start edging off and pushing me away. I ask what's up? They reply nothing... I tell them to tell me if something's wrong, because I'd like to fix it if I can or whatever. Then they just drop off and I'm alone again.
 

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How would you rank your awareness in your romantic relationships?
Not only in romantic relationships, but even in platonic relationships, I get "vibes" of how people are feeling all the time. (People call my psychic, because I know how a person feels- even sometimes before they do). On the flip side, I've found other types- like INTJ's and ENFJ's can read me just as well.

INFJ men, have you ever been told (directly or indirectly) that you are not completely "in tune" with the health or status of the relationship? Are you blindsided often by negative turns in your relationships?
I would say I was "in tune" in the relationship when I wanted to be in it... by the close of the relationship, I was over the mindless drama and started to shut myself down to my partner, to the point where I didn't even know how I felt without deep introspection.

But, I could usually sense "negative turns" in our relationships before they happened. Most problems I find stem from miscommunication and being insensitive or not knowing you're being insensitive. Having the ability to sense how my partner felt, I was able to know if something "negative" was going to happen, just by a change in mood.
 
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