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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The thread below on "INFJ stare" was really interesting.

It cleared up some things I've observed in this INFJ guy.


On him, I thought:

The resting bitch face stare - cute, looks mellow

The piercing listening stare - cute, is he trying to look NT?

The overthinking stare - (I think I saw something similar, in a seamless transition from the RBF stare) VERY cute

The death stare - haven't seen one but I'd imagine an intense form of piercing listening stare, must also be kind of cute..

OK. (Some wise man called this the "beauty of love" :p?)


So, someone told me this guy "switches between INFJ/INTJ." I didn't think for a second that he's an NT. I just thought he's a very good listener, and that the look he puts on is unusually piercing for his soft and sensitive inside. This "INFJ Stare" thread clears up these confusions.

But there is this one look I still can't figure out. And this one is important because I actually want to do something about it, whereas all other piercing stares he can do them forever and I'd have no problem enjoying them.

He looks "startled." Almost all the time. It happens so often that I thought that was his default state and the piercing looks were his "moments."

I asked my friends, "So he looks kind of startled and confused a lot. Is that his default state?" I got blank stares.

They told me he is anything but confused, that he's always some combination of "observant, sharp (not outwardly but silently), confident, or spacy."


But the things I've observed... Hm ok. It goes like this.

When we are having a conversation, I explain something in length, he's listening with the RBF stare, then it switches to a startled look! Like every minute frequency. His eyes widen, maybe even with a quick eyebrow movement. It's silent, he doesn't say anything, but it's all over his face and his body.

Once I held his wrist to explain something. He had that look again, and his whole body froze. I let him go (not sudden, but more naturally), and never did it again. My hands are known to be cold, so I just thought "oh, he must have not liked that"/unpleasant. Wasn't offended or anything, but I just didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

I explained this look to my INFJ female friend, she laughed said "Er, he froze because he liked it." Hmm... no. I don't get it. Her explanation has been quiet helpful in many situations but this one I can't grasp.

Because for an INTP, "startled" means something was unmanageable. It was out of our scope in terms of expectations, and that generally involves some stress. Things didn't work the way it should, my calculation was off, or I'm just short of being really scared (like a car passing by quickly?).

If we are indeed "pleasantly" surprised as my INFJ friend suggested, there'd be a smirk on our face with the startled look. Even an internal smirk. And I know how to read internal smirks and silent smiles, and there was none of that w. this guy. His whole body freezes for a second, with big eyes, like a bunny rabbit. Though he does everything he can to not show it, I can see it/ feel it. He does come back to his RBF (I just love this phrase. Did someone make this up!?) stare pretty quickly.

He did it again last time we met. I came up to his house, I told him I'm coming, a gentle knock on the door. He opens the door and there was that look again. "Oh! Hi! It's you!"
But.. I just told you I'd be here.. It's me..... just me..... I felt like I walked in on a "wrong moment" and somehow interrupted him. But I checked before precisely not to do that ..

It's (of course) so darn cute to see but I felt bad at the same time. I just kept thinking how I could have done things differently to prevent it.

So I don't want to do that to him again, but I don't know how because I don't know what startles him..

Ugh. NT rant. Help?


(Just added the "subtopic" on the title. I've tried so hard to get my mind off this, not working. Thank you for "listening"... :)
 

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Maybe some other INFJ here can answer you objectively in 5 words or less. I'm not of such kind, and your friend is an odd fellow I must say (please don't punch me to death, my mom would be mad :laughing: ).

I do widen my eyes at times, however it is when I have to intimidate people and draw a line. That or when I'm laughing too hard inside and I absolutely must refrain myself. Your friend seems to be someone extremely anxious, or someone that, obviously, startles pretty easily. Perhaps he gets unconfortable while speaking about certain topics, or he simply has feelings for you and doesn't know how to show them. Let's face it, on the knocking on the door scenario he either was daydreaming and didn't notice you speaking or was trying to play it cool (something we INFJ sometimes have troubles at).

There are certain things, like body contact, that when done by someone I love...well, let's just say I enjoy it very much :kitteh:
If that contact is done by someone I don't feel a thing for, or that I don't like I try to get it over as quickly as possible or simply shove their hands/body away.

I'm going to believe both of you are pretty young, ask yourself, has he ever been in a relationship?
And above most, if it is something you can't wrap your mind around, ask him about it gently :happy:
I like it when people I like talk gently about themselves, and say meaningful things. I also like when those people ask me deep, personal questions, but I have to really like the person to answer the question.
If he asnwers in a good way, if you want you can give him a hug, just be sure he won't feel unconfortable. Personally, if I like the girl, I would love a hug, or cuddle, but then again, may be because I'm a Taurus.

Best of luck!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
I do widen my eyes at times, however it is when I have to intimidate people and draw a line. That or when I'm laughing too hard inside and I absolutely must refrain myself. Your friend seems to be someone extremely anxious, or someone that, obviously, startles pretty easily. Perhaps he gets uncomfortable while speaking about certain topics, or he simply has feelings for you and doesn't know how to show them. Let's face it, on the knocking on the door scenario he either was daydreaming and didn't notice you speaking or was trying to play it cool (something we INFJ sometimes have troubles at).

There are certain things, like body contact, that when done by someone I love...well, let's just say I enjoy it very much :kitteh:
If that contact is done by someone I don't feel a thing for, or that I don't like I try to get it over as quickly as possible or simply shove their hands/body away.

I'm going to believe both of you are pretty young, ask yourself, has he ever been in a relationship?
And above most, if it is something you can't wrap your mind around, ask him about it gently :happy:
I like it when people I like talk gently about themselves, and say meaningful things. I also like when those people ask me deep, personal questions, but I have to really like the person to answer the question.
If he asnwers in a good way, if you want you can give him a hug, just be sure he won't feel unconfortable. Personally, if I like the girl, I would love a hug, or cuddle, but then again, may be because I'm a Taurus.

Best of luck!!
Hahahaha thank you Deafwords! I laughed so hard reading "I'm laughing too hard inside and I absolutely must refrain myself". Haha I don't think that's the case because I would've known if he was laughing or smiling inside :) but it was just so funny imagining that happening XD

Really helpful. Those were some of my thoughts/worries. I also thought he's probably extremely anxious, and/or startles easily. Then others confirmed he doesn't startle easily so that put me in more confusion. I was also worried he's uncomfortable around certain topics, but I've now realized he's someone who tells me to move to a different topic (in a kind, "let us.." way, of course) if any of us is starting to feel uncomfortable.

Haha I think you might be totally correct on the door scene. He went back to his daydream space that fast, huh? In 2 mins.. fascinating. Hahahaha. Playing it cool thing feels about right too.

We are actually not teenagers, if that's what it sounded like :) I'm just very kid like around people I like. I believe he had some dating experience; that's very interesting - when I asked someone about this situation that was exactly what they also asked about.

We both speak very gently (he definitely does, I think I mirror him by default) about ourselves, asked/unasked, and other meaningful things. I'm an INTP I never shy away from personal/deep/theoretical convos, and I feel honored that he'd open up enough to have keep such conversations going.

I like it when people I like talk gently about themselves
He actually does exactly that, and I just love listening.

At this point however I feel like I'm not in position to ask him straight, I feel that it might not be something he recognizes himself. There is some casual touching he initiates and I don't move away from. I always let it, until he moves away. But I'm more careful to do anything because some of these reactions I can't figure out :p I just want him to be comfortable, and I'm trying to make that space without asking him directly (mainly because I feel that the act of asking itself might make him uncomfortable at the moment)..

Love your profile photo, nice autumn day is it? Thank you :)
 

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Well, I'm glad I could at least make you laugh, and give some insight on the matter @freud

Honestly, I'm just happy I was of any help :happy:

Just follow your heart, for as corny as it sounds (I can't believe I just said something like that xD). You seem to be a really fantastic girl, and really adorable and reliable, I hope everything goes well between you two (INFJ's are one of those types that warm up gradually, so as times goes on things will get more and more amazing), you have my best and sincere wishes :kitteh:

And yes, it would be nice if everyday was as nice as that autumn day :happy:

Just enjoy your everyday, and treasure every moment you get to share with someone that meaningful to you, and yes, I thought you were around your late teens, early twenties. My bad xD
 

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My eyes widen when something causes me to be very alert or more attentive than usual. Someone closing the physical distance when they rarely do it would definitely put me on alert mode. With strangers, I'm very good at not showing discomfort when they get too close suddenly. Even with people I would consider friends-- if they invade my space when I don't want them to, I don't change on the outside-- I simply wait for my opportunity to regain my distance, or I create the opportunity. But if it was a space invasion from someone I liked, my eyes would be a dead giveaway. They widen like crazy when a person like that gets close, because my heart would suddenly be beating a million miles an hour.

Also, for me, when something startles me, usually it is also pleasing. I so rarely feel startled by anyone, that it's like startle = happy-inside. The more startled I am, the less controlled I can be about my external response. The weird thing is that instead of showing more emotion when I'm uncontrolled, I think I show less. It might come across as being rather frozen, because under normal circumstances I'm having to put effort into making my face match what I'm feeling inside. But that's me, as I understand me from the inside looking out. Maybe people understand it differently from the outside.

If you think about it, the face changes in similar ways when pleased and when startled. If a person is somewhat repressing the emotion on the face, the only differences between the way those two are expressed will be in the eyes and in the mouth. The eyebrows go up for both. The eyes widen for both. The mouth opens for both. Where they differ is in how the lower lids of the eyes squeeze upward a bit when pleased, and the mouth pulls out at the sides. When startled, the eyes over-widen and retract just barely, very quickly, while the mouth slackens downward before pulling closed again. If he's repressing his expressions, you may not even see the bottom lip lower, but you'll see the chin barely lower and pull up.

The key bit for telling the difference between whether it's a pleased-startled or displeased-startled is that after the startled face, he may twitch half of his upper lip and the side of nose on the same side.


My guess is that he's not displeased, though. You may have the experience of startled = negative, but that's the opposite of mine, and who knows what your guy experiences.
 

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A crush can't sustain itself unless I'm failing to distinguish between my projection of what someone is like and what they are actually like.

Am I appropriating someone else's likeness and employing it as a puppet actor on my fantasy stage in the theater of my own mind?

Either I have something real in my hand or I have nothing at all.
 

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I'm familiar with the startled stare and have done it before. Typically it's brief and I'm aware it's happening, and I try to bring myself back to the "cool zone" quick because I know it can make people uncomfortable.

It's linked to overthinking and self-consciousness. He probably knows you like him, and he probably likes you too. The over thinking is that he's trying to come across to you the 'right' way. That scene at the door, he was probably anticipating for a while in his head the moment you got there and how he should come across. Unfortunately, it ends up being counterproductive and the preplanning/anticipation ends up putting unnecessary pressure on the person to have things go a certain way. It's like a very deep future-oriented thinking, and I'm an infj with strong thinking, almost intj but not quite.

But I can almost positively assure you, the startled look is a self-conscious reaction response where the person is unsure how to react the 'right' way for the other person. It's aiming for perfection instead of going with the flow of the interaction. The best thing you can do is take it lightheartedly and be accepting of it. The more comfortable he is with you where he knows he can be himself around you, the less the startled stare will happen.

And I can't believe you think the piercing stares are cute. If you've ever seen a real death stare, I doubt it's cute at all :laughing:
 

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I get this "Deer in headlight startled look" type of comments too. Excluding any intimate relationship moments, I think there are broadly speaking two options:

Either it's because i like the person. And as previous posters mentioned, I'm overthinking. I'm surprised, and i'm wondering what the words/gestures mean. Something inside just goes crazy and i'm trying very hard to conceal it.

For me, there is a second option though. One were i'm ready to flee. I've had people touch me, and then apologize, because apparently unconsciously my body got a bit tense and i gave them a very confused startled look back. Usually these are the cases where i think the person might like me in a way i cannot reciprocate. I can have this after a comment too. Same thing, my head starts analyzing like crazy and is wondering whether i have to start looking for emergency exits. (I know this doesn't sound very mature, but that's still my instinct)


The look itself might seem different, but i think what comes after is most telling. If i'm startled and in the next 2 minutes i start backing away, or i leave you alone for the next few days, chances are it's the latter. But if a wide smile comes after the being startled, and i stay pretty close by afterwards, it's probably more the first case. Even if i'm internally smirking after being pleasantly surprised, chances are some kind of startled look will come before that.

The one at the door, i wouldn't pay too much attention too. I can mean something and perhaps it doesn't mean a thing. Maybe he was doing something else, forgetting time, daydreaming whatever.


Edit: taking one step back doesn't really count (before you go overanalyzing), that might just a balancing thing. If i think someone likes me a bit too much, i back away a lot more than one step :)
 

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Haha, I have the startled look too. Maybe I can explain it from my perspective. I still answer my phone "Hello?" even though can clearly see who's calling on my phone :p If someone says my name...begins to talk to me/ask me a question I literally like jolt up in an instant and give them my full attention. I'm not even conscious of doing this but I think I know why it happens. Usually because am so engrossed, deep in Ni/a daydream that I am shocked back to reality and I guess my subconscious wants people to think that I'm mentally there. The startled/wide eyes combo is because we are so sensitive, taking everything in in that moment. I don't do this with close friends or people I feel comfortable around. I do this with people I'm not yet comfortable with or people that intimidate me, people I want to make a good impression upon. And the wide eyes is just that intensity we have. I've noticed 3 different people I know have started opening their eyes really big and an intense look on their face when communicating with me and that is not their normal look at all. It's because they're mirroring my facial language to try to communicate with me. But it makes me think damn, people must think I look crazy lol

I think he likes you. If he tenses up and holds back verbally those are signs. I get noticeably anxious when I'm around someone I like, don't want to do or say the wrong thing. You didn't walk in on a wrong moment. He is awkward socially, like me. Don't feel bad about it, you didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't think you did either. The more you see him and he gets comfortable with who you are, that should back off or go away. If you can be more warm around him and make him feel comfortable about himself that goes a long way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well, I'm glad I could at least make you laugh, and give some insight on the matter @freud

Honestly, I'm just happy I was of any help :happy:

Just follow your heart, for as corny as it sounds (I can't believe I just said something like that xD). You seem to be a really fantastic girl, and really adorable and reliable, I hope everything goes well between you two (INFJ's are one of those types that warm up gradually, so as times goes on things will get more and more amazing), you have my best and sincere wishes :kitteh:

And yes, it would be nice if everyday was as nice as that autumn day :happy:

Just enjoy your everyday, and treasure every moment you get to share with someone that meaningful to you, and yes, I thought you were around your late teens, early twenties. My bad xD
Thank you for your sweet words :) They are like blessings.

I'm always struck by how nice people are on this forum (well maybe it's got something to do with the fact that I hang out mostly in the INFJ forum :p)

I don't see myself as deserving of your compliments, though I do strive to be more reliable ..

I do wonder what that is like..

INFJ's are one of those types that warm up gradually, so as times goes on things will get more and more amazing
At this point I'm just trying to fold things and move on, let time flow at its own pace. We'll see.

Thank you for your blessings :) You've made one hell of a beautiful autumn day for me, on this wonderful spring morning :) You've warmed my heart. Thank you,
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
It's linked to overthinking and self-consciousness. He probably knows you like him, and he probably likes you too. The over thinking is that he's trying to come across to you the 'right' way. That scene at the door, he was probably anticipating for a while in his head the moment you got there and how he should come across. Unfortunately, it ends up being counterproductive and the preplanning/anticipation ends up putting unnecessary pressure on the person to have things go a certain way. It's like a very deep future-oriented thinking, and I'm an infj with strong thinking, almost intj but not quite.

But I can almost positively assure you, the startled look is a self-conscious reaction response where the person is unsure how to react the 'right' way for the other person. It's aiming for perfection instead of going with the flow of the interaction. The best thing you can do is take it lightheartedly and be accepting of it. The more comfortable he is with you where he knows he can be himself around you, the less the startled stare will happen.

Hi visionaryspirit, thank you! I could relate to so many things you commented on this matter. This is all making sense to me.

He probably knows you like him
Yea.. probably. Hahaha. I made it so obvious, because that's the way I am, but I'm still embarrassed. Hiding wouldn't have worked anyway, that kind of stuff doesn't work on these types of NFs. So I just went all out. I'm also just like that.. haha

I'm still kind of sure and/or unsure (i.e. utterly confused) regarding his feelings, though so many wonderful ppl here are telling me there is a good chance :)

Ahh I really get this now. The door scene, and the breaking out of their Ni state thing. Your description of that made me laugh too - it's something that I can completely comprehend now but something I couldn't even imagine before! It's like a window into his internal state. Thank you.

"Thinking how to react the 'right way' for the other" makes most sense to me. He's that type of a guy, it fits.
When it happened I just made some joke and moved on, and ached silently, thinking what I could have done differently. Hahahaha.


And I can't believe you think the piercing stares are cute. If you've ever seen a real death stare, I doubt it's cute at all :laughing:
You think?

Have you seen those dark/depressed INTx death stares :)?
I've wore it often as a younger person, and so did my few best friends who helped me survive those times. We've all grown up and now I could look a range of ENFP-ENTJ-INFP, or so I hear, but there was a time the death stare (and not even the resting/piercing stare) used to be my default state. So I will in the least be scared or intimidated but why/how would I find that cute?

I'd probably find it cute because.. I know it'd be an attempt to protect. Themselves or something/someone they like. :) I've done it too, and I've seen it on my friends. I used to hate that deathly aggressive side of me but I've grown to accept it in the years, and I haven't done it (= felt the need to do it) in a decade or more since. The rare occasions it appears on my friends, I'd give a gentle tap on their shoulder, basically meaning "hey, break it. you are scaring the kid and I'm ok. And you are ok too, because I'm here :)" And they'd break the stare we'd move on. I know it's rare but I had appreciated it. That on my crush, though? I might die of cuteness. Crushes/relationships I've had before were xSTP/xNTJ, therefore ones who wouldn't register it or be bothered at all by such stares, not to mention pulling off one of those stares themselves :p hahaha. And well, that's their charm, ain't it ;)?

Now, have you seen a fake NT look? I thought about posting this on the NT forums, but I've talked to some of my friends about it and very few recognizes them. I usually get it from analytic SJs with NT superego. Annoying as hell because anyone "trying to look anything other than yourself" annoys the hell out of me. Also boring. Seems like that's something INFJs share :)

I just thought it was so adorable how focused he looked. That undivided attention and curiosity.. I was grateful. I love that sustained eye contact, it is rare. He was sharp in his inquiries back, which was another great thing, a part of what eventually made me fall for him. It's different from NT-NT interactions though. My friend (INFJ herself and a very intuitive person) said this guy switches between INFJ/INTJ. He has such sharp analytic skills I could see why she said that, but it's different. I never thought for a second he's an NT.

Because when an NT asks me a question and I'm surprised/impressed by it, it is more of a
"Oh that's interesting, I didn't think of it that far, but it's on the same plane/angle of my thoughts, but you got there first! or you got farther than me!" That's great.
But with NF observations that throw me off, it is just a completely different angle I haven't thought of (with no guarantee that I'd ever get there myself!). It shifts my whole thinking space, and I'm just like "I.. haven't thought of that, you are right." You know?

Someone also wrote that piercing look also tends to or intends to intimidate others. I know his piercing stare scares people or make people uncomfortable at times, esp because he rarely speaks ("We just don't know what he's thinking!"). So my friend comments that this is the beauty of "matching."
One, I'm rarely intimidated - I hear that's another thing INFJs share. And two, I respect silence and internal worlds (I've got a pretty elaborate one too ;). And that piercing look never gave me the panic "omg dk what this person is thinking" or the like. It was new, but I was comfortable with it. I just thought he's listening intently to me or thinking to himself, both of which I think are just wonderful.


Hm wow. Sorry for this long response :p I really really resonated with what you wrote, and I just went off my tangent (sign of excitement, excuse my NTP disorientation that naturally follows..)

Just meant to say thank you, so so much for your helpful comment!


Have a wonderful rest of the weekend :)
 

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It might be that it goes from listening/thinking state to reconnecting, coming back to the awareness of having to engage with the person across from him and possibly to his own body in order to communicate once again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
Haha, I have the startled look too. Maybe I can explain it from my perspective. I still answer my phone "Hello?" even though can clearly see who's calling on my phone :p If someone says my name...begins to talk to me/ask me a question I literally like jolt up in an instant and give them my full attention. I'm not even conscious of doing this but I think I know why it happens. Usually because am so engrossed, deep in Ni/a daydream that I am shocked back to reality and I guess my subconscious wants people to think that I'm mentally there. The startled/wide eyes combo is because we are so sensitive, taking everything in in that moment. I don't do this with close friends or people I feel comfortable around. I do this with people I'm not yet comfortable with or people that intimidate me, people I want to make a good impression upon. And the wide eyes is just that intensity we have. I've noticed 3 different people I know have started opening their eyes really big and an intense look on their face when communicating with me and that is not their normal look at all. It's because they're mirroring my facial language to try to communicate with me. But it makes me think damn, people must think I look crazy lol

I think he likes you. If he tenses up and holds back verbally those are signs. I get noticeably anxious when I'm around someone I like, don't want to do or say the wrong thing. You didn't walk in on a wrong moment. He is awkward socially, like me. Don't feel bad about it, you didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't think you did either. The more you see him and he gets comfortable with who you are, that should back off or go away. If you can be more warm around him and make him feel comfortable about himself that goes a long way.
Hello :) And thank you!

That's just .. really cute. The way you pick up the phone, jolted out of your world back to reality every time.. Reading these responses really helped me understand a lot of things haha. I thought I was spacy.. wow :p

He's not outwardly this cute as you are, because he's a man and tries (and I'm sure have practiced) harder to hide these startledness and transitions. But I still pick up on them, and find them ever-so-cute. (Did I mention cute? Gosh.) I do dig introverts and for a good reason..

Hmm you think :)? I keep thinking maybe things looked obvious, then I'm really confused. There are lots of mixed signals.

He does initiate physical contact and I don't move away from them. I just let it until he moves away haha. I become careful and protective around people I like, I do treat them a bit like glass dolls mostly in terms of silently picking out cues to maximize their comfort, and above all giving the space (time and others forms of) they seem to need. The latter is much harder for me.

I think I was born pretty sensitive to begin with, but I wasn't really given that space or care while I grew up. So I grew up all "tough" but I just know what it feels like to be intruded, so I try to be careful. Thank you for making me feel better, you are so sweet :)

You sound like a girl friend I'd hover around and be all protective, then you'd have a girl crush on me and I'd totally have the same, and then we'd .. you know? (Do you? Because I don't... ) OK. I'll stop. hahahahaha

Sorry if my weird sense of humor doesn't get to you (or gets to you?). Just scratch everything and take this -

Thank you so much for your sweet words :) I'll try not to feel bad about it, thank you :)

I hope you have a beautiful day,
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'm overthinking. I'm surprised, and i'm wondering what the words/gestures mean. Something inside just goes crazy and i'm trying very hard to conceal it.

One were i'm ready to flee. I've had people touch me, and then apologize, because apparently unconsciously my body got a bit tense and i gave them a very confused startled look back. Usually these are the cases where i think the person might like me in a way i cannot reciprocate. I can have this after a comment too. Same thing, my head starts analyzing like crazy and is wondering whether i have to start looking for emergency exits. (I know this doesn't sound very mature, but that's still my instinct)


The look itself might seem different, but i think what comes after is most telling. If i'm startled and in the next 2 minutes i start backing away, or i leave you alone for the next few days, chances are it's the latter. But if a wide smile comes after the being startled, and i stay pretty close by afterwards, it's probably more the first case. Even if i'm internally smirking after being pleasantly surprised, chances are some kind of startled look will come before that.

Edit: taking one step back doesn't really count (before you go overanalyzing), that might just a balancing thing. If i think someone likes me a bit too much, i back away a lot more than one step :)
So interesting. Thank you Hanne :)

Yea. Those were my worries, putting him in the "need to flee" mode. The general emotional atmosphere was usually positive, he didn't move away too much, but no contact is definitely a thing here. Haha, so I really don't know. There were some casual physical contact he initiated, but he also leaves me alone forever so I'm just really confused :)

The last sentence though, I've been giving it more thought. At this point I'm just trying to let it go, let things flow at its own pace. With my racing thoughts (any NTPs here to resonate with me?) I act on things quickly, analyze things fast and broadly, come up with a thousand hypotheses. I get a sense that our pace of time is different, and that is something I should respect.

This is one way of helping myself pass that time - intellectualizing, analyzing, asking others for help on the way, enjoy these encounters and interactions, till my life hits me harder with work and stuff. My way of passing that time :)

Thank you for your comment and opinion, I appreciate it so much. People who commented for me here truly let me in on an internal scene that I cannot grasp without this help. I'm truly grateful, and I only hope to be able to offer something similar to others when time comes.

Have a wonderful weekend :)
 

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The startled look is just on the more extreme end of 'alert'. Being alert is a part of being social, responsive, etc, from my perspective. It can either become or be interpreted as anxiety or enthusiasm, depending on the situation, but it's just an "I'm here" look or a way to locate ourselves through a kind of vigilance. Socially it helps to work against the tendency to process information internally or be too placid or withdrawn, but as I mentioned it can also become anxiety fairly easily. I think it has something to do with Fe but it may have something to do with inferior Se, too, sort of like how a stationary appliance like a refrigerator can somehow sneak up on us sometimes because we're so clueless :p
 

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The startled look is just on the more extreme end of 'alert'. Being alert is a part of being social, responsive, etc, from my perspective. It can either become or be interpreted as anxiety or enthusiasm, depending on the situation, but it's just an "I'm here" look or a way to locate ourselves through a kind of vigilance. Socially it helps to work against the tendency to process information internally or be too placid or withdrawn, but as I mentioned it can also become anxiety fairly easily. I think it has something to do with Fe but it may have something to do with inferior Se, too, sort of like how a stationary appliance like a refrigerator can somehow sneak up on us sometimes because we're so clueless :p

Those damned refrigerators come from out of nowhere!!
 

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Hmmm I could totally have a girl crush on you, an INTP... interesting :p NT's and NF's balance each other I feel like. They go together like magic. I know what it's like to have a huge crush on a really introverted guy. Mixed signals hardcore. Is he really quiet around me because he likes me? Does he say the most simplistic things because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing? But why has he never asked me out? Those type of questions streaming through your brain. You can analyze his actions to death and still not have a concrete conclusion, just going in circles! The pain, the agony. If we were extroverted sensors... probably just go up to the guy and be like "hey, do you like me or no? What's the deal?" he'd respond accordingly and then no more driving yourself insane trying to figure it all out.

I really enjoyed reading this thread, I just read it all the way through. I hope you keep us updated. I like you and want to see you get the guy or at least get something started and see what happens. You have been as they say in the movie Bambi "twitterpated" lol You sound like you know how to make him comfortable around you. Maybe try flirting subtly to gauge where he's at
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Mixed signals hardcore. Is he really quiet around me because he likes me? Does he say the most simplistic things because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing? But why has he never asked me out? Those type of questions streaming through your brain. You can analyze his actions to death and still not have a concrete conclusion, just going in circles! The pain, the agony.
My state exactly. LOL that refrigerator comment above is SO funny hahahaha

Thanks Zelda :) Will see how it goes ;)


You have been as they say in the movie Bambi "twitterpated"
Hahahahaha
 

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If you invaded his personal space, he would probably flat out tell you and push you away. If he doesn't move or resist, he probably likes you even if his face says otherwise. At least that is how it is for me. I make it very clear I don't want someone to touch me. If I am slightly inarticulate, it means I am probably just nervous and feeling socially awkward because I have trouble reading their actions. I often forget that some people have no personal bubble and may not see certain actions to be as intimate as I think they are.
 
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