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Hi, I’m a 20-year old female INFJ and originally come from Germany.



I don’t know if this is the right place to write my feelings out but I’ll try!



I was always really introverted and shy. I had moments where I would be outgoing and fun .I used to have a stable group of girlfriends too even tho I was really quiet. My introverted nature started becoming more obvious after I turned 14. I locked myself into my room and wouldn’t leave it. My mother started becoming worried and started saying things I she didn’t mean (which probably made me even more introverted than I already was). I started having problems in school. My grades were really low. I cut ties with my friendship group in high school. I claimed that they mocked and bullied me for my height (i’m 5 feet). I also cut ties with my best friend. We knew each other for 7 years. Our home situation was such a mess. My grandfather was disabled and in hospital (he died in 2017). During that time my I spend my entire free time in my room. I was on my phone a lot. Even when we were sitting at the table, eating lunch. My mother even told my that she was going to send me to a psych ward if the situation wasn’t going to change.

At 17 I was diagnosed with Turner-Syndrome. I was in 11th grade at that time(this was in 2017). My teachers started telling me that I’m painfully shy and quiet. I remember one teacher who commented on my behavior at a meeting. I still have this statement in the back of my head : “you have such a wall around you. It’s like a wall full of bricks. You don’t interact with none of your classmates. You don’t show people who you really are”.

There was another teacher, my English teacher. She captured my heart very easily. She started at me multiple times. When she found out about my P. E exam. She probably knew that I was anxious and wanted to give me a sign through making eye contact. She also stared at me when a classmate cracked a joke and I was laughing. I noticed that she was wearing a necklace of the “tree of life”. She was also wearing a white flower in her hair constantly. She told us that she practiced Tai Chi which made her even more interesting to me. I believe that she was the catalyst of my spiritual awakening. Her energy was kind, generous and so warm!



From 2017-2019 I started having suicidal thoughts. I constantly kept saying on how I didn’t fit in and never will. I started deleting social media. And now here I am. Feeling super confused. I don't know if my "phone addiction" was just self destructive behavior. I was hanging around people that didn't resonate because I didn't wanna stand alone.



Is all of this normal? Or am I crazy? I deleted social media 10 months ago and it's freeing. However my puberty and this whole phone situation was a mix between depression, social anxiety, isolation and addiction. Anyone else experienced this as an INFJ and what's your opinion on social media? I found the behavior of my mother as a teenager manipulative and exaggerating even tho I'm ashamed of my behavior back then. She still brings it up, 5 years later. My uncle told me once that he saw me as immature and childish but I don't agree with that at all. My boss at work told me that meeting someone so self reflective at my age is super rare. So I would describe myself as wise and mature. I'm also a highly sensitive person and Empath. I get obsessed over something or someone and bored when it doesn't interest me anymore. Is that an INFJ thing too? I don't believe that I'm intelligent. I know that INFJs usually get described as pretty bright and intelligent but I don't feel that way. I look at other INFJ teenager and adults.. They seem so articulate for their age! That can't be me tho. I feel stupid and immature even tho my mind and heart try to convince me otherwise. I get a little bit jealous sometimes, I admit. I even question if I'm an INFJ but I did the test 3 times and my result was the INFJ, every single time.


After that "little high" , I started talking about suicide and how I hated my life as I wrote above. I didn't belong here, I didn't fit in. I also said that I would rather live in the 80s/90s than right now. I hated social media and how teenagers are obsessed with it). How I can't find anybody to connect with and feel like an old soul trapped in a young body. I started saying that when I was 17 after I met that teacher. So even tho I seemed like a normal teenager and immature, I felt like I couldn't connect with anyone my age. They made fun of me,bullied me and ignored me. They didn't wanna have anything to do with me and I always asked myself why. Am I wrong? Am I weird? I was so quiet that a former friend of mine wrote in our last high school newspaper : "I know you since 8th grade and we never even had a proper conversation".

When I was 10 I wrote in a diary of mine that I hated teenagers and how they throw their cigarettes into the woods. Nature could never hurt herself and it wasn't that hard to go to a trash can and throw them in there so that the woods wouldn't burn off. My mother told me that even she didn't have thoughts like that when she was 10.

I said stuff like 'my English teacher is the only one who "gets me" and my sensitivity. I also kept saying that that teacher was the person who stopped me from committing suicide. ("I wouldn't have been alive right now if it wasn't for her").

Long story short : I repeated the 12th grade and didn't make it to my A-levels. I also never told that teacher how much she meant to me. I have a job currently, plan on going back to school, i'm in therapy and hormone - replacement therapy for Turners. My therapist says my symptoms go into social anxiety.

I' m still confused tho. I used to be kinda addicted to my phone so why do I think about it so negatively now? And my former teacher? She used to give me so many compliments. I come from Germany. She used to tell me that I express myself "so beautiful and good, it's amazing". She referred to my English and my syntax.

This is a lot. But I needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can help me.
 

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I'll pray for ya and your family. Hang in there, and look for the sunshine beyond the rain clouds. Blessings to you from God almighty!

Don't feel bad for not being an A-student. I was an A student and still didn't get far in life, so it's not much of an advantage anyways. While you're still breathing, there's time for clean restarts.
 

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Except the turner syndrome part, I haven't read anything that wouldn't be typical to the 98% of teenagers.
(relationship problems, sudden desire to be apart from mainstream/groups(often confused with introversion), depressive thoughts, emotional vulnerability, beliefs that are compeletly abstract and does not have any external evidence (often called "spiritual awakening") ,beliveing that they don't fit in, while in reality, they just take pride of being seperated,etc.)

Even if your entire case is typical, Still, I sense some kind of "want to be special/unique" attitude in your whole post. This is why you pay too much attention to your dramas. - Which is, again, a typical teenager thing, also a typical thing in this forum as well. Guess you found your place haha.

Anyways:
The sooner you realize that you are just a person from the millions, the better you learn to measure your problems objectively.
 

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Hello:)
There is lot of pain in what you wrote and confusion. In one's twenties it makes sense to start looking for closure for years of puberty and trying to make sense out of it. But you are still too close to it - being just 20. Give it a time it will keep settling down..
What captured my eye in your post was craving to connect to others while isolating yourself completely and not being able to make sense of these two tendencies coexisting..
What about this: when one is sensitive it makes sense to cut away from relationships which are taking too much of a toll on her. And in the age of puberty you may not yet see clearly how the relationships with others effect you - you are just being effected. You cannot see it because it is still very close to childhood when your best friend is the kid you grew up with or new from a preschool - because it was just there when you were there and the group of friends you are hanging around are the acquaintances you have known for ever and have shared experiences but still.. And your mum is great and cannot do anything wrong and if she does you need to find excuses because for the child their parents are great and she cannot see how they effect her yet..
That comes with adulthood..
So I can imagine - if I was sensitive and my friends and family would be effecting me in harmful or draining way I would isolate myself from them as much as possible within the circumstances not knowing why I am doing it because they are great.
But then I would meet someone who wouldn't be draining or harmful and with whom I could connect safely - just as your teacher.
But I would stay away because I wouldn't know how to deal with connection and open relationships because the ones I knew before were always mixture of loving the people but not feeling safe with them enough to open up to them.
So now the less confused part of your life begins - doesn't it? You can start to look how things and relationships effect you - cut off those which are harmful and slowly learn to open up and be vulnerable with those who are safe.. Confusion has tendency to linger and changes move in their own pace. I would make myself as comfortable as possible with feelings of confusion, impatience and feeling of being overwhelmed..
 

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Hi, I’m a 20-year old female INFJ and originally come from Germany.



I don’t know if this is the right place to write my feelings out but I’ll try!



I was always really introverted and shy. I had moments where I would be outgoing and fun .I used to have a stable group of girlfriends too even tho I was really quiet. My introverted nature started becoming more obvious after I turned 14. I locked myself into my room and wouldn’t leave it. My mother started becoming worried and started saying things I she didn’t mean (which probably made me even more introverted than I already was). I started having problems in school. My grades were really low. I cut ties with my friendship group in high school. I claimed that they mocked and bullied me for my height (i’m 5 feet). I also cut ties with my best friend. We knew each other for 7 years. Our home situation was such a mess. My grandfather was disabled and in hospital (he died in 2017). During that time my I spend my entire free time in my room. I was on my phone a lot. Even when we were sitting at the table, eating lunch. My mother even told my that she was going to send me to a psych ward if the situation wasn’t going to change.

At 17 I was diagnosed with Turner-Syndrome. I was in 11th grade at that time(this was in 2017). My teachers started telling me that I’m painfully shy and quiet. I remember one teacher who commented on my behavior at a meeting. I still have this statement in the back of my head : “you have such a wall around you. It’s like a wall full of bricks. You don’t interact with none of your classmates. You don’t show people who you really are”.

There was another teacher, my English teacher. She captured my heart very easily. She started at me multiple times. When she found out about my P. E exam. She probably knew that I was anxious and wanted to give me a sign through making eye contact. She also stared at me when a classmate cracked a joke and I was laughing. I noticed that she was wearing a necklace of the “tree of life”. She was also wearing a white flower in her hair constantly. She told us that she practiced Tai Chi which made her even more interesting to me. I believe that she was the catalyst of my spiritual awakening. Her energy was kind, generous and so warm!



From 2017-2019 I started having suicidal thoughts. I constantly kept saying on how I didn’t fit in and never will. I started deleting social media. And now here I am. Feeling super confused. I don't know if my "phone addiction" was just self destructive behavior. I was hanging around people that didn't resonate because I didn't wanna stand alone.



Is all of this normal? Or am I crazy? I deleted social media 10 months ago and it's freeing. However my puberty and this whole phone situation was a mix between depression, social anxiety, isolation and addiction. Anyone else experienced this as an INFJ and what's your opinion on social media? I found the behavior of my mother as a teenager manipulative and exaggerating even tho I'm ashamed of my behavior back then. She still brings it up, 5 years later. My uncle told me once that he saw me as immature and childish but I don't agree with that at all. My boss at work told me that meeting someone so self reflective at my age is super rare. So I would describe myself as wise and mature. I'm also a highly sensitive person and Empath. I get obsessed over something or someone and bored when it doesn't interest me anymore. Is that an INFJ thing too? I don't believe that I'm intelligent. I know that INFJs usually get described as pretty bright and intelligent but I don't feel that way. I look at other INFJ teenager and adults.. They seem so articulate for their age! That can't be me tho. I feel stupid and immature even tho my mind and heart try to convince me otherwise. I get a little bit jealous sometimes, I admit. I even question if I'm an INFJ but I did the test 3 times and my result was the INFJ, every single time.


After that "little high" , I started talking about suicide and how I hated my life as I wrote above. I didn't belong here, I didn't fit in. I also said that I would rather live in the 80s/90s than right now. I hated social media and how teenagers are obsessed with it). How I can't find anybody to connect with and feel like an old soul trapped in a young body. I started saying that when I was 17 after I met that teacher. So even tho I seemed like a normal teenager and immature, I felt like I couldn't connect with anyone my age. They made fun of me,bullied me and ignored me. They didn't wanna have anything to do with me and I always asked myself why. Am I wrong? Am I weird? I was so quiet that a former friend of mine wrote in our last high school newspaper : "I know you since 8th grade and we never even had a proper conversation".

When I was 10 I wrote in a diary of mine that I hated teenagers and how they throw their cigarettes into the woods. Nature could never hurt herself and it wasn't that hard to go to a trash can and throw them in there so that the woods wouldn't burn off. My mother told me that even she didn't have thoughts like that when she was 10.

I said stuff like 'my English teacher is the only one who "gets me" and my sensitivity. I also kept saying that that teacher was the person who stopped me from committing suicide. ("I wouldn't have been alive right now if it wasn't for her").

Long story short : I repeated the 12th grade and didn't make it to my A-levels. I also never told that teacher how much she meant to me. I have a job currently, plan on going back to school, i'm in therapy and hormone - replacement therapy for Turners. My therapist says my symptoms go into social anxiety.

I' m still confused tho. I used to be kinda addicted to my phone so why do I think about it so negatively now? And my former teacher? She used to give me so many compliments. I come from Germany. She used to tell me that I express myself "so beautiful and good, it's amazing". She referred to my English and my syntax.

This is a lot. But I needed to get this off my chest. I hope someone can help me.
I can relate a lot with your story. I was also shy, didn't have many friends. I chose to cut out social media, deactivated my accounts and such, it helps with the self esteem.
Really, you seem like you're really fixated on the past, and that can bring more anxiety and past feelings then it's meant to now. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are trying, and I can see that. Learning to build up your self esteem is a great start, and getting to know yourself. Spend time with yourself. Whatever you decide in your life, make sure you're doing that for you and not for other people. You are your own person and deserve the right to say yes or no to anything you want. You enjoyed the compliments from your teacher! How about you compliment yourself about something. Find something you like about yourself and come back to that every time you feel down. I do yoga, and I know that can probably be a good starting place for you!

I see you are trying your best, and you are trying to make your life better. Hold onto that.

Care to share more about your spiritual awakening? I had mine a few years back and it's hard at first but it does get better.
 
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