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Discussion Starter #1
I am so hesitant to post this...but I really want to. So, here goes.

We've been trying to conceive for about 10 months now. And I am, for lack of more descriptive words, emotionally drained.
Every month I'm not pregnant is an emotional downspiral. A little less hope. A little more fear. A little more crying. I've written songs (my usual outlet). I've talked and talked and talked my poor husband's ear off. I cry. All the time.
I want this so badly and I can't get my mind off of it.

I'm wondering if there is another INFJ out there, maybe, who can empathize? Give me hope? Distract me? I don't know any other INFJs in real life and I really would like to know if this "craziness" I feel taking over me is just me...well...being crazy...or if it's an INFJ thing.

If you're not an INFJ but have something to say, go for it. I'm just looking for an empathy partner, really... :)
 

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Well, I don't have any personal experience with issues conceiving because I'm not at that stage in my life, but I do have a very close friend who spent several years trying to conceive and I remember how devastating it was simply to watch her, let alone having to experience something like that personally.

It's not the same, but I recently had a pregnancy scare and if what you are feeling is even one iota of what I felt (honestly, I suspect that what you're going through would be far worse), then my heart really goes out to you. Feeling like you have no control over your body is absolutely devastating... I can't imagine what it would be like to have to cope with that for months on end. I was honestly very touched by what you wrote.

I'm not usually one for platitudes, but I have found this very comforting in the last little while:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

It's one of those silly things, but I think there's a lot of truth in it. It can be really hard not to blame ourselves for things sometimes, even when we know that those things are out of our control.
 

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Did both of you get tested for fertility? Knowledge is power. At least then you'll know what you're dealing with and/or doing wrong. Also, did you try to just have fun without thinking about trying to get pregnant? Maybe it's some physiological manifestation of your anxiety.
 

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A fertility test might not be a bad idea; even if it would of course be emotionally draining in itself. Perhaps talk through that option with your partner and prepare yourselves for what result you might get,. A preparation including assigned professionals to provide guidance for either positive or negative result.
 

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@The Ultimate Square Peg

i doubt this has anything to do with a personality theory.
you should talk to your doctor. or start taking 1000mcg of folic acid. studies show a link between conceiving and folic acid.
 

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I had a friend who tried to get pregnant for a long time with her husband. Finally, they sort of gave up and went through an adoption process and were promised a little baby. Almost coincident with the baby coming to live with them, my friend's mother died. It was a sad and very stressful time for her. I felt so badly that I needed to do something for her. I gave her a gift certificate for her and her husband to stay at a lovely inn by the ocean. After the baby had become part of their routine and was well settled, they went to stay at the inn. She got pregnant right around that time. She always tells me her first biological child was my "fault." Oddly, I have heard anecdotal stories that women often get pregnant after adopting a baby. It may be nothing, but,-- borrow a baby (or go to an inn or something). Good luck!!
 

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Make sure you're both exercising and eating healthy (unless you are already doing this). Next step - take a chill pill. Stress will only make things worse. Try to do things that relax you and take your mind off obsessing over this. I understand how it is because I obsess over things I'm worried about as well but stress really does make things worse. I don't know how long you've been trying, but there's also always adoption which is a good thing. Everything will be okay. Sometimes these things just take time. I personally can't relate as I'm not ready to have kids just yet but I feel for you.
 

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Square Peg,
I have tons of experience with this as my wife and I struggled tremendously for years before our kids were born.
I don't think your emotions are an INFJ thing. I think they are a motherly thing.

I'd be happy to share and discuss if you'd like.
Feel free to send a message. I won't go into these things on a forum.

Aint nobody's business no how....
 

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My uncle and his wife had the same problem, it was medical problem so seek to see if it is and what options are available. She did a test tube in the end but several times it failed because she was so stressed out. Now they have two healthy 8 year old boys.
 

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@SpilledMilk & @cactus_waltz - We haven't gotten a fertility test yet...at the one year mark (the recommended time to wait) we're going to go in if we still haven't gotten pregnant. :/

@lightened - I didn't mean to say that I was having trouble conceiving because I'm an INFJ...haha. I was thinking/wondering if maybe my intense emotional reaction to it has something to do with it. P.S. I am taking lots of folic acid :) (pre-natals for 10 months now)

I do think stress isn't helping...I understand that I shouldn't be stressed, but that's the problem... I am. :/ There are a select few things I can manipulate my thoughts and feelings about, but the thing is, I just can't stop caring. And I care so much. I'm trying to distract myself. (it's not working)
 

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I wanted to say first that, to be honest, I have absolutely no experience in this particular experience, but I do empathize with you very deeply. I can imagine myself in your place. I can really empathize with that frustration. Yes, you're right. It is draining. I have nothing to give by way of advice, unfortunately. I just wanted to say that.
 

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I wanted to say first that, to be honest, I have absolutely no experience in this particular experience, but I do empathize with you very deeply. I can imagine myself in your place. I can really empathize with that frustration. Yes, you're right. It is draining. I have nothing to give by way of advice, unfortunately. I just wanted to say that.
Thank you so much. :)
That really helped a lot, actually.
 
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Squarey,
I received your message but don't have enough posts to reply. I can tell you my wife felt the same way you do and put a ton of pressure on herself to get pregnant. My best unsolicited advice is to 'try' and be as patient as possible and realize your husband is going through this with you. It is a process and there are no shortcuts. Hopefully your Doc will start the fertility process with you and your husband in a couple of months and you'll be on your way. Also realize guys show their emotions differently and the support you're receiving from your husband is in direct relation to his anxiety and stress in this process. In other words, the more he's supporting you and being your "rock", the more he's emotionally involved with the process. I wish for you the best and pray for understanding and patience for you and your husband. It'll happen Square Peg.
 

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I am so hesitant to post this...but I really want to. So, here goes.

We've been trying to conceive for about 10 months now. And I am, for lack of more descriptive words, emotionally drained.
Every month I'm not pregnant is an emotional downspiral. A little less hope. A little more fear. A little more crying. I've written songs (my usual outlet). I've talked and talked and talked my poor husband's ear off. I cry. All the time.
I want this so badly and I can't get my mind off of it.

I'm wondering if there is another INFJ out there, maybe, who can empathize? Give me hope? Distract me? I don't know any other INFJs in real life and I really would like to know if this "craziness" I feel taking over me is just me...well...being crazy...or if it's an INFJ thing.

If you're not an INFJ but have something to say, go for it. I'm just looking for an empathy partner, really... :)
My parents couldn't conceive for 10 years, until they finally figured out that something was medically wrong with my mother and I think she had a surgery to fix it.

Since having a child is a generous thing, I think praying to God (in whatever way you recognize him) is also appropriate.
 

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I think you're trying too hard, why don't you go see a doctor to rule out anything medical

*thinks he'll just say to "relax a little"*
 

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Being emotionally drained will DEFINITELY have some sort of effect.. if it's to an extreme extent..

Have you tried using OPKs to try and pinpoint when you're ovulating? I tried for 9 months to conceive my second son (1st son was conceived, shall we say, unintentionally lol) but once you start actively trying, it's a different ball game to getting pregnant by a happy accident. Just even acknowledging you're trying to concieve puts immediate strain on you of some sort - the apprehensiveness you feel each month as to whether this is THE month. Anyway, I'm off on a tangent. I mention OPKs becuase I realised I was trying at completely the wrong part of my cycle - I actually ovulated on day 8/9 of my cycle and not the usual day 12-14 (assuming you have a 28-30 day average cycle)...

Definitely give them a go if you haven't already. I concieved the first month I used them and then using the information, concieved my daughter the first month we made a conscious decision to try.

Good luck, I know only too well how mentally frustrating TTC can be - especially when you want it so damn much..
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Being emotionally drained will DEFINITELY have some sort of effect.. if it's to an extreme extent..

Have you tried using OPKs to try and pinpoint when you're ovulating? I tried for 9 months to conceive my second son (1st son was conceived, shall we say, unintentionally lol) but once you start actively trying, it's a different ball game to getting pregnant by a happy accident. Just even acknowledging you're trying to concieve puts immediate strain on you of some sort - the apprehensiveness you feel each month as to whether this is THE month. Anyway, I'm off on a tangent. I mention OPKs becuase I realised I was trying at completely the wrong part of my cycle - I actually ovulated on day 8/9 of my cycle and not the usual day 12-14 (assuming you have a 28-30 day average cycle)...

Definitely give them a go if you haven't already. I concieved the first month I used them and then using the information, concieved my daughter the first month we made a conscious decision to try.

Good luck, I know only too well how mentally frustrating TTC can be - especially when you want it so damn much..
Thank you :)
Yeah, we just started using the OPKs this month, and we think we may have been a few days off on my cycle as well. We're hoping that helps, but I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant this month again, so that's a little discouraging.
 

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Definitely use OPKs and medical knowledge and advice as much as you can, knowledge really can make a big difference here.

On another tack... are you religious or spiritual in any way? I'm not religious but I do believe in something like timing and there often being a kind of rhyme and reason for things happening when they do. I'm imagining that looking out for success month by month is very tiring and frustrating, and would build up pressure and stress like anticipation of a scheduled set of exams does. This is just an idea, but I wonder if you could still care about it but trust and leave it up to a longer time frame? Like say you'll test in 3 months rather than monthly. I mean if you get pregnant early on in the 3 month timeframe you'll likely figure it out anyway. Otherwise, maybe it would be easier to relax if you could still keep it as something you enjoy working on but without the pressure of tight outcome-monitoring. I know this means a lot to you but it seems that you're being a tough boss on your employee (your body). Giving it room to work things out in its own creative way and trusting it has the capacity to do so might free it up to be a happy worker.

Faith can be a valuable thing.
 

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On another tack... are you religious or spiritual in any way? I'm not religious but I do believe in something like timing and there often being a kind of rhyme and reason for things happening when they do. I'm imagining that looking out for success month by month is very tiring and frustrating, and would build up pressure and stress like anticipation of a scheduled set of exams does. This is just an idea, but I wonder if you could still care about it but trust and leave it up to a longer time frame? Like say you'll test in 3 months rather than monthly. I mean if you get pregnant early on in the 3 month timeframe you'll likely figure it out anyway. Otherwise, maybe it would be easier to relax if you could still keep it as something you enjoy working on but without the pressure of tight outcome-monitoring. I know this means a lot to you but it seems that you're being a tough boss on your employee (your body). Giving it room to work things out in its own creative way and trusting it has the capacity to do so might free it up to be a happy worker.

Faith can be a valuable thing.
Yes, we are both Christians, and I can certainly tell you that my relationship with God is what is getting me through this. I don't know where I'd be without that emotional and spiritual support and reassurance. Thank you for your advice. :)
 
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