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Discussion Starter #1
Ok, so I need to vent, so here it goes...

Why do I feel like I'm constantly living in a world where people lack a certain level of depth and understanding?

Why do I always alone even with groups of people?

Why can't I ever seem to get a BEST BEST friend that can understand me completely and stand by me the whole way? I've met those that understand me really well without being around me much, but they seem to always have life take them other directions so we're rarely as close as I often hope.

Why do I feel like I'm living in a world of idiots?

Why do I feel the need to always help this world of idiots?

Why is my strongest desire to help people even though I'm so introverted that I tend to be socially awkward at times and am sometimes not sure how to work around it?


Ok, I think I'm done... for now.
 

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I relate to you... I've always wondered why I can't ever find "the best friend" that can understand me, stand by me and be there just the way I would be there for them. I've always idealized and put on the pedestal the concept of a best friend... and I'd imagine all the things I'd do with them.

However, i've come to acknowledge that maybe the idea of a "best friend" is more of a figment of my idealism. I have my closest friend, but now I am happy with the idea that I'm my own best friend.
 

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Maybe I'm just lucky, but my brother is an INFP so we get along great. My dad is an INFJ, so we always understood each other. I have some INTJ friends who are pretty cool and get me (or at least, know where I'm coming from). Most of my friends are because I hand chose them, so to speak. I don't make friends quickly though.
 

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I guess I have been lucky, too. I get along really well with my IxTx close friends. Although sometimes I think there are minor misunderstandings, I think we get closer and closer as time goes on. :) However, I think it was by chance that I found good people like them.
 

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I relate to the best friend thing. I keep spilling my guts out online in hopes of getting the right frame of mind for personal growth. I want someone to reach out to me, but part of me knows that it won't be that easy. I wish I would just go out and do something instead of trying to figure everything out first.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I relate to you... I've always wondered why I can't ever find "the best friend" that can understand me, stand by me and be there just the way I would be there for them. I've always idealized and put on the pedestal the concept of a best friend... and I'd imagine all the things I'd do with them.

However, i've come to acknowledge that maybe the idea of a "best friend" is more of a figment of my idealism. I have my closest friend, but now I am happy with the idea that I'm my own best friend.
Ya know... I've always heard "don't idealize others". But seriously... how difficult is it to have a meaningful conversation with some depth? Is that REALLY asking for too much?! Think about it.... how is that idealizing?? I get some once in a while with some friends that I've been close to on and off and perhaps other people that I'm not that close to, but those conversations just never seem to come often enough.
 

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You are definitely not alone in how you feel. I've always thought I might like it better outside of the country ha ha. I definitely don't have that "Best Friend". Never really did. However like curious said, maybe the concept of the "Best Friend" to the INFJ is not what a best friend is to the uh...the rest of the 98% of the population?
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Sounds like you need more NF friends. Those people always understand me.
I always seem to find S types for friends for some reason and its so frustrating. When I do find an N, I'm intrigued by them and enjoy their company but the trouble is that the result is either: A. Life circumstances prevent us from growing closer (like one moves far away) or B. I end up valuing the friendship more than them somehow... or its a mixture of the two. Just frustrating.



I had an old junior high teacher of mine (which I'm pretty sure he was an NF of some sort) who made the comment one day that, "If you're lucky, you're only going to have two best friends in your lifetime and hopefully one of them will be your spouse."

I know what he means.... in reflection, I can think of a few people that easily COULD be a true best friend to me, but its difficult because they're several hours... or states.... or countries away.
 

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Yeah I agree, you do need some NF friends. My best friends so far have been INFPs (a bit sensitive) and ENFJs (a bit pushy) and right now I know a great ENFP who is very active, but she also sits down and thinks about doing stuff with some bigger meaning to it or longer-term benefits. I find these personality types understand me best if I feel the need to talk about what is happening in my life.
 

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I'm not sure how old you are but I felt the same exact way in highschool. I tend to think that it gets better with age... especially if you make it to your Junior year of college (that's when most superficial people have either flunked or dropped out). With higher education comes more openness to depth in a conversation, that's been my experience. Ofcourse right now my "thinking mind" is working to answer the questions below (unless they're rhetorical?):

Why do I feel like I'm constantly living in a world where people lack a certain level of depth and understanding?
Because we are living in a world where depth is never appreciated and brevity is celebrated (see Twitter vs. Moby Dick). The world seemingly falls apart and misunderstandings are the norm of this age. Even though I KNOW that with my mind, my heart isn't going to stop from trying to establish a deeper connection; even if it's a one way street.

I look for depth all the time and more hopeful after each failure because I stopped focusing on the loss. I can't lose anything if I didn't have it from the start. I'm sick of feeling bad because other people lack the ability for a stronger connection. I just got tired of disappointing myself by allowing that feeling to control me. For whatever reason, their lack of depth and understanding doesn't bother them so why should I cry about it? It hasn't stopped me from trying to establish depth, my friends and acquaintances appreciate me for it and I expect nothing in return.

I learned this really important lesson from my first real relationship... "never let somebody borrow something unless you are okay with not getting it back". It stuck with me... so I guess it became "never share a moment with someone unless you're okay with it being a shallow moment" LOL It's sad but true, but it'll save you a lot of heart ache =)

Why do I always alone even with groups of people?
I spent a few years practicing letting go of my self awareness during group settings. The more I'm aware of myself in a group, the more alone I feel. What I do now is... if there's a superficial topic that comes up (say about a stupid party) I imagine and paint or visualize what others are talking about (like playing a movie in my head) ... and that makes me forget that I'm alone because for once my mind is occupied with the things happening infront of me rather than inside of me somewhere far far away. You like movies don't you? Try it sometimes! It becomes a fun exercise in letting yourself go and just relaxing and enjoying the show.

Why can't I ever seem to get a BEST BEST friend that can understand me completely and stand by me the whole way? I've met those that understand me really well without being around me much, but they seem to always have life take them other directions so we're rarely as close as I often hope.
Never believed in the concept of a "best friend" because what I've seen society do to to their best friends is atrocious. I was never comfortable with the idea of ranking my friends or family members because I love them all so much. As a child I remember other kids saying "she's my best friend", as I look to the face of the now... third wheel. Following my eyes and noticing they forgot to include so and so, the saying goes something like this "oh, and you're my best friend too". It always gave me the vibe of a "best friend" being embodied in one singular person foremost, and multiple people as an afterthought.

I term my closest friends as my "true friends", I like the sound of that for some reason... truth in a friend. The truth I've learned from my true friends are that we can never completely understand each other. The reason I label them as a true friend is because they have always been around to provide 'us' with the chance to fail at it (total 100% depth of understanding I mean).

My INTJ friend of 10+ years, I practically grew up with him... after several years of our friendship I realized there was so much he kept from me. No matter how much I felt I knew him in the past, looking back I never truly knew everything about him and even if I did it isn't even applicable because we've all grown up and changed as well! So how could I expect him to know me in that manner? I know alot about myself but I also know there were alot of things I THOUGHT i knew as a child; about the world, about myself, that in hindsight I can say was niave. So if I can't know everything about myself, I can't expect somebody else to, no matter how much I long to be better understood.

Another life lesson I've learned, people always wait for things to happen for them.. sometimes you have to create the opportunity or the relationship you desire. The more invitations you throw out to the public, the more likely you'll increase the number of people who actually come. So, just throw some more invitations out there, don't be afraid. I've always found that friendships are hard to maintain because I end up doing most of the work to keep it going when the other person has clearly checked out... and sometimes I will decide to stop calling them, or emailing them, but I leave the door open incase they ever want to come back. Other times they have a change of heart, and in one case, I've become like a sister to my INFP friend (who BTW she has checked out once again lol but my door is always open and welcome for her, ALWAYS!).

Somewhere along the line I stopped wanting the friend I wished I had, and became the friend I wish I had. When I did that, my life changed for the better. It's worked though, I have 4 really close friends now. It's a small circle, but they mean the world to me and are my go-to folks =)

Why do I feel like I'm living in a world of idiots?
LOL I think most people are pretty stupid. Try Nasa, they have some pretty smart people, but they are emotional robots. Okay maybe not =) Gotta love those geeks!

Why do I feel the need to always help this world of idiots?
Because you are a kind soul, there is a need for you in this world, and because you have more heart than the average person.

Why is my strongest desire to help people even though I'm so introverted that I tend to be socially awkward at times and am sometimes not sure how to work around it?
I'm not sure, this is a hard one.. hmmmm.... the world tends to work in opposites right? Those who are loud tend to be selfish, and those who are quiet tend to be selfless (I'm stereotyping badly here lol). I don't know how it works out that way, it's ironic. Maybe it has to do something with people who want to be heard or be seen have qualities and tendencies towards promoting the self versus helping others?

I've always been attracted to quiet people. My thinking about quiet people are that they've spent their lives observing, studying, and analyzing the world around them, listening to those wiser than them; if a time comes for the quiet ones to speak their mind, how interesting would what they say be compared to somebody who's spent little time observing, studying, analyzing, listening to the wisdom of others and yelling it out loud in public? Infinitely more interesting!

I always see quiet people as like a surprise, you never know who they are until you take the time to unwrap the gift. I'm not really attracted to loud people, sometimes yes but most of the time they have more decibels than actual thought :crazy:

Imagine this, that every person is a door, and if you open each door leads to a tree branch of the future... now picture a whole room full of people, and doors, and possible futures. Even if all of them are a failure in finding depth, doesn't the journey sound exciting somehow? To be entangled in their lives, to help, to learn, to share no matter how lacking in depth.

Wow, I spent WAY too long on this post. Sorry, I hope this helps cheer you up somehow~! Don't feel bad!

Edit: Maybe the journey IS the depth.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I'm not sure how old you are but I felt the same exact way in highschool. I tend to think that it gets better with age... especially if you make it to your Junior year of college (that's when most superficial people have either flunked or dropped out). With higher education comes more openness to depth in a conversation, that's been my experience. Ofcourse right now my "thinking mind" is working to answer the questions below (unless they're rhetorical?):


Because we are living in a world where depth is never appreciated and brevity is celebrated (see Twitter vs. Moby Dick). The world seemingly falls apart and misunderstandings are the norm of this age. Even though I KNOW that with my mind, my heart isn't going to stop from trying to establish a deeper connection; even if it's a one way street.

I look for depth all the time and more hopeful after each failure because I stopped focusing on the loss. I can't lose anything if I didn't have it from the start. I'm sick of feeling bad because other people lack the ability for a stronger connection. I just got tired of disappointing myself by allowing that feeling to control me. For whatever reason, their lack of depth and understanding doesn't bother them so why should I cry about it? It hasn't stopped me from trying to establish depth, my friends and acquaintances appreciate me for it and I expect nothing in return.

I learned this really important lesson from my first real relationship... "never let somebody borrow something unless you are okay with not getting it back". It stuck with me... so I guess it became "never share a moment with someone unless you're okay with it being a shallow moment" LOL It's sad but true, but it'll save you a lot of heart ache =)



I spent a few years practicing letting go of my self awareness during group settings. The more I'm aware of myself in a group, the more alone I feel. What I do now is... if there's a superficial topic that comes up (say about a stupid party) I imagine and paint or visualize what others are talking about (like playing a movie in my head) ... and that makes me forget that I'm alone because for once my mind is occupied with the things happening infront of me rather than inside of me somewhere far far away. You like movies don't you? Try it sometimes! It becomes a fun exercise in letting yourself go and just relaxing and enjoying the show.



Never believed in the concept of a "best friend" because what I've seen society do to to their best friends is atrocious. I was never comfortable with the idea of ranking my friends or family members because I love them all so much. As a child I remember other kids saying "she's my best friend", as I look to the face of the now... third wheel. Following my eyes and noticing they forgot to include so and so, the saying goes something like this "oh, and you're my best friend too". It always gave me the vibe of a "best friend" being embodied in one singular person foremost, and multiple people as an afterthought.

I term my closest friends as my "true friends", I like the sound of that for some reason... truth in a friend. The truth I've learned from my true friends are that we can never completely understand each other. The reason I label them as a true friend is because they have always been around to provide 'us' with the chance to fail at it (total 100% depth of understanding I mean).

My INTJ friend of 10+ years, I practically grew up with him... after several years of our friendship I realized there was so much he kept from me. No matter how much I felt I knew him in the past, looking back I never truly knew everything about him and even if I did it isn't even applicable because we've all grown up and changed as well! So how could I expect him to know me in that manner? I know alot about myself but I also know there were alot of things I THOUGHT i knew as a child; about the world, about myself, that in hindsight I can say was niave. So if I can't know everything about myself, I can't expect somebody else to, no matter how much I long to be better understood.

Another life lesson I've learned, people always wait for things to happen for them.. sometimes you have to create the opportunity or the relationship you desire. The more invitations you throw out to the public, the more likely you'll increase the number of people who actually come. So, just throw some more invitations out there, don't be afraid. I've always found that friendships are hard to maintain because I end up doing most of the work to keep it going when the other person has clearly checked out... and sometimes I will decide to stop calling them, or emailing them, but I leave the door open incase they ever want to come back. Other times they have a change of heart, and in one case, I've become like a sister to my INFP friend (who BTW she has checked out once again lol but my door is always open and welcome for her, ALWAYS!).

Somewhere along the line I stopped wanting the friend I wished I had, and became the friend I wish I had. When I did that, my life changed for the better. It's worked though, I have 4 really close friends now. It's a small circle, but they mean the world to me and are my go-to folks =)


LOL I think most people are pretty stupid. Try Nasa, they have some pretty smart people, but they are emotional robots. Okay maybe not =) Gotta love those geeks!


Because you are a kind soul, there is a need for you in this world, and because you have more heart than the average person.


I'm not sure, this is a hard one.. hmmmm.... the world tends to work in opposites right? Those who are loud tend to be selfish, and those who are quiet tend to be selfless (I'm stereotyping badly here lol). I don't know how it works out that way, it's ironic. Maybe it has to do something with people who want to be heard or be seen have qualities and tendencies towards promoting the self versus helping others?

I've always been attracted to quiet people. My thinking about quiet people are that they've spent their lives observing, studying, and analyzing the world around them, listening to those wiser than them; if a time comes for the quiet ones to speak their mind, how interesting would what they say be compared to somebody who's spent little time observing, studying, analyzing, listening to the wisdom of others and yelling it out loud in public? Infinitely more interesting!

I always see quiet people as like a surprise, you never know who they are until you take the time to unwrap the gift. I'm not really attracted to loud people, sometimes yes but most of the time they have more decibels than actual thought :crazy:

Imagine this, that every person is a door, and if you open each door leads to a tree branch of the future... now picture a whole room full of people, and doors, and possible futures. Even if all of them are a failure in finding depth, doesn't the journey sound exciting somehow? To be entangled in their lives, to help, to learn, to share no matter how lacking in depth.

Wow, I spent WAY too long on this post. Sorry, I hope this helps cheer you up somehow~! Don't feel bad!

Edit: Maybe the journey IS the depth.
It does get better with age.... but I will say that I'm a soon-to-be college graduate... actually, I should have graduated originally over a year ago I'm just sticking around to get a different degree.

From my experience, I've noticed people CAN be more open-minded, but they are also more judgmental at the college level. I started off doing great making new friends and such but then I realized that the ones I was getting closest to lacked the depth to fully understand me. Found myself around ESFJ, ISFP, ESTJ, etc. etc. I was close to an ENFJ for quite a while, but then it seemed that when she started dating who is now her current husband we drifted apart because all of my attempts to hang out with her fell through. Then the frustration with her was that she had trouble understanding my introversion and desire to not call or be around people all the time... and then also having limits for myself to not always be a "people pleaser". There were a few times I was having issues with another friend and she kept telling me I just needed to openly support each other and be around each other more and I kept saying that I needed my "me" time in order to get myself together and she could not understand it. Like, that was offensive to her to hear that I'd ever think of something like "I need to help myself first before I can really help anyone else".

Idk, then basically all of my girlfriends are married, engaged, practically married, or out exploring in places no where near me. I have plenty of guy friends and that's fine, but there's still things I want to discuss with a female that can relate or just someone with the same depth of the world to help give better perspective. Just the way life seems to go at times to make it rough.




Btw... has anybody ever been told after bringing up stuff like this and you should just "not expect anything from people"? I've heard this from both of my ex-boyfriends now and it honestly just kind of pisses me off because to me its like saying "don't look for emotional support in others" or "don't have emotions". I'm starting to wonder if its the Fi in people that cause that belief.
 

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There's only one you

Coupled with your personality type, this isolates you even further

But once you learn to use this to your advantage, you'll find what you're looking for

Pretty vague advice, yes, but it worked for me :)
 

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omg, this is so weird, I just opened my blog to post about 'That One Friend'.
I thought I had her in secondary school, but then towards the end of our 6th year(we'd been close for 3) I realised she was just as shallow as the rest of them.
I thought I had her in University, but she left to another country in the first year.
I recently started a relationship with an ISTJ (so she said) but I've withdrawn.

I definitely feel your rant, this has been in my head all morning, so weird. My closest friends now are guys, and they are both ES for sure.
I'm developing this relationship with an EN, and I can't believe how much we connect, just waiting to see how far we would go.:happy:
 

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OMGAWD! I'm so mad.... I just typed up this SUPEr long response and it didn't post? What the heck *bangs head on wall*. Bah, I give up!!
 

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OMG! I found the post! Wow, how weird is that? The browser actually saved my post LOL <3 Google Chrome! I apologize for the double post, here goes:

It does get better with age.... but I will say that I'm a soon-to-be college graduate... actually, I should have graduated originally over a year ago I'm just sticking around to get a different degree.
Same here! I should've graduated a year ago too, but I switched majors/schools so I have 3 years left >_<;

From my experience, I've noticed people CAN be more open-minded, but they are also more judgmental at the college level.
That's trueee... I think it's a combination of their own past experiences being JUST as disappointing, except they choose to handle it with cynicism/extreme judgement? It's sad to see, but I think once they meet genuine people, they'll stick to them for those very same reasons. Lately, I seem to attract alot more attention at the college level than I ever did back in highschool; perhaps it's a combination of other people opening up to depth in conversation, and that they are getting ready to find that life partner to settle with.

I started off doing great making new friends and such but then I realized that the ones I was getting closest to lacked the depth to fully understand me. Found myself around ESFJ, ISFP, ESTJ, etc. etc. I was close to an ENFJ for quite a while, but then it seemed that when she started dating who is now her current husband we drifted apart because all of my attempts to hang out with her fell through. Then the frustration with her was that she had trouble understanding my introversion and desire to not call or be around people all the time... and then also having limits for myself to not always be a "people pleaser".
I made alot of new friends at both schools, but after the 2nd semester most of those friendships fall through. I became pretty frustrated at the end of term. I wanted to leave and start all over again. The trouble is though, I seem really captivated in the 'getting to know' people part but when it comes to accepting them for their shortcomings I have trouble doing that.

The relationship between both you and your ENFJ friend reminds me of my relationship with my INTP friend. She got a boyfriend right as I moved to a different state and I haven't heard from her in over a year. She's more introverted than I am by a longshot. I initiate contact 98% of the time. I've known her for 12+ years and have just accepted that it's the dynamic of our relationship. I feel the only reason it's alive is because I force myself to make that effort.

Have you tried putting yourself on a schedule to call and keep that connection alive? If she keeps canceling plans, that can be a bit frustrating, but I mean.... maybe the friendship can only exist on a phone to phone level at this point you know? It's just a matter of whether you're willing to accept it and put in that effort despite your introversion? Over the years I've had to really put that effort to be extraverted. I get tired easily... I can't hang around my friends everyday... it tires me out, but I've tried and slowly adapted. It's similar to going to class or school. I think if you give it a shot maybe it'll start to become less difficult to do so. I'm just throwing out suggestions =)

My current ENFP friend has a terrific boyfriend, and there's been times when she's canceled plans with me to be with him. I felt kind of used and hurt. I even poked fun of the situation to laugh about it. I didn't let it get to me because that could be her future husband. I also took that as a signal that I can relax and bail out on her when I want to instead of feeling so obligated. Does that make sense? After she did that to me, I was already kind of exhausted from spending so much time with her (even though it was fun) so I used the excuse that I had some other things I needed to do and took a week of break. It was refreshing. Luckily she still wanted to hang out, so we've been coming to campus together every weekday to work together during our summer break (I'm currently at school btw lol and she's sitting right across me haha).

There were a few times I was having issues with another friend and she kept telling me I just needed to openly support each other and be around each other more and I kept saying that I needed my "me" time in order to get myself together and she could not understand it. Like, that was offensive to her to hear that I'd ever think of something like "I need to help myself first before I can really help anyone else".
I've never had that happen. She was offended by that? How so? I mean, I know that when I'm exhausted I just need time for myself so I can reboot my system. How's that offensive? Doesn't she understand the concept of a vacation? Like sometimes my friend's annoying habits get to me and after a long hiatus I feel I can be more empathetic and understanding when I see them again.
I'm not sure why she doesn't understand? That's weird. Maybe you could share some tid bits of that conversation? (Don't have to, just curious) I'm interested in reading what she thought was so selfish about that?

Idk, then basically all of my girlfriends are married, engaged, practically married, or out exploring in places no where near me. I have plenty of guy friends and that's fine, but there's still things I want to discuss with a female that can relate or just someone with the same depth of the world to help give better perspective. Just the way life seems to go at times to make it rough.
Yeah... I grew up as a tomboy, so maybe I can't relate entirely (though I'm trying). I have always wanted to have girlfriends though, and been lucky to have a few more in my college years. I'm probably being TOO nosy in asking you this, but could you give me a general idea about things you want to discuss with girls as opposed to guys?

When all I had were guy friends, I usually just pretended they were girls and talked about girly things. My ENTJ friend on occasions has said "I'm not a girl.." They never understood, but I just winged it at that point :crazy:

Btw... has anybody ever been told after bringing up stuff like this and you should just "not expect anything from people"? I've heard this from both of my ex-boyfriends now and it honestly just kind of pisses me off because to me its like saying "don't look for emotional support in others" or "don't have emotions". I'm starting to wonder if its the Fi in people that cause that belief.
(Hey that's cool! I have 2 ex boyfriends too! We're the same! lol)
Actually, my recent ex boyfriend has said that during our relationship. When I heard him say that I got really upset at the time and proceeded to argue how ridiculous it was to live your life that way. I felt like he was asking me not to want the best in a relationship, or not to put that effort in? I couldn't stand it then, but as of lately since things have ended, I think about it. What they're saying kind of makes sense in a logical way however twisted and wrong it 'feels' to me. If you don't have emotions you can't really get hurt, but what they're asking for is nearly impossible (to be emotionless).

The danger in saying "don't care and you wont' get hurt" (especially in the context of a relationship) is that, my gut tells me that's a recipe for the failure of a relationship anyway. It's a really hands-off approach in a relationship. Oh man, there is so much I want to say right now but I don't want to put you through the agony of reading it LOL

I've been hurt in the past and said things along the lines of "I wish I didn't have a heart, so I wouldn't feel this pain" <-- stuff like that. Isn't that basically the same line of thinking when my ex said "don't expect things and you won't get hurt"? Curiouser and curiouser.

I've been reflecting on it ALOT these past months.... what is the right/best approach? Because essentially, I have had 2 failed relationships and I want to do whatever I can to improve the chances of a successful one.. I just don't know what's the best way about it. The last thing I want to do is sabotage my own relationships because of the way I think/feel/approach it, you know? To have the same approach and fail at it, and not have the mind to think about how to change or learn from it... doing the same and expecting a different outcome is insanity. Isn't there a saying something along those line? I've on several occasions felt like I was going crazy :confused:

I'm right there with you on this one ~ =/

I hope my post helped somehow. I have a weird way of helping others by explaining how I approach my situation, but then I get self conscious because I feel like I've just talked WAY too much. I talk about myself to help you feel like you aren't alone. I don't know if it works though >_<; Maybe I should just write prescriptions instead of my life story. BLAH!
 

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I was thinking, for the OP.. it might help to withdraw into yourself
There's this quote I found a long time ago in a planner I bought in high school. It has no author. It's "You're only lonely when you don't like who you're with"
And I find for myself, just being with others often does nothing except aggravate that feeling of isolation, etc
And the world out there can get a bit out of hand.. hostile..

Why is my strongest desire to help people even though I'm so introverted that I tend to be socially awkward at times and am sometimes not sure how to work around it?
Same here, it's a really funny contradiction..
I think it's just a matter of finding your 'niche'
I've noticed so many times how we all seem to agree on this forum that we are our introverted selves for maybe 80% of our lives and then we make a sudden switch.. Often happening right the moment we get involved with something that really interests us. Our personalities become quite opposite: very lively, charismatic, and we're also warmer and speak louder
I think this is the key...
I find when I'm in this 'zone' I can connect with so many people, so many different kinds, especially those maybe I would never make contact with in ordinary life
There's no effort when I do it, it's so natural, I don't think about anything...
 
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