[KitsuneSenpai]

So I know this is rude, forgive me old sport. That said I feel a lot of INFJs here are mistyped INFPs... and perhaps vice versa although I don't really hang out on the INFP forum all that often. That said I wanted to go over some of what I have observed with the people I deal with and some things that I have found out that may be useful in typing yourself. The first thing to consider is functions and most importantly function loops (I feel that Dr. Mike from NF geeks talks well of why functions are hard to nail down being as they all work together, that said function loops are larger targets and therefor easier to hit). So lets list them off just we are all on the same page:

INFP: Fi>Ne>Si>Te>Fe>Ni>Se>Ti

INFJ: Ni>Fe>Ti>Se>Ne>Fi>Te>Si

Ok, now what are their loops and what does all of this mean? Well first off quite a few INFPs think they are INFJs because of this misunderstanding that Fe cares about what others think... sure it does and it is influenced by the emotions of others there is actually a simple way to tell which one you have which has nothing to do with how you feel and everything to do with how you speak.

Ni-Fe loop:
The we'll start with the Ni-Fe loop because it's the one I'm most comfortable with and the one that I use day to day the most often. First off the first part of this loop is Ni, this is a listening function. It listens to trees, desks, tacos, and peoples words and tries to connect them together. If you are listening with Ni you will be making connections to things people say all of the time. I have described this dominate use of Ni to be a laser beam or a drill boring a hole deeper and deeper into a problem until it strikes oil/gold... or fails to find anything and starts drilling another hole. Ni keeps coming back to the same thing over and over and over, until it has figured it out. So the simple way to think of it is Ni listens to Ideas and Fe speaks with Feelings... so when in a conversation you will probably listen more than you will talk, and when you do talk you will speak from your heart, people will see you as emotional even when you are trying not to be because your primary mode of speaking is through feelings... you may not feel deeply and you probably don't brood over emotions, but over ideas... ask yourself which one you do more. Fe does also indeed care about what others think, and you will try to present yourself well. INFJs will dress better, attempt better manners and genuinely get upset when others are upset with them... but INFPs will kinda do the same thing... when we talk about Se vs Si we'll hit up on this a bit better.

Fi-Ne loop:
If Ni-Fe is listening with ideas and responding with feelings then Fi-Ne is listening with Feelings and responding with Ideas. An easy way to tell that you have Ne is to try writing like... 10+ ways to solve an easy problem... like how to not spill coffee while driving. I (being Ni dom) can list like 4... and 2 of them are doubles of the first two just backwards (put less coffee in your cup... get a bigger cup) and I can feel strain and stress trying to think of a whole bunch more, to my mind I've solved the problem why brood over it why try new things when I already have a plan to try this new solution.
Edit: this makes them sound all emotional and weak, I do not mean it in this way, what I mean is that people with Fi seem to hold on to an emotion for longer and hold it against themselves generally this is why they know themselves better than quite a few people, I mean Fi has that distinct advantage. Also INFJs will hold ideas and brood over ideas for days... or even weeks so the door does indeed swing both ways.
Lets get back to listening style though for a second. So most of my dealings with introverted feeling are with my ENFP friend (The aforementioned Ashely if you must know) and an ISFP friend. So I may not be an expert in it but I'll give this my best shot. People who are Fi dom listen with their heart and tend to take things way, way, way personally... for instance my friend (ISFP) will be having fun and everyone will like him and people will be sort of gathering around him at some art.. party thing... and he will have a moment of doubt and I jokingly say "Oh Dan of course no one likes you, you're ugly and dumb!" then I'll smile and he takes this a malicious smiling and just gets all sorts of upset (yeah... I don't do that stuff around him anymore) he can't take a joke because when I speak he listens with his heart and takes what I say directly as truth and is very wounded even if he knows if I am joking he looks for the truth in it and is wounded by the half truth of the joke. I think another good example is how well INFJs and ENFPs get along... When I speak I speak to your heart, and Ashely listens with hers... when she speaks she speaks in ideas and... I listen with ideas... it's like this perfect little loop that creates the best conversations ever . Ne also sounds like you have a whole lot of ideas and you are trying to pick your favorite ones... it makes ENFPs seem clownish and immature no matter how smart of old they get... and INFPs have that too but they are more reserved which helps make them seem smarter and more collected than most ENFPs I've met.(I do love ENFPs they just can sound poorly put together. I can understand what they mean and don't find them to be that way but it's a complaint I hear other types complain about a lot when around them) Remember as well: INFPs are more judgmental than INFJs so if you really resonate with the J part of your personality you may be an INFP, the question is are you outwardly or inwardly judgmental.

Si-Te loop:
So here we see INFPs secondary loop, where they look like ISTJs who are really bad at being ISTJs... INFPs will value tradition and will see things as symbols instead of as actual objects. For instance my ISTJ friend will see a tree and I ask him what he sees he will say: "Oh it looks like a star!" My ISFP friend will say back "Star... I guess... I see a tree." So you listen with actual sensations and then you report these sensations with your thinking function... you make a logical judgement. So when talking to someone they will see you making this judgement about the object.. yet again this is that stereotypical xSxJ judgement but to an INFP this will seem like their dark side the part of them the minimize, please don't let me seem judgmental they will ask themselves because they see SJ in them... this is where people say stuff like: "Oh yes sure that INFJ looks great in his suit but I mean there is just no point to the pocket square he so neatly folded, what a waste of time/effort/energy." They judge the outside world with logic and then spit out those thoughts... I really am not well versed with this loop as most SJs in my life are SFJs... so it's a bit harder for me to separate the Si>Te loop from that Si>Fe loop I'm more familiar with. However I think I will be a bit more clear with the next loop.

Ti-Se loop:
So this is where we see Fe and Se work together to create a very image conscious person. The sad thing here is that when I use this loop it's like I'm a sad ISTP who isn't very good at being and ISTP. Like although I'm image conscious I need to have other help and point me in the correct direction as to what is good looking and what is not. I read the blog the art of manliness for fashion tips and my fashion designer friend helps me pick out clothes and stuff. It can actually be sort of aggravating trying to dress yourself well when it doesn't come natural to me like it does so many others. When I speak of this I outwardly speak of what is sensed so I make a judgement with my Ti about it and then say it out loud as I see it. So for instance if I shared a poorly prepared meal with and INFP and the waiter asked us to be candid and help him improve the dish the INFP would likely say: "It was gross, I didn't like the way it felt in my mouth" Or "It just tasted funny... I don't know why but it just did (it needs to be about 20% tastier)" Where as I would be specific: "The eggs were overcooked, the amount of onions was too damn high, etc." I would have a very specific list of observations, they would have a list of judgements... they could be specific judgements... but they would be less accurate to what is actually happening. I honestly feel bad about this at times just as the INFP feels bad about their SJ-ness I can become hyper aware of my SP-ness and how I try to rebel against SJs it causes so many problems with my life, more so than most NFs I think I struggle with SJs because I have both the NF idealism they don't like and the SP rebel/image focus that annoys them.

Before I go lets talk a bit about Se-Fe and how they really point out how many people have mistyped themselves. Both of these functions care about how they are seen and felt by others. This makes the INFJ very image conscious, we will dress well and try to be kinder to people we meet. The best way to think of this is Jay Gatsby. Gatsby is a very well to do INFJ. He knows that he must look presentable at all times to win Daisy's heart and does so, every inch of his grounds is well kept his whole persona is created to present what he sees to be gracious and wonderful. This is how I am as well... I know that I may seem a bit biased towards INFJ here... I'm sorry... I may come back and edit more if I seem too harsh and try to be a bit more fair.

Anyway I hope pouring my heart out and putting my knowledge out here and hopefully someone can find themselves and know themselves a bit better because of this. Thank you for reading.

 

[The Ultimate Square Peg]

I think you have some good ideas here, but I'd love to see some sources... It comes across as rather biased towards INFJs. If I was debating whether I was an INFJ or an INFP, I would hope I wasn't an INFP according to some of this information!

Although I think what you have observed isn't necessarily wrong, it's very important when helping someone type themselves that you remain unbiased and equally positive or negative in your descriptions. More so, behavior is not always a good indicator of type, as your Enneagram can really change behavior, even between two INFJs or two INFPs. It's more accurate to ignore the behavior similarities for the most part, when typing, and focus purely on the functions.

I don't at all mean to be hurtful or offensive in writing this, but I do fear that some very confused or misinformed people may read this and come to a misguided conclusion based on a few of the things here.

Youve made some really good observations- and I think you're right, for the most part. But I don't agree that this is the BEST way to type yourself or others.

 

[KitsuneSenpai]

You are right here for sure. I always think I can type what I mean as well as I can say it and re-reading over this for the 3rd time I'm starting to doubt that... I've been discussing this with my friends for some time and I've had a pretty good response to it... but that said I was also able to field questions and refine it as I spoke to them... I'll have to give this a once or twice over and try making it more clear, thanks for the help.

 

[KitsuneSenpai]

I almost want to redo this entirely but I think it actually makes a good point because of how emotionally charged this is(lol) this is a great example of my Fe not being as strong as like an ENFJ... and a great example of me speaking my emotions because I'm upset at all of the people I see who don't seem to be INFJs who claim to be

 

[Aquarian]

I initially liked that you positioned Ni as what you called a listening function, since it fits with Ni as perceiving function.

But I guess that's not what you mean because you wrote:

If Ni-Fe is listening with ideas and responding with feelings then Fi-Ne is listening with Feelings and responding with Ideas.

Fi isn't a perceiving function. It's a judging function.

So I wonder: what exactly do you mean by listening, if not a mode of perception/taking in information?

 

[MrLewful]

I've read it all. Fairly interesting. This makes me think about how awful some people feel in comparison to others, and I'm not talking about anything in particular, just the certain vibes some people 'exude'. I do my best to keep those feelings aside if they do not waste too much energy until I get to know the specific person.

Your insight is well-thought. You remarked that you're biased towards the INFJ side but it's natural, maybe because you're an INFJ?

Nice insight on your friendships as well, I too have an ENFP friend, I too feel AMAZED how AMAZING conversations are with this ENFP friend of mine. I see them as brightly coloured clouds of marshmallow full of ideas and creativity. On the downside, she seems to jump from thing to thing without really going too deep and I say that because I'm too much of an idealist and a judging bastard

If you feel you need to refine your post, do it. Don't delete this one though, others might see it too.

 

[KitsuneSenpai]

It's not so much that FI is perceiving as it's just that it opposes Ne as extroverted and therefore more vocal, for instance people with Te tend to say that their thoughts happen in the real world and they need to talk to think. Or like people with Se say things as they see them. Like when asked what they see in a park someone with Se in their first or second function will describe it as it is... I see red slides, grey metal bars, twisting yellow stairs, etc. It's like they talk about what they sense (think stoner: "Dude, man this is ice cream is like so cold man.") where like people with extroverted intuition speak their ideas... it's like what you are likely to hear from someone when you talk to them I will state how I feel, and an INFP will talk about his ideas.

 

[spiderman616]

A Discordant Symphony - The difference between INFJs and INFPs

This helped me understand the sometimes subtle differences.

 

[Aquarian]

A Discordant Symphony - The difference between INFJs and INFPs

This helped me understand the sometimes subtle differences.

I really want to read that but the link leads to a page that says:

There's nothing here. Whatever you were looking for doesn't currently exist at this address. Unless you were looking for this error page, in which case: Congrats! You totally found it.

 

[spiderman616]

I really want to read that but the link leads to a page that says:

aw cripey, sry :S it was there before.... ill try and find it again

 

[spiderman616]

I really want to read that but the link leads to a page that says:

A Discordant Symphony - The difference between INFJs and INFPs

A Discordant SymphonyA twist of phrase and a turn of words

• Pertaining To The Author
• Daguerreotypes

The difference between INFJs and INFPsletsgetinfjiggy:

I’ve noticed a few holistic differences between the INFJ and INFP that I think could help solve some confusion for people who are having a difficult time typing themselves. It is easy to look at the completely different functions (INFJ being Introverted iNtuition, Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking, then Extroverted Sensing and INFP being Introverted Feeling, Extroverted iNtuition, Introverted Sensing, then Extroverted Thinking) but real life examples prove a bit more practical.
First off, INFJs and INFPs are very similar both in their being introverted idealists and feeling oriented but how they express their feelings (one being introverted feeling the other extroverted) is where you are going to find the key differences. Both experience strong emotions, but because the INFP has feeling that is introverted as it’s first function, they are going to express those feelings differently than the INFJ who has extroverted feeling as its second function. (Note the definition of introverted feeling is centered on one’s own feelings but not necessarily shy about them while extroverted feeling is more concerned with the feelings of others but is not necessarily in-your-face obvious all the time).
I think a good example (and one you are more likely to notice) is how an INFP and an INFJ express anger. When provoked (keep in mind it takes more to provoke an introvert idealist than most types) the INFP will more likely be the one that raises her/his voice in response while the INFJ’s extroverted feeling keeps them from expressing anger for fear of hurting the feelings of others. An INFJ may never openly express anger at all. When provoked they would rather remove themselves from the situation and the only response you will get is a door slam.
The Personality Page website briefly touches on this difference when describing the INFP: “INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don’t really care whether or not they’re right. They don’t want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people’s conflicts, because they intuitively understand people’s perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.”
So if anyone is going to turn into a giant squid of anger, it’s the INFP (and yes, I believe John Green is an INFP).
Another example is how INFJs and INFPs express concern for others. Both are caring individuals and it can be difficult to spot how they are different here because both are very good listeners. The key thing to look at here is whether they are expressing sympathy (I feel bad for you) or empathy (I know what you’re feeling). INFPs make us feel better when we vent to them because they give us pitty, feel bad for us, and maybe even cry for us. INFJs however don’t give you pitty because then they would be giving themselves pitty because theylegitimately feel exactly what you are feeling (one of the major if not the ultimate hallmark of the INFJ). They will usually only cry if you are crying first. The INFJ instead comforts others by ensuring that their feelings are understood.
Imagine if you told an INFP and an INFJ that you are sad because your hamster Teddy died. The INFP would say something to the affect of, ‘I’m so sorry, I had a hamster once and I was sad when I lost him too.’ or ‘That’s so sad. I’ve never had a hamster but I’m really sorry that happened.’ Notice the introverted feeling relates to the INFP’s own experiences and feelings. On the other hand the INFJ would more likely respond, ‘I am so sorry you lost Teddy the hamster. Is there anything I can do?’ Notice the focus is on the hurt individual’s situation (their hamster Teddy) and the hurt individual’s feelings, not their own personal feelings or experiences. Here the INFJ’s extroverted feeling will come out in full force and will be more in your face because they are concerned with your feelings this time.
So how to spot the emotional differences between INFPs and INFJs has more to do with who the emotion is about. If the situation is concerned with personal feelings, you will see more expression from the INFP, and if the situation is more about the feelings of others, the INFJ’s feelings will be out in full force.
I hope this clears up confusion for those trying to discern whether they are an INFJ or an INFP. Be sure to read the descriptions and functions to see which type fits you best. There is also a great video on the difference between INFPs and INFJs on youtube at

Source: Portrait of an INFP
​

(via thoughshebebuthummingbird-deact)

• 29 December 2012

• 29

 

[The Ultimate Square Peg]

@KitsuneSenpai - I don't think you need to delete this at all! You have some very valid thoughts!
I think what might be appropriate is to qualify this as differences between the two that you have noticed, rather than a way to tell if you are an INFJ or INFP. It doesn't so much help you type yourself if you are inbetween as it does point out some interesting behavior differences between the two, which is equally as interesting, but different.

 

[Kizuna]

Also, what about the differences people who test as INFJs (among others) have in the socionics types? I don't know much about the system, but reading up IEI (NiFe) and EII (FiNe) profiles makes me wonder how someone who claims to be MBTI INFJ at the same times identifies with the socionics equivalent of INFP. I don't see anything INFJ-like in the EII description.

 

[Vanishing Point]

I initially liked that you positioned Ni as what you called a listening function, since it fits with Ni as perceiving function.

But I guess that's not what you mean because you wrote:



Fi isn't a perceiving function. It's a judging function.

So I wonder: what exactly do you mean by listening, if not a mode of perception/taking in information?

My own experience of Fi-dom and aux (being married to one) users is that they are good listeners. The Nardi scans implied that INFP is the type with the best listening skills.

Introverted Feeling

Fi types:
Are consummate listeners who listen in a holistic way.
INFPs can deeply listen for up to 10 minutes at a time, ISFPs listen briefly and then move to action.
Show high activity in T3 and T4, which handle language.
Carefully compose their own speech, attending to both content and delivery.
Show high activity in F8, and are stimulated by rankings of importance.
Show the least activity in interior regions that aid logic.
Rely on left-brained (Fp1) decision making.

INFPs may get to the core of a person's psychology by listening for so long. INFPs are less likely to defend their own views or take action, though when they stop listening, region Fp1 becomes very active as they make a strong (and perhaps final) decision.

ISFPs are attentive when others withhold information (like social feedback).

I'm a bit too lazy to look for the PDF so I'll just link a forum post about the experiment: http://personalitycafe.com/cognitive-functions/92291-dario-nardis-neuroscience-personality.html

where like people with extroverted intuition speak their ideas... it's like what you are likely to hear from someone when you talk to them I will state how I feel, and an INFP will talk about his ideas.

To me this seems accurate, but I'd replace 'ideas' with 'intuitions'. Maybe I'm splitting hairs.

I think a good example (and one you are more likely to notice) is how an INFP and an INFJ express anger. When provoked (keep in mind it takes more to provoke an introvert idealist than most types) the INFP will more likely be the one that raises her/his voice in response while the INFJ’s extroverted feeling keeps them from expressing anger for fear of hurting the feelings of others. An INFJ may never openly express anger at all. When provoked they would rather remove themselves from the situation and the only response you will get is a door slam.
The Personality Page website briefly touches on this difference when describing the INFP: “INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don’t really care whether or not they’re right. They don’t want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people’s conflicts, because they intuitively understand people’s perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.”
So if anyone is going to turn into a giant squid of anger, it’s the INFP (and yes, I believe John Green is an INFP).
Another example is how INFJs and INFPs express concern for others. Both are caring individuals and it can be difficult to spot how they are different here because both are very good listeners. The key thing to look at here is whether they are expressing sympathy (I feel bad for you) or empathy (I know what you’re feeling). INFPs make us feel better when we vent to them because they give us pitty, feel bad for us, and maybe even cry for us. INFJs however don’t give you pitty because then they would be giving themselves pitty because theylegitimately feel exactly what you are feeling (one of the major if not the ultimate hallmark of the INFJ). They will usually only cry if you are crying first. The INFJ instead comforts others by ensuring that their feelings are understood.

​

These are from an INFJ personal growth page:

May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others

May have an intense and quick temper

May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax

INFJ Personal Growth

As much as it would please my ego to claim the article got the bolded part right I'll gently suggest anyone thinking this is so cut and dry to go through the threads on both INFP and INFJ forums and measure the amount of visible butt hurt and snarkiness. The J forum wins hands down. (Enneagram nines and SO as primary instinct- this seems to apply to you much less...:kitteh The INFJ temper is often a staple on personal growth type pages concerning our type, though passive-aggression is also well represented.
From personal experience, having been engaged to an INFP years ago and been married to an ENFP I would say that they handle their emotions privately 95% of the time. Once you realize 'grumpy face' is Fi face and has nothing to do with grumpy the amount either has vented about my behaviour or our relationship the score would be about... INFP (failed engagement): 4 times in three and a half years, with one metamorphosis into giant squid of anger (I nearly weed my pants listening to it. Pent up frustrations from day one coming out in a verbal tsunami. It's like he was putting them frustrations all in a bank to save up for that special time he was going to speak his mind...) My husband has as of today failed to turn into a squid of anger, but he has under extreme duress made the "What your problem really is..." speech. One that includes actually giving advice as to how I could change, how my personality contributes. He really does not like to do that, even if his advice is actually best I've ever had. He's done that three times I think ...in 6 years. I think Fe users are more willing to give input/advice/suggestions/analysis regarding how you contribute to the problem and how you yourself could change the situation. To me it seems that Fi users find that invasive and refrain from doing it to others, even though their advice is usually really good.

 

[MrLewful]

Thank you @Vanishing Point for sharing that information on self-growth. Also thank you @spiderman616. I find it interesting how I visit those pages and look to those videos sometimes, SOMETHING strikes me everytime (strikes me as in "AHA! I must be better, why do I keep doing those mistakes" or "Yep, that's totally me...I AM NOT ALONE?!"). I always seem to connect to something and further evolve this ...hm..web of thoughts which radiates INWARDS.

Not quite sure if I met an INFP until now or at least had a close relationship with one but they are cute, cute giant squids. Interesting insight there Vanishing! Wonder how the dynamics change with an INFP/ENFP female and INFJ male. I suppose men (introverted ones) usually keep things for themselves until exploding and that might have limited the ammount of avalanche outbreaks.

And I LOLed to the INFP butthurt part

 

[Vanishing Point]

Thank you @Vanishing Point for sharing that information on self-growth. Also thank you @spiderman616. I find it interesting how I visit those pages and look to those videos sometimes, SOMETHING strikes me everytime (strikes me as in "AHA! I must be better, why do I keep doing those mistakes" or "Yep, that's totally me...I AM NOT ALONE?!"). I always seem to connect to something and further evolve this ...hm..web of thoughts which radiates INWARDS.

Not quite sure if I met an INFP until now or at least had a close relationship with one but they are cute, cute giant squids. Interesting insight there Vanishing! Wonder how the dynamics change with an INFP/ENFP female and INFJ male. I suppose men (introverted ones) usually keep things for themselves until exploding and that might have limited the ammount of avalanche outbreaks.

And I LOLed to the INFP butthurt part

...I meant that INFJs are the ones who seem to act more butt hurt.:kitteh:
I mean, to be fair my own butt hurts quite a bit at times too.

 

[LadyD]

I think the idea of looking at loops is interesting. I think I understand the general idea of the difference between Ni/Fe interplay and Fi/Ne interplay, but I seem to be seeing it sort of this way:

I'm thinking of an observed experience example here. Let's say an INFP and an INFJ are going through similar challenging scenarios. In the challenging scenario, the INFP is adjudicating the situation primarily from the perspective of the INFP's own feelings and values. There is a distinct feeling of "how do I feel about this?"

In the similar scenario experienced by the INFJ, the tendency would seem to be to adjudicate the situation primarily through the perspective of some sense of collective standard. There is a distinct feeling of "how should I feel about this?"

Not to imply that INFPs don't consider the feelings of others, or that INFJs have no core values. What I'm seeing in the case scenario (as an observation of an INFP friend's response to a situation in comparison to my own response to a situation) is which perspective takes higher importance when making a judgement on the value meaning of the situation. There are obviously benefits and drawbacks to each way of coming to that place, though how to explain those . . . I'm not sure how to do that right now. I make the admission that in times of challenge, I envy my INFP friend's ability to have a core focus where I feel like I'm being tossed about in a storm, working to resolve conflicting morals and systems and perspectives while barely even acknowledging my own which is often problematic, and yet there are times where I want to tell this INFP friend that certain situations/relationships would be less stressful if judgement was less stringent. (I suppose it could be said that I judge my friend's judgement nature, but then that assumes that I'm making a judgement of that judgement nature where it is, rather, more of an observation. That said, I see this idea of observing a judgment nature being read as a judgement because there is an underlying judgment that judgement should be judged.)

To haul the intuitive orientations into this, I see Fi/Ne as looking at the situation and going "How do I feel about this? What are the ways I could understand and respond to this?" In turn, I see Ni/Fe going, "How do I understand this? What are the ways I should respond to this"

I'm not entirely sure if this is a good understanding of what you were talking about, @KitsuneSenpai but that's kind of what I see in terms of how those loops might operate as illustrated through a case scenario.

First of all here, I want to say, spiderman616, that I appreciate your sharing that information. I'm quoting here just so that there is a context for what I'm responding to.

Another example is how INFJs and INFPs express concern for others. Both are caring individuals and it can be difficult to spot how they are different here because both are very good listeners. The key thing to look at here is whether they are expressing sympathy (I feel bad for you) or empathy (I know what you’re feeling). INFPs make us feel better when we vent to them because they give us pitty, feel bad for us, and maybe even cry for us. INFJs however don’t give you pitty because then they would be giving themselves pitty because theylegitimately feel exactly what you are feeling (one of the major if not the ultimate hallmark of the INFJ). They will usually only cry if you are crying first. The INFJ instead comforts others by ensuring that their feelings are understood.
Imagine if you told an INFP and an INFJ that you are sad because your hamster Teddy died. The INFP would say something to the affect of, ‘I’m so sorry, I had a hamster once and I was sad when I lost him too.’ or ‘That’s so sad. I’ve never had a hamster but I’m really sorry that happened.’ Notice the introverted feeling relates to the INFP’s own experiences and feelings. On the other hand the INFJ would more likely respond, ‘I am so sorry you lost Teddy the hamster. Is there anything I can do?’ Notice the focus is on the hurt individual’s situation (their hamster Teddy) and the hurt individual’s feelings, not their own personal feelings or experiences. Here the INFJ’s extroverted feeling will come out in full force and will be more in your face because they are concerned with your feelings this time.
So how to spot the emotional differences between INFPs and INFJs has more to do with who the emotion is about. If the situation is concerned with personal feelings, you will see more expression from the INFP, and if the situation is more about the feelings of others, the INFJ’s feelings will be out in full force.
​

So . . . this got me thinking quite a lot. I can see where this would come from, and I'm sort of weighing it against experience and observation not because I'm trying to validate or invalidate the information, but because it made me wonder about my own behaviours and the behaviours of others.

From personal experiences, and from some brief (and relatively superficial) study in therapeutic communication, I find myself thinking about the differences between sympathy and empathy, and how those manifest in human interactions with others. I'm also thinking about the difference between that which is inherent and that which is learned, and the balance of the interplay between inborn preferences and learned responses.

I apologize that my thoughts are a bit convoluted and self focused here, but I'm still working to understand this as a concept.

For my own part, I see responses to others as a sort of organic accumulation of emotional undercurrents pulled from some subconscious intake and experienced in a way that is "empathetic," to the extent that feels like it threatens self erasure. That is, in the middle of another person's strong emotion, I sometimes find it difficult to exist in terms of a "self." That said, the way out of that was to learn the separation between "me," and "others."

I think this revolves around developing an understanding of how communication works in a conceptual context and then using that conceptual context to direct communication in a way that controls the influx from the interpersonal environment. Each environment and each relationship has its own set of rules as to how open or closed that gate is; in environments that are unknown or known to be unsafe, I find myself using a more sympathetic approach as a way to continue to interrelate without being open to the potential dangers that might come in with an unmeasured influx of excessive group identification. The sympathetic phrasings maintain the you/me separation while still offering the indication of connection. I hope that makes sense.

An interesting pattern I've noticed with this in myself is this tendency to work on the level of sympathetic communication with the words, "I think," followed by a conceptual expression of an understanding derived from experience, observation, and learning. In turn, empathetic communication on my part is often phrased as, "it feels," which is focused on overarching social principles but channeled expressively which creates a vibe of "universal empathy" in appropriate social circumstances.

My INFP friend's pattern seems to be . . . even with an internally focused value core, one of those core beliefs is the core belief in empathy and so that person often conceptualizes what others might feel in service of that value.

I'm sure there's a point in here somewhere.

Basically, I'm thinking about this sympathy/empathy response as characteristic of one type or another, and while I can see the reasoning for why those patterns might evolve out of an idea of how type works, I'm not sure if I can actually see it functioning that clearly in practical terms. What I feel like I see is that sympathy and empathy are both expressed in both types, but come from different places.

Of course, I'm not an expert, and I'm really just speculating and exploring ideas here, so I apologize if I've bothered or offended anyone. It's quite unintentional. I'm working from sort of the general understanding I have of theories against experiences, observations, and reflections, and offering that for whatever it's worth.