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I stole this from the INFP thread started by Clear Umbrella: http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/33628-infp-weddings.html

This is for those of you who have been married/are married tell us what your wedding was like! Those of you who are about to get married tell us what you are planning. And for those of you, who like me, want to get married, or just want to join in, tell us how you imagine your future wedding to be :crazy:

I've never been married, but I'd like to one day (if I ever meet someone!). This is how I'd like my wedding:

What was your theme?

I would like a small wedding; immediate family and few friends.
Relaxed - guests can wear jeans if they like or casual trousers but must wear shirts.
I'd like a very simple yet elegant wedding dress. Can't stand over the top Barbie doll dresses.
Environmentally friendly if possible.
Outside possibly in a woodland or somewhere in nature. I quite like the idea of everyone sitting on picnic blankets and picnic chairs during the ceremony and then straight afterwards we can have a picnic
In the evening will be a folk band playing again outside.
:laughing:

How old were you and your spouse?

N/A

How much did you spend?
N/A

How many months did you spend planning?

N/A

How many guests?

20 of my family and a few friends if I have any by then. Don't know how many family/friends he will have. As few as possible.

How did you pick the date?

For the weather! Not that the weather can be predicted here in the UK!

What traditions did you follow and break?

The usual, cutting the cake
Speeches during the meal/picnic

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?

Not a religious ceremony

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?

Hopefully not

What was the best part of the wedding?

The getting married part??

What was the worst part of the wedding?

N/A

How did you decide on who to invite?

I want a small wedding so that means choosing people closest to you.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?

n/a

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?

n/a

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?

n/a

Any other advice?

n/a
 

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Haha, we should steal from them more often :laughing:


What would be your theme?

I'd invite a whole lot of people. Good people whom I've come to know over the years. They all contributed to making me the man I needed to be to find that woman... I would want to celebrate that. That's what I would want the wedding to be... a celebration

I'm sure whatever my wife is wearing... she will look beautiful.

A quaint indoor area, warm lighting... not too cramped. A place to dance. Food and fun :p

How many guests?

Hundreds. As many friends, family members, and acquaintances that I can still be in touch with.

What traditions did you follow and break?

I'd follow as many as I could remember... and even the silly ones... but I'd acknowledge how silly they were.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?

I'm not religious but I'd like there to be a priest and perhaps some religious aspects. It would feel right.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?

I wouldn't stifle it as much as possible. It's a celebration not a squabble.

What was the best part of the wedding?

Reading my vows.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?

Of course
 

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We wanted something different!

Very small service in a small country chapel - 8 guests! I had a best woman rather than a best man!

Large reception the next day held in the dining cars on a preserved steam railway so 1930-1940s vintage venue (very romantic!). Two trips on the line - some guests got on some got off - No disco, No speeches (apart from basic thank you) just plenty of opportunity to chat in small groups up and down the carriages (small groups chatting - very INFJ!) I think many preferred the opportunity to catch up with relatives etc without the music and noise etc.

Anyway who needs entertainment when you have wonderful company, the sound of a steam loco and backdrop of the English countryside rolling by?
 

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From my experience, weddings are usually just an inconvenience to your loved ones.

Ideally I'd prefer to skip the ceremony altogether. I want to go to city hall, get 'er done, then have a party. Open bar, outdoors (early September), live music & an ipod dock, and a board game station & fire pit for the non-dancers. I'd be cool with casual attire, but something like this would also be fun.

TL;DR: I want to get drunk with all of my favorite people.
 

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Oooooh!! I like this question :crazy:

I was engaged for 18 months before I called it off (long story), but I have to say that I absolutely loved the process of planning and organising a wedding - guess it's the J in me, but I did love pulling all the various details together to make something beautiful, personal and special. Based a little on what I was *going* to do then, and a little on what I *would* do now were I to marry again:

I think I would have a relatively small wedding, maybe 100 people or so? Busy enough, but not so big that I would be unable to personally interact with the majority of my guests at some point during the day. If they're important enough to me to come to my wedding, I want to be able to talk to them... so no 1,000 people ceremonies for me, thanks. Just family, and close friends, maybe some old school friends too.

I don't think it would be an overtly religious ceremony, now that I'm agnostic/atheist. There was one quote from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream that I have always wanted incorporated into my ceremony somehow, because I think it captures so beautifully the nature of love as I see it:
"So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted; but yet, an union in partition." :happy:

I see myself getting married outdoors, if possible. Under a huge tree, in the sunshine. Possibly barefoot... I would never go in for the huge meringue-style dress, I wanted a simple fishtail and I think I'll stick to that, with white flowers in my hair and a bouquet of orchids, white peonies, and lavender (yes, I'm very specific in my taste of flowers).

I don't think I've ever had too much regard for tradition, so I think I would just pick and choose as I/we saw fit. I would definitely want to write my own vows. Marriage is possibly the greatest commitment I will ever make to someone else in life, so I want to encapsulate its' meaning and power to me, in my own words. I want to make sure that if I marry someone, they know just how very much I love them. I want to make a speech - it's my wedding too, goddammit! - so that tradition of it being just the groom can go out the window.

The guests can wear whatever the hell they want as far as I'm concerned! Well, that may be a dangerous thing to say to my family - I can see my brother turning up in neon yellow shorts or a pair of pyjamas or something - so... within reason. But casual, anyway. Black tie would be too formal and contrived for my liking.

I want flutes of sparkling wine with sprigs of lavender in... and handmade booklets for all my guests... I want lots of things! But of course, who knows how my partner will feel about my plans? So they'll be subject to change :tongue:
 

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Oooooh!! I like this question :crazy:

I was engaged for 18 months before I called it off (long story), but I have to say that I absolutely loved the process of planning and organising a wedding - guess it's the J in me, but I did love pulling all the various details together to make something beautiful, personal and special. Based a little on what I was *going* to do then, and a little on what I *would* do now were I to marry again:

I think I would have a relatively small wedding, maybe 100 people or so? Busy enough, but not so big that I would be unable to personally interact with the majority of my guests at some point during the day. If they're important enough to me to come to my wedding, I want to be able to talk to them... so no 1,000 people ceremonies for me, thanks. Just family, and close friends, maybe some old school friends too.

I don't think it would be an overtly religious ceremony, now that I'm agnostic/atheist. There was one quote from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream that I have always wanted incorporated into my ceremony somehow, because I think it captures so beautifully the nature of love as I see it:
"So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted; but yet, an union in partition." :happy:

I see myself getting married outdoors, if possible. Under a huge tree, in the sunshine. Possibly barefoot... I would never go in for the huge meringue-style dress, I wanted a simple fishtail and I think I'll stick to that, with white flowers in my hair and a bouquet of orchids, white peonies, and lavender (yes, I'm very specific in my taste of flowers).

I don't think I've ever had too much regard for tradition, so I think I would just pick and choose as I/we saw fit. I would definitely want to write my own vows. Marriage is possibly the greatest commitment I will ever make to someone else in life, so I want to encapsulate its' meaning and power to me, in my own words. I want to make sure that if I marry someone, they know just how very much I love them. I want to make a speech - it's my wedding too, goddammit! - so that tradition of it being just the groom can go out the window.

The guests can wear whatever the hell they want as far as I'm concerned! Well, that may be a dangerous thing to say to my family - I can see my brother turning up in neon yellow shorts or a pair of pyjamas or something - so... within reason. But casual, anyway. Black tie would be too formal and contrived for my liking.

I want flutes of sparkling wine with sprigs of lavender in... and handmade booklets for all my guests... I want lots of things! But of course, who knows how my partner will feel about my plans? So they'll be subject to change :tongue:
Your wedding ideas sound wonderful! I'm not into the 'black tie' look either. I don't want it to be all 'showy' I want it to be natural and down to earth. I love lavender, the smell of it is so addictive :laughing: and it looks pretty too.
 

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What was your theme?
We had a filipino style wedding because my wife's a Filipina and we got married in The Philippines. The biggest difference is the dress code of the males (they wear a so-called 'barong tagalog' there). Also during the dance they pin money on our clothes, so the new couple has some funds to start their life together.


How old were you and your spouse?

22 and 18, respectively.

How much did you spend?

In philippine pesos, a lot. In euros, practically nothing. :tongue:

How many months did you spend planning?

About a month for the actual wedding. The biggest problem was getting all the right documents. My country (The Netherlands) has a whole list of documents they need at the Dutch embassy, and of course all those documents have to be authenticated/legalised at various government agencies. It was a bureaucratic nightmare. Took me like a half a year to get all that in order.

How many guests?

100 guests.

How did you pick the date?

Our only choice was the summer vacation because I'm still in college and we're in a long distance marriage. You can't exactly hop on a plane every weekend.

What traditions did you follow and break?

Cutting the cake, listen to the pastor's sermon, throwing the bouquet, throwing the garter (for the men to catch, I think that's a Filipino thing. Not sure, I've never seen it before), sipping the wine together, sharing a plate, being 'made one' with the 'veil of unity', throwing lollypops and chocolate coins at our guests, and a whole bunch of other things. Most of the things we did were filipino traditions I believe.

Was there any conflict about having a secular or religious ceremony?

Not at all. We're both christians so we had a religious ceremony.

Was there any conflict between parents or in-laws about wedding details?

Nope, it's none of their business. We took care of everything ourselves because it's our wedding, not theirs.

What was the best part of the wedding?

When I got to sit down on a chair. My feet were killing from standing so long. :dry:

What was the worst part of the wedding?

Part of the ceremony there is to give your wife some coins to show you will take her of her financially. There's even a special 'coin bearer' to carry these coins in a small box. But when the pastor opened the box, it turned out to be empty. Luckily I had some coins in my pocket, just in case. Always come prepared!

How did you decide on who to invite?

My close family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents) were all invited and her family made up the rest of the guests. She has a million aunts, uncles and cousins.

Did you invite family members that you were not on speaking terms with?

Why would I? If I'm not on speaking terms with them there's probably a good reason for it.

How much time was there between the civil ceremony and the reception?

We didn't have a civil ceremony. Pastors (at least some of them) are allowed to marry people there. He just declares he does it by the power bestowed on him by the Republic of The Philippines, blablabla.

What would you change or improve if you could do it over?

I'd put coins in the box.

Any other advice?

Bring some device to hold your mouth in a perputual smile for all the pictures people want to take. My jaws were killing me after the photo shoots. :tongue:

Here's a picture of the ceremony, when we had to sip the wine...

 
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It didn't let me post another picture in the same post (for some reason). But here's what happens when two people who never drink alcohol have to sip wine on their wedding.



Her lack of subtlety never ceases to amaze me. :mellow:
 

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SLN: That second wedding picture was hilarious! It will be of even greater sentimental value to both of you as the years go by.

Personally, I really hate being the center of attention, so I'd probably hire a stand-in... Oh well, yes I know - the groom is not the important person. The bride is.

Actually I did marry many years ago, and it ended very soon (it was a major mistake in the first place; should've just stayed with the cat and forget about the girl).

If I should marry again I'd like to have a wedding with just family and a few very close friends. Probably maximum 20 people - anyone else interested in attending would just have to watch it on DVD...
 

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oooh, this is such a lovely question...i so love building castles in the air! :crazy:

my idea is i climb up a mountain with my fiancee (he can lead climb) and witness and someone to perform the cermony in tow. we get married at the top of the mountain, surrounded by all the beauty of nature and the spirituality therein...then we base jump off the mountain to our reception...at which point i can change into something pretty! :crazy: lol

ok, notwithstanding that, small wedding somewhere spiritual, like an old chapel, 20 people max (mainly family)...in the evening, candlelit and fire torches up the path to the place. much meditative silence, apart from the vows and my cuz to sing Pucinni's "Chi il bel sogno di Doretta" whilst we sign the register. dress, very simple and elegant, classic with a twist, white, maybe a children's saree and white frangipani flowers in my hair. not sure about bridesmaids, my dad will def give me away in traditional style - i know it'd make him very proud and happy. Dinner after somewhere, close family only.

next day, nice big party for friends onboard the Waverley paddlesteamer and cruising down some river beneath the moonlight...old school frocks and black tie -> not in a formal way, but more to give people the opportunity to dress up (i know i'd like to have it a bit more often), wartime (or pre) music like the ink spots and cole porter...lots of spaces for people to just chat and drink whiskey. :crazy:

I definitely will be keeping my maiden name, tho.
 

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My INFJ friend has told me she is not getting married. She does not belive in it as an institutution, and she is not doing anything that means she is centre of attention or wearing a dress. If her partner doesn't like it, tough luck.

However, this appearently means I have to get married. I mean she loves planning, and I look soooo good in pretty lacy things. No, I will get married and she will plan it for me. I just have to find a man and turn up, lol.

So you see, I cannot tell you what my wedding would be like, as I don't seem to have any say in it! :tongue:

If I did have a choice, I would go with something very simple and eligant. It would be non-religouse, as I would feel uncomfortable making such importaint vows to a power I am not certain exists. I'd like to keep the vows breif, and put the emphasis on the celebration afterwards. I would like to do it in a historic building, so even though it was not in a church it had a sense of age and beauty, in and around the grounds of a coutry home might be nice. I would have a string quartet playing, as I love string instraments, and I anticpate my family being horrificly embaressing, and my grandfather getting so drunk he is hospitalised.

In a way it would be more about my family, and makeing them feel apart of things, than myself. The first part would be mine, then they'd have permission to go crazy. If I am lucky, I'll avoide a brawl. I can already see my INFJ friend hoping about getting very uptight about how they are spioling her special day, lol. I should think I will be calming her down, rather than the other way around.
 

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I'd have a normal wedding if there were important family members of mine involved (which seems about as likely as the event of marriage in the first place).

If I could though, I'd have a zombie-themed wedding just for fun.
 

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I’m single, never married. I did attend my ENFP friends wedding, a rather big one. Afterwards she expressed how, if she had to do it all over again she would’ve done a much smaller wedding. I don’t know that she actually enjoyed her wedding, because she seemed a bit overwhelmed by all the planning. At the time, she was in the middle of moving to another city for a new job, and her husband was living in another state pursuing higher education. The wedding plan was all left to her.

I remember she expressed that if she could do it all over again, she would’ve just eloped and spent the money on a great photographer to capture the moment.

I think having gone through that experience with her, made me really reconsider the kind of wedding I’d want. I don’t think I could do a big wedding. I would want something small, maybe 20 people max. Maybe like a backwood farmhouse wedding.

I also knew a Producer who said she used her wedding budget to renovate a giant beautiful backyard which they used for the ceremony, so it increased their property value. I thought it was such a great idea!
 

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I knew I didn't want a big wedding. I'd have been happy saying my vows alone with just my husband and I and the universe. The vows we made to each other were more important to me than anything else.
But we ended up having a very very small ceremony at my parents house with just family and close friends.
I wore my debutante dress and my cousin married us.
It was wonderful.
 

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Backyard, simple. 20 - 30 guests, family & friends only.
Sparkly lights strung up. Bougainvillea and Cherry Blossoms and copious Baby's Breath.
Free flowing alcohol even during the ceremony. Casual attire for guests. Simple catering by Olive Garden, buffet style.
No songs that I don't like for the whole night, period. No one there that I don't like, period. No one throwing rice at me or smearing cake on my face, period. No getting my period. No waking up too early.

But I must have a beautiful dress. I don't care what anyone else wears but there's only one opportunity in life to wear that much frilly silliness, and I want to make the most of it.

And for a honeymoon, I want something simple & relaxing. Like a cabin in the woods. Or maybe camping.
Can never wrap my head around why people want to get on a 24hr flight across the sea when they just got married, juggle passports and foreign languages and shuttles, instead of having quality time together.
 

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For me and my INFJ wife we had a afternoon garden wedding with canapés for about 80 people. Here is what I gleaned.
1/ Things will go wrong. A properly planned wedding should have between 5-10 stuff ups/problem, any less than 5 and you spent far too much time stressing over details. Expect 1 family/friend to turn into a raving childish idiot and act like its their wedding!
2/ Time is limited, traditions that cut you off from your guests, like photography sessions/bride hiding from everyone till the ceremony take from the enjoyment of the day. Break traditions if comfortable.
3/ Bride and groom will be uptight and nervous and look shit in photos till they tie the knot! Video is really good for the ceremony. Photography on the other hand is intrusive for this stage.

Relax, have fun and enjoy everyone’s company on the day. The only thing that can go wrong is if two people don’t get married, the rest is unimportant!
 
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