[heythereilikeyourhair]

I don't know what kind of OCD this is.. because whenever someone talks about OCD it's always something like, "Oh, you have to clean the table 10 times to feel good" but my OCD's not like that. It's more of a mental thought processing and paranoia kind of OCD, than a physical one (like cleaning and such). Like, you can't notice my OCD. My OCD's all in my head.

To me, I don't have OCD as in like making sure everything squeaky clean or anything like that, but I can't control my thoughts at all. Like, when I'm at a performance, I start thinking about things I don't want to think about, but then those thoughts become more intense, and then I completely lose focus on my performance and I blank out.

Or sometimes, I think that if I don't do this, my whole life will be screwed. Or if I make this one move, someone will die. If I wear this sweater, my whole day's going to be horrible. If I step that way, I'm going to be depressed.

Of course I have some sort of logic (which make no sense) behind all these thoughts (Maybe this is Ni? Overanalyzing and diving deep into every single thing? But isn't this Ni in the negative form? So if I use Ni in a negative form, instead of a positive form like INFJ's, does that mean Ni's a shadow function? huh? ..blehh, just another thing to add to my problems - uncertainty of my type ), but these thoughts are controlling my life to the point where I'm paranoid of saying something, or doing something, and the OCD interferes with my religious life as well.

When you pray, you have to say "Jesus name I pray Amen" at the end of each prayer right? For me, I say it like 10 times until I feel satisfied I said it right, because I feel like if I don't say it clearly and precisely and genuinely, it doesn't show enough respect to God.

Also, I have to pray the same thing at least 10 times in the same hour, because for example, let's pretend I want to do well on my test. So I pray to God to help me with my test. But then, let's say, I accidentally drop my eraser. Then I feel like my prayer is "Poof" gone, and I have to pray again for it to be in effect again..

Or, I feel like if I say one mean sentence to someone (usually, my "mean' isn't even that mean anyway :l) I feel like my whole life's going to die, and my whole life's going to spiral down ... I think it's triggered from a traumatic experience though, I'm not sure.

So yeaah, basically, I'm really messed up.
My OCD/OCPD isn't THAT serious (yet?), and I'm really young... so I don't know what'll happen. :S But I do know, I don't want to live like this forever.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[Kabosu]

Could it be an anxiety? I can't remember having anything specific, but I do remember being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (generalized?) over 8 years ago. Sometimes when I have bad ESP with my intuition, it can make life suck. The thing is that usually the intuitions have a certain truth to them, but I usually find that when things actually happen that I don't really worry at all. It's when I fear it happening... not just thinking about it. I think sometimes when we're young, we just have really major expectations to things that turn out to not be so major after all.

 

[Donny]

From an NLP perspective, I think you would say that you have a complicated exit criteria for the stuff you get stuck in. We learn "strategies" from simple to complex (e.g. getting out of the car, cooking dinner, locking the door...) that we perform without thinking too much. To exit such a strategy we must experience the exit criteria we have for the strategy, and it is almost always a feeling. You can look up "TOTE" (Test Operate Test Exit) if you need more background.
So, try to identify the feeling for "finished", and try to feel it at an appropriate time (harder to say than to do). To get technical you can use "anchoring" and stuff (associating the feeling with some other experience you can trigger at will).