So this idea has been in my head for some time. I have control issues, I'm a very unhealthy INFJ in that regard. I had a rough childhood and that lead me to developing stronger T while suppressing F as much as I could to control everything to protect myself. Until the past few years I tested INTJ in fact which is actually fairly common I've found in male INFJs, either from situations like what I endured, or from the social stigma for men to not be as emotional or more so than women. But nonetheless the core problem is control. I simply cannot bring myself to let go, even when someone else is taking the lead I have a strong tendency to "top from the bottom" and suggest or explain things in a way that directs the person in charge. To a degree this is also a trust issue, not trusting in another to have everyone's best interests in mind, and the fear of having my sensitive nature abused as well. I finally caved in after years of being unable to talk to anyone about my problems though and trusted in an ENFP friend of mine. She has always been a tremendously helpful and understanding person and she confirmed a lot of what I had been thinking; I had control issues, I needed to learn to take more risks, I needed to trust in others, I needed to embrace my nature and let go.
So I took her advice and did what I had only toyed with as a thought experiment, and admittedly as a fantasy. I'm a lurker on Fetlife, have been for quite a while, but with newfound confidence I contacted a domme who lived nearby that I had been keeping tabs on and had a few discussions with in various groups. Being so used to all my plans falling through you can imagine my surprise when she replied back asking to kik. We chatted for a few days and decided to meet yesterday. Words cannot describe how much I was trembling at the thought of meeting this woman, I seriously wasn't sure if I was going to be able to even make it to the store we met at, and we weren't even jumping into anything BDSM related, just talking, feeling each other out.
After yesterday I am definitely tremendously confident that she is very empathetic and understands my issues, we talked for a good three hours (and did a thing or two other than talking), and when she had to go she texted me that she really loved just spending time with me and my friends. I just can't put into words how much good I feel she is doing for me. I'm definitely going to be going for a swim in these new waters to explore myself and hopefully improve my life with my mistress. She makes me embrace who I am and above all she pushes me to be confident in that, to own my nature and be proud of it, and make her happy too of course. She knows as well as I do that all I want is to see her smile for me. For me this is as much therapy as it is a lifestyle.
So I'm curious if other INFJs, or what other personalities, find themselves to be submissive and drifting towards or considering the BDSM lifestyle. What is your opinion on the dynamic of true BDSM, not just as a fetish (we all know it's hot)? If you're a dominant personality though feel free to respond as well, I'm curious what doms and dommes get out of the exchange. I'm not entirely sure on my mistress' personality but I know she cares a lot about changing people for the better and there's only one other person I know like that and that is an ENFP.
So I took her advice and did what I had only toyed with as a thought experiment, and admittedly as a fantasy. I'm a lurker on Fetlife, have been for quite a while, but with newfound confidence I contacted a domme who lived nearby that I had been keeping tabs on and had a few discussions with in various groups. Being so used to all my plans falling through you can imagine my surprise when she replied back asking to kik. We chatted for a few days and decided to meet yesterday. Words cannot describe how much I was trembling at the thought of meeting this woman, I seriously wasn't sure if I was going to be able to even make it to the store we met at, and we weren't even jumping into anything BDSM related, just talking, feeling each other out.
After yesterday I am definitely tremendously confident that she is very empathetic and understands my issues, we talked for a good three hours (and did a thing or two other than talking), and when she had to go she texted me that she really loved just spending time with me and my friends. I just can't put into words how much good I feel she is doing for me. I'm definitely going to be going for a swim in these new waters to explore myself and hopefully improve my life with my mistress. She makes me embrace who I am and above all she pushes me to be confident in that, to own my nature and be proud of it, and make her happy too of course. She knows as well as I do that all I want is to see her smile for me. For me this is as much therapy as it is a lifestyle.
So I'm curious if other INFJs, or what other personalities, find themselves to be submissive and drifting towards or considering the BDSM lifestyle. What is your opinion on the dynamic of true BDSM, not just as a fetish (we all know it's hot)? If you're a dominant personality though feel free to respond as well, I'm curious what doms and dommes get out of the exchange. I'm not entirely sure on my mistress' personality but I know she cares a lot about changing people for the better and there's only one other person I know like that and that is an ENFP.