[Knives]

So I have a question for all of my NJ cousins here: How do you react to being patronized?

In my time studying and discussing Myers Briggs, when it comes to INFJs I often hear that they are "cute", "cuddly", "brooding", and "sweet". Some of these have a traditionally positive connotations, some could be interpreted as condescending and offensive. How do you feel about this stereotype? Do you laugh it off, feeling that it is more a misunderstanding on the interpreter's part? Or do you take it as a subtle jab? Or do you just fly off the handle and begin plotting ways to destroy them?

I'm quite fond of the INFJs in my life, and that's why I ask. As a fellow NJ, I cannot imagine you would take it too lightly, but then again, we are fairly different personalities. I personally don't take too kindly to being stereotyped in general, especially as a delusional megalomaniac, which seems to be the standard for my type. However I do not let it phase me, since I view it as an error on someone else's part.

How about in relation to being patronized in other aspects of your life? Do you take it more or less personally, than say, someone you don't respect patronizing you? Which one do you take more personally: done to you by people you don't respect, or done by people you do not know?

 

[SarahWilliams]

I do not mind being stereotyped as part of a personality assessment. Mostly because I think that I am capable of quite alot. You may 'see' cute and cuddly, but I have an edge - think Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting. Laid back, but if you push too far, I will let you know, in no uncertain terms

In my day-to-day life, I do not like patronization. I'm a blonde girl in my mid-20's, so I receive a lot of 'talking down' to, especially from older gentlemen. The 'hey, there, little lady' sort of thing. I also work in an IT field. So, men tend to talk down to me about technology, even if I know a fair amount. I remember going to Best Buy and a saleperson tried to explain to me how computers worked. I wanted to punch him.

Mostly I try to go along with it. I think a lot less of the person talking to me, though.

Also, as a side note, I do not believe in stereotypes. I'm kinda surprised that anyone still does.

 

[Resolution]

Well INFJs can read intent. And for us intentions mean a good deal.

If what the person intends is argument... or rationality... then I wouldn't get upset. I'd simply... start a discussion with the person, and talk it to a reasonable end.

However, if I read the person's intent to be that this person wanted to hurt my feelings or upset me... I'd probably tell him off.

 

[HorribleAesthete]

On the contrary, I would take "delusional megalomaniac" as a compliment.

I am pretty easy going, and no longer take myself seriously enough to be offended by much of anything on a personal level. The ramblings of someone I do not know (and especially someone I do not respect) would certainly inspire nothing more profound than grin and a shrug, though, depending on the day, I might still plot their destruction.

 

[Resolution]

On the contrary, I would take "delusional megalomaniac" as a compliment.

I am pretty easy going, and no longer take myself seriously enough to be offended by much of anything on a personal level. The ramblings of someone I do not know (and especially someone I do not respect) would certainly inspire nothing more profound than grin and a shrug, though, depending on the day, I might still plot their destruction.

The best insults are said with a genuine smile and a statement that basically sums up the truth of the situation.

 

[yellowbritt]

I'm often described as "cute," and while it doesn't usually rile me much, it does bother me a little. I like to be taken seriously, but I often feel dismissed. Since I'm petite and look younger than I am, people tend to try to coddle or cuddle me. My roommate drives me crazy sometimes because she'll walk by and pat the top of my head, and her favorite nickname for me is "Little Brittany." I know she intends this to be endearing, but I find it patronizing. The worst part is that I've mentioned this to her, but she just laughs - another example of me not being taken seriously. :dry:

 

[MoonLight]

I only find these descriptions as patronizing if I’m not taken seriously because of them otherwise I shrug and go on my way.

Hmm I don’t like to be patronized in general but if it is from someone I dislike or disrespect for some reason or another it is probably worse than any other case. I would proably have a zinger in store for people like that.

 

[angelictroublemaker]

So I have a question for all of my NJ cousins here: How do you react to being patronized?

In my time studying and discussing Myers Briggs, when it comes to INFJs I often hear that they are "cute", "cuddly", "brooding", and "sweet". Some of these have a traditionally positive connotations, some could be interpreted as condescending and offensive. How do you feel about this stereotype? Do you laugh it off, feeling that it is more a misunderstanding on the interpreter's part? Or do you take it as a subtle jab? Or do you just fly off the handle and begin plotting ways to destroy them?

I'm quite fond of the INFJs in my life, and that's why I ask. As a fellow NJ, I cannot imagine you would take it too lightly, but then again, we are fairly different personalities. I personally don't take too kindly to being stereotyped in general, especially as a delusional megalomaniac, which seems to be the standard for my type. However I do not let it phase me, since I view it as an error on someone else's part.

How about in relation to being patronized in other aspects of your life? Do you take it more or less personally, than say, someone you don't respect patronizing you? Which one do you take more personally: done to you by people you don't respect, or done by people you do not know?

I am not a big fan of being called "sweet" or "cute", particularly by people who have no depth and want to pigeon hole me, rather than perceiving the layers (i.e. sensing types).

I am also a petite twenty-something female, with a background in finance, and struggle with being underestimated. However, if it helps get the job done, I'll play on it. For instance, some finance directors I have audited in the past have been quite chauvenist. Rather than be in their face, like other women I have seen, I've just played up the "damsel in distress" role. It gets the job done, it keep the client happy and ultimately I have enough confidence in myself not to worry too much if they want to think I'm not as smart as I am. Sometimes, playing dumb is a great tactic as it makes people let their guard down...before you strike! :crazy:

If someone I like says it - i.e. someone who knows and understands me - then I'll let it go, knowing the intent was good. Ultimately, I am quite "cute" and "sweet"; it's just not everything. And it always feels like being "cute" AND "smart" are mutually exclusive - they don't have to be, and I think if it's said by someone who you know respects you for the smarts too, it's absolutely fine.

 

[soul searcher]

Well INFJs can read intent. And for us intentions mean a good deal.

If what the person intends is argument... or rationality... then I wouldn't get upset. I'd simply... start a discussion with the person, and talk it to a reasonable end.

However, if I read the person's intent to be that this person wanted to hurt my feelings or upset me... I'd probably tell him off.

^What he said.

Sometimes people sound patronizing when they really don't mean to be. But if it's obvious that the intent was less than complimentary, I have been known to feel rather murderous. It's been a pet peeve of mine since childhood. I think that might be why I've devoted a lot of time to developing my intellect. Sometimes I'm not taken seriously because of my reliance on Ni. That's where the intellect comes to my rescue.

 

[The Proof]

How do you react to being patronized?

I usually focus, think for a second and let 'em have it, the most biting reply I can think of

I mean I have options, I can ignore it or laugh it off, but it's usually not as satisfying as totally destroying someone else's "witty" line

I don't usually go into hyperlogical arguments, can't be arsed

 

[vel]

I don't mind being called sweet, cuddly, and whatever other cute adjectives exist out there. Let people think of you this way until it is too late hehehe ^^

On a serious note it depends on the person it is coming from, the context, their tone of voice, settings. If it is meant as a put-down then I'd feel it. But can't recall a single instance in my life when this has been the case.

 

[UncertainSomething]

Personally I'm unaffected by patronizing, ironically I think its quite cute actually. Psychological games to me are fun and interesting, in fact I find them a source of pleasure unless it gets personal. I love it when someone tries to play me, they don't understand they are actually just playing on their own. If it gets excessive and they refuse to leave me alone I might just send a shockwave across their synapses and enjoy the entertainment of involuntary emotional responses.

 

[PaulH]

I have never been called cute - but then I am not really very cute...........

The way I view any situation where someone is trying to show superior knowledge (typical in the IT world) - is to let them and ask lots of questions - 99% of it you may know already but if I only learn 1% from each interaction - I have still learned more than they have