INFJs and telling lies
[INFJ]
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Not very often... if I do its just a little white lie or I'm just not being up front unless the person asks.
Personally, lying is a pet peeve of mine along with being fake. It drives me crazy so I do my best to be as genuine and honest as possible..... even if it comes off as perhaps not "socially appropriate" or a little "crude" to be so honest.
Personally, lying is a pet peeve of mine along with being fake. It drives me crazy so I do my best to be as genuine and honest as possible..... even if it comes off as perhaps not "socially appropriate" or a little "crude" to be so honest.
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White lies- Not often, I lie when I'm trying to be diplomatic.
Other lies- I feel like a scum when I spread lies other than the white ones, so I'd say very rarely.
Other lies- I feel like a scum when I spread lies other than the white ones, so I'd say very rarely.
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It really depends on the lie...
If the lie makes me feel guilty... then you'll see the lie from a mile away... I'll look so guilty.
But if I'm lying to protect someone, I suddenly turn into an amazingly skilled liar.
If the lie makes me feel guilty... then you'll see the lie from a mile away... I'll look so guilty.
But if I'm lying to protect someone, I suddenly turn into an amazingly skilled liar.
I get this awful feeling stuck in my gut but I will if need for a good reason.You said it better.
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I love me some dirty black lies. lol
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"Do I look fat in this dress?"
The best answer I've come up with is "You have a beautiful smile"... :blushed:
Really got no talent for lying, and it is too cumbersome to remember which lies have been told to which people. Nah, easier to tell the truth, or just shut up (INFJs are often shy and quiet, so that is the really easy option).
The best answer I've come up with is "You have a beautiful smile"... :blushed:
Really got no talent for lying, and it is too cumbersome to remember which lies have been told to which people. Nah, easier to tell the truth, or just shut up (INFJs are often shy and quiet, so that is the really easy option).
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I sincerely wonder how many of the tribe will agree with me on this:
1) by omission... CONSTANTLY! I'm never giving away "the whole truth" and to be perfectly straight about it... I sort of look down on people who do give that away as very naive and slightly unintelligent.
2) to get out of something: NEVER! I got burned by this BADLY when I was a kid. Never, never, never went back to the stove for another burn. It's so much easier to just own this.
3) to keep people out: I don't have to. I just shut them out. I have actually developed enough chutzpah to look people in the face and say, "I'm not discussing this with you." They usually back off all offended and weirded out, but hey they're not breathing down my neck now are they?
4) to improve a story... SP wannabe anybody? This I do, and I gotta confess that it's fun. People rarely know if I'm lying when I do this, and I'm a very very good story teller. :tongue:
1) by omission... CONSTANTLY! I'm never giving away "the whole truth" and to be perfectly straight about it... I sort of look down on people who do give that away as very naive and slightly unintelligent.
2) to get out of something: NEVER! I got burned by this BADLY when I was a kid. Never, never, never went back to the stove for another burn. It's so much easier to just own this.
3) to keep people out: I don't have to. I just shut them out. I have actually developed enough chutzpah to look people in the face and say, "I'm not discussing this with you." They usually back off all offended and weirded out, but hey they're not breathing down my neck now are they?
4) to improve a story... SP wannabe anybody? This I do, and I gotta confess that it's fun. People rarely know if I'm lying when I do this, and I'm a very very good story teller. :tongue:
Same here, anahata^ I find I lie more than I think.. It's sort of automatic response sometimes. "How are you" I'm FINE. XD Not like they wanted the truth anyway. Or to say something in a way that doesn't give the whole truth but is still true..though it's 99.9% vague. Or I say nothing.
I also noticed I will talk about myself as if I do certain things and then I realize it's not true, it's something I -aim for- but not happening yet.. Thinking about it so much that I believe I am 'it' already. So technically a lie. But in general I find I don't need to lie.
I also noticed I will talk about myself as if I do certain things and then I realize it's not true, it's something I -aim for- but not happening yet.. Thinking about it so much that I believe I am 'it' already. So technically a lie. But in general I find I don't need to lie.
From my experience with INFJs ( I am not one ), they seem to have an inner reluctance to tell lies. The lies I most commonly see from INFJs are:
Misleading statements
Lies of Omission
Manipulation of the other person's interpretation of the INFJ's statements
I like that the INFJs I've known have an aversion to lying, but sometimes these forms of lies can be equally destructive, even if not of malicious intent. To be honest, though, these are the forms of lying I've used in the past. I really hate lying, and I hate doing it, but eventually I learned that it was possible to be "honest" while guiding the person's focus or interpretation in the direction that best benefited myself. Then I realized that I did that. Now I try to avoid any form of falsehood.
Misleading statements
Lies of Omission
Manipulation of the other person's interpretation of the INFJ's statements
I like that the INFJs I've known have an aversion to lying, but sometimes these forms of lies can be equally destructive, even if not of malicious intent. To be honest, though, these are the forms of lying I've used in the past. I really hate lying, and I hate doing it, but eventually I learned that it was possible to be "honest" while guiding the person's focus or interpretation in the direction that best benefited myself. Then I realized that I did that. Now I try to avoid any form of falsehood.
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If you ask me to reveal anything that was told me in confidence by someone, I will stare you directly in the eyes and say "I will not answer that question. I will not lie, but neither will I tell the truth - I just refuse to answer."
Usually I'm rather vague in my responses, but if anyone tries to trick or threaten me to break my (sometimes self-imposed) code of silence, it comes very naturally for me to be direct in a way that leaves no openings for negotiation.
If the situation is less tense or the issue if of lesser importance, I might just not reveal the whole story. If you are smart you can figure out the rest of it, or you can make it up, or you don't understand how to fit together the pieces of information - that's entirely up to you, my friend.
Usually I'm rather vague in my responses, but if anyone tries to trick or threaten me to break my (sometimes self-imposed) code of silence, it comes very naturally for me to be direct in a way that leaves no openings for negotiation.
If the situation is less tense or the issue if of lesser importance, I might just not reveal the whole story. If you are smart you can figure out the rest of it, or you can make it up, or you don't understand how to fit together the pieces of information - that's entirely up to you, my friend.
Absolutely 100% on this. I will sneak around a truth if it's like a "surprise" for someone I know, like a relative showing up as a surprise to a party for someone. I come off "crude" as well when asked for my opinion on things, haha....
Depends who I'm talking to.
If I don't like or respect someone, I'm fine with deceiving them. Though typically the only people I don't like or respect are the untrustworthy people of the world.
I've been in an office environment before that was full of incredibly seedy and unfriendly people who stabbed each other in the back, had affairs all the time, etc etc... I hated these people, and I sowed chaos true cobra style... and felt quite content with myself, thank you very much.
If I don't like or respect someone, I'm fine with deceiving them. Though typically the only people I don't like or respect are the untrustworthy people of the world.
I've been in an office environment before that was full of incredibly seedy and unfriendly people who stabbed each other in the back, had affairs all the time, etc etc... I hated these people, and I sowed chaos true cobra style... and felt quite content with myself, thank you very much.
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I really hate to lie, and I am lousy at it, but sometimes people ask things that are none of their busness or I just simply don't want to answerer, so I will do the best I can to dance around the subject and not really answer. I almost never lie, it just really bugs me.
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I HATE letting people down, even for the slightest of things, so if my parents, say, ask me if I've done my homework and I've not, I'll tell them that I did just so I won't disappoint them.
Yeah. It's kind of pathetic.
Yeah. It's kind of pathetic.
Most often I lie because I don't really know the whole truth. Somebody else expects an answer so I give them the most probable version of what I think is right. But in my mind I know that this is not 99+% correct, so it feels like I am not saying the entire truth.
Second most common way of lying is 'white lies' - lies done to preserve the positive emotional atmosphere and not upset others.
Lying by omission is very easy to do without real any intent to do it. Just don't mention something another person thought you should have mentioned and there, according to them you would have lied. You can say people lie by omission all the time by picking some conversation topics over other topics that they prefer not to go into.
All in all I do see people engaging in a lot of 'subconscious' lying. Basically they are not aware of what they really want and say one thing, but then end up doing completely different thing and if you catch them at it, they will be surprised/unsettled and still insist on that thing that they said. Question arises though why are they doing something completely different from what they are saying? Only way I have been able to rationalize it is that they are not fully understanding themselves, consciously believing one thing but subconsciously following another path, so it ends up looking like lies <-- this btw seems to happen in relationships a lot.
Second most common way of lying is 'white lies' - lies done to preserve the positive emotional atmosphere and not upset others.
Lying by omission is very easy to do without real any intent to do it. Just don't mention something another person thought you should have mentioned and there, according to them you would have lied. You can say people lie by omission all the time by picking some conversation topics over other topics that they prefer not to go into.
All in all I do see people engaging in a lot of 'subconscious' lying. Basically they are not aware of what they really want and say one thing, but then end up doing completely different thing and if you catch them at it, they will be surprised/unsettled and still insist on that thing that they said. Question arises though why are they doing something completely different from what they are saying? Only way I have been able to rationalize it is that they are not fully understanding themselves, consciously believing one thing but subconsciously following another path, so it ends up looking like lies <-- this btw seems to happen in relationships a lot.
I rarely lie, because I consider it in most circumstances morally reprehensible, so I would feel a hypocrite to do so myself.
I try not to, like I say, but when I do it is usually for one of two reasons:
- I am afraid of the consequences of telling the truth/I am being threatened ("I'm sorry, I have no money")
- I am trying to spare someone's feelings ("No... the haircut isn't *that* bad")
I try not to, like I say, but when I do it is usually for one of two reasons:
- I am afraid of the consequences of telling the truth/I am being threatened ("I'm sorry, I have no money")
- I am trying to spare someone's feelings ("No... the haircut isn't *that* bad")
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In my relationship experience, I have found this can happen easily with Enneagram 9s - they will gloss over something that bothers them in the interest of keeping the peace. And keep glossing over it - even if you sense something is wrong and ask them about it. Then one day instead of their glossing over it again, you find yourself on the receiving end of a volcano to balance every time that it happened before. Addressing it up-front might have been uncomfortable, true. But far preferable to the lava treatment - and much more reversible.
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