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INFJs and the guilt train when disappointing others?

1718 Views 14 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Felix5
Hi everyone,

I had one of those "Aha" moments today about myself/my life and I wanted to know if you can relate to this as an INFJ? 

I always feel extremely guilty and sometimes ashamed when I cannot meet other peoples expectations (even unspoken ones). 
Even if I say I’m sorry and the other person assures me that they understand and that it’s ok, it never helps me to feel less shi##y about it.
That’s because I know that internally their expectation is still there and that they’re consciously or unconsciously still disappointed in me or mad at me. Whereby "disappointed" is even worse ...

I wanted to ask if other INFJs experience this too because I had kind of a revelation after watching a video on YT by Tom Davidson called „INFJ & Toxic Shame“. It made me realize that the situation I experienced today is a recurring thing but I never fully realized it before.

 Optional background story:

I’m currently healing from depression and anxiety, so it’s probably even more acute for me then usual. Because of that I had to cancel an event where me and a friend should give a presentation about a project we did together. I already canceled a while ago and she wanted to do the presentation alone today but her train got delayed so much that she didn’t make it in time. So she had a lot of stress (for which I also feel guilty) and needed to ask another friend to fill in last minute.

Even though she assured me that she understands my situation, I always feel the unspoken „you’re not doing your part“ in every sentence she says or writes. I even thought about forcing myself to the event just so she's not so disappointed, but I finally reached a point where I'm not able to act against my own needs anymore.

While contemplating why I always make such an internal fuss about not meeting others expectations I stumbled upon the video. Anxiety/Depression pretty much forced me to stop now and to put my needs first - which is very hard sometimes and often results in feeling guilty because I cannot function how everyone wants me to. But I realized that this situation is pretty much representative for all my life and the reason why I ignore(d) my own wishes all the time so everyone else is happy.

Phew! … That was a long one…

But I think the guilt train may be a thing more INFJs? 
What’s your experience with it?
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God wants you to feel guilty.
That is why he installed the guilt module in the first place.
Along with the shame/fear/anger/panic module.
He wants you to be as miserable as possible, so he can feel better about himself for being so perfect.
He always blames the devil, but we know who is the real culprint.
The devil is just a defect angel anyway.
Had a screw loose, so he threw him away on our planet.
Real nice place to place a paradise, right next to the defective angel dump.
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