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Hey all, I've been friends with this INFJ for 4 years now, and over the last few months I've developed romantic feelings for him. I've been trying to read him for the longest time but he is so hard to read, so i finally decided to just be direct with him. I was talking to him a few days ago and just asked how he sees me without saying how I feel directly (yikes! i'm still embarrassed i did that ugh. and I didn't tell him how I feel because I don't want to scare him off) and he said he just sees me as a good friend. That killed me just a little, and i'm trying to figure out if there's any hope there or if i should move on. Is it a bad thing to be "friendzoned" by an INFJ when you're interested in him romantically? Or do you think there is a chance that it could turn into a dating relationship in the future? What are your experiences with this, and why do you typically "friendzone" a girl (if you believe in the friendzone, that is)


Thanks in advance!
 

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IEI 4w3 sp/sx 461
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There is a specific forum for INFJ-related topics

This is the MBTI forum

Edit: You mentioned he is hard to read. This seems to be a problem with INFJs, and I created a thread about this that might interest you http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/1269866-being-difficult-get-know.html

About what you said, I am not a male and there are many variables in the situation and I am not sure, but it is very difficult for me to open up about my feelings for someone if they didn't give me some sort of sign that they are interested themselves. This might sound cynical, but I've been toyed with in the past and I know that some people def see love as some sort of "game". So, opening up about my feelings could be the same as giving those kinds of people some sort of "advantage" over me and my vulnerabilities. So, I don't think that him saying that he sees you as a friend means he never saw you as a potential romantic partner. This could mean he is not ready to open up yet, or many other things.
 

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INFJ can be quite direct when it comes to giving an advice, even if that advice is for their own good. If he has told you that you two shold be friends than he has calculated all the possibilities for him.
 

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there are several possibilities
obviously, one of them is that he currently does not sees you as a possible romantic partner. he also could be for some reason currently unwilling to enter a relationship at all
however he also could be himself unsure about how he feels. last year i fell in love with an enfp Girl and i took months to figure out my Feelings. unfortunately i realized how im truly Feeling only when she got a boyfriend.
another possibility i could see, that since you were extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed with the Situation you did not asked him as directly as you believe you did, so maybe he did not realized that you wanted to know whether he could see you as a romantic Partner. INFJs are usually good at reading People, however i think romantically influenced situations are always quite difficult to handle.
so i would say there is some hope.
loving someone who does not loves you back is always maddening, challenging and frustrating. unrequited love for a friend is a Special Situation , because you share another wonderful bond with him, which i think is still worth preserving.
a possible upside could be, that in case you are experiencing Feelings of inadequacy you still know that he did not rejected you as a Person.
I wish you everything well.
 

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I think it exists and it is moraly wrong. Just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean they owe you anything. That's it. Some people have a lot of trouble understanding that for some reason.
 

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Yes, the friendzone is a thing. Yes, it happens, and yes it’s not a good thing to be in if you want that sort of relationship.

Unfortunately, this is more of a case by case sort of deal so MBTI will be little to no help.
 
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