[spring]

The vast majority of my closest relationships have been with INFJs. And each time they enter into my life it seems like my world view or something in my life changes. I just want to know WHY. What is it about this type, particularly males, that is so terrifying yet mesmerizing?!

In high school, my best friend was an INFJ female, we were close for ~5 years+. We did absolutely everything together. But perhaps because my level of honesty and tact was underdeveloped at the time, we argued constantly for the first year or so. Still, she was so adorable and lovely that I was in love with her for many years until I was able to let it go.

In college, I also dated an INFJ male for several weeks. It was intense but short-lived. While I appreciated his honesty an the endless discussions about anything, he lacked a certain level of tact I looked for. Still I was absolutely torn up when he left because he was so brutally honest. It changed my world view of myself.

I then worked with an INFJ female for ~2 years. And she was an absolute angel. I can confidently say that she's one of my closest friends right now, and I'm one of hers. It is like she balances me out perfectly. I'm more mature now, so we've never argued. But I can still go on passionately for hours about how to solve the latest problem, and she'll throw it right back at me, but with a perceptive emotional twist that I simply didn't consider before. We balanced each other out. I led and brought out the ideas and was able to prevent pretty much all of the possible problems. She (put up with me lol), refined my ideas, and gave me and the rest of the team emotional support. I would say that together, we were the perfect team. I miss working with her, and similarly she has said she's loved working with me.

I dated another INFJ male for a while. It was... unlike any relationship I've ever had before. Intense, passionate, deep. On every level. Intellectual, emotional, sexual. Perhaps the best way to describe it was diving into each other's intellectual oceans together. Where the depth was unfathomable. Being able to see into each other's soul. Being able to instinctively understand the other. He could pinpoint the emotion I was feeling, which was nice because I usually have no clue what I'm feeling. I could pinpoint his feelings based on his words, actions, body language, which was useful because he seemed to have difficulty expressing his feelings. But then he left because he no longer felt the same way, and I was left confused and torn apart. I noticed also that I had a very hard time trusting that he loved me, because it all happened too fast. And I needed time to understand what I was feeling.

What is it about INFJs that's so strange and wonderful and confusing all at once? I've had very deep and meaningful relationships with INFJ females. Frankly, I view them as angels. But with INFJ males, it's always been an intense whirlwind. I see them as wonderfully intellectual yet adorably cute and fluffy. I would've loved to have a longer lasting relationship but it seems like perhaps that level and depth of passion can't last.

 

[qingdom]

It's their insatiable unending thirst Rainbows, Unicorns, Sparkles, and Glitter, dammit!

 

[NipNip]

Here is an excerpt from a piece that I wrote (freelance job, to be found in God knows what book or website).

"The temperament of intuitive feelers are full of wonderful types that can contribute a great deal to the life of the INTP. They typically love psychological, philosophical, and spiritual issues, just like INTPs do. Except NFs look at these issues from a slightly different angle. The more emotive view that they offer is a grace for INTPs who aim to develop a more well-rounded personality, since sensibility is typically the last and final stage of the INTP’s decision making process. NFs, when carefully listen to, provide this view early on.

INFJs are worth highlighting as perhaps the most versatile of NF mates for the INTP. The INFJ-INTP dynamic is an alchemical one. For both types use cognitive processes in a way that positively touches on those of the other person, while at the same time leaving room for intriguing differences."


_

INFJs are my favourite type, but unfortunately I haven't met many. Although I can say that the way I relate to your statement of them being 'confusing', is in the sense that they tend to demand conflicting, almost impossible things. There was this one romantic potential who wanted me to show a lot more emotion and affection, while at the same time be that solid, rational character that she needs in her life. I felt a bit threatened by this 'majestic' impression that she left on me just by being herself.

It is also funny to see how they can be even more detached than we are. My INFJ employer just starts randomly talking whilst I am speaking to her about something completely different. (I don't know her for that long, but I am afraid she is one of the least intelligent INFJs in that sense - she never really understands what I am saying, even after I explain it to her...)

But I love the INFJ's openness, and everything you mentioned about them in your opening post. Overall, I also think remarkably highly of their intellectual potential. When you break down their cognitive wiring (Ni, Fe ànd Ti, whaat?) I strongly believe that they do have the most gifted set out there - perhaps in close contest with our own type.

 

[HeadofHudet]

Yeah, what is it about male INFJs and tactlessness? It says a lot when INTPs out of all types are the ones to point it out. Perhaps it's more related to inferior Se rather than inferior Fe? In public they often act in ways that makes me want to laugh and cringe at the same time.

I also have a long history with INFJs, and most of all with my best friend whom I've known since we were 3 years old. He's the one I draw most of my impressions from, but I've had many other close relationships with INFJs and was in a deep romantic relationship with a female INFJ once. "Fascinating" and "Confusing" would indeed be the two words I'd use to describe her back then. I was also pretty much "left off", but she tried very hard to make it seem like it wasn't that way. Confusing.

Difference between male and female? Generally not that big, but females tend to care a lot more about how people view them, and how they view themselves while the males tend to be a lot more carefree. Almost too carefree, sometimes - I often get the impression that they hold ENTPs as role models and aspire to be more like them, which can complicate things when they're not ready for that type of arena. You'll see them break from the "act" entirely and you'll never know or understand why unless you're extremely close to them.

 

[spring]

It's their insatiable unending thirst Rainbows, Unicorns, Sparkles, and Glitter, dammit!

Omg yes, that must be it lol! It's that fluffiness that seems to kill me every time I get too close to one.

Here is an excerpt from a piece that I wrote (freelance job, to be found in God knows what book or website).

"The temperament of intuitive feelers are full of wonderful types that can contribute a great deal to the life of the INTP. They typically love psychological, philosophical, and spiritual issues, just like INTPs do. Except NFs look at these issues from a slightly different angle. The more emotive view that they offer is a grace for INTPs who aim to develop a more well-rounded personality, since sensibility is typically the last and final stage of the INTP’s decision making process. NFs, when carefully listen to, provide this view early on.

INFJs are worth highlighting as perhaps the most versatile of NF mates for the INTP. The INFJ-INTP dynamic is an alchemical one. For both types use cognitive processes in a way that positively touches on those of the other person, while at the same time leaving room for intriguing differences."

INFJs are my favourite type, but unfortunately I haven't met many. Although I can say that the way I relate to your statement of them being 'confusing', is in the sense that they tend to demand conflicting, almost impossible things. There was this one romantic potential who wanted me to show a lot more emotion and affection, while at the same time be that solid, rational character that she needs in her life. I felt a bit threatened by this 'majestic' impression that she left on me just by being herself.

It is also funny to see how they can be even more detached than we are. My INFJ employer just starts randomly talking whilst I am speaking to her about something completely different. (I don't know her for that long, but I am afraid she is one of the least intelligent INFJs in that sense - she never really understands what I am saying, even after I explain it to her...)

But I love the INFJ's openness, and everything you mentioned about them in your opening post. Overall, I also think remarkably highly of their intellectual potential. When you break down their cognitive wiring (Ni, Fe ànd Ti, whaat?) I strongly believe that they do have the most gifted set out there - perhaps in close contest with our own type.

Wow I could not have said any of that better myself. Yes, they do provide the emotive view, helping me develop a more rounded picture from the start. Allowing me to develop better solutions. I love that about them.

Hm yes... I believe I've met quite a few of them in my lifetime. Online, and I don't mean here on PerC, they seem particularly easy to spot. They have a certain air about them. While I have met so many, and while I really like them, I do still feel incredibly wary around them in the beginning and it does take me a while to allow myself to fully trust them. I'm not sure if it's a feeling of emotive instability I feel within me or if I simply don't trust if they really are that nice, and if they are, how long will it last?

I do get that feeling as well. INFJs in my experience, have been more than terrific friends, but as romantic partners they seem to become rather demanding... In my last relationship with one, he seemed to simultaneously want me to be needy, and yet also wanted me to be a healthy version of myself. And when I finally began to be that way, he drew away. It was all very confusing. I'm still trying to pinpoint what is it about INFJs that is so very confusing for me. I don't seem to have difficulty getting my head around other types as much, I tend to be able to pinpoint them. But with INFJs, it's almost like... there's a fuzziness surrounding them. Perhaps it's because their emotions seem to be in flux often? Or their thoughts? I'm not quite sure.

And yes, they can be very detached. As an INTP I can become detached too, but at least for me, it's a willful detachment. Like, I know I need to get things done so I will compartmentalize my feelings and look at them later. But for INFJs... it's almost like they become so overloaded with soaking in other's emotions (from anything), that they simply shut down and become detached that way. Frankly if that's the case, it seems mildly concerning... Because isn't that mildly debilitating?

I've met so many brilliant types throughout my lifetime. But I think what makes INFJs stand apart is that they express it in a thoughtful, tactful manner. So it comes across to me as bounds more intelligent than perhaps other, more intelligent types, simply because it looks like they're considering the whole picture.

 

[spring]

Yeah, what is it about male INFJs and tactlessness? It says a lot when INTPs out of all types are the ones to point it out. Perhaps it's more related to inferior Se rather than inferior Fe? In public they often act in ways that makes me want to laugh and cringe at the same time.

I also have a long history with INFJs, and most of all with my best friend whom I've known since we were 3 years old. He's the one I draw most of my impressions from, but I've had many other close relationships with INFJs and was in a deep romantic relationship with a female INFJ once. "Fascinating" and "Confusing" would indeed be the two words I'd use to describe her back then. I was also pretty much "left off", but she tried very hard to make it seem like it wasn't that way. Confusing.

Difference between male and female? Generally not that big, but females tend to care a lot more about how people view them, and how they view themselves while the males tend to be a lot more carefree. Almost too carefree, sometimes - I often get the impression that they hold ENTPs as role models and aspire to be more like them, which can complicate things when they're not ready for that type of arena. You'll see them break from the "act" entirely and you'll never know or understand why unless you're extremely close to them.

Yes, that is precisely it. Yes, I have noticed male INFJs in particular seem to be the singular most tactless type I have ever met. Which is strange, especially considering that they are (or at least seem to be) so very aware of other's feelings. I don't understand it. And absolutely, they do come across as awkward. And that's saying something, considering how awkward I must be in social settings haha!

Yes, I have to agree with you again. As friends, INFJs seem to make sense. They're warm, caring, attentive. But once it crosses into the romantic relationship territory, things very quickly start becoming confusing. Perhaps it's because many of their decisions seem to be based on whimsical emotions, so most of the time it can't make sense and I simply can't understand it by trying to deduce my way towards it.

I do also get the feeling that male INFJs are remarkably (and worryingly) carefree. Female INFJs on the other hand, as far as the two I've been known for years, seem to prefer stability. It is very odd. It's also incredibly worrying because for me, the combination of overly romantic male INFJ with a profound sense of being carefree and lack of commitment is utterly terrifying. ...Which perhaps relates to the sense of initial wariness I feel around them.